Coming Out

Really horribly tragic, actually.

But considering what a fuss and commotion she made about coming out as being "gay" she made, we really weren't that surprised when less than a year later she made a huge palaver about coming out as being "straight" again.

I don't know what to tell you. I don't think sexuality is as clear- cut and defined as most people like to believe it is.

No, actually I think it's a testament to the fact that *so many* people struggle with their sexuality through late adolescence. This is a very unpopular idea in the States, with their straitjacketed notions of sexuality. It is perfectly normal in adolescence to go through a period of sexual and/or gender confusion, and experiment with all parts of sexuality. The whole American idea that you have to *label* yourself as "gay" or "straight" or "bisexual" before you've even had a chance to discover what you are, I find vaguely repugnant. People making such a big fuss over something which hasn't even entirely gelled yet.

It's the pidgeonholing that hurts people, not the actual sexuality of it. Hence why I find the term so descriptive.

Honestly though from my immersion within the gay/lesbian presence on campus last year I'd say it's really no different to clubs of Star Trek fans or football teams or junior political parties or ILM. Each one has a cause, a shared set of interests and one thing they can talk about endlessly.

There's a 'queer' theorist whose name escapes me now who defines herself as a lesbian for the very purpose of fetishising the s/m sexual experiences she has with gay men - this is obviously incredibly cool. OTOH I for one am perfectly happy defining myself as gay for pretty much the same reasons that I am happy to define myself as male (ie. I haven't seen any evidence to the contrary so far on either score), only not to the exclusion of everything else in my life.

Tho she IS a man now, surgically — a fact that made me a little sad when I discovered it, I don't quite know why.

One of the things is that some of these definitions really mean completely different things depending on who you say them to. I'm totally comfortable being out bi in the office because it's a kind of what-the-fuck label: it actually gives nothing away. But being out bi HERE makes me think of what Arthur called "bi-curious indieboys", a slightly rubbish cliche which is more a prison than a weapon.

And when I came out to my mum, she said, "Oh, everyone's bisexual," in an irritable way and turned the conversation back to herself. (Which conversation has once or twice included sharing with the entire family at breakfast the lesbian dream she had the night before...)

Apropos the OP, I just started a grad school program where I plan to work under someone who is very invested in queer theory and art, which I'm also legitimately quite interested in. Through a kind of inverse logic of gay-by-assumption, though, I'm pretty certain he (as apparently sections of my classmates did) thinks I'm gay. Obviously this is, at worst, a parodic non-problem (especially compared to actually coming out, etc.) but I mean I'm planning to work with this person for the next 6 or so years, I should probably disclose my straightness, no? I mean, it's nice not having to worry about being disowned or whatever, but I feel like minimizing awkwardness is going to require tact.

come on just admit it, u r gay