I Just Saw "Wild Wild West" For The First Time Last Night

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Okay my alleged "Internet friends", how come no one told me that BAI LING was in this movie????? Or that Salma Hayek's character was borderline insane?

Kevin Kline and Will Smith should be in every movie together.

― Dan (Excruciating Back Pain) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

i am your internet friend! who the fuck is bai ling?

― _, Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:30 (twenty years ago)

Forty seven dead beats living in the back street
north east west south all in the same house
sitting in a back room waiting for the big boom
I'm in a bedroom waitng for my baby

Chorus:

She's so mean but I don't care
I love her eyes and her wild wild hair
dance to the beat that we love best
heading for the nineties
living in the wild wild west
the wild wild west

Mandy's in the backroom handing out valium
sheriff's on the airwaves talking to the D.J.'s
Forty seven heartbeats beating like a drum
got to live it up live it up
Ronnie's got a new gun

(chorus)

Now put your flags in the air and march them up and down
you can live it up live it up all over the town
and turn to the left, turn to the right
I don't care as long as she comes tonight

(chorus)

Heading for the nineties living in the eighties
screaming in a back room waiting for the big boom
give me give me wild west
give me give me safe sex
give me love give me love
give me time to live it up

― bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

Well, I'm a badass cowboy living in a cowboy's
Age, wicky wicky scratch yo yo bang bang

Me and Artemus Clyde Frog go save
Salma Hayek from the big metal spider
Wicky wicky wick, wicky wicky wick, Fresh
Cowboy, from the Westsiiide.

― autovac (autovac), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

it ends with a giant spider or something? it's underrated.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:44 (twenty years ago)

I don't need to see this film having seen Cartman's rendition of the theme song.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:46 (twenty years ago)

That movie offended the hell out of me.

― Spink, Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:46 (twenty years ago)

It ends with a giant spider being controlled by a legless Kenneth Branagh who's been zooming around in a wheelchair.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:50 (twenty years ago)

STEAM POWERED wheel chair.

― Spink, Wednesday, 16 November 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

GOD, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ADD SPOILER ALERT TO THREAD TITLE NOW THANKS A BUNCH

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 15:28 (twenty years ago)

Those aren't spoilers, those are teasers.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

Its kinda like Blazing Saddles, but no one really confronts the fact that they have a black sherrif in town.

― Spink, Wednesday, 16 November 2005 15:47 (twenty years ago)

Nevermind the Blazing Saddles comment. That shit doesnt really apply.

― Spink, Wednesday, 16 November 2005 15:48 (twenty years ago)

Bai Ling? Gross, Dan, gross.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

It's kind of like one of the greatest triumphs of human civilization.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 16 November 2005 16:07 (twenty years ago)

Hahahaha ok I gotta share this cos I just remembered this, I think it was on fugly.com, they were telling some story about Bai Ling going to this NYC club and being refused at the door, because Wilmer Valderama was already there???? So they wouldn't let her come in. Can someone explain that?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 16:26 (twenty years ago)

I haven't seen it, I just want to know one thing- does Ross Martin have a cameo in it? Or maybe he's no longer with us.

― k/l (Ken L), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 16:29 (twenty years ago)

Bai Ling is insane! She should appear in all movies because she's a freak.

I think the beard alone qualifies this movie as Kenneth Branagh's best performance.

― Dan (I Don't Want To Get With Her! EW!) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:10 (twenty years ago)

Wilmer is such a stud.

I wish I'd watched this last night instead of Equus.

― 'Twan (miccio), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

Also, thanks to Netflix, I learned that Steve Carrell and Christina Applegate made "Anchorman" watchable; when Ben Stiller's two minute cameo is funnier than your entire performance, you need to bow out of the movie PAUL RUDD. (His character did generate funny lines from others, though, so I'm not too mad at him.)

― Dan ('It Smells Like The Inside Of A Fake Leg!') Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

Bai Ling fans should watch Three Extremes aka Dumplings aka the Bai Ling Eats Fetuses To Stay Young Movie.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

Paul Rudd was the best part of Wet Hot American Summer. And there was a lot of competition.

― 'Twan (miccio), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Bai Ling fans should watch Three Extremes aka Dumplings aka the Bai Ling Eats Fetuses To Stay Young Movie.

O.M.G.

― Dan (My Brane Is Broken) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

I didn't know Three Extremes... was a documentary!

― KSTFUNS (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:25 (twenty years ago)

Sssssh that's the SURPRISE ending!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:26 (twenty years ago)

i don't really understand how i have never seen this movie

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:27 (twenty years ago)

You were too busy watching National Treasure.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:43 (twenty years ago)

http://www.wolfe.free.fr/images/series/Wild_Wild_West_Signed1.jpg

When I was little I had my mom make me a suit like James West which I proudly wore to church, weddings, and also Sizzler.

ps The animation at the beginning of the show was SO, SO ruler.

― andy --, Wednesday, 16 November 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

Coming out soon on DVD, that show! Insider information right here!

― antexit (antexit), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 19:59 (twenty years ago)

That show was GREAT. I'd watch it every day when TNT starting re-running it in the mid-90s. Between re-running this show, the early 70s Kung Fu, and Brisco County Jr, TNT was the place for great TV(not to mention great Westerns) back then.

And now, looking back, I now realize that this show was as kooky as that one Prisoner ep where they re-used an old Danger Man script(the one with the lighthouse, the bedtime story, and the exploding cricket balls).

Or rather, that Prisoner ep was as kooky as TWWW was.

Or something.

― kingfish hobo juckie (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:06 (twenty years ago)

The animation at the beginning of the movie was amazing! It basically said, "Look, here's the whole plot; if you think you've made a mistake, you can leave now and pretty much know everything that's going to happen."

Also: FRAEULEIN LIPPENREADER!!!!!!!!! This is the most geniusly bad screenplay of 1999.

― Dan (The Whole Plantation Party Scene!) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:08 (twenty years ago)

Didn't we have a thread that was nothing but quotes from this flick?

― kingfish hobo juckie (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:13 (twenty years ago)

Quotes? Why would you quote this movie, the entire dialog comes down to "You're black!" "You're crippled!" "She's got boobs!" "You're black!" "Oh yeah but you're crippled!" etc.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

Every scene with Smith and Branagh doing the black/cripple linguistic mambo was a pure joy to watch. (The "That. Is. A. Man's. Head." scene, not so much.)

― Dan (Also, SALMA WAS FUCKING NUTS) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:21 (twenty years ago)

Who knew so many jokes could be made about blacks and cripples? Why was Kevin Kline even in that movie?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

From http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120891/trivia

-When this film swept the 20th Annual Razzie Awards, "winning" 5 statuettes including Worst Picture, Robert Conrad, who played James West in the original 1960s TV series, accepted three of the awards in person as his way of expressing his low opinion of what had been done with his source material.

-The film underwent costly re-shoots in an attempt to inject some humor after it was found that test audiences weren't sure if it was supposed to be a comedy.

-Robert Conrad was initially approached by Barry Sonnenfeld to make a cameo appearance as President Ulysses Simpson Grant. He turned down the offer after reading the script due to what he felt was its poor quality and lack of respect for the original series it was based on.

xpost:

here we go:
----
Artemus Gordon: She's a breath of fresh ass.

Capt. James West: What did you just say?

Artemus Gordon: Nothing.

Capt. James West: You just said "ass."

Artemus Gordon: No, I didn't. No, I said, "It's nice having her on board, she's a breast of fresh air."

-----------

Dr. Arliss Loveless: Mister West! How nice of you to join us tonight and add COLOR to these monochromatic proceedings!

Capt. James West: Well when a fella comes back from the dead, I find that an occasion to STAND UP and be counted!

Dr. Arliss Loveless: Miss East informs me that you were expectin' to see General McGrath here. Well, I knew him years ago, but I haven't seen him in a COON's age!

Capt. James West: Well, I can see where it'd be difficult for a man of your stature to keep in touch with even HALF the people you know.

Dr. Arliss Loveless: Well, perhaps the lovely Miss East will keep you from bein' a SLAVE to your disappointment!

Capt. James West: Well, you know beautiful women; they encourage you one minute, and CUT THE LEGS OUT from under you the next!

― kingfish hobo juckie (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:24 (twenty years ago)

please, don't, don't ruin this moment like this.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:26 (twenty years ago)

Kevin Kline was there for the incredibly awesome "OMG, I'm hard!" line.

― Dan (Everything In Its Right Place) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 20:50 (twenty years ago)

weren't we just talking about this movie like a week ago?

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:12 (twenty years ago)

Shouldn't we always be talking about it?

― KSTFUNS (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:14 (twenty years ago)

That would mean we could not talk about Road House.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:15 (twenty years ago)

Not necessarily.

― KSTFUNS (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:19 (twenty years ago)

weren't we just talking about this movie like a week ago?

Yes! The discussion of this movie prompted me to sign up for Netflix because I'd never seen it. Now that I have I'm kind of in awe of it because by all rights it should be an unwatchable mess yet somehow the innate charisma of the lead actors magically made it awesome.

I'm not even getting into how Will Smith's tie-in song samples 8 million different other songs in a gigantic melange of awesomeness.

― Dan (Really, Really Stupid But Enjoyable, Like Crack) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:20 (twenty years ago)

OMG "ROADHOUSE"!!!!!!!

― Dan (Another One For The Netflix Queue!) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

Not necessarily.

I wonder when and how movie mash-ups will finally happen.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

weirdly enough earlier today i was holding a copy of roadhouse in my hand!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

Imagine a three way conversation between Patrick Swayze, Kenneth Branagh and Will Smith. And if we're going to include Showgirls as well, a Salma Hayek/Elizabeth Berkley cat-fight/sex scene in a pool.

Slocki, you were in touch with the higher spirits.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:23 (twenty years ago)

Road House Party

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:27 (twenty years ago)

Hmmm.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:27 (twenty years ago)

Someone told me that there's going to be a sequel to Roadhouse! No Swayze, though. :(

― KSTFUNS (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:39 (twenty years ago)

Road House is kind of no Point Break, let's focus for a minute here people.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

But has Point Break been made into a stage musical yet?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:45 (twenty years ago)

duh ned, urinetown

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:47 (twenty years ago)

Has the entire musical output of Billy Joel? xpost

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:48 (twenty years ago)

duh ned, urinetown

Clearly I have missed out on the apex of civilization. That is until Starship Troopers is made into a musical on ice.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 21:56 (twenty years ago)

Wait, just so we're clear, does this flick have an "Aw HELL naw!" or "Welcome ta Erf!" or "Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout" utterance?

― kingfish hobo juckie (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 16 November 2005 22:15 (twenty years ago)

Roadhouse contains this gem, right before Pat does some much-needed neck -breaking: "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!!"

― andy --, Wednesday, 16 November 2005 23:00 (twenty years ago)

I wonder when and how movie mash-ups will finally happen.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 17th, 2005 8:21 AM. (later)

Negativland - The Mashin' of the Christ: http://www.negativland.com/mashin/

― Sasha (sgh), Thursday, 17 November 2005 01:18 (twenty years ago)

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