I'm going to be a father! Advice welcome...

http://rock.metal.free.fr/Images7/cult_695.jpg

"Congrats!"

Actually, um, that's what I, uh, originally meant... Yeah!

Dude, your having a kid is just like, fucking, out of a jar, man!

and alex, that picture made my perma-grin even bigger. thanks.

[tremendous rude shouting from the back benches]

I withdraw the comment.

However, if advice is sought, the only pertinent advice I can scrounge up at this time is in regard to your pregnant wife. If you have not yet learned total submission, learn it now or start drawing up solo travel plans - perhaps an expedition to Peru for nine months (and congratulations).

Also, I always recommend "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregancy," the least histrionic, most accurate and funniest book about what's in store over the next several months. And avoid "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Keep in mind that none of the books have much info for dads, but that first one is a fun, informative read all the same.

Oh very true. It'll just get more complicated as time goes on. My wife and I were lamenting recently that we didn't take more advantage of the fact that when Charlotte was teeny-tiny and not yet mobile, she'd pretty much quietly sleep all the time, affording us the opportunity to take her with us to dinner, etc. It's not that you'll never get to leave the house again (find yourselves some good babysitters -- specifically grandparents!!!), it's that there'll soon come a time when being out of the house/apartment after, say, 6pm feels virtually novel.

There will almost certainly be a lot of fatigue, especially in the first and last few months. Keep in mind it's frustrating to her as well when she can't do all the things she's used to.

Even if she's lucky enough to not have much morning sickness, she'll probably still be really sensitive to smells. Watch out with your smelly foods, soap, and aftershave.

Have sex facing each other while you still can, there will come a point where doggy, and later spoon-style, will be the only way. Touch and worship her changing body, don't be afraid of hurting the baby. The hormonal changes can mean some of the most incredible sex of her life--not a guarantee, but here's hoping you get lucky.

Thank her for carrying the baby, be excited about the future.

Oh, and if for whatever reason your wife is debating breast feeding, encourage her to do so. It's free, good for the kid/bonding and will largely ensure that you (but not your wife) get to sleep through the night when your newborn doesn't yet do so. Don't tell her this, though.

i'm guessing the family would prefer the latter, but it might be nice to travel together one last time together while we still just have 4 legs between us...

ok that is perhaps a poor idea but you KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

yr pal

By the way, I just learned that while tiny babies adjust well to international travel, older kids (basically toddlers) have a hell of a time. Supposedly it takes them one full day to adjust to each hour change. We have family in Australia we were hoping to visit, but when we learned the baby would take 2 weeks to adjust - and then another 2 weeks on returning - we said screw it and decided to wait until she is older.

Check out babycentre.co.uk for lots of info on pregnancy. But don't freak out too much, they sometimes go a bit overboard. :-)

I would suggest not travelling in the first trimester cause morning sickness is the worst then. The last trimester is also not advisable and on top of that you'll need to get your fiat (?) from the doctor. The second trimester is the best cause then your wife will feel at her best and there's less risk involved. :-) We went to NY and I had no problems whatsoever on the plane nor in NY. :-)

Congrats to you both - the best thing you can do is be supportive, be ready to go out for middle of the night weird food craving runs, let her sleep, and among many, many other things, do not go out for drinks with friends while she's in labor, and most especially do not, should she have an epidural, go out and get food and eat it in front of her.

2. Get yourself a copy of Dr. Harvey Karp's "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and read it now. Then get yourself a couple of swaddling blankets. This will SAVE YOUR LIFE in the first few months of baby. It really truly works.

3. Best advice we got: "Sleep when the baby sleeps, and clean when the baby cleans."

You are going to have SO much fun. I am watching eight-month-old Sterling attempting to learn to crawl as I type this, and that kid is a JOY.

why do you recommend the Karp book?
any other good books or websites you folks like?
thanks again all

My husband hasn't read a page of a baby book, they tell you everything you need to know in the prenatal classes anyway.

I've been going to ivillage.com for information online, I have no idea why. It's fine. They have a little weekly newsletter you can sign up to have emailed to you: "14 Weeks Pregnant!" etc, this is the only way I can remember how far along I am.

Have sex. She'll have twice as much blood in her body as normal, so everything is engorged. Makes for better sex.

Appreciate sleep. If your wife has trouble sleeping in the last trimester, get her extra pillows to prop between her knees. If you're bed is small, sleep on the couch so she can sleep. Once the baby has arrived, she and you won't get a full night's sleep for months.

Your wife may get frantic about wanting everything clean and ready. Just oblige. Demonstrate that you are thinking about details, too. If she decides it's important to sort stuff in closets, help her sort stuff in closets.

If she gets teary, just love her.

Some women have an easy time, others become an emotional wreck. My two pregnancies were very different; the second time I was much more emotional than I was the first time. The first time I was more sensitive to smells than the second time. Just pay attention to you what your wife tells you.

Being pregnant can be scary. Do whatever you can to make her feel safe.

Take the time together to enjoy your nights, but don't leave her alone too much.

Then, once the baby is there, enjoy!! Make a fool of yourself making up funny songs. Tickle the baby. Realise that everything just gets more and more fun once the baby starts to reveal his/her personality. It's a miracle, really. Keep smiling.

I was/am lucky enough to have a very good OBGYN: I am a hypochondriac but somehow, probably thanks to my husband and doctor, I managed to worry less than I would normally do. My doctor is extremely laid-back. He didn't even react much when I had some spotting, probably because we were going to do an ultrasound checkup anyway. I don't think I was any more emotional than usual - although my husband claims I am/was - nor did I have any weird food cravings. Keep in mind, if your wife wants to do a check-up for whatever reason, GO TO THE DOCTOR. Better to check than to discover you've been negligent. :-)

Website that helped me a lot: www.babycentre.co.uk. There's babycenter.com as well, I think. They have everything available and then some. I'm happy to hear Teeny coudln't keep up with the amount of weeks she was pregnant by herself. Somehow I can't keep track and feel a bit guilty. I mean, I know how many weeks more or less, but... you know...

One thing that has helped me a LOT in the second/third trimester: a baby-belt. If I don't wear it, my belly sometimes hurts. It supports my belly and back a lot. :-)

anyway, congrats dude!!

actually... her remark about both books was, "dude repeats himself A MILLION TIMES!" [insert angry wife sounds here.]

also: after you get sick of the travel system shit everybody uses for strollers.... spend a little extra and get yourself a nice stroller. no cheap ass umbrella stroller. seriously, your back will love you for it. i recommend maclaren strollers. i mean, don't spend too much. you don't have to buy some lame madonna approved frog stroller for $400 that floats your baby over lava, but spending a little extra goes a long way.

m.

Oh yeah, take lots of pictures throughout, and if she's into that type of thing, give her lots of excuses to wear pretty things out with you (or stay in har har) while she still fits in non-maternity clothes. I'm a pretty sensible girl but I unpacked some of my skinny dresses yesterday and got a little sad. I love my pregnant body but boy I hope I fit in those dresses again someday.

Start trying to save a little money now, you'll need at least a small maternity clothes budget and of course a diaper budget later. If I could do it over I would probably not have been so stubborn as to have put off the buying of maternity clothes until month 7. Things that fit are really nice, and she should take all the comfort she can get. Hit up friends for clothes (baby and maternity) if you can.

:-( I mean, I do sometimes look at the shop windows thinking how funny it is those clothes are not for me but it doesn't really bother me.

As for miscarriages: It sadly happens. As you said, 25 to 30 percent. This is why most people wait three months before telling people. After three months the risk goes down a lot. If she spots a little, do not immediately think the worst. Or try not to worry too much. But of course contact your doctor immediately. :-)

Don't forget to ask your doctor for pics of the ultrasound! My colleague never asked so she doesn't have anything. I have'em ALL. :-)

Where can I get one of these babies?

Big congrats Fritz. :)

I've been thinking the past couple of days how much I want a baby. :(

Damn right. Mind you, we've had it easier than most.

I am watching eight-month-old Sterling attempting to learn to crawl as I type this, and that kid is a JOY.

Oh, bless. Babyproof everything now, Douglas! Ava went from several weeks of not quite being able to work out the motor coordination thing to instant high-speed scrambling and climbing everybloodywhere seemingly overnight. And when she scrambles across a room to climb up you, it's just the best.

It's a short nine months from this:
http://static.flickr.com/6/6247743_fa5d431f67.jpg

to this:
http://static.flickr.com/27/65165855_c364f61b52.jpg

Congratulations, Fritz and the best of luck!

Hmm, I'm trying to think back to the early days. Um, when it's time to deliver, don't overpack for the hospital. Your wife will most likely not be reading much, or doing much of anything besides feeding/holding the baby and sleeping. Also, you may want to stay overnight with her, and that's probably cool, once. After that, you'll sleep much better at home, and having you well rested will come in very handy when she and the baby come home.

Oh, and do make sure to take advantage of the lactation consultant in the hospital (if they have one). A lot of people make the mistake the breastfeeding is easy, and it may be, but it takes some work! Some women panic or give up early and miss out, but it takes a lot of patience at first. Remember, your new child has to learn everything: including how to eat, how to sleep and, for that matter, how to learn!

Listen, I don't want to brag, but I've done a lot of hard things in my life, and I'm tired of being told I have "no idea" what it's like to have a baby. Why, just last week my friend Carrie gave me a set of Calphalon pots and pans. These pots and pans are not machine washable, and you can only use nonmetal utensils with them or you'll risk scratching them. In short, my Calphalon pans are just as hard to take care of as a baby. But try pointing this out to a pregnant woman and the next thing you know, she's kicked you in the crotch.

take lots of pregnant pictures of the wife. i would never let anyone take my picture because i felt like a giant whale, so i only have 2 preggo pics and now that i am back in my normal skinny clothes i wish that i had some.

if she is going to nurse, get a 'boppy' pillow and at least one extra cover for it. it makes things so much easier, and it will be in near constant use. my baby is 9 months now and i still couldn't live without our boppy.

when your wife goes into labor, do not stare at her in horror while she is writhing in pain during contractions. my mom and boyfriend both did this for the entire 20 some hours i was in labor at home before going to the hospital. i finally styarted screaming at them not to look at me when one began.

When it's your own kid, everything they do is fascinating and hilarious.

So true. Charlotte (20 months) is in full-tilt babble mode these days (sooo wanting to talk), and she comes out with Joycean stream-of-consciousness tongue-speaking that has me in constant stitches.

Dear ILX, I could definitely use some advice!

GooblyBaby! (And congrats!)

ILX Parenting 4: We make our own people

We have parents waiting for your call.

Congrats! Best thing that's ever happened to me. You'll be fine.

Congratulations dude, and congratulate Mrs Gooblar for me as well.

Thanks!

I'm going through weird stages of reaction almost daily: crazy anxiety, elation, nervous energy, etc. I'm reassured by the enormous amount of people that seem to have figured out how to parent. I'm scared by the enormous amount of people that have been fucked up by their parents.

Also, you may want to stay overnight with her, and that's probably cool, once. After that, you'll sleep much better at home, and having you well rested will come in very handy when she and the baby come home.

!!!

In the UK, you don't stay overnight unless something goes wrong.. :/

Anyway, congratulations G00blar! I assume you'll be re-reading "The Breast" soon..

The best piece of "advice" I was given was "milk jugs", said with a lascivious grin. Enjoy!

xpost haha and congrats to you!

(when you say 'you don't stay overnight', do you mean the mother? or the partner?)

Thanks euler

Nobody! They kick you right out after a few hours!

awesome, can't wait. we'll just be happy if we get an nhs appointment at all.

I'm reassured by the enormous amount of people that seem to have figured out how to parent. I'm scared by the enormous amount of people that have been fucked up by their parents.

ah ha. well some of us who have indeed been fucked up by our parents, realise the errors of their ways, and make amends with our own offspring. well thats the plan.
from my point of view, the key point is, if the baby is wanted and loved, everything else falls naturally into place.

ps. congrats and fear not - for all the bad news re NHS - they do a bloody good job as far as i'm concerned.
esp. true when it comes to births.

yay! congratulations!

:D

There's actually a lot of hopeful advice in this thread!

aside from this 'out of a jar' stuff

yaay congrats!

friends of mine just found out they're having a baby and the father-to-be is super excited - he did a little 'i'm gonna be a dad' dance when i saw him yesterday :) :)

the best was telling my parents, which we (luckily) were able to do in person; we were sitting across the dinner table--they literally jumped out of their chairs to run over and give us big hugs in succession.

I certainly knew they'd be happy, but it still somehow surprised me just how crazily excited they were/are.

Dear ILX, I could definitely use some advice!

Congratulations!
Since you asked, I'm a strong advocate of two things: no tv-as-babysitter for at least the first five years, and read to your child every day, from babyhood through at least the beginning of school. The first one is really hard, but in combination, doing both generally produces a Baby Einstein. A LAZY BABY EINSTEIN WHO DOESN'T GET OUT OF BED UNTIL 1:15, JESUS IT MUST BE NICE.

Oh wow how wonderful. Congratulations!