How well would you cope with your appearance going to seed/becoming facially disfigured kind of thing?

Actually, I do look at women I fancy and consider carefully whether they will age well when wondering if they could be "the one", but that's a different issue. I am so shallow.

how do you do this, practically?

I don't know. I can't give you one rule. And maybe much of my judgement is faulty. I just think I understand how certian facial and body types tend to age and whether that kind of aging appeals to me.

you worry too much!

To worry about getting a beer gut (as if you’re gonna be the only person with one) is bizarre, if you notice you are getting one, do some sit ups.

To worry about getting slashed, that’s just weird. I’ve been stabbed and had knifes pulled on me, even til this day I haven’t thought what I’d do if I got slashed in the face.

haha!

Please shoot me if I ever do this.

My dad had this very irritating habit of walking down the street (particularly on holidays) with my sister (18 at the time) as if to 'fool' people that he was with this young chixxor and had 'something' that attracted.

Seriously, shoot me if I ever do this (I said to my wife).

I do look young for my age, and have always thought "It'll all fall out/go grey/ whatever, sooner rather than later" but it's all hanging together still, so I dont really worry about it.

Does it bother me? Yes. But not as much as all that. First, there's that unfair thing that an older man's sexual appeal is not so heavily linked to his appearance (as long as he's not a total horror story of course). A 35 year old woman is not necessarily looking for the hottest guy around. If you're doing something interesting with your life, if you've still got a lot of energy, if you can make an effort with people, if you're solvent and stable, all those things count just as much.

Second, at forty you have a lot of things going on in your life. By now, you might have a career, maybe kids etc. Even if you don't have all the things you want, you've probably come to terms with the fact. In a sense, you've become who you are, and your attitude is more that if people accept the way you are, then great, and if they don't, well too bad. You're not so concerned about how you strike your peers I suppose.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh dear.

I'm going to seed with my muffin top and my bingo wings but I'm having such a good time doing it I don't really care. As for disfigurement, I've never been beautiful, so I honestly don't think it would make things any *worse*. Perhaps it might make me more interesting looking.

I think some people make value judgements about facial scars. I've heard someone I know described with "big guy, huge scar on his cheek" with the implication being that he's the type to get involved in knife fights, despite him actually being a victim of an unprovoked attack.

Think Scarface - you know before you see it he's going to be a nasty piece of work.

Or perhaps you'd decorate your back with images from William Blake paintings and get a job in a photo lab.

I have a pleasant face and nice hair, but am v. fat and therefore have never been attractive, and so I don't worry about losing my looks, as such. It is nice to know that I will more than likely not get grey hair, though, because I am a redhead. Also I don't go out in the sun much and I don't drink much or smoke, so my skin will probably always be presentable, which is good because I had no intention of ever spending any money to fix it up.

My dad had this very irritating habit of walking down the street (particularly on holidays) with my sister (18 at the time) as if to 'fool' people that he was with this young chixxor and had 'something' that attracted.

I can't help finding this creepy. Sorry Mark, I know he's your dad and all.

But to get back to Alba's fears, it's interesting that as you get older, you just start getting more scared of things you were never scared of before. I see this in my parents, who are not old (they are both 60) but they worry more about stupid stuff than they did before. My dad has become increasingly paranoid about his car. They worry about people breaking into their house. Not to the extent that it affects how they live their lives or anything, they just worry more.

So so true. Describes me to a 't'.

Second, at forty you have a lot of things going on in your life.

By no means everyone has that. And it doesn't particularly help if you are the kind of person who has habitually used their physical appearance to bolster a lack of inner self-confidence.

In a sense, you've become who you are, and your attitude is more that if people accept the way you are, then great, and if they don't, well too bad. You're not so concerned about how you strike your peers I suppose.

I feel I'm moving in that direction to an extent, but old habits die hard. Also the shift in my attitude is out of phase with my physical decline, ie it's always running somewhat behind (eg I'd be happy now with the way I looked when I was 40, whereas when I was 40 I was horrified by it).

Don't worry about it. We lost him back in 1991.

Beautiful women = totally fucked up... in my experience. Same probably true for men.

Yes. There's been a lot of talk in recent years about modern parents being over-protective of their children. I wonder if this is connected with the tendency of people to have children much later, eg well into their 40s, and thus a symptom of the aspect of ageing you're talking about. I certainly worry about my son hugely - him being killed in traffic accidents, bullying, how he will feel when I die, or just when he is 40.. all kinds of strange things.

apparently we are in the minority though, at least if the ubiquity of anti-ageing creams and plastic surgery programmes are indicative of what's actually going on.

so, yeah. i've never looked great so i'm not really bothered about it, if anything i think i'll look better in 5 years and 10 years etc.

the disfigured thing is different though, because people get uncomfortable about how to behave around you - or i do anyway, i met this girl with a horrifically burned face a month or so back and it took me a minute or two to kind of adjust, if that makes sense. i'd hate to go around knowing everyone was staring at and pitying me.

Huh? I do rate (if that's the right word) obese people's beauty. Yes, their weight probably influences my judgment but still...

I can remember my first wrinkle - a laugh line that didn't go away when I stopped smiling. I was upset for a bit, but then thought "well, it's a sign I've laughed a lot, which is good". I was blessed with being very young looking for a long time - but yesterday morning I caught my face in the mirror in bright sun and for the first time it really looked like 30-something skin.

Part of me resents the fact that I get older, as a woman I will become more invisible. But other parts of me is quite liking the ageing process in other ways. I like the fact that my nose has finally grown to fit my horseface. I find my three grey hairs fascinating, in their texture.

Like I said, it's not that great a loss because I was never that pretty to start with. But for someone as vain as N, it would probably take some adjustment.

Case in point. Fortunately you don't have this peculiar problem.

if anything i think i'll look better in 5 years and 10 years etc

Don't be so sure about that ;-)

This is what I find sexy in people like Harris and Johnson - sure, Johnson's plump, but he looks like he really knows how to have a good time. He looks like a breakfast in bed kind of guy, rather than an up at dawn and down the gym kind of guy. But I will try really hard to not turn this into another thread of lust for Boris.

I always find it funny when people in their early to mid 30s say they're embracing ageing. A few lines and a handful of grey hairs. The phrase 'you ain't seen nothing yet' comes to mind!

it's the one thing about her that doesn't fit with everything else about her - she's so superficial about this one thing... she's not bothered what her friends or bands or actors or whatever look like so long as they're good at whatever it is they're doing, but i really think if she met some guy that was perfect in every other way but "imperfect" (in her perception) in how he looked, it would stop her wanting anything to do with him.

Don't be so sure about that ;-)

i dunno! i def look better now than i did 5 years ago, and then looked better than i did 10 years before that. i guess there's a point where it peaks and goes down again...

http://redbaks.i.ph/albums/scarface/scarface_sayhellotomylittlefriend_600_3_new.jpg

i'm not gonna agree with you on this! i often think ppl go overboard about social conditioning wrt what is considered attractive driven by advertising and destiny's child and whatever, but really, genuinely, i think older=worse has been drummed into us for such a long time now that it's just accepted and i think it's WRONG (i didn't mean morally when i typed that but actually yeah include that too). i do not think justin timberlake and britney spears are hott, but i do think alan rickman and helen mirren are. ppl like justin and britney just look totally unformed and unremarkable to me.

Narrowing the debate more than somewhat there aren't you? I don't find any of those people attractive!

White scar on a white face in a black & white film so it's not easy to tell.

yes.

xpost

We do?

aimurchie OTM about charming >> looks.

Own it, people! OWN IT! Get a smart hat or dress a little more dignified or some such sign of not just bemoaning or mourning the loss of your youth, but celebrating the years that got you where you are.

Christ. Old, complaining Fuxors.

I got up this morning
And I put on my shoes
I tied my shoes
Then I washed my face
I went to the mirror
For to comb my hair
I made a move
Didn't know what to do
I tipped way forward
Got to break and run

Baby, this ain't me
Baby, this ain't me
Got so ugly I don't even know myself

I left Angola
1964
Go walking down my street
Knock on my baby's door
My baby come out
She asks me who I am
And I say, honey,
Don't you know your man?
She said my man's been gone
Since 1942
And I'll tell you Mr. Ugly,
He didn't look like you

Dahling, you are too, too kind. Not to mention charming. Not to mention right about how important being charming is, especially compared to mere looks. It sounds like a hoary old cliche, but although the looks might give a little, I've learned a lot of things that more than make up for them - I don't get drunk to the point of throwing up anymore. I am not as boring as I was when I was in my twenties and thought I knew everything. I find a wide range of people and things interesting, instead of only really being interested in people and things that are directed at my age group.
I worry more about losing the substance of myself - my mind, my abilities - than my looks, I must say.

i've been told i look better now i'm older.

http://www.2worldwar2.com/images/adolf-hitler.jpg

http://www.gothamist.com/images/2004_01_spalding.jpg

http://homepage.mac.com/alexinnyc/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2005-02-03%2007.02.51%20-0800/Image-E8EF88D175F311D9.jpg

Thee Thy Foe Thumb, I smell the blood of a Killing Joke hater!

I don't really worry about my appearence going, it'd be no great loss to the world.

I think someone said that until age 40, you have the face God gave you -- after 40, you have the face you've earned. I'm hypothetically okay with that, although I'm not that old so we'll see...still, to answer Nick's question I think I do coast on my looks just a bit, in certain kids of situations. I was just watching the scene in Barcelona in which our hero says to the redhead, "It's a typical pretty-girl thing...using observation for ridicule, as if impertinence were cute and charming" and I'm totally guilty of this. Would I still be impertinent if I looked otherwise? I don't know, would my new mouth be SMALLER??

You bet!