Men - do you use the fly or "keyhole" opening in your underwear when you go to the loo?

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it seems more trouble than it's worth. i can maybe understand it in boxers but in stretch cotton briefs or "Y fronts" or "tighty whities" it seems like an unnecessary amount of fumbling around needs to go on. i just hitch the waistband down with my thumb.

― jed_ (jed), Monday, 28 November 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

This question is totally in the old-school ILE style.

― Dan (I Love TMI) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 November 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

No, not generally.

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 28 November 2005 13:59 (twenty years ago)

i just hitch the waistband down with my thumb.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 28 November 2005 13:59 (twenty years ago)

I use only briefs, and I don't even own ones with the keyhole - as you said, it seems too much a trouble. I rarely use the keyhole option in pants too, I tend to pee sitting down.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:01 (twenty years ago)

I only wear boxers.

― Abbadabba Berman (Hurting), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:01 (twenty years ago)

Nobody uses them - far too much hassle. I can't imagine why anybody would want to use it these days.

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:03 (twenty years ago)

The keyhole, not boxers.

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:04 (twenty years ago)

why "these days"?

― jed_ (jed), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:04 (twenty years ago)

Right, but the fly on boxers is really easy to use, hence I use it.

― Abbadabba Berman (Hurting), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

yeah, when i wear briefs/boxer briefs i push the waistband down too - it's just sooo much easier...

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

I use them! Yanking down the waistband can create an awkward flow angle and lead to subsequent drippage.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

But its so convenient!

― Rhodia (Rhodia), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

But yeah, I only really trunk-style pants, so maybe with briefs.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

no fumbling for me (because it's so big, obv).

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Monday, 28 November 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

Boxers - Fly

Boxer Briefs - Waistband down with thumb

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

sometimes your waistband can snap back on your balls.

― bingo (Chris V), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

This is enlightening.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

enlightening = impressive

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

Alba OTM

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

sometimes your waistband can snap back on your balls.
-- bingo (thebing...), November 28th, 2005.

not if you have basic motor functions.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:13 (twenty years ago)

or balls of steel (like me, obv)

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

or no balls.

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:16 (twenty years ago)

nobody creating baggyness problems by gaining access via leg then? not that i am. and anyone who says i am is lying.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:17 (twenty years ago)

yanking the waistband down is absurd. much easier to go through the side route.

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

bagginess?

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

I just piss where I stand and warm my whole lap-area.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes in the movies guys even have sex through the keyhole, has anyone ever done this in real life?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

that sounds complicated.

xpost

side route?

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

Keyhole in pants, I mean.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

Men - do you use the fly or "keyhole" opening in your underwear when you go to the loo?
it seems more trouble than it's worth.

For a split second I thought you just peed without taking'em off nor opening the fly. MIght as well stay in your seat, I figured.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

via the leg

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

oic 'via the leg' means ' i am hungness'.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

why?

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:22 (twenty years ago)

well, it says... actually, what does it even mean?

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes in the movies guys even have sex through the keyhole, has anyone ever done this in real life?

usually this coincides with rape.

― cutty (mcutt), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

i'm just going to give up...

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

When at work (wearing a suit): fly
When at home: I either sit down to pee, in which case it doesn't matter, or I pull the waistband down.

Sometimes the waistband slips and slaps your bag. It happens. Almost worse is the once or twice in my life the waistband's slipped and sorta ripped open my peehole.

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

seems much too dangerous.

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:25 (twenty years ago)

Does no-one else own boxers with buttons??

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:25 (twenty years ago)

Today I have boxers with buttons, and I use the buttons, but generally I wear M&S fitted boxers and they have no hole so one MUST yank the band, so to speak.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:26 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes in the movies guys even have sex through the keyhole, has anyone ever done this in real life?

usually this coincides with rape.

Yeah, but sometimes it's like, they both want it right there and then, so the guy won't even bother pulling his pants down. Seems kinda ridiculous to me.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:26 (twenty years ago)

Does no-one else own boxers with buttons??
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), November 28th, 2005.

i think i did once, and certainly that would make using the fly more trouble than it's worth.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

I was thinking about starting this thread last week!

I haven't used that stupid flap since I was about 8 years old, I think. It's doubly annoying in some of my boxers where there's no button or anything so when I hang around the house in my skivvies I end up constantly flashing my package on accident. The OTHER kind of boxers which comprise the plurality of my underwear collection are too short in the legs, so even though there's a button up front my tackle still ends up popping out.

It's all very unpleasant for everyone. But yeah, I just thumb down the wasitband for number one.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 28 November 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)

what N said about yanking down waistband... flow angle/drippage

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:52 (twenty years ago)

i only buy boxers with buttons, but i still don't use the keyhole

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

Who knew that so many men were completely hopeless at correctly using their genitalia?

― Dan (Ans: Women) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 November 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes in the movies guys even have sex through the keyhole, has anyone ever done this in real life?

Yes. I knew someone who pretty much exclusively did this!!!

Also Tom that whole story about your dick popping out everywhere has nothing to do with the topic of this thread and seems show-offy, to me.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 28 November 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

Don't Mormons keep the temple garments on while doing the (marital intercourse) deed? Do they use the keyhole?

now I am reminded of a caption on a diecut James Brown record sleeve- "Soul Brother Number One is looking at you through the keyhole"-- it has a whole new meaning now.

― Drew Daniel (Drew Daniel), Monday, 28 November 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)

Fully clothed (and fully consensual) sex is HOTTT. I would say more, but I don't wanna tell tales out of school.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 28 November 2005 18:30 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 43 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

xpost Waistbands? Do you all walk like penguins?

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 04:05 (twenty years ago)

"was he hung?"
"yeah, it was like reaching in and pulling an arm through the front of a double-breasted suit."

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 09:45 (twenty years ago)

oh god i misread 'pants' throughout this thread, and it wasn't making any sense at all. 'trousers', people.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 10:02 (twenty years ago)

I just piss down me leg. Saves drinking time.

― Amity Wong (noodle vague), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 10:59 (twenty years ago)

Jed is naughty. And I have never heard this "keyhole" term before. Fly of pants (trousers) and either pulling down the band of boxers or else using the fly (especially if there are no buttons on the fly of the boxers, which I'm not a fan of because they're more awkward to wander around the house in, but whatever). And really, only boxers. Seriously. Only. Boxers. Or nothing.

I am fairly certain that Bryan and I have talked about his peeing-while-sitting habit. Ah, ILE.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 11:08 (twenty years ago)

I never would have guessed that people would use the pants keyhole but then reach inside and pull down the waistband of their undies underneath the pants. It just seems bizarre to me. It seems like it would be easier and more comfortable to go through the undies keyhole too. It's not that hard once you get the hang of it, a simple finger-dig motion is usually all that's required.

― o. nate (onate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

Yes, but some of us have a penis.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

ZING!

― o. nate (onate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 18:25 (twenty years ago)

For the record, I am not one of the people sharing Kenan's penis.

― Dan (Wanted To Clear That Up) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 18:26 (twenty years ago)

In the land of the dickless, the one-penised man is king.

― o. nate (onate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)

Think of how complicated life must get for those who prefer to wear multiple pairs of briefs. Under this one, over that one, round the corner, through the keyhole, OH NO!!! HOW DID I END UP HERE????

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

Outside of strip-poker games, who wears multiple pairs of briefs?

― o. nate (onate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:00 (twenty years ago)

yeah, wtf?

― AaronK (AaronK), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:13 (twenty years ago)

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T???? Sheesh.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:16 (twenty years ago)

so boys, under what circumstances do you sit to pee? or should I start a new thread?

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:25 (twenty years ago)

Only if I'm too sick or too drunk to stand.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:26 (twenty years ago)

sometimes for the post-wakeup session when it won't behave, I sit. For accuracy and hygiene.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

I wish more guys would sit to pee. Less clean-up for the toilet-swabbers of this world.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

Beth, I think you need to throw on another pair of briefs.

― Dan (Muff Muff) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

Beth, and take away the male joy at bipedal micturation? Just make your menfolk clean the toilet.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:43 (twenty years ago)

I only sit on the toilet to pee if I also have to crap. I don't understand why any guy would sit to pee, barring handicap -- it is fun to aim, and the roiling sound issuing from directing a powerful stream into the water in the toilet is so satisfying. Life-affirming, even.

― elmo (allocryptic), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

I was thinking, guys could more easily fish their penis through the keyhole if they kept a string tied around the head and threaded it through the keyhole. Then you could just pull the string, and pop! You'd probably have to secure it on the head with tape. And you'd have to be careful not to leave the string dangling on the outside of your pants, too, as people might yank it.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:53 (twenty years ago)

Just trying to help.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:54 (twenty years ago)

In finer public bathrooms don't they have an assistant to help you with these things?

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

I was thinking, women could deal with menstruation more easilyr if, instead of tampons, they used a caulking gun.

― Dan (While We're Being Helpful) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

It's actually in the seedier public bathrooms that you find men eager to put their hands in your pants, Beth.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

Who says there aren't advantages in being poor?

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

I think it would be more fun, Dan, if we made all the ladies pee standing up.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

And Dan, that is a damn fine idea! How about that expanding foam!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 19:59 (twenty years ago)

Many women do pee standing up, or hovering above the toilet seat, because of germ-phobia. The amount of pee splattered on the seat is simply amazing. How nice for the rest of us to sit in!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 20:01 (twenty years ago)

Urine a bad spot, there, eh?

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 20:03 (twenty years ago)

I only sit on the toilet to pee if I also have to crap

The one configuration not discussed yet: When Men Shit Standing. Now THAT would fuck up a rest room.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 22:54 (twenty years ago)

Wait. Women know how to hover? The mystery deepens.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

Beth - I know that certain people -- certain cultures? -- prefer to shit while in full squat. My friend works with a lot of Laotian immigrants, and reports finding shoeprints on the toilet seat where he works ALL THE TIME.

Shoe prints on the toilet seat -- yet another reason to only crap at home.

― elmo (allocryptic), Thursday, 1 December 2005 00:01 (twenty years ago)

Like giving birth from a squat. More bearing-down pressure just from the posture, so there's not so much straining. Your friend's workplace should install toilet seats with texturized footpads. I bet such a thing exists. One of the gazillion Toto models.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 1 December 2005 00:09 (twenty years ago)

http://lillipad.co.nz/squatting%20birth.html

Aha!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 1 December 2005 00:10 (twenty years ago)

I don't think I could manage to shit OR piss while squatting like that without making a huge mess and/or breaking the toilet. My balance is not so good.

http://lillipad.co.nz/Update/lillypads/squatting-birth.jpg

― elmo (allocryptic), Thursday, 1 December 2005 00:42 (twenty years ago)

That lillipad looks fairly bad for the ol' rectal musculature.

I always sit down in public restrooms, wtf. Urinals make me nervous.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 1 December 2005 02:01 (twenty years ago)

i have started sitting to pee at home. i never did it before, but things changed after i moved in with my girlfriend.

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 1 December 2005 13:45 (twenty years ago)

This thread is FANTASTIC,I'm learning so much....

'allowing my huddled masses to roam free' is a classic phrase.

― smee (smee), Thursday, 1 December 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

Why have none of the men here admitted to peeing in the sink? I bet they've done that at least once.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 1 December 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle..."

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 1 December 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

I have peed in the sink, CJ, but it's been a while. It's most fun when you can do it in someone's house who you have discovered you particularly dislike. Considering the difficulty of morning boner pee trajectory calculations, the relative sterility of urine and the way the warm water makes one want to piss, I have no compunction about peeing in the shower and I don't care who knows it.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 1 December 2005 15:16 (twenty years ago)

Pissing in the shower is one of the purest pleasures of the day, right after the first sip of coffee in the morning.

― I do feel guilty for getting any perverse amusement out of it (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 1 December 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

Don't you find your coffee tends to get diluted in the shower?

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 1 December 2005 15:26 (twenty years ago)

D'oh! (Actually, I usually do take a cup of coffee into the shower with me, and keep it up on a high shelf.)

― I do feel guilty for getting any perverse amusement out of it (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 1 December 2005 15:32 (twenty years ago)

morning wood sit-down position requires extra thumb-action to prevent shocking early-morning ICY INSIDE OF TOILET BOWL GROSS-OUT

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 1 December 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

the difficulty of morning boner pee trajectory calculations

I've mastered this. Pressure points are the key.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 1 December 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

To make life easier for strange ILX searchers of the future, these two threads should be linked:

TMI from men: do you pee through the fly in your underwear, or over the top?

― ^ Z S on the internet here (Z S), Tuesday, 19 May 2009 19:00 (sixteen years ago)

This probably isn't going to make much sense to anyone outside the UK and/or anyone who isn't unemployed and doesn't watch daytime TV on occasion, but I'm going to post it anyway...
http://www.ukgameshows.com/page/images/1/10/Through_the_keyhole_holdkey2.jpg

― snoball, Wednesday, 20 May 2009 08:31 (sixteen years ago)

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