what does it mean if you're seriously tempted to cheat on your long distance girlfriend?

too slow.

Overcoming weaselly urges is kinda almost noble, as much as not having them maybe.

and suddenly i realized i actively wanted to cheat

yo, er, you seem to have made your mind up. what do you want: ILX's collective blessing?

it's your call, but it sounds to me like something's gone awry with your relationship if one pretty girl making eyes at you can reduce you to this state. so you've got two choices: work out what, and fix it, or finish the relationship.

but FFS, dude, for the sake of your poor girlfriend, don't cheat on her. some people can deal with that; she doesn't sound like one of them. either way, do the decent thing: finish with her 'cos you're no longer into it, or be doing some long, hard thinkin' and fixin'.

1. break up, explaining that she's great but that the long distance just isn't working
2. cheat on her (you suck)
3. don't cheat on her... now. but later on you either cheat on her or the stress destroys the relationship and you regret not hooking up with this one.

(no offense, i totally empathize with your scenario. but you know the right thing to do.)

this is fun. i wonder just how many people will post reamings?

Isn't that always the way...

Long distance is really difficult. Really, really difficult. Two questions that matter: Why is this a long-distance relationship? How long will it be a long-distance relationship? (note: if the answer to either question is "I don't know;" you're fucked.)

If this relationship matters to you, then Dan is otm upthread. You're just horny. Girls are hot. Get over it. It's normal and healthy in an LDR to have fantasies, and even flirtations. It's hard to maintain a real connection to someone who's only occasionally around. You need to decide whether you can handle that or not. (As does your LDGF.)

Unless you're the kind of guy who feeds on continuous female affirmation, in which case your relationship would be fucked even if it were no-distance.

As for your situation, its not that odd. You notice other women. Other women notice you. These things happen unless you try to make them not happen - not go out, become physically unattractive in every single way (very hard to do). The point being made throughout this thread, I think, is that you cannot take something external that is a relative constant to be a guage of your commitment, which is an internal thing. That's morally weak. Instead, determine why it is that you feel bad and/or weird about your interreactions, and get rid of that bad feeling.

So, as I am currently studying, my advised plan of attack:

1) If it is because you are simply having feelings that you are unused to having for someone other than your SO, be patient. New emotions ALWAYS feel odd. If these things continue to happen, or you have had them before and they are continuing to happen, see step 2.

2) If it is because you are afraid that you may do something and violate your SO's trust in you, you can either a) drop that trust as an obligation (break up) or b) don't violate the trust. If you are not afraid of cheating, see step 3.

3) If it is because you are horny, get porn. Porn is the savior of long-distance relationships.

I mean geez, WTF, is this anti-thinking day on ILX or something? That was only seven sentences! On the first relationship-question thread in ages that actually seems like it isn't made up! Apparently that and/or thinking Starship Troopers has subtext means you think you're Foucault or some shit.

yeah we decided to try being impulsive and unreasonable for a change

dan OTM. i'm not even gonna read the rest of the thread.

-- nabiscothingy

Starship Troopers doesn't have a subtext? My mind is permanently blown. After 5 mins of that movie, I was thinking 'hmmm, this subtext is a bit in yer face, but hey I can get used to it'.

for the record: i'm 3-4 hours away by car/bus/train. perhaps that's not long distance to some but surely it's at least mid distance?

fwiw right now i can't even imagine breaking up with her. for one thing, she'd be devastated.

i like starship troopers a lot. she hasn't seen it but probably wouldn't like it.

kinda OT but this alone is no reason not to break up with someone

dude that's NOTHING

that being said, there's been times that i've wanted to cheat just for the sake of seeing what it's like. that involves actively wishing that my relationship wasn't as solid as it is, so that i could justify doing it. what does that say about me?