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i was about to jump over lake osceola on my tricked-out motorcycle

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stunt motorcyle driving is not as difficult as it looks.

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:32 (twenty years ago)

it's all about speed.

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:32 (twenty years ago)

so i double-checked my nasa-designed turbobooster

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

and carefully groomed my tire tread with the special tread comb

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

and settled into the regulation leather seat

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

that had so often been my only companion on these brief and terrifying journeys

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

nodded to the mc

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

who signaled for the drum roll

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

and i gunned it

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

i think you need to purify yourself in the waters of lake minnetonka.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

i huddled over aerodynamically

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

looking down at the cement blurring into gray space

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

i wondered if i had remembered to turn off the space heater in the bedroom

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

those things are fire hazards

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

i tried to put it out of my mind and take on the proper expression of gravitas and determination

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

the motorcycle engine roared

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

roared like a deadly forest fire

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

I was totally expecting an Adolph bin Streisand thread.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

or a fire ripping through a partially constructed condo loft

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

started by an overworked space heater

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

consuming the mattress and the box spring

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

but not the bed frame

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

because i hadn't gotten around to buying one yet

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

my eyes focused and saw that i was nearing the top of the ramp

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

so i pushed the big red button

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

to activate the turbobooster

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

i almost lost my toupee

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

and then i was at the edge

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

i jerked the handlebar to pull up the front wheel a little as i flew out into space

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

the most jarring thing is the transition from the ramp's vibrations through the bike's frame to sudden smoothness

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

but oh the view

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

i could see the weeks center

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

and the richter library

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

and some dumb kids in rowboats pointing and laughing

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

is that what passes for an education these days?

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

at this point it's all a waiting game

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

there's not much more you can do once you're in the air but hold on

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

so i started composing a poem in my head:

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

ODE TO A FRAGMENTED BIRD

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

a wing eclipsed by the horizon
fragmented bird

THE END

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

i'm a minimalist when it comes to language

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

but a maximalist when it comes to life experience

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

i hope the window installers make it out to the condo today

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

it's cold enough sleeping in an unfinished loft

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

but some windows would help

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

and surely they would take the time to turn off the space heater

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

if i did leave it on

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

i looked straight down

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

and i was passing directly over cobb fountain

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

from above it looked like a flower vibrating in a slight breeze

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)

these unexpected perspectives are one of the benefits of my lifestyle

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)

along with the chicks

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)

god i could go for a cigarette right about now

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

but empty pockets are a necessity for accurate air-flow placement

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

from my vantage point i could look across to my landing area

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)

what a tiny crowd

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

stunt motorcycle jumps just aren't the draw they used to be

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

i blame the internet

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

i'm not even sure this damn job is worth the trouble anymore

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

but 3/4 of the way through a jump isn't the best place for a career reassessment

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

i clear my mind for the approach

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

...

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

...

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

...space heater...

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

...

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

and the back wheel hits ramp

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

this is the hard part, maintaining balance on landing

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

but i pull it off, of course

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

i'm a pro

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

i'm supposed to slow down and stop for photos

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

as i approach i hear the sarcastic applause

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

the drunk damn kids

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

and my gut drops like a pubescent boy's testicles

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

even the smell of burning tires can't cheer me up

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

so i coast past the crowds

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

wave to the parking lot staff

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

roll through the stop sign

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

turn left on magnolia

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

merge onto the on-ramp

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

get on the expressway

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

and drive

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

the end

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

you are jandek and i claim my $5.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:00 (twenty years ago)

That

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

was beautiful.

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

(oh, and what Static Electricity wrote too) :-)

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

I liked this one almost as much as the one about the man with two lives.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:18 (twenty years ago)


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