Site New Answers Search Boards ILM ILE Answers New Question New Questions New Poll Blog View Register Login

i was about to jump over lake osceola on my tricked-out motorcycle

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
stunt motorcyle driving is not as difficult as it looks.

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:32 (twenty years ago)

it's all about speed.

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:32 (twenty years ago)

so i double-checked my nasa-designed turbobooster

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

and carefully groomed my tire tread with the special tread comb

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

and settled into the regulation leather seat

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

that had so often been my only companion on these brief and terrifying journeys

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

nodded to the mc

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

who signaled for the drum roll

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

and i gunned it

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

i think you need to purify yourself in the waters of lake minnetonka.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

i huddled over aerodynamically

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

looking down at the cement blurring into gray space

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

i wondered if i had remembered to turn off the space heater in the bedroom

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

those things are fire hazards

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

i tried to put it out of my mind and take on the proper expression of gravitas and determination

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

the motorcycle engine roared

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

roared like a deadly forest fire

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

I was totally expecting an Adolph bin Streisand thread.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

or a fire ripping through a partially constructed condo loft

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

started by an overworked space heater

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

consuming the mattress and the box spring

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

but not the bed frame

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

because i hadn't gotten around to buying one yet

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

my eyes focused and saw that i was nearing the top of the ramp

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

so i pushed the big red button

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

to activate the turbobooster

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

i almost lost my toupee

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

and then i was at the edge

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

i jerked the handlebar to pull up the front wheel a little as i flew out into space

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

the most jarring thing is the transition from the ramp's vibrations through the bike's frame to sudden smoothness

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

but oh the view

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

i could see the weeks center

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

and the richter library

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

and some dumb kids in rowboats pointing and laughing

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

is that what passes for an education these days?

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

at this point it's all a waiting game

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

there's not much more you can do once you're in the air but hold on

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

so i started composing a poem in my head:

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

ODE TO A FRAGMENTED BIRD

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

a wing eclipsed by the horizon
fragmented bird

THE END

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

i'm a minimalist when it comes to language

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

but a maximalist when it comes to life experience

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

i hope the window installers make it out to the condo today

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

it's cold enough sleeping in an unfinished loft

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

but some windows would help

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

and surely they would take the time to turn off the space heater

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

if i did leave it on

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

i looked straight down

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

and i was passing directly over cobb fountain

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

from above it looked like a flower vibrating in a slight breeze

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)

these unexpected perspectives are one of the benefits of my lifestyle

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)

along with the chicks

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)

god i could go for a cigarette right about now

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

but empty pockets are a necessity for accurate air-flow placement

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

from my vantage point i could look across to my landing area

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)

what a tiny crowd

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

stunt motorcycle jumps just aren't the draw they used to be

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

i blame the internet

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

i'm not even sure this damn job is worth the trouble anymore

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

but 3/4 of the way through a jump isn't the best place for a career reassessment

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

i clear my mind for the approach

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

...

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

...

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

...space heater...

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

...

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

and the back wheel hits ramp

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

this is the hard part, maintaining balance on landing

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

but i pull it off, of course

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

i'm a pro

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

i'm supposed to slow down and stop for photos

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

as i approach i hear the sarcastic applause

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

the drunk damn kids

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

and my gut drops like a pubescent boy's testicles

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

even the smell of burning tires can't cheer me up

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

so i coast past the crowds

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

wave to the parking lot staff

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

roll through the stop sign

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

turn left on magnolia

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

merge onto the on-ramp

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

get on the expressway

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

and drive

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

the end

― Static Electricity (staticelectricity), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

you are jandek and i claim my $5.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:00 (twenty years ago)

That

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

was beautiful.

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

(oh, and what Static Electricity wrote too) :-)

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

I liked this one almost as much as the one about the man with two lives.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 18:18 (twenty years ago)


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.
Site New Answers Search Boards ILM ILE Answers New Question New Questions New Poll Blog View Register Login