How many of your close friends have you kissed or had sex with?

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Not counting exes.

Kissed: can't remember, probably with half of them.
Had sex: three, I think.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 11:52 (twenty years ago)

i KNEW this was a tuomas thread!

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 11:53 (twenty years ago)

well he did put his name to the first post.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 11:54 (twenty years ago)

define "ex" please.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 11:55 (twenty years ago)

Just curious how commom this is. You can answer anonymously if you wish.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 11:55 (twenty years ago)

Had sex: three, I think.

ah scandanavia

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 11:56 (twenty years ago)

if you have sex with a close friend on a regular basis, do they get bumped to 'partner'?

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:00 (twenty years ago)

absolutely none, never would

― jim p. irrelevant (electricsound), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:02 (twenty years ago)

No, there's such thing as "friends with advantages".

(x-post)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:03 (twenty years ago)

'fuck buddy'

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

I also knew this was Tuomas.

Kissed: I've drunkennly snogged quite a few of my friends, but it's more a "Wheeee, we're drunk!" thing rather than a sex/fancying thing. I can remember snogging my (former) bandmates on the nightbus home from the Delays show to the amusement of the whole back seat.

Had sex: I don't have sex with my friends. Ever.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

x-post AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH no, not the fuckbuddy thread again, this way madness lies.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

Of people I'd currently call close friends ... I've slept with four of them.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

Damn. remind me not to snog you on the nightbus home from a gig, Anna!

;-)

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:08 (twenty years ago)

people who have sex with me are my friends.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

strange people.

― snowkitten (g-kit), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:10 (twenty years ago)

p.s. i'm going to a GAMES shop this lunchtime!

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

Is that a code word for something?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:12 (twenty years ago)

Drunken snogs: 5
Sex: 0

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:12 (twenty years ago)

What are you buying ken?

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:14 (twenty years ago)

A lot of those are "way back in the mists of time" encounters.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:19 (twenty years ago)

Ha ha, I'm lucky. Most of my "way back in the mists of time" encounters are in another country.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:21 (twenty years ago)

But they are nice men. Why would I not want to be friends with them?

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:22 (twenty years ago)

I don't sleep with nice men. I only sleep with bastards. :-/

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:24 (twenty years ago)

But they are nice men. Why would I not want to be friends with them?

right! and kate suggesting that she's emphatically never had sex with friends, almost implies that she's never been friends with anyone she's had sex with!

i've had friends, who've been more than that for a bit (a night, three nights, six months, four years, whatever), and then gone back to being (better) friends - it only requires an adult attitude to see the bigger picture.

xpost dammit.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:26 (twenty years ago)

Pretty much, no. OTM, Chuck.

I mean, if a man is willing to have sex with me, he can't be a nice person, can he? And I'm going to stop there because this is starting to sound uncomfortably like my CBT sessions now. Bah.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

God, I'm a prude. Or conservative. Or old-fashioned Or... Well, I never have had sex with friends.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

Not nearly as many as I'd have liked to.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

Actually, I it's five. *blushes* can't believe I missed one.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

You hussy!

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

I've snogged two of my (male) friends, but for reasons other than the usually-intended purpose. I've never slept with any of them.

Actually, I kissed my husband a few times before I had any intention of him becoming my boyfriend, I suppose that counts.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

I mean, if a man is willing to have sex with me, he can't be a nice person, can he?

oh lord. thinking like this has been the death of pretty much every relationship i've ever had. i mean, how can i respect someone who, given the whole world to choose from, picks *me*?

but it's such a lethal, painful and unreaslistic road to travel, i'm trying my hardest to avoid it. trying my hardest.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

Snogged: 2
Slept with: 1

(and that was a RUBBISH idea)

(I presume we're discounting people who you've slept with who have subsequently become friends, right?)

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:37 (twenty years ago)

No, I think we're just discounting people we were actually in relationships with.

(Sorry, Chuck, I'm not ignoring you, this is just stuff for therapy, not here.)

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:37 (twenty years ago)

I have a mate who ONLY sleeps with his close friends. I think he's too shy to talk to anyone outside his circle, which has the unfortunate side effect of making life seem like a later episode of Friends for the rest of us.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)

Kate, surely if you think "I mean, if a man is willing to have sex with me, he can't be a nice person, can he?", you have the answer right there as to why your relationships are doomed to failure before they even start? It's not the best attitude to start off with.

Mind you, you might be joking, but it's getting increasingly hard to tell.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

Oh, in which case . . . . five. No, six.

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:43 (twenty years ago)

That's rubbish, isn't it?

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:43 (twenty years ago)

Zero.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:45 (twenty years ago)

I'm not joking. I know that it's fucked up.

Therapy is shit for getting at things like that, that you've been ignoring for so long. :-(

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

i have probably snogged 4 or 5 of my friends. slept with none of them, THANK GOD

― POOP BITCH (Mandee), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:50 (twenty years ago)

GO KEN C GO!

― snowkitten (g-kit), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

It's not so bad you know.

― Hussy (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:52 (twenty years ago)

I'm just jealous coz yer friends are HOTT! ;-P

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

slept with one, many moons ago. basically it destroyed our friendship, haven't seen her in almost 12 years.

― slow jamz and white guy indie acoustic shit (Chris V), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 13:03 (twenty years ago)

It hasn't been that bad for me either. No broken friendships or anything, just a bit of warmth for the lonely night.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 13:05 (twenty years ago)

I don't sleep with nice men. I only sleep with bastards.

I'm on my way!

er... where are you?

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 13:40 (twenty years ago)

(Sorry, Chuck, I'm not ignoring you, this is just stuff for therapy, not here.)

i often view the latter as the former anyway. but yes, i agree, as does, er, someone in my close vicinity.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

Thinking about it, I even joke about it with one of them.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

Yeah me too.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 30 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

'Canoodle' is such a great word.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:12 (twenty years ago)

Zero.
-- Forest Pines

THANK YOU! I thought I was the only freak here. ;-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

either zero or one - i was sort of dating one girl this year who kept insisting "we're not dating!" so i don't really know how to categorize her.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:26 (twenty years ago)

I guess there's another I'd count (kissing) but I'm not sure we're really close friends anymore.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

have just been counting and it's 4 sex, 11 kissed.
i blame chorlton, everyone's like that there.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

Kissed: all of them, at New Year's & birthdays and so on, but that was all just drycheeking, no tongues and stuff.

Sex: zero.

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

either zero or one - i was sort of dating one girl this year who kept insisting "we're not dating!" so i don't really know how to categorize her.

but nobody asked about 'dating'....

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

drycheeking
man that sounds so rum!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

I was looking for the kissing equivalent of dryhumping, but there doesn't seem to be one, so I had to neologize it... :(

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:02 (twenty years ago)

Oh no! Cheeks are also on the other side... Oh well, nevermind.

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:04 (twenty years ago)

0 and 0

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

None. But I kissed one of my friend's girlfriends once. I don't think he knows about it, even to this day.

― [jailhouse tattoo] (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

I don't think he knows about it, even to this day
oh he does, he's just biding his time...

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

But I kissed one of my friend's girlfriends once

I misread "girlfriends" as "genitalia."

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

oh! how unforunate.

― [jailhouse tattoo] (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Oh, a couple.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:41 (twenty years ago)

Not enough.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:51 (twenty years ago)

I was going to say that, too.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:52 (twenty years ago)

zero.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 18:53 (twenty years ago)

Somebody needs to start the "How many of your close friends would you kiss or have sex with?"

That somebody is not me.

― Douglas (Douglas), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:14 (twenty years ago)

Well... define "close"?

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

Close enough to trust you when you tell them "just drink this".

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:18 (twenty years ago)

I spent the majority of college fantasizing about kissing or having sex with my female friends.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:18 (twenty years ago)

I was going to start that threads, but actually, come to think of it, we've done that thread before, natch.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:19 (twenty years ago)

I wouldn't kiss or have sex with any of my friends. No offence, any of you, but I'm a happily married woman.

And I like you all too much to wish me on you :)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:25 (twenty years ago)

...and you were telling me I had self esteem issues! ;-)

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:29 (twenty years ago)

Hey, I'm not looking for answers (or another relationship), also note the smiley :)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:32 (twenty years ago)

note the wink!

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:33 (twenty years ago)

You flirting with me? :)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:34 (twenty years ago)

Well, if by flirting, you mean teasing, joking, being light-hearted, etc. but geez, I don't actually know what flirting is, sigh etc.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

...and on that note, I'm going home.

If any friends wish to have sex with me, I'll be in the bath.

― Kate Classic (kate), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:37 (twenty years ago)

hahaha, sorry, I'm just mucking about, ignore me, I am bored. (I was meaning winking => flirting, because I am childish - I don't get flirted with, so I have no idea what I am talking about)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

I like to keep my friendships and romantic relationships separate, because the few times I haven't people have gotten hurt.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

http://www.mentalsewage.com/1999/02/223.jpg

― howell huser (chaki), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:05 (twenty years ago)

I've made out with one very good friend of mine. She's really hot.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 20:12 (twenty years ago)

This probably isn't the thread to raise this but I've wanted to ask about friends-with-benefits for ages: why would you fancy someone enough to want to sleep with them, and like them enough to be friends, but not want to go out with them? I don't mean that as condemnation at all, I think it all kinda admirable, I'd just like to hear from people who've done this or wanted to?

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:24 (twenty years ago)

(though I mean it's pretty seperate to making out with friends drunkenly which is obviously supergreat, to me)

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:26 (twenty years ago)

everytime i've been a "friend with benefits" i've just really was hoping i'd turn out to be a girlfriend. never happened, which ended up pissing me off. its just not a good thing. at least not for someone like me.

― POOP BITCH (Mandee), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:29 (twenty years ago)

Mandy, I was just thinking of something you'd said before along those lines and I fear I am in that boat with you. The kinds & levels of vulnerability I'm willing to maintain for friends are different from those I set up for people I'm "just" sleeping with (ie not dating with an eye on the long-term) -- the two categories of people don't get access to the same Laurel and I think I like the Friends Laurel better than the Fling Laurel which probably ought to tell me something.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:37 (twenty years ago)

well, both "friendships" in the aforementioned instances dissolved fairly quickly, despite the whole "i dont want to ruin our friendship" speeches that commenced. it's really just a pretty easy way to ruin a friendship. do all you people mean you slept with someone and then they turned out to be a friend? or they were your friend first, and then you slept with them? man, that could just never happen w/ me. i am too needy/weird.

― POOP BITCH (Mandee), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:44 (twenty years ago)

why would you fancy someone enough to want to sleep with them, and like them enough to be friends, but not want to go out with them?

Because 'friends' covers a lot of ground, and 'responsible for their emotional state' is way down the other end where not a lot of people go?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:47 (twenty years ago)

That's a useful answer.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:52 (twenty years ago)

"friends with benefits" is one of those things that sounded completely awesome and exotic before i'd done it and seems completely boring and depressing now that i have.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:54 (twenty years ago)

I don't like this thread one bit tonight. It's just depressing.

― Cathy (Cathy), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 21:54 (twenty years ago)

About friends with benefits: sometimes you just realize that you like to hang out with someone and maybe occasionally have sex with her, but there's not enough romantic interest there to go further than that. This of course requires that both of you think the same way; I guess it's more common for sex to mess your feelings. But it can happen (at least it's happened to me), and it isn't really more complicated than that.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 22:47 (twenty years ago)

Over the last 5 years or so I've had 1 for reals girl friend and maybe a half dozen friends with benefits - the fwb's have usually gone much smoother.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

It is strange, that this thread got me thinking that I do have friends that I would probably sleep with, even though I'd never consider a relationship with.

It's more to do with a physical attraction couples with either a lack of long-term compatability, or some other stumbling block which would make a relationship impossible.

However, in my experience, sex just complicates things. And I'd rather not bring it in to ruin a good friendship.

― The Hills Are Alive With Celibate Cries (kate), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 10:54 (twenty years ago)

Right thats it Thermo, I'ma coming to Canada.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 10:56 (twenty years ago)

I did this fairly recently and I am preeeeeetty sure it fucked everything up pretty irrepairably. We still say hi and stuff, though, but I think there will probably be a wall there for a while.

― Roxymuzak, Mrs. Carbohydrate (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 20:16 (twenty years ago)

I don't remember fwb sex as being all that great.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 21 December 2005 20:26 (twenty years ago)

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