what's the nicest thing you've done for someone lately?

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buying presents doesn't count because everybody does that.

― ath (ath), Saturday, 24 December 2005 23:37 (twenty years ago)

I think buying presents should count if you went really out of your way. Not that I have, this year. Um.... most people I know are really self-sufficient, so opportunities to be super-nice are rare. If you're too nice and niceness is unlooked-for, people get a bit creeped out, no?

I guess for me it would be a week or so ago when I agreed to look after some stuff for a friend, knowing that me getting it back to her would involve me hauling this really heavy bag across and around Manchester for several hours, which would inevitably result in me getting a cricked neck (I have a neck problem). But she is a really sweet and thoughtful person, who always remembers when I've got something coming up and sends a card or a text message with best wishes. The opposite of most people, who are, frankly, crap at remembering anything that's going on outside their own immediate concerns (me included).

It's a small thing, and answering this has made me wonder what I can do to be nicer to people, without making them feel stalked. Any suggestions?

― Zora (Zora), Sunday, 25 December 2005 12:44 (twenty years ago)

i don't know zora, its really nice that you hauled your friends bag around for hours so you're on the right track. you could do what your friend does, giving cards and texts on friends' special occasions, it helps to have a diary in order to do this. i cook my flatmates a special dinner on each of their birthdays. i'm also a thrift store enthusiast as are my friends, so whenever i'm at a thrift store and see something my friends would like i buy it for them. does this help?

i offered to help my boyfriend and his live-in girlfriend move into a flat with a person that i strongly dislike. aren't i noble???

― Awesome is as Awesome does (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:39 (twenty years ago)

my boyfriend and his live-in girlfriend

???

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:48 (twenty years ago)

The nicest thing I've done for someone lately is bit of an intimate affair, so I wont' go into that. Other than that, the day before yesterday I cooked for a friend and went to the karaoke with her to cheer her up due to a boyfriend trouble, but I guess that's nothing out of the ordinary.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:51 (twenty years ago)

oh my god i want friends who drag me on the karaoke circuit when i'm down!!

yeah and xpost we're polyamorous (why does saying that always sound so pretentious??)

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:55 (twenty years ago)

what have you done for me lately????? oooh, oooh oooh oooh yeah?????

― Miss Jackson if you're Nasty (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:56 (twenty years ago)

Maybe there should be a more folksy way of saying it.

(x-post)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:56 (twenty years ago)

yeah we're into free love, man.

― refugee from the 60s (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:57 (twenty years ago)

there's no good way of putting it!!!!

― Awesome is as Awesome does (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:58 (twenty years ago)

I guess not. Nice that it actually works for someone, though.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 07:59 (twenty years ago)

Does his live-in girlfriend know about this? I can't imagine a situation where I would be serious enough to live with someone who was seeing other people. (I = boring, obv)

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:00 (twenty years ago)

I know a few ppl who manage it quite well! One friend whos in London with his wife, and girlfriend. They seem, somehow, to wrangle it.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:01 (twenty years ago)

I must admit in a twisted way I'm jealous. Two guys would be great! Why is it never girls who get this mutter etc.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:02 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I knew some people for whom worked it fine. Usually it tends to be two girls and a guy though, not the other way round, I wonder why?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:02 (twenty years ago)

(The cynic in me would say that in many cases it could be the guy's taking advantage of two girls who both fancy him, and who'd really want to have him exclusively, whereas two guys wouldn't take it too long in a situation like that. But I don't want to sound too cynical.)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:06 (twenty years ago)

yep she knows about me, she has known since day one. i'm not close to her but we get along okay.

you'd be surprised by the relationship configurations that happen amongst polyamorous people. i have a (female) friend who has three boyfriends AND a girlfriend. but yeah this whole 2 girls + 1 guy deal does seem to be pretty common. i wouldn't mind having another boyfriend or girlfriend too, i'm not expected to be faithful to phil so hopefully that'll happen one day.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:08 (twenty years ago)

Also, if it's "true" polyamory, I guess girls are more likely to be into the homosexual aspect of it.

(x-post)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:08 (twenty years ago)

and i personally wouldn't want phil all to myself. i don't go in for that whole living-together sharing-the-bills have-kids-one-day stuff. this scenario suits me pretty well.

what do you mean by "true" polyamory, tuomas? what you describe is generally referred to as a "triad" and is in my opinion no more authentically polyamorous than what i'm involved in.

― Awesome is as Awesome does (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:11 (twenty years ago)

Yeah is there a diff btwn 3somes and poly? Im sure there is.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:13 (twenty years ago)

wow this thread derailed :D

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:13 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, I don't know the terminology too well, I didn't mean to imply any relationship was truer than the other.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:15 (twenty years ago)

no probs. sorry to get sidetracked.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:17 (twenty years ago)

About the two-girls-one-guy-thing: the feminist in me would also say that guys are more likely to want to "own" their girlfriends, and therefore less willing to share them with someone else.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:17 (twenty years ago)

that could be true. it'd be interesting to see how many people (of either gender) turn me down for the sole reason that they want an SO all to themselves.

― Awesome is as Awesome does (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:23 (twenty years ago)

I promised my friend I'd loan her that new Marc Weingarten book, The Gang That Wouldn't Write Straight, about the New Journalism, which I read over vacation and is grebt. tomorrow I will actually give it to her, and then I'll have to find something else nice to do.

back to polyamory!

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:25 (twenty years ago)

oh man i don't want to be a person who harps on and on about polyamory on this board. in any case, its nice to see you ilxers online again!!!

― Awesome is as Awesome does (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:27 (twenty years ago)

it'd be interesting to see how many people (of either gender) turn me down for the sole reason that they want an SO all to themselves.

That's how most people seem to function though. I guess I wouldn't blame them for not wanting do something they probably wouldn't feel comfortable with.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:29 (twenty years ago)

my boyfriend and his live-in girlfriend
???

I love how even Tuomas was confused by this.

Me? I'm carrying a baby. Nicest thing I've done in a while.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:39 (twenty years ago)

xpost yes thats fair enough.

hey nathalie i don't think i've congratulated you yet. congratulations!!!

― Awesome is as Awesome does (lucylurex), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:41 (twenty years ago)

Oh thanks! I feel like a big phat cow these days. :-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 08:44 (twenty years ago)

I helped an old woman get cat food down from a high shelf in the supermarket. I was all glowing after and all.

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

Two guys would be great! Why is it never girls who get this mutter etc.

i wish ms. laura still posted. she'd been living with one guy for some time, and also had a boyfriend. or maybe she lived in some arrangement with them both...i don't remember. she always had insightful things to say about sexuality.

― Juulia (julesbdules), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, she lived with just one of the two. This really isn't so rare, and my impression is that MMF is about as common as FFM.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 16:57 (twenty years ago)

The one long-term triad I'm aware of (friends/coworkers of family/friends) is one woman and two men. They've been together for 15 or 20 years.

― Jaq (Jaq), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

On a plane last night, I gave my night blanket to the woman next to me who appeared to be shivering with just the one.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 29 December 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

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