Advice needed: at what point do you just give up on friends because they're being a bit mad?

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There's this friend I have who I've known for a few months, and got to know fairly well over the past month or two. She's made it clear that she's definitely not interested in me as a partner, and I've made it clear in return that I'm fine with that.

When she first gave me her phone number, she said that she doesn't like giving out to people, because they will start "getting pushy" and phoning and texting her all the time. Which is fair enough, I though.

Anyway, we've gone out a couple of times this week to meet up with friends of mine who she doesn't know. More friends are going to be in the area today, so I texted her yesterday to ask if she wanted to come along too. No answer. This morning I tried phoning her; no answer either. I tried calling a second time an hour or so later, and got a text message back: "don't call or text me on this number ever again. I was worried this would happen when I gave you my number".

So, any advice on what I should do? Reply? Ignore it? Phone her on her other number? Just give up and try to find other friends to keep me company?

― Doesn't Logged Out have an interesting life, Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

It doesn't sound like you'll be losing too much if you just go along with her demands. Clearly she's a bit mixed up, and it's hard to imagine that at least one of you doesn't have some kind of confusion, founded or otherwise, about the nature of your friendship.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:14 (twenty years ago)

Write her a letter in your own blood explaining the situation.

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, give her time to think about whatever things she needs to deal with. If anyone says she doesn't want phonecalls from you, then immediately trying to call her and ask her why won't do you any good. If you don't hear from her, you could maybe try to call her after a couple of weeks, see if her mood has changed.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:29 (twenty years ago)

dont call her again.

― terry lennox. (gareth), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

Cut her out.

― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:48 (twenty years ago)

Really stalk her so she can see what you did first was different.

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

she sounds mental.

― born-again christians in the old corral (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:50 (twenty years ago)

i hate phones too, but since when are text messages invasive?!

― born-again christians in the old corral (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

Er, ask a mutual friend, one who's known her a lot longer than you?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 13:11 (twenty years ago)

txt her back and say "im sorry, who is this?"

― terry lennox. (gareth), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 13:22 (twenty years ago)

i hate phones too, but since when are text messages invasive?!

i got a text message from a vodafone robot the other day that said, "show her you're not like other men and text her to show you care". i replied to the robot telling it to fuck off and leave me alone, but you can't do that to vodafone robots, they don't really have mobile phone numbers.

anyhow it pissed me off because it was obviously a) invasive b) an insulting stereotype revealing that the robot had been looking at my details long enough to discover my sex and c) not true, i do text people to tell them i care about them, sometimes when drunk, which can give me cause for regret.

but to return to the topic, it sounds like your friend is being a bit self-absorbed and narcissistic, although there could be other factors at work that you're not aware of. if you really care about her i'd leave it for a while before getting in touch again, as Tuomas suggests, and then maybe email her if you've got her address to avoid the whole tetchy phone/text issue altogether.

― angle of d... (tingo), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 13:28 (twenty years ago)

write her a nice note and attach it to a brick then chuck it through her window. shes obviously paranoid about guys getting pushy and gettting the wrong idea even if youve said youre not interested in her that way, but she sounds a bit weird. in fairness, though, she said she didnt want people getting pushy and youve been texting her, calling her, doing everything to contact her when she said she doesnt like that!

― okok, Wednesday, 28 December 2005 13:31 (twenty years ago)

I wouldn't bother wasting any more energy on a person like this if I was you.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 21:14 (twenty years ago)

I wouldn't bother wasting any more energy on a person like this if I was you.
-- Thermo Thinwall (tupac.chopr...), December 28th, 2005.

Bingo, just move on and don't worry about why.

― earlnash, Wednesday, 28 December 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

I like Thermo's advice too.

― ratty, Wednesday, 28 December 2005 22:45 (twenty years ago)

Me three. She sounds a little nutty.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 22:50 (twenty years ago)

Also painfully precious and narcissistic.

― estela (estela), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 22:53 (twenty years ago)

people like this SUCK.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 22:54 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

Hello again!

Well, after a week or so she got back in touch with me. After a while, we met up again, and seemed to be friends again.

When she fell out with me to start with, I'd just received a wedding invitation. When she got back in touch, she asked if she could come with me as my guest. As I don't have anyone else to take who doesn't already have their own invitation, I said yes. Yesterday, we discussed where we wanted to stay, and I booked two rooms in a hotel.

Today, she texts me again. She's decided she can't afford it. "Don't worry," I reply. "You can pay me back in a few months' time. You deserve a holiday."

"I don't want to go anyway," she texts back, "because you're selfish and I don't want to be friends with you any more."

This is where I really should just ignore her, forget about her, and make new friends. Right?

― Doesn't Logged Out have an interesting life, Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:32 (twenty years ago)

Right.

― pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:36 (twenty years ago)

run for the hills.

― emsk ( emsk), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:37 (twenty years ago)

How many mentalist signals do you need?

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:40 (twenty years ago)

this girl must be really hot, for you to bother with this rubbish

― terry lennox. (gareth), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:43 (twenty years ago)

you dont actually have to give up on her, just dont call or txt. she call you again in about 3 months, and do the same thing again

― terry lennox. (gareth), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:44 (twenty years ago)

Do you have pets, logged out?

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:45 (twenty years ago)

Yes, as it happens.

― Doesn't Logged Out lead an interesting life, Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:47 (twenty years ago)

grow one ball

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:48 (twenty years ago)

Dude, yeah. Drop this annoying attention hound.

― Big Loud Mountain Ape (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:54 (twenty years ago)

the 'fuck you' e-mail

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 19:57 (twenty years ago)

she sounds like a psycho girl.

― clodia pulchra (emo by proxy), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 20:47 (twenty years ago)

In the beginning I thought, if you've left her one message, why did you attempt to contact her a further two times when she obviously doesn't want to do whatever it is you're calling her about?

Now I think you should, word for word, tell her to stuff her phone phears up her hole, and her "friendship" along with them.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Don't contact her again. Go to the wedding and meet a nice girl with a proper heart.

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:03 (twenty years ago)

If you don't drop her this time the question will really be "who's more psycho?"

― Evanston Wade (EWW), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 00:10 (twenty years ago)

"I don't want to go anyway," she texts back, "because you're selfish and I don't want to be friends with you any more."

Why do I get the feeling we're not being told the whole story here? I'm sorry but people generally DONT react this way unless its for a reason, even so-called "nutty" ones. To go back to yr original post:More friends are going to be in the area today, so I texted her yesterday to ask if she wanted to come along too. No answer. This morning I tried phoning her; no answer either. I tried calling a second time an hour or so later

Sorry but for a lot of people, this is just too pushy when you hardly know someone. Sure her reaction was way OTT also, but I would have been annoyed by a txt and 2 phone calls within 24 hours. If I dont answer you its probably because I'm busy!

Why is she calling you selfish? You did or said something you ain't mentioned for that reaction, come on.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 01:23 (twenty years ago)

you overpursued early and she backed off, i'm guessing? i don't think the last part of that second sentence is entirely OTM, without knowing the situation at all...

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 01:28 (twenty years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29357

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 12:29 (twenty years ago)

give it up, she sounds like a bit of a tit.

― the kit! (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 13:14 (twenty years ago)

I have a funny feeling that Trayce may be OTM here.

But it doesn't matter, regardless, it's time for this to be over. You're clearly not bringing out the best in each other.

― She's In Parties (kate), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 13:19 (twenty years ago)

see? i'm right.

― the kit! (g-kit), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 13:21 (twenty years ago)

I agree with Trayce - it's easy and comforting to say "she's just being mental" without assessing what it is you might be doing to prompt this reaction.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 13:25 (twenty years ago)

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