Taking sides: Pasta Sex vs. Burger Sex

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I just read this dichotomy somewhere on the web. No idea of its provenance. But it's meaning is clear, I think. Pasta.

― Nick, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Its meaning is totally unclear to me, unless you're talking pesto vs ketchup as sex aids.

― Tom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is it something to do with cheese?

― Pete, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So long as it's not fresh pasta or easicook pasta.

You see this is based on the premise that burgers are quicker than pasta. But what if there is a big queue in McDonalds? Or you are making the burger yourself from real meat? Pasta can be very quick e.g. bowl of penne with pesto sauce, or very slow and laborious e.g. if you made your own then made a lasagne out of it.

Maybe it means would you rather shag an Italian or an American? I would have to say American cos they speak English and Italians are shorter (in general) - I have a theory that nations who eat a lot of rice as a staple tend to be shorter than, say, bread eating nations / races (rice = Spanish, Italians, Chinese, Japanese etc; bread = Scandinavians. See?).

― Emma, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Emma, I think your theory is more about climate and latitude than race... rice doesn't grow in certain climates, and neither do tall people. Because tall people absorb too much of the sun. Or something like that. Are we going to start talking about lactose intolerance again?

I still don't understand the question...

― masonic boom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Can I have penne with pesto, olives, pinenuts? Hold the sex, though.

― chris, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kate, my theory is clearly based on sound science fact and one day society will be very grateful to me for discovering that rice makes you short.

I think it would be easier to eat a burger during sex than pasta.

― Emma, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i totally don't get this q. Food + sex = GROSS.

― duane, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Right, no strawberries and whipped cream for Duane, then...

― masonic boom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think it's about more than speed of preparation. Pasta Sex is loving or playful sex. Burger sex is, in some meaty way, 'the real deal' according to its proponents. I read about it in Philip Roth books.

― Nick, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Microwave everything, who's got time to mess about?

― tarden, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Does anyone else begin to suspect that Philip Roth would be really really bad in bed?

― Tom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There's also the third option: pastrami sex, as perfected by George Costanza.

― Nick, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You can also read about liver sex in Philip Roth books. I think I'd go for pasta.

― Sam, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like my sex slow and langerous. I want it to take all morning or most of the evening . Is that pasta sex ?

― anthony, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yeah that is pasta sex. I think burger sex is Fuck 'n' Go.

― Sam, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Even burgers take too long to arrive and too long to eat. Sex Packets!

― tarden, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Anthony - I reckon that's pot roast sex.

― Pete, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I refer you all to my original comments re-relative time to prepare said foodstuffs.

But I eat everything very quickly (this is my dad's fault as when we were kids if we weren't eating fast enough he'd say 'oh, don't you want that' and nab it from our plates). Maybe there is an issue relating to length of time taken to prepare (=foreplay) and length of time taken to eat (=actual shagging) as well as considering after effects such as indigestion or flatulence (=STIs) or pleasant satiation (=afterglow).

― Emma, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I still maintain it's all about pasta=nice, burger=nasty. As Emma says, pasta can be very quick. Maybe it would be better to call it pasta sex vs. steak sex.

― Nick, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

didn't claire bloom write a book about how bad philip roth was in bed? or was her book about how he was a wife-beating jerk? either way, the counterlife is still great (and handles sex intelligently!)

― fred solinger, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Does the pasta-nice / burger-nasty thing mean nice = good / nasty = bad or nice = very straight missionary position type deal / nasty = kinky stuff?

Trying to think of pasta / saucy type gag but can't be arsed.

― Emma, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

More 'nice = very straight missionary position type deal / nasty = kinky stuff', but a bit more complicated than that. More about psychology than position.

― Nick, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like Phillip Roth as a writer but i have always supected he was a bit of an asshole.

― anthony, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Poor old Nick. This is turning into ILE's equivalent of the conversational songs thread: oh this is so self-explanatory...[spends next 20 posts explaining]. Still it's a few more strokes of the stats cock.

― Tom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The problem is that the distinction is completely bogus - why choose? Have both, and liver sex and pot roast sex and vol au vent sex and shrimp sex too (though not dolphin sex, sorry Stevie). It reminds me of the classic Use Other Opinions Please dinner party bore line re. sex and violence "But good sex is always violent" smirk smirk.

― Tom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Maybe whoever thought up the dichotomy in the first place should've thought about the pitfalls of their comparison first and then they might've come up with more appropriate foodstuffs e.g. gravlax (which must be marinaded for days) vs. toast.

― Emma, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Did someone mention dolphin sex?

― chris, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The problem is though that I can go down Tescos and buy gravadlax and somebody else has done the marinading for me (is this like prostitution though?). So it would have to be something you can't get off the shelf. Salmagundy, Mark?

Egg soup sex = worst form.

― Tom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Never fuck a burger.

― Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Supermarket sex vs. deli sex?

(The staff are usually better looking in delis if that helps).

― Emma, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, Tom. But the difference is I don't really know what I'm on about with this thread myself. The 'pasta sex'/'burger sex' thing came from an amateur mini-review of Thomas Pynchon's 'V' to be found here. Actually no, sod it. Google it yourself. I like the idea of him suddenly getting loads of "pasta sex" "burger sex" site referrals and getting really freaked out.

Did I invent that 'use other opinions, please' thing earlier on today? I like it when I start something.

― Nick, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't know Emma, there's something about supermarket girls....hmm, maybe your comparison is a good one.

― Tom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

pene means dick in spanish, so I'd go for the pasta, with a nice bun, hold the sesame seeds.

― Geoff, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It is appropriate for women to use cucumbers in their life -hole

― Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

In what circumstances is it appropriate to shove a cucumber up your fanny pray tell? (Assuming that's what 'life hole' means). And what has that got to do with anything anyway?

― Emma, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Thread of the day already. On a serious level, Tom's right. It's about VARIETY. But on the flipside, what does it mean if you have meatless veggie burger sex? And I thought it was already clear Roth was a moron.

Mike -- I don't want to know.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I hear the girls on deli counters in supermarkets are *very* sexy.

I also hear champagne sex is very good, but it makes me think of Peter Stringfellow.

― Madchen, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Life hole is the vagina you buffoon. Unles s your shat is alive! There are always tales in high school of "The girl with the hotdog in her cunt"

― Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Your shat is indeed alive if you've ever had an undercooked burger (e coli and all that).

― Steven James, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think the classic fanny/fanny transatlantic misunderstanding has occurred.

― Tom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DO explain.

― Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

USA: fanny = bottom.

UK: fanny = front bottom.*

So you and Emma are in agreement as to the organ though not its cucumber interface.

*incidentally is there a worse euphemism for anything ever than this?

― Tom, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

er... dolphins? anyone?

― chris, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Variety is the spice of life (oh shit, I used a cliche!) so clearly pasta & burger both, and all of above apart from the dolphins and whatever else is iffy. Odd, amorphous question, anyhow, and clearly w/o meaning Mr. Dastoor. (Pedant check: not that meaning nec. required.)

― AP, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Faggot and Fanny..two words that just dont make it across the atlantic

― Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Thank you for clearing that up Tom. I assumed that our US chums were aware of the different meaning over here and would realise that as I am English that I would use the English meaning and not start HAVING A GO. But it seems I was wrong.

― Emma, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wow. Clearing that fanny/fanny translation up has suddenly made many things from england much dirtier.

― Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dolphins would probably = Starkist Tuna Sex

― masonic boom, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Fanny. I never knew this either, and the whole thing is weirding me out. It's not that people here really, very often, use the word at all - to mean bum or anything else - but I think we're all under the impression that it *does* mean that over there. Some people are even NAMED Fanny you know? This is too much.

― Kim, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I believe (and some cockerney or Mark S will probably point me wrong) that Fanny was originally a name. I'm guessing Fanny Addams became rhyming slang for something, with different connotations when it was shipped to the states.

― masonic boom, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well yeah, Kim. Although the name Fanny does illicit the odd, tired snigger, by and large we just accept that some women used to be called Fanny and y'know, you just get on with things. I mean the weirdness/humour wears thin after a while. Are you freaked out by men being called 'Dick' as well?

― Nick, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I used to babysit for a girl called Fanny. Her life was just great... and then she started school. It took less than a year before her parents sent her to another school and she became known by the rather less bully-worthy Helene.

― Madchen, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I still cannot believe that the Yanks didn't know about our slang! They are clearly not Anglophiles at all.

― Emma, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Trainers - sneakers. Odd

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I've had quite a few awkward American fanny experiences. I remember going on a trip to London with lots of Americans from college, to see a West End show. I'd given my coat to one of the shorter American girls to sit on, so she could boost her chair and see properly, but didn't tell her I had an unopened can of coke in the pocket, which she'd been sitting on. I told her during the show's interval, and she loudly exclaimed, in a southern accent, 'Damn Paul, you've made my fanny sore.' Everyone in the theatre just stared. Urgh.

― Paul Strange, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DO you think they admired yoru suposed supercock or were repulsed at your suposed VD?

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sneakers = name of 26-mile foot race in Mexico.

― mark s, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh dear.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The name Dick is just fine as so long as it's not juxtaposed with a last name that's unnavoidably image suggestive, such as Dick Armey or Dick Pound. Yeah?

I'm coming off as a total prude here aren't I? heh. Funny. It's just that I used my real name somewhere on these boards, and there are those co-workers, future bosses, nosey family members on the internet to think of - you know the deal.

― Kim, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Other names that don't travel from America to the UK - first name 'Randy', surname 'Ponce'. Presume that the surname Pratt is not a source of schoolkid mirth in the US.

― Andrew Littlefield, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Pram ?? Lorry??

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two weeks pass...

I have just choked over my Coke as I thought of the possibility of some poor kid called 'Randy Ponce' moving to the UK. Is 'Ponce' really a surname?

― Nick, Thursday, 2 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

what is this thread about?

― fred solinger, Thursday, 2 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

How much Mike is in love with me, just like every other thread.

― Ally Ponce, Thursday, 2 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The name Dick is just fine as so long as it's not juxtaposed with a last name that's unnavoidably image suggestive, such as Dick Armey or Dick Pound. Yeah?

I'm surprised no one's mentioned a particular dead horse David Letterman loved smacking around - some small-town politician blessed with the name DICK ASSMAN.

― David Raposa, Thursday, 2 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

five months pass...

I still don't think we've got to the bottom of this.

― N., Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

there's a shit comic book artist named randy queen.

― ethan, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i still say the best comic name is Gene Poole. She works at the supermarket near my house.

― Ronan, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is Burger Sex rockist sex? If so I think I get it.

― Tom, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Burgers mentioned in Chuck Berry's "Back in the USA" = rockist, sure. And it *is* Chuck Berry we're talking about.

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

five years pass...

This thread = awesome

― HI DERE, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:28 (eighteen years ago)

It is appropriate for women to use cucumbers in their life -hole

-- Mike Hanle y, Monday, July 16, 2001 8:00 PM (Monday, July 16, 2001 8:00 PM) Bookmark Link

― HI DERE, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:32 (eighteen years ago)

beats the hell out of Dick-Sized Lovehole, anyway

― kenan, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:33 (eighteen years ago)

Depends on the dick-size.

― HI DERE, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:38 (eighteen years ago)

and how hard you beat it

― kenan, Friday, 25 May 2007 19:41 (eighteen years ago)

Clumsy stupid half-incoherent metaphors: C/D?

― Aimless, Friday, 25 May 2007 23:58 (eighteen years ago)

"half"

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 25 May 2007 23:59 (eighteen years ago)

BURGER SEX OF COURSE!

(CHUCKLEHEADS)

― the next grozart, Saturday, 26 May 2007 03:27 (eighteen years ago)

Can't I have both?

― Trayce, Saturday, 26 May 2007 06:46 (eighteen years ago)

Why, of course you can my dear Trayce. But not simultaneously. Unless you can afford the hook-up and transaction fees. And the cleaning deposit.

― Aimless, Saturday, 26 May 2007 17:35 (eighteen years ago)

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