Does the collective wisdom of ILE feel like dispensing any dating advice for me?

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Serving last Friday one week ago at my restaurant, a particularly beautiful girl and her mother sat in my section. When I went to take her order, the mother didn't speak at all and the girl explained that she is visiting from Belarus and speaks no English. So, I did my usual server routine, but I made a lot of conversation with her. I sat down at the table for some time, getting up at different invtervals to you know, actually serve. She asked about what I do -- undergrad, study English, Peace Corps later (hopefully), law school later (hopefully), etc. I asked about her -- studying at the community college for some medical thing I don't really understand, and works at a restaurant too! This cheap Greek place called Circle-G in a really industrial area here that only serves lunch and basically exists for the factory workers. I ask her when she's working next so I can go visit her: "Um, I think the next time is a Thursday. I'm not sure? I'm not working much since my mom is visiting."

The entire time we're talking, I eventually work out the courage to ask her out. The entire conversation, she's teaching me some Russian words here and there. A new table sits down that I have to greet, so I tell her that I need to get up again, but I want one more quick lesson before I go. "So, how do you say, 'how would you like to go out for a drink or something sometime?'" She kind of laughs and turns to look at her mom, sort of embarrassed. She then tels me how you say it and I ask, "So, how do you say 'yes'?" She does the laugh thing again, tells me "Da," and I tell her something along the lines of, "Okay, so I'll leave it at that!" and then go to serve my other table.

Before they leave, I talk with her more, friendly conversation, etc, but she never says anything relating to going out. The only hope she gives me is that before she leaves she asks my name again since she didn't catch it when I first introduced myself. They leave and I inspect the table for a phone number or something, but alas -- nothing.

Anyways, I decide to be persistent. One of my goals for 2006 is to improve my love life from the disaster that was '05, so it's time to get started. Two days ago, Thursday, about a week after I met her, I go to Circle-G for lunch with a friend. My first impression: she looks shocked in a negative way. His impression: she looks shocked in a very happy way. She serves us, we talk some more. Before we leave, I ask her, "So, Al35ia (probably spelled wrong already...), when are we going to go out?"
Her: "Um, I'm not really sure. My classes just started again, and my mom is in town until the 20th, so I need to be with her."
Me: "Okay, so how about I get a phone number?"
Her: "Okay. [#]"

My friend's interpretation: Dude, you got it! High5! Fuck yeah, bro!
Me: I don't know? I can't tell if she's really interested. It seems sort of like maybe she was just on the spot and felt too shy to turn me down. Or maybe it's just my cynic self-consciousness speaking.

So, collective wisdom of ILE: what should I do now? Girls, is she interested or am I likely wasting my time and hers? If I should call, when? I want to be respectful and wait until her mother is out of town, or will soon be, because after all, how often can Belarussians afford to visit the US? I'm guessing the answer is "not often." But is that too long to wait to call? I'm not sure where to take it from here. I suck at dating.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Saturday, 7 January 2006 19:20 (twenty years ago)

dude. ring her on the 22nd or 23rd. it's not too long to wait. if she isn't interested, you'll soon know: she won't agree to meet you.

and if you meet someone else before that who you like more: cool.

don't ring her before that.

er, that's it.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Saturday, 7 January 2006 19:25 (twenty years ago)

I try to be optimistic and everything, but I really doubt I'm going to meet somebody else I like enough to ask out on a date in the next ~15 days. Do these things happen that frequently for normal people?

― Mickey (modestmickey), Saturday, 7 January 2006 19:28 (twenty years ago)

depends. it happens every single day to one of my friends. to another, it hasn't happened once in the past four years. i think it's what you call a question of perception ;)

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Saturday, 7 January 2006 19:38 (twenty years ago)

Girls, is she interested or am I likely wasting my time and hers?

It's almost as if you had something against wasting time. Dude, wasting time is the very essence of hooking up. The sooner you get to wasting it, the sooner you'll succeed.

― Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 7 January 2006 19:55 (twenty years ago)

Wait until her mother leaves, then call. She gave you her number, dude. You will regret this later if you don't at least give it a shot. This is very essence of things people regret not doing.

― Laura H. (laurah), Saturday, 7 January 2006 20:24 (twenty years ago)

sounds like you were so overt that you've made her uncomfortable (even if she is interested). your approach was rather strong and probably put a lot of pressure on her.
maybe she's the type that would respond better to "hey you're cool, you seem like someone i'd like to know, maybe we can talk some more again" than "I WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU I WANT TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE".
there is a difference. but if you don't know, i'm not about to try to explain. good luck in '06!

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Saturday, 7 January 2006 21:01 (twenty years ago)

Attempted mind-reading is doomed to frustration. Alls you can do is call her once her Mum's left the country.

― Excelsior Syndrum (noodle vague), Saturday, 7 January 2006 21:05 (twenty years ago)

There's a lot of wisdom in this thread already....

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Saturday, 7 January 2006 21:09 (twenty years ago)

oh, other than that. i say give it a week, then call and say "hi, i just wanted to give you my phone number too, because as you said, you're starting classes and your mother is in town... so perhaps when you have some free time if you're interested in having coffee or getting out, i'd love to hear from you."

seriously, being jokey about asking a girl out while asking her out is not good. especially asking her to tell you how to ask her out in a different language then accepting a date with her when she politely responds to your lameness as if she was asking you out. no offense, maybe it was charming. who knows.

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Saturday, 7 January 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

This cheap Greek place called Circle-G in a really industrial area here that only serves lunch and basically exists for the factory workers.

sounds lovely.

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 7 January 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

Can you come up with something unique and interesting that she might want to take her mom to (gallery/museum/exhibit/...)? If so, call her up and suggest it. If they are interested, take them. You get to spend time with her getting acquainted and she gets to spend time with her mom.

― Jaq (Jaq), Saturday, 7 January 2006 22:15 (twenty years ago)

i can't think of anything worse than going out on a date for the first time and taking my mother with. that's a horrible, horrible idea.

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Saturday, 7 January 2006 22:20 (twenty years ago)

heh ;) I was projecting. If it were my mom, I'd be glad of anything to distract her and give me a bit of a break. But, yeah - never mind that one Mickey, except as a categorically Bad Plan.

― Jaq (Jaq), Saturday, 7 January 2006 22:45 (twenty years ago)

Unless her mom is really hot.

― Freud Junior, Third Cousin to Chuck Norris (Freud Junior), Saturday, 7 January 2006 23:18 (twenty years ago)

Punish her pussy well then dump the bitch.

― dawg sez, Saturday, 7 January 2006 23:20 (twenty years ago)

Unless her mom is really hot

Well then just offer to take her mom somewhere while she's busy with classes and working and all. Then get one bumpersticker that says "My other ride is your mom" and put that on your car. Guaranteed to win her heart.

― Jaq (Jaq), Saturday, 7 January 2006 23:25 (twenty years ago)

Where is ian reise-morraine to sort this out?!

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Sunday, 8 January 2006 00:34 (twenty years ago)

At least you asked her out. I must have a gene missing because I just don't know how you could do that to a stranger. Is it only me that has such a dread of making unwanted advances that it's impossible for me to even make any advances at all? The idea of 'coming onto someone' is incomprehensible to me. Say that you fancied someone who worked behind the counter of a local restaurant. And that you felt positive that someone so lovely must already have a boyfriend. And that she only smiled at you a lot cos you were a paying customer and that was her job. How on earth could you feel confident enough to broach the subject of a date. And even if you thought she might be interested, what kind of thing are you supposed to say?

(Yes, this isn't just a hypothetical. So I just go there every night and buy ridiculously over-priced take-aways but never say much beyond from 'thanks very much')

― clueless, Sunday, 8 January 2006 01:32 (twenty years ago)

yer in there. Reel it in.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 8 January 2006 07:24 (twenty years ago)

i can't think of anything worse than going out on a date for the first time and taking my mother with. that's a horrible, horrible idea.
-- nein Socken (sometimes_...) (webmail), January 7th, 2006. (nein Socken)

Thank God. I was about to post something along the lines of "please don't tell me I'm the only one who thinks this is a terrible idea."

― Mickey (modestmickey), Sunday, 8 January 2006 07:36 (twenty years ago)

You're not the only one. Missing from this thread is the self congratulations of "oh my god, I can't believe I did that!" And, to counterpoint nein Socken about "being jokey," the girl friends I told about it thought it was charming and smooth! One of them, rating it on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being Usher (who I imagine is the epitome of smooth) gave me an 8!

Anyways, yeah, this is definitely something out of the ordinary for me. Since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend a year ago, I've hardly advanced any girls at all. I guess it helps that the restaurant is a comfort zone for me since I have fun there, work with my friends, and spend a lot of time there. So rather than being in enemy territory, ie your situation, I got the extra confidence boost from being on my turf.

Anyways, thanks for the advice people. The most important question that remains unanswered for me is, is it not rude to wait so long to call her? I thought the general rule when getting a phone number is, don't call too soon (look desperate) or wait too long (look apathetic). Girls usually tell me "3 days." So, is waiting almost two weeks to call her not breaking the rules of etiquette?

― Mickey (modestmickey), Sunday, 8 January 2006 07:43 (twenty years ago)

if she said her mom is in town until the 20th, it's sort of rude to call her before then, and definitely not rude to wait until then. HOWEVER, she might be flattered by your persistence, and decide that rudeness is less important than the earnest interest you show.

im torn - its a toss-up AFAIC.

― don't start a RYE-OTT! (plsmith), Sunday, 8 January 2006 07:49 (twenty years ago)

Well, my friend's convinced me that I should try calling soon. They all thought that was more appropriate, so tonight I tried calling her. I asked, "So, I was wondering if sometime soon you'd be free for lunch?" (or something like that).

She said, "Oh, not yet, my mom is still in town. But I will write down your number, I will call you when it is a better time."

Woe is me. I'm interpretting that as a friendly rejection. I may be wrong, but at least I don't have to do anything now. Sigh.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 02:09 (twenty years ago)

whatever, dude.

― howell huser (chaki), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 03:23 (twenty years ago)

I dunno, you might get that call. Definitely don't phone again though, even if she never calls. Good work on the initial smoove-talking though, that's very impressive.

I really doubt I'm going to meet somebody else I like enough to ask out on a date in the next ~15 days.

You'd be surprised.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 11:10 (twenty years ago)

I think the 'how to ask someone out in Russian' thing was a cute move :)

It could be friendly rejection or it could be what she already told you several times - her mother is in town (and you don't know what relationship they have so she might genuinely need to be free of all other commitments) and she will arrange to meet up with you after the 20th. No need to read more into it.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 13:21 (twenty years ago)

If she wasn't interested at all, she would have given you a fake phone number.

Don't hassle her again until after her mother leaves, or you'll probably annoy her.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 13:48 (twenty years ago)

I think the 'how to ask someone out in Russian' thing was a cute move :)

Thank you! Fuck the haters

― Mickey (modestmickey), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 19:21 (twenty years ago)

I know a sweet girl named Marissa who's available, Mickey.

― Confounded (Confounded), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 19:41 (twenty years ago)

This reminds me, I need to write that 19-year-old back.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 19:44 (twenty years ago)

nine months pass...

10 MONTH ANNIVERSARY BUMP

― Confounded (Confounded), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:32 (nineteen years ago)

9 MONTH OOPS

― Confounded (Confounded), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:33 (nineteen years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00004TJUB.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

YSI?

― benrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:47 (nineteen years ago)

www.thepamperedprisoner.com

― Confounded (Confounded), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 18:59 (nineteen years ago)

After reading the whole saga I've kinda gotta know what happened.

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 22:27 (nineteen years ago)

What a stud. You sure passed that test! Congratulations on being so "successful".

― what does it mean to you? (section241), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 23:05 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

Dude, you got it! High5! Fuck yeah, bro!

― sanskrit, Monday, 12 November 2007 16:14 (eighteen years ago)

Where is ian reise-morraine to sort this out?!

-- GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Sunday, 8 January 2006 00:34 (1 year ago) Bookmark Link

^^^appropriate response to any ILX thread

― Dom Passantino, Monday, 12 November 2007 16:15 (eighteen years ago)

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