wtf x 3

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1/ I am driving home. Scott Mills (creepy uk radio 1 dj) is on the radio. A man has phoned in to tell him, and his listeners a story. He has had to run to catch a train after a heavy night out. Whilst running for the train he has shat in his pants. He describes - in a boastful manner - removing his soiled underpants and throwing them out of then train window, then attempting to clean the shit off his trousers. It is disgusting. If I had been the dj, I would have said WTF KIND OF IMBECILE PHONES A RADIO STATION TO BOAST ABOUT SHITTING THEMSELVES ON A RAILWAY STATION PLATFORM? GET THE FUCK OFF MY SHOW, YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD WEIRDO and hung up on him. Creep Mills, big surprise, lapped it up. I turned the radio off, it was just too revolting to listen to it any more.

2/ A large billboard poster has appeared on the wall at the top of our block. It is for a sky tv show, it appears to be yet another television pathologist-detective opera, a genre which seems to owe much of its popularity w/comissioning editors to the fact that a/Patricia Cornwell's "scarpetta" novels are popular bestsellers and b/Cornwell herself will not sell film/tv rights to her characters & stories. The text on the poster reads "their eyes met over the decomposing corpse of a homicide victim" The picture shows a man and a woman looking at each other. The woman is holding a severed decomposing leg. Is it prudish to think that this is perhaps overstepping the mark a bit? I don't want this pushed at me in giant billboard form! It’s not ok. It is, in fact, unbelievably gross, crass, stupid and vulgar.

3/ I am listening to the radio on the way in to work. On the news bit, they briefly talk about a controversy on “Celebrity Big Brother”. That woman who’s act was that she was like Jordan, but her large breasts were not silicone-enhanced has upbraided Pete Burns, because he has a fur garment of some sort. I imagine that watching this on TV must have been like seeing the cute little kitten happily gamboling past the “achtung minen” signpost. Burns has riposted by saying that the fur garment is made with the fur of an endangered species, possibly he has said it is made of gorilla fur. People are outraged by this, apparently. It would appear that people are either a/taking what Burns says at face value or, more likely, b/knowing full well that Burns is a wind up merchant, pretending to take what he said at face value, so they can grandstand about it in a self-righteous manner. An MP is briefly quoted on the radio, saying that Burns could face a fine for wearing gorilla fur. The MP is either stupider than a cockroach, has no class/dignity whatsoever, or some combination of the
two.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:15 (twenty years ago)

meeeja be dumb.

don't worry.

― Wogan Lenin (dog latin), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:21 (twenty years ago)

Don't listen to Radio 1.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:21 (twenty years ago)

The text on the poster reads "their eyes met over the decomposing corpse of a homicide victim" The picture shows a man and a woman looking at each other. The woman is holding a severed decomposing leg. Is it prudish to think that this is perhaps overstepping the mark a bit?

OK, I watch (or used to watch) CSI and stuff like that all the time, but I found the billboards a bit excessive.

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:22 (twenty years ago)

Radio 4 is worse! I should try to tune into R3, I suppose.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:23 (twenty years ago)

I imagine that watching this on TV must have been like seeing the cute little kitten happily gamboling past the “achtung minen” signpost

a slightly scarily scabby kitten, but yes: otherwise you're dead on.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:23 (twenty years ago)

it appears to be yet another television pathologist-detective opera

There can't be too many of these. Actually I'm wrong because I'm having difficulty following all the shows as some seem to overlap. :-( I need to get a DVD recorder.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:25 (twenty years ago)

dude! complain about 1 & 2 to the authorities! do it!

― i am not a nugget (stevie), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:26 (twenty years ago)

I did think about doing some act of mark pauline-ish poster aleteration to 2, but I couldn't think of anything funny :(

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:28 (twenty years ago)

Haha, no. 1 is like internet message boards where people pee themselves online. Oh, wait...

― NickB (NickB), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:35 (twenty years ago)

Number 1 is hilarious! I ROFL'd so hard I shat myself

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:39 (twenty years ago)

maybe it was Garu G phoning in.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:41 (twenty years ago)

Someone should actually do that! "I DID A POO IN ME GRAN'S FLANGE" we could all rofl @ mill's confusion afterwards.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:43 (twenty years ago)

i had the misfortune to hear scott mills's show just before christmas, in the car on a day off. it was astoundingly shit. i was also creeped out by the way he kept saying: "love you" to everybody who called in.

but yes, judging by the mentality of the callers i heard, someone ringing up to say: "ROFFLES I SHAT MY OWN KEKS THEN THREW THEM OUT THE WINDEE" would be par for the course.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:52 (twenty years ago)

Isn't it Mills who has that nasty segment where they broadcast tapes of people thinking they're leaving a voicemail for someone they fancy?

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:56 (twenty years ago)

The Pete Burns story: Apparently, some govt minister is calling for him to be jailed about it.

xpost, yeah but the voices are re-recorded.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:57 (twenty years ago)

is that tv show Bones? David B's new thing after Angel? haven't seen the posters.

kate, all the new episodes of CSI have finished but we get 4 repeats a week (or something). but...

SPOILERS. (can i still do white text on white to hide text? let's see.)

callie quit CSI miami last week and horatio's brother turned up alive.

― koogs (koogs), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:00 (twenty years ago)

no! apologies.

― koogs (koogs), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:01 (twenty years ago)

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

PLEASE DO MORE PROPER WARNINGS OF SPOILERS THAN THAT!!! ARRRGGGHH!!!

What on earth? Where has Horatio's brother BEEN? (Is he also ginger and pointy nosed and EEEEVIL?)

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:02 (twenty years ago)

Oh I SOOO Want to excelsior those last three posts!

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:08 (twenty years ago)

I love Pashmina. I really like Scott Mills, I like pathologist-policeman operas (not that I ever watch them, or any tele), and Gorilla fur is the new black.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:10 (twenty years ago)

(And can they get Jared Harris to play him? Except he doesn't do telly, bah.)

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:13 (twenty years ago)

... and what of shitty trousers? (xpost)

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:13 (twenty years ago)

callie quit CSI miami last week and horatio's brother turned up alive.

I hope they BEGGED her to stay. I am gutted :(

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:16 (twenty years ago)

Why did Calleigh quit, anyway?

Since you're spoilering us, you might as well tell all.

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:19 (twenty years ago)

oh, god. the pete burns thing has escalated into this? jodie marsh is a vegetarian and anti-fur and had a go at him for his jacket, which is monkey fur. she said that people who killed animals for fur are murderers, and burns went off on one - "you called me a murderer! wah!". then george galloway waded in with something about eskimos. going from this to criminal charges is flabbergasting.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:20 (twenty years ago)

Who CARES about Celebrity Big Brother? Tell me more about the EVIL ANTI-GINGER'S EVEN MORE EVIL BROTHER!!!

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:21 (twenty years ago)

George Galloway has a brother?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:23 (twenty years ago)

George Galloway isn't ginger.

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:24 (twenty years ago)

Tell me more about the EVIL ANTI-GINGER'S EVEN MORE EVIL BROTHER!!!

isn't this what the obsessive interests thread is for?

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:24 (twenty years ago)

George Galloway isn't ginger ALLEGEDLY - can't be too careful with the litigious (spelling?) Georgie

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:25 (twenty years ago)

xpst but is he anti-ginger?

Actually, first rule of comedy, don't analyse it. (Second is: Be funny, but this is the WTF thread so)

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:26 (twenty years ago)

It specifically mentions CSI up there. I am ON TOPIC!!!

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:27 (twenty years ago)

me too!

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:28 (twenty years ago)

OK, so valid topics are
1) shit
2) scarpetta
3) Gorilla coats.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:31 (twenty years ago)

That radio show sounds like the end of civilization.

― Dan (WTF) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:33 (twenty years ago)

(Is he also ginger and pointy nosed and EEEEVIL?)

No, he's not actually. He's a *purteee* man.

Here they showed up until this (and some more epis) and then suddenly went back to the time Speedle (or whatever his name was) was still alive. I was terribly confused. "WTF, he came back from the dead! Just like Horatio's brother!" :-)

That radio show actually seems shitty.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:34 (twenty years ago)

Pictures, please. Is he prettier than Wolfe? Prettier than Jared Harris?

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:37 (twenty years ago)

I had the misfortune to hear the same segment of the Scott Mills show as Pash, but didn't turn it off. Afterwards they (Mills and Mark "Chappers" Chapman) discussed whether the story was actually true or not - mainly because neither of them believed that train toilets have windows that open.

"Chappers" then told the story of a big boy pissing in his trousers pocket at an REM arena show during 'Everybody Hurts'.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:44 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha okay "Chappers" sounds like he might be funny.

― Dan (Everyone's A Music Critic) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:45 (twenty years ago)

... Pete Buck's been misbehaving himself again I see

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:53 (twenty years ago)

wah!

different scouse pete, surely?

[ker-tish]

Hahaha okay "Chappers" sounds like he might be funny.

chappers himself isn't funny per se. someone pissing in his pocket, however, amuses me.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:02 (twenty years ago)

Stories about shitty trousers (sometimes involving train windows) are everywhere, sounds like your usual recycled urban myth to me.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:13 (twenty years ago)

All that's missing is the part where the guy gets off the train, rushes to a shop to buy a new suit, dumps his old trousers, then opens the bag from clothes shop to find that he's bought a jacket and no trousers

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:17 (twenty years ago)

does a vicar then come out of a wardrobe?

i looked up "trousers" on snopes, but was kinda distracted by this. holy fucking hell. and, er, NSFW either.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:27 (twenty years ago)

xpost yeah, that was the story I heared. Ostensibly, told by Spike Milligan about his manager at the time.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:34 (twenty years ago)

Every man who questions me imagines the initial pain to have been intense, but should realize that once the testis had been ripped out (gasp!) there was not the continuing discomfort one would experience from a first-class kick in the nuts!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:35 (twenty years ago)

Well, there's something to look forward to.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:37 (twenty years ago)

It's not that not safe for work. Medical images rather than pr0n. But still pretty wincing.

― Ah! The Feinbos! (kate), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:38 (twenty years ago)

Medical pr0n is still pr0n in my book

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:39 (twenty years ago)

An old man pissed in my wife's pocket once when she was tending to him at his bedside as a nurse. Dirty old cock.

― NickB (NickB), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 15:41 (twenty years ago)

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 19:02 (twenty years ago)

WTF is up with people in the UK pissing in pockets????

― Dan (Logistical Nightmare) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 19:07 (twenty years ago)

It's this thing.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 19:10 (twenty years ago)

I heard Dadaismus' story too, I heard Sam Torrance tell it, either on telly or at a dinner thing, or else someone told me they'd heard Sam Torrance tell it at a dinner thing. Sam Torrance was involved somewhere anyway, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't him without the trousers.

The only things I have ever heard of Scott Mills are from Pashmina ranting about him on ILE. This in itself is enough for me NEVER to turn over to Radio 1 just to be on the safe side.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 19:14 (twenty years ago)

A few months ago, in the same week in which binge drinking was in the headlines, I turned on R1 to hear Scott Mills (think it was him anyway) ask people to ring in with their stories of how trashed they'd got at the weekend. I could hardly believe it. I don't know if this kind of thing has a normalising effect or not, but I was just shocked that R1 would let him do it. It seemed to be a weekly feature.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:17 (twenty years ago)

I've never heard of scott mills

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:24 (twenty years ago)

i bet he's never heard of you, either.

― snowkitten (g-kit), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:28 (twenty years ago)

I mean, there seemed to be like a "winner" - the person who had the longest blackouts, did the most shameful things etc.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:28 (twenty years ago)

He is an unbelievably awful dj. This is what I have to listen to just so I can hear chart pop on the way home from work.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:32 (twenty years ago)

are you trying to tell me there are no ILX "i got really fucked up last night and did this silly thing lol" threads?

― snowkitten (g-kit), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:32 (twenty years ago)

He is so bad that if I'm working late, and I get to hear the beginning of Zane Lowe's show, it comes as a relief!

(x-post greg there is a difference, but to appreciate it you'd have to actually listen to scott mills for a week or so)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:33 (twenty years ago)

We're not public service broadcasters. They have codes of conduct, charters, etc.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:38 (twenty years ago)

tell it to Points of View.

― snowkitten (g-kit), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:38 (twenty years ago)

that said, he played sk8r boi last night, which cheered me up somewhat.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:39 (twenty years ago)

My WTF? when I was at home were "public service/public interest" billboards at the sides of motorways urging presently-closeted or struggling paedos to seek help by dialling 1-800-PREVENT.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 14:43 (twenty years ago)

had to listen to annie mac last night and i dont think i can bear to listen to any raiod with talking outside of radio 4 again. the formula - jokes + wittering on +lame features + sidekick + pop music is entirely devoid of merit apart from the last aspect. People seem surprised when i say i dont listen to radio 1 ever, and that i dont seem to keep up with the charts, but its not because i dont like the music, its just that i cant tolerate the talking.

― ambrose (ambrose), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 15:22 (twenty years ago)

the pop music is one of the main reasons i don't listen to radio 1

― snowkitten (g-kit), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 15:26 (twenty years ago)

The worst music is the shit pete tong plays on a friday night. The "Essential selection". 100% devoid of fun, joy, love, merit etc. Apart from that, I like the music, for the most part.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 15:34 (twenty years ago)

i was just listening to the Essential Selection online for the first time in ages. only liked a couple of the tracks, am used to Tong's slick presentation so don't mind that - he really hasn't changed in 15 years, it's remarkable.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 15:36 (twenty years ago)

Just be glad you don't have to deal with American radio.

― killy (baby lenin pin), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 15:52 (twenty years ago)

american radio is amazing and you know it!

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Wednesday, 18 January 2006 02:13 (twenty years ago)

NO REGGAETON
NO CRED

― A BOLD QUAHOG (ex machina), Wednesday, 18 January 2006 02:21 (twenty years ago)

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