How Can I Make My Stools Firmer?

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No matter what, when, or how much I eat, my bowel movements are always pasty and dribbly. I'm going through yards of toilet paper, constantly have skidmarks in my underwear, and defecating is like squeezing a toothpaste tube, so I'm spending too much time in the bathroom and annoying my roommates. Seriously, help!

― Reject UFO, Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:35 (nineteen years ago)

I thought this thread would be about three legged seat upholstery.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:39 (nineteen years ago)

Is this an Allyzay thread?

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:41 (nineteen years ago)

Allyzay bait, I suspect.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:43 (nineteen years ago)

What are you eating?

― She's been known to sleep on piles of dry leaves... (papa november), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:43 (nineteen years ago)

METAMUCIL MOTHERFUCKERS

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:45 (nineteen years ago)

Sounds like the advice seeker has too much fibre in their diet.

― She's been known to sleep on piles of dry leaves... (papa november), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:47 (nineteen years ago)

yeah - just eat more meat innit.

avoid curries.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:50 (nineteen years ago)

http://ww3.primerica.com/public/graphics/stool.jpg

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:52 (nineteen years ago)

if this thread had been titled "soft landings", it would have been better "bait"

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:55 (nineteen years ago)

Yes.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:56 (nineteen years ago)

it's all up for debait really

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 11:59 (nineteen years ago)

de bait, i mean

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 12:00 (nineteen years ago)

mass

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 12:01 (nineteen years ago)

Can somebody help me? Because I have the opposite problem.

― LoneNut, Wednesday, 1 February 2006 13:11 (nineteen years ago)

Exchange recipes with Reject.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 13:15 (nineteen years ago)

eat more fruit

― ryan (ryan), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 20:26 (nineteen years ago)

Dear Reject UFO,

Have you tried sand? If that fails, supercool your asshole with liquid nitrogen, keep smiling, and hang in there!

― John Justen (johnjusten), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 20:40 (nineteen years ago)

http://funsmart.tv/audio/music/diarrhea/diarrhea_wallpaper.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 21:03 (nineteen years ago)

All Quikrete diet.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 21:06 (nineteen years ago)

electric jim: If Reject takes Metamucil, the situation will only get WORSE. Metamucil is to relive constipation, not the runs (which is sort of what you have Reject, all the time).

I would suggest more white bread, and meat, and less veg. Or Kaopectate. Maybe you should see a doctor, you might have IBS or another gastrointestinal disorder.

We're seriously taking about this? How EDUCATIONAL. And ADULT of us.

― SimplyTrish, Wednesday, 1 February 2006 22:38 (nineteen years ago)

the situation will only get WORSE

empirically completely untrue, but hey what works for me may not work for everyone

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 22:59 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.dirty-jersey.net/jap.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:10 (nineteen years ago)

And why is the lady with the puppy flipping us off?

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:13 (nineteen years ago)

too many hard stools=hemmerhoids so don't mess with a relatively good thing. Just wash those fudgy fingers

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:27 (nineteen years ago)

Electric Jim: why do you say empirically untrue? Metamucil is a dietary fibre supplement/therapy to relieve constipation. Says so right on the container - I read that shit, like, not even a WEEK ago at the drugstore.

Psyllium is a bulk-forming fiber. Other fibers that belong to the class of bulk-forming fibers are cellulose, methylcellulose, carboxymethylcellulose sodium, karaya, malt soup extract, polycarbophil, and wheat bran. Bulk-forming fibers are laxatives because of their water-holding properties. They exert their action primarily through mechanical effects by bulking the colonic contents and decreasing transit time.

That paragraph is right from the Metamucil website. www.metamucil.com

So if Reject is suffering from extremely soft and often stools, again, Metamucil will only exacerbate the problem. Granted, I'm not a fucking doctor, but Reject does not sound like he needs the equivalent of a laxative!

Clearly your system is unique to say the least. But if you want to get into empirically, please check your facts first or qualify your definition of "empirically".

Tremendoid has a good point too. You don't want hemmerhoids.

Eisbar - what I want to know is what the hell is in the foreground of the photo that has been blurred out? Is that what I think it is?! EW! The guy on the tiolet is kind of cute....

― SimplyTrish, Thursday, 2 February 2006 03:23 (nineteen years ago)

Bananas

― Rebekkah (burntbrat), Thursday, 2 February 2006 03:47 (nineteen years ago)

people take met@mucil every single day of their lives with no ill effects. it will probably help this situation.

fibre can't hurt you, so do your roomates and yourself a favour.

― Grell (Grell), Thursday, 2 February 2006 04:05 (nineteen years ago)

my experience and the TMI part i was hoping to avoid is that i had exactly the problem described in the first post and MM fixed the problem entirely, and helped with easing haemorrhoids as well. obviously you need to drink a reasonably decent amount of water along with it though.

if you have no experience to share of your own and you're just parroting received "wisdom" then please give it a rest.

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Thursday, 2 February 2006 04:28 (nineteen years ago)

how can i make my piss wetter?

― |l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l|l| (eman), Thursday, 2 February 2006 04:54 (nineteen years ago)

Not sand.

Perhaps you need more blood in your urine.

In which case, sand.

― John Justen (johnjusten), Thursday, 2 February 2006 04:59 (nineteen years ago)

Bananas
-- Rebekkah (burnt...), February 2nd, 2006 3:47 AM.

Her shit is bananas.

― Gwen Stefani (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 2 February 2006 11:18 (nineteen years ago)

lol ken c

I reccomend eating cheese and meat! cheese and meat!cheese and meat!cheese and meat!cheese and meat! - and Metamucil will help thee as well! Hee hee ! be merry in this way! Maybe you are allergic to sopmething you are always eating! maybe too much caffeine! maybe too much insoluable fiber!

― Latham Green (mike), Thursday, 2 February 2006 11:21 (nineteen years ago)

too much headshine

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 February 2006 11:36 (nineteen years ago)

if you have no experience to share of your own and you're just parroting received "wisdom" then please give it a rest - electic jim

EXCUSE ME. I do have experience and wisdom of my own. I only copied that paragraph because it quite succinctly put what I would have said otherwise. Which is also why I am telling you that Metamucil is supposed to do the opposite of solving the runs. And I am also AWARE Grell that you can take it every day - hence why it is called fibre THERAPY.

I'm glad Metamucil worked for you Electric Jim but I am not necessarily confident that it will work for Reject here. BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCE. Are you a fucking doctor? I thought not. Maybe you should go and read the bullying thread and quit with the sass.

― SimplyTrish, Thursday, 2 February 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

quit with the sass!

― gershy, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 05:35 (seventeen years ago)

gershy this revive will be your downfall yet

― kingfish, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 05:38 (seventeen years ago)

oh shit a bear

― El Tomboto, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 05:39 (seventeen years ago)

haha

i found drinking less alcohol helped

― electricsound, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 05:41 (seventeen years ago)

Are you a fucking doctor? I thought not.

― gershy, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 05:42 (seventeen years ago)

thaknig you

― strgn, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 05:43 (seventeen years ago)

http://chud.com/nextraimages/gg112804-25.jpg

― strgn, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 05:47 (seventeen years ago)

this bullying thread sounds interesting

― electricsound, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 05:49 (seventeen years ago)

SAND

― John Justen, Tuesday, 4 March 2008 06:01 (seventeen years ago)

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