New Rules For Vampires

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This is the 21st centurty goddamit, there must be some new rules since all that garlic/mirrors/sunlight stuff!

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 19:56 (twenty years ago)

1. Vanpires do not appear on CCTV

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 19:57 (twenty years ago)

2. Vampires are lactose intolerant

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 19:58 (twenty years ago)

3. vampires must only appear as post-modern incarnations in pop culture

― kingfish has gene rayburn's mic (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:01 (twenty years ago)

Vampires can post to message boards with leaving an IP address.

― Redd Harvest (Ken L), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:02 (twenty years ago)

That was
4.

― Redd Harvest (Ken L), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:02 (twenty years ago)

3. Vampires do not require permits for CB radios

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:05 (twenty years ago)

5. Garlic is now delicious

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:05 (twenty years ago)

23. Vapires no longer need to put thing in order

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:06 (twenty years ago)

4. Vampires are exepmt from the London congestion charge

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:06 (twenty years ago)

10. Vampires' complicated moral code forbids them from appearing on any television reality show.

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:07 (twenty years ago)

7. vampires must complain on their livejournals about all the other livejournalers pretending to be vampires

8. in post-soviet-dominated eastern europe, vampires are sucked by YOU

― kingfish has gene rayburn's mic (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:07 (twenty years ago)

12 or thereabouts. vampires can manifest AS message boards and suck on the vital energy of thousands

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:08 (twenty years ago)

13. Instead of talking like Bela Lugosi, all vampires now must talk like the Swedish Chef.

― antexit (antexit), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:08 (twenty years ago)

14. It's okay to wear a cardigan if you feel a bit nippy

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:09 (twenty years ago)

15. Don't bit vegans!

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:10 (twenty years ago)

14. All records released by vampires are ineligible for a Billboard chart placing.

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:10 (twenty years ago)

16. Slip, slap, slop

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:11 (twenty years ago)

17. vampires must make jel take this list seriously

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:12 (twenty years ago)

18 Vampires may claim high SPF sun cream as a business expense, and write it off against tax for that financial year

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:12 (twenty years ago)

19. Save a life! Give blood!

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:14 (twenty years ago)

*sigh* VAMPYRES! with a "y". I can't stand this blood sucking discrimination.

― Dom iNut (donut), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:14 (twenty years ago)

20. Vampires can adopt Vampyr babies

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:19 (twenty years ago)

21. Vampires may not give blood. Unless they really want to.

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:20 (twenty years ago)

22. Same sex vampire marriages are now legal in Denmark

― mei (mei), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:20 (twenty years ago)

23. But anti-vampire cartoons are still allowed

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:21 (twenty years ago)

22. Please do not patch up your victims necks with chewing gum, it's not very classy, is it?

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:21 (twenty years ago)

23. Vampires unable to get the jokes in Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson movies, no matter how many times they are explained.

― Marcel Post (Marcel Post), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:41 (twenty years ago)

24. Garlic out, cilantro in.
25. Biggest thread now is not blood loss but Vampire Flu virus.
26. Pursuant to #25 and awareness thereof, increased use of fangdoms.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:48 (twenty years ago)

27. Hot pink is the new black.

― melton mowbray (adr), Friday, 3 February 2006 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Coffins now stainless-steel executive type stuff from Sharper Image, none of that stuffy wood crap.

― adam (adam), Friday, 3 February 2006 21:06 (twenty years ago)

28. Lay of the LARP'ers, you're playing right into their hands.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 3 February 2006 21:07 (twenty years ago)

29. Goth rock, industrial and nu-metal out -- vampire rap in ("let's get CRUNK in this bloodsucker", etc.).

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 3 February 2006 21:08 (twenty years ago)

30. These coffins from Sharper Image...they vibrate?

― Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 3 February 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

31. Disguise that deathly pallour with new self-tanning products!

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 3 February 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

32. Infiltrate the goth crowd and you will easily find willing victims.

― ratty, Saturday, 4 February 2006 08:02 (twenty years ago)

29. Goth rock, industrial and nu-metal out -- vampire rap in ("let's get CRUNK in this bloodsucker", etc.).

-- Jordan (jordan...), February 3rd, 2006.

here ya go!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 4 February 2006 08:13 (twenty years ago)

33. because of new chimera restrictions, turning into a bat is now a class B felony

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 4 February 2006 08:15 (twenty years ago)

That "anarchistvampire" site wasn't quite what I expected. Is it supposed to suck my all my leftist anger and leave me a mere empty shell, a puppet for the global capital to toy with?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 4 February 2006 11:19 (twenty years ago)

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