What does it feel like to be you?

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Can you describe?

― Moaner, Friday, 10 February 2006 16:28 (nineteen years ago)

Sometimes it hurts,
sometimes I just shake my little tush on the dancefloor.
(It's big, really.)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 10 February 2006 16:31 (nineteen years ago)

Cold. So cold.

Or drunk.

― chap who would dare to be completely sober on the internet (chap), Friday, 10 February 2006 17:15 (nineteen years ago)

Hungover.

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Friday, 10 February 2006 17:17 (nineteen years ago)

sometimes, it feels like wearing a satin smoking jacket and a fez. other times, like wearing a straightjacket and clogs.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Friday, 10 February 2006 17:25 (nineteen years ago)

today i have a headache and i don't know what i'm doing but i am dressed impeccably and i'm having a "good-hair" day so i'm hoping this covers up my ineptitude.

― Vintage Latin (dog latin), Friday, 10 February 2006 17:55 (nineteen years ago)

Honestly, lately, it hurts. I guess I should have logged out but who cares.

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 10 February 2006 18:02 (nineteen years ago)

life's a pretty sweet fruit

― POOP BITCH (Mandee), Friday, 10 February 2006 18:08 (nineteen years ago)

Squishy.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 10 February 2006 18:09 (nineteen years ago)

Dissatisfied

― Jimmy Mod (I myself am lethal at 100 -110dB) (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Friday, 10 February 2006 18:10 (nineteen years ago)

Sleepy.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 10 February 2006 18:11 (nineteen years ago)

It feels great being me.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 10 February 2006 18:12 (nineteen years ago)

tiring.

― jeffrey (johnson), Friday, 10 February 2006 18:15 (nineteen years ago)

frustrating and tiring a lot of the time. but that is life.

― Miss Misery xox (MissMiseryTX), Friday, 10 February 2006 18:18 (nineteen years ago)

hard

― slow jamz and white guy indie acoustic shit (Chris V), Friday, 10 February 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

This is a good question! I'd quite like to know, for some people.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 10 February 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

Numb and irritable. Shitty combo.

― Tripmaker (SDWitzm), Friday, 10 February 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

...insert Electric Eels "agitated."

― Tripmaker (SDWitzm), Friday, 10 February 2006 20:05 (nineteen years ago)

Vengeful. Vindictive. Magnamimous.

― andy --, Friday, 10 February 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

extremely variable.

Best not to look too inside too closely, as i might find "mostly a quaking and palpitating mess of anxiety which lusts and loathes, needs love and attention, and lives in terror of death putting an end to its misery".

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Friday, 10 February 2006 21:43 (nineteen years ago)

Like trying to start a fist-fight underwater.

― Nicholas Passant (Nicholas Passant), Friday, 10 February 2006 22:14 (nineteen years ago)

not nearly as good as it did a week ago at this time.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Friday, 10 February 2006 22:15 (nineteen years ago)

-anxious
-dissatisfied with the vast majority of current life
-secure in ability to make people laugh
-insecure about damn near everything else
-frustrated about not being able to get a better job

― kingfish has gene rayburn's mic (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 10 February 2006 22:23 (nineteen years ago)

xxpost (whilst wondering whether the pretty lifeguard's watching, and whether the nobility of my stance will distract her from all the flailing).

― Nicholas Passant (Nicholas Passant), Friday, 10 February 2006 22:33 (nineteen years ago)

it is what it is*

*luna already took my first answer

― oops (Oops), Friday, 10 February 2006 22:34 (nineteen years ago)

Anxiety and futility, with occasional bursts of inappropriate, hysterical laughter.

― pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Friday, 10 February 2006 23:01 (nineteen years ago)

At the end of the day, I smell.

― Confounded (Confounded), Friday, 10 February 2006 23:29 (nineteen years ago)

rotten

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Saturday, 11 February 2006 00:12 (nineteen years ago)

sometimes i'm having fun at life and i wonder if i'm nothing more than a surface level agent for motion of some sort, all reaction and no substance. sometimes i feel a sinking feeling and a sense of trying to hide my disgust from myself, like i'm supposed to be living up to a beautiful ideal and i'm just amusing myself with pettiness.

those are the feelings that feel like nobody else understands them, but i think they are probably deceptive. otherwise, too much to say to describe what it's like to be alive, and who can know what things are me and what things are being alive in general? how can we even have a frame of reference to describe this question? unless you're talking about a more easily describable this culture vs. that culture kind of thing.

― Maria (Maria), Saturday, 11 February 2006 00:56 (nineteen years ago)

maria is poetically otm.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 11 February 2006 01:05 (nineteen years ago)

but my one-word answer would be, "distracting."

which i don't in any way mean negatively.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 11 February 2006 01:07 (nineteen years ago)

Relaxedly tense.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 11 February 2006 01:07 (nineteen years ago)

Ned OTM. I'm always double-edged: caffeinated, yet lethargic.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 11 February 2006 01:31 (nineteen years ago)

I'm 30. I'm single. I've only had one serious girlfriend so far in my life. I realised tonight that I'm the only single person I know who isn't already on mysinglefriend.com. This seems to imply that not only am I single, I must also have no friends too.

It's all completely shit. But it's better when I'm drunk, and staying drunk for the next 30-40 years doesn't sound that bad an idea, so...I'm ready, whether I'll like it or not.

― JimD (JimD), Saturday, 11 February 2006 01:38 (nineteen years ago)

a slight ringing in my ears, a slightly swollen feeling in the lower back, a bit achey around neck and shoulders from that friedan thread (tensed up in odd positions), feel good after digesting high quality food or lying back in a bubbling spa listening to water noises. doing that later today in kinosaki to celebrate birthday. reflexive thoughts: must get to internet, must get away from internet, ooh look, a pretty girl, glance across without being too obvious, flirt if given half a chance. must work on that alice in wonderland song when s.o. starts work, must write that article, need to start book soon, where's the advance? nervous about flight to new york, looking forward to hot spring bath, small pleasures, will surely see pretty girls on the train trip, beauty makes life (already supergood) better.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 11 February 2006 02:03 (nineteen years ago)

I'm very familiar with myself. That makes things easier, in a way. It's always me here. Me me me. My memories, my voice (inner and outer), pride and disgust in self coexisting. Wonder what's it like to be him, or her? Mein got, there's so many of us selves. Can't be. There's only one I, right? And still can't get over the fact this will be all be over someday. Nothing after. Sometimes being me feels like: my eyes are a cockpit, behind is the pilot. I'm always looking out out at the passing scenery. But also, I feel myself, that is, I can sense the outline of my face, the shape of my body (OK, there's some cheating here - this "sense" is informed by the memories of what I see in the mirror), and this self-image is always with me, it's like I'm always looking at the inside side of my mask.

― Collardio Gelatinous (collardio), Saturday, 11 February 2006 02:14 (nineteen years ago)

so the conclusion of this thread is: INTERNETS MAKE YOU MISERBLEH!

― Vintage Latin (dog latin), Saturday, 11 February 2006 02:22 (nineteen years ago)

life's a pretty sweet fruit

-- POOP BITCH (mandeewrigh...), February 10th, 2006 1:08 PM. (Mandee) (later)

unless you have a cabbage for a head, of course

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Saturday, 11 February 2006 02:28 (nineteen years ago)

it might be nice to be momus--not too sure about the patch, tho

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Saturday, 11 February 2006 02:29 (nineteen years ago)

Slightly intoxicated

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Saturday, 11 February 2006 02:59 (nineteen years ago)

Caffeinated. Confident, though that is liberally coated in a chewy layer of bizarre insecurity. Kind of silly a lot of the time. Acronyms like IAEA are guaranteed to make me sing "Ee eye ee eye oh" out loud. Because of this I can make myself laugh til i cry, which feels good. On the good days it feels like a warm fire on a rainy day, or like dancing in your pyjamas to Kanye West...on bad days it feels like walking around in wet clothes.

― VegemiteGrrl (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 11 February 2006 04:49 (nineteen years ago)

Pensive, worried, demanding, amused.

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Saturday, 11 February 2006 05:17 (nineteen years ago)

Extremely tired, slightly drunk, somewhat confused about life, but generally interested in the whole thing.

― Jordan (Jordan), Saturday, 11 February 2006 05:18 (nineteen years ago)

half farty, half horny

― jonas lefrel (jonas lefrel), Saturday, 11 February 2006 05:25 (nineteen years ago)

Like I'm adrift in a little canoe in the middle of the ocean. Sharks are optional.

― ALAN FROG (Mingus Dew), Saturday, 11 February 2006 05:28 (nineteen years ago)

How can one be :half-farty: ?
is it like being half-hearted?

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Saturday, 11 February 2006 05:52 (nineteen years ago)

stoned

― sffd, Saturday, 11 February 2006 06:01 (nineteen years ago)

i see colors

― inert false cat (sleep), Saturday, 11 February 2006 06:13 (nineteen years ago)

Right now I'm drunk and my ears are ringing and I'm so spaced out and exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open . . . i stayed up until 6 am last night putting the final finishing touches on THE LAST CHAPTER I HAVE TO WRITE FOR MY DISSERTATION . . . today I drove it over to Berkeley to drop it off at my advisor's house and since then I've been to this Laetitia Sonami noise show/Phil Niblock film event and then to the Drop the Lime/Kid 606 show at the Hemlock and now I'm home and staggering about and finally posting on ILM/ILE which I have been avoiding in order to get some work done. Backstory: I've been working on this dissertation off and on for EIGHT YEARS and today I finally can say "I have written it". I still have months of revision and formatting to deal with, but essentially, it's done . . . YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS so right now it feels good to be intoxicated sleep deprived me . . . .

― Drew Daniel (Drew Daniel), Saturday, 11 February 2006 09:55 (nineteen years ago)

It feels like I want to jump in front of a train.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Saturday, 11 February 2006 10:03 (nineteen years ago)

Isolated, out of touch, often angry, like I'm endlessly wading uphill through mud such is my endless exhaustion and inertia.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 11 February 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

(x-post)

that's a very inconsiderate way to go

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Saturday, 11 February 2006 10:20 (nineteen years ago)

Well, yes, I know that. If I did jump in front of a train I would do my best to do it in such a way that the driver didn't see me.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Saturday, 11 February 2006 10:25 (nineteen years ago)

I used to be a happy drunk, I think. But it seems I've become a miserable drunk, now. I'm definiely happier sober, despite etc etc.

― JimD (JimD), Saturday, 11 February 2006 10:31 (nineteen years ago)

(of course, if I could find a train driven by an EVIL train driver who deserves something nasty to happen to him, that would make things a lot easier)

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Saturday, 11 February 2006 11:16 (nineteen years ago)

fun.

― phil-two (phil-two), Saturday, 11 February 2006 11:20 (nineteen years ago)

Grumpy at work. Very grumpy at work. (Got an internal error again on our website so I know where this heading: reinstalling EVERY FUCKING THING. Ophelia prefers to sleep in a sling bag instead of her crib at work, so try combining that with REINSTALLING EVERY FUCKING THING. *sigh*)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Saturday, 11 February 2006 11:20 (nineteen years ago)

like drilling through rocks.

― emsk ( emsk), Saturday, 11 February 2006 11:41 (nineteen years ago)

Passant should never be xposted.

I think the main non-obvious thing abt what it's like being me (sunny, excitable, etc) is that there's constant huge pressure to "do justice" to family line in some undefined way that has to do with Being Notable and marrying someone with "good genes" and stuff like that, I haven't quite given up trying to shrug this off but it's getting that way. On a more minute-to-minute level, yesterday I was waiting for a bus and thinking a) that if you plotted times to run a 100m dash against the number of worldwide people who took that long to do it, the bell shape of the first most of the graph wld be complicated awesomely by the people later on who couldn't run 100m at all and b) there must come a point when you've been alive longer since you first kissed someone than all the time you hadn't, and whether that date should be significant. Those're pretty banal, but kinda typical I think of the sort of stuff I'm generally thinking about? I also often phrase these questions mentally as threads to post to ILX, oh dear.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 11 February 2006 18:28 (nineteen years ago)

anxious

― kyle (akmonday), Saturday, 11 February 2006 19:46 (nineteen years ago)

Completely unsatisfied with my post-college job search. But I'm listening to Coil right now, and that makes me feel a little better since we are all going to meet the vultures sooner or later.

― fgadfgdfh, Saturday, 11 February 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

I don't follow your logic.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Saturday, 11 February 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

I am a big scary tiger.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Saturday, 11 February 2006 20:20 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.harry-hill.tv/archives/art/BrianWilson.jpg

― Owen, Saturday, 11 February 2006 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

Like I'm wasting my time.

― Plunging Hen, Saturday, 11 February 2006 20:30 (nineteen years ago)

I had no idea, greg

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 11 February 2006 20:51 (nineteen years ago)

Diane rah dig ego

― Dush, Saturday, 11 February 2006 23:50 (nineteen years ago)

hearing aide dog

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 11 February 2006 23:56 (nineteen years ago)

And it's humping your leg.

― Dush, Saturday, 11 February 2006 23:58 (nineteen years ago)

seems like someone should say to drew, CONGRATULATIONS! (altho he'll probably be asleep for the next 36 hours or so, i suppose)

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Sunday, 12 February 2006 00:01 (nineteen years ago)

ha, rigid one aged

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 12 February 2006 00:03 (nineteen years ago)

Viagra.

― Dush, Sunday, 12 February 2006 00:06 (nineteen years ago)

like drinking poison; like eating glass

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Sunday, 12 February 2006 00:10 (nineteen years ago)

I feel like Unca Bolt.

― Max Peebles, Sunday, 12 February 2006 00:13 (nineteen years ago)

drew daniel had a baby of sorts

― youn, Sunday, 12 February 2006 00:15 (nineteen years ago)

A papery baby that needs to be signed.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 12 February 2006 00:17 (nineteen years ago)

damn if i do damn if i don't. i never win

― sgtoca (sgtoca), Sunday, 12 February 2006 01:20 (nineteen years ago)

my life is wonderful confusion

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 12 February 2006 01:22 (nineteen years ago)

my life is wonderful conviction

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 12 February 2006 01:26 (nineteen years ago)

and the other wonderful ions

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 12 February 2006 01:31 (nineteen years ago)

the ioning is delicious

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Sunday, 12 February 2006 01:41 (nineteen years ago)

greg, i wish i understood what you just posted, but i didn't.

y'know, being me isn't so bad. i have an okay job though not what i always wanted to do it seems like a big step. i have finally fought off the monster of teenagedom nearly 10 years after the fact. all those years of not knowing who i am and how to act around people and being scared of certain situations have worn off. i am practically ready for anything other than violent situations *touch wood*. i'd like to get a bti more exercise and start working on regular sleeping patterns. i fear i may one day go bald and have to shave my head but it hasn't happened yet. i have had enough sexual experience to make myself feel wary and, well, experienced without being complacent nor without the requisite fear of the opposite sex so that i may become conceited, but not enough that i be overtly jaded. if i have one social fear it's that the people i know and love, as well as those i have just met are mocking me behind my back. so it will happen if it does. if such conspirators are to take a part in this then i will choose to ignore them. i know who my friends are, and they will always be true to me for i've known them long enough. i have a roof over my head, a little dosh in my pocket, a source of revenue from my work, a handful of good friends and a couple of hands'worth of acquaintances. the town in which i live is small but friendly; practical in it's way and close to my place of work. often i get the urge to break out of this lifestyle. often i want to leave the country, move to a new city or just go into the wilderness, find a whole and bury myself deep down there. these are all excellent options, but they are not top of my agenda. i'd like to make a name for myself through a creative medium, singing, playing guitar, dj-ing, writing, acting, producing that kind of thing. but these are all hobbies and pipedreams that will either happen over time or not. i would like to give up smoking and am passively trying to. i've settled on the mellow option. stop slowly, rather than make myself miserable through cold turkey etc. it's working so far. please tell me off if i ever start becoming dependant on the vile crap i inhale into my lungs. i have hobbies. i have music. sometimes i wonder what i'll become. will i be deaf from listening to so much stuff? will i become dumb through the "singing" i do? will i become blind or ugly through the habitual rubbing of my eyes? probably all these three, but this is for the future. i am drunk.

― Vintage Latin (dog latin), Sunday, 12 February 2006 03:09 (nineteen years ago)

Constantly emotionally challenging. Otherwise, not too bad.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 12 February 2006 03:32 (nineteen years ago)

i also miss the sunshine a lot.

― Vintage Latin (dog latin), Sunday, 12 February 2006 03:32 (nineteen years ago)