Contract of Wifely Expectations

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i don't know if this has been discussed here yet, but it's a doozy.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 17 February 2006 23:46 (twenty years ago)

the smoking gun 2, freys 0

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 17 February 2006 23:51 (twenty years ago)

Was this meant to be a BDSM relationship, or did he just kind of get there on his own?

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 17 February 2006 23:55 (twenty years ago)

is she allowed in the torture chamber? what about when he wants to bring out the gimp?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 17 February 2006 23:56 (twenty years ago)

I believe this couple is scheduled to be on Dr. Phil on Monday.

― pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:02 (twenty years ago)

I like that he took care to select fancy fonts for his headers

― kyle (akmonday), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:24 (twenty years ago)

yeah i know... does this dude work for hallmark?

― Lenny and Squiggy Present Lenny and the Squigtones (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:27 (twenty years ago)

Frey OTM

― Under the paving stones, Paul Scholes (nordicskilla), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:36 (twenty years ago)

I mean, the dude obviously stole some of my ideas but he really took the ball and ran with it.

― Under the paving stones, Paul Scholes (nordicskilla), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:37 (twenty years ago)

"a-shoes do not count against nudity"

― mark p (Mark P), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:39 (twenty years ago)

i like the permission to wear longer skirts to church.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:39 (twenty years ago)

yeaaaaah, I thought that was weakness on his part to be honest.

― Under the paving stones, Paul Scholes (nordicskilla), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:43 (twenty years ago)

But then I've never been one for church.

― Under the paving stones, Paul Scholes (nordicskilla), Saturday, 18 February 2006 00:44 (twenty years ago)

He wanted her to shave her chest??

― reddening (reddening), Saturday, 18 February 2006 02:15 (twenty years ago)

And take out her balls, when appropriate.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Saturday, 18 February 2006 04:28 (twenty years ago)

What a fucking creep.

What a fucking bore, also.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 18 February 2006 10:22 (twenty years ago)

the second is worse then the first

― anthony easton (anthony), Saturday, 18 February 2006 10:24 (twenty years ago)

Yeah.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 18 February 2006 10:27 (twenty years ago)

I guess what he really wanted was a robot-wife. Maybe in the future he can have his dream come true.

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Saturday, 18 February 2006 11:42 (twenty years ago)

oh come now - doesn't everybody think she should have just embraced the freedom inherent in her involuntary slavery? get with the times ppl

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Saturday, 18 February 2006 12:55 (twenty years ago)

Awww, he won't make her swallow!

― Father Brian Eno (Father Brian Eno), Saturday, 18 February 2006 16:38 (twenty years ago)

momus to thread

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 18 February 2006 16:48 (twenty years ago)

Holy shit. Somebody shoot him before he breeds.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 18 February 2006 17:46 (twenty years ago)

Holy shit. Somebody shoot him ~~before he breeds.~~

FIXED.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 18 February 2006 17:48 (twenty years ago)

I think his sense of spontaneity is charming.

― M. White (Miguelito), Saturday, 18 February 2006 18:34 (twenty years ago)

wow.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 18 February 2006 20:36 (twenty years ago)

"Fellatio must last at least 5 min" - she's not really in charge of that, now is she?

Was this something he came up with after the wedding or before? If before, why did she go ahead and marry him?

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Sunday, 19 February 2006 00:21 (nineteen years ago)

This is the first time I've ever made plans to watch Dr. Phil.

― pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 19 February 2006 00:57 (nineteen years ago)

I don't know, pixel farmer - I think I'd want to bleach the tivo afterwards if I recorded that guy.

― Jaq (Jaq), Sunday, 19 February 2006 01:12 (nineteen years ago)

TS: "vaginal slit" vs. labia

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Sunday, 19 February 2006 01:51 (nineteen years ago)

APPLES TO ORANGES

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Sunday, 19 February 2006 02:07 (nineteen years ago)

"It puts the lotion on or it gets the hose!!"

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Sunday, 19 February 2006 03:38 (nineteen years ago)

That contract reads like a parody of all doomed attempts to achieve things by legalistic frameworks rather than charm, mutual respect and politeness. As Jenny Holzer said, "lack of charisma can be fatal".

― Momus (Momus), Sunday, 19 February 2006 03:59 (nineteen years ago)

It reads like a recording contract then

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:00 (nineteen years ago)

no Momus, it reads like misogynist garbage

nice attempt at backspin though

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:07 (nineteen years ago)

Suddenly I'm getting the strangest sense of deja vu....

― Laurel (Laurel), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:10 (nineteen years ago)

The set of "all doomed attempts to achieve things by legalistic frameworks" doesn't necessarily exclude "misogynist garbage", Tommy.

― Momus (Momus), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:11 (nineteen years ago)

It reads like a recording contract then

The best recording contracts I've had are the ones where it's based on mutual respect and trust and nothing's written down, ie the Creation Records 50/50 profit split deal based on Tony Wilson's Factory 50/50 deal.

― Momus (Momus), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:13 (nineteen years ago)

Here's another misogynistic contract. It's called the Christian marriage liturgy:

"If no impediment be alleged, then shall the Curate say unto the man:

WILT thou have this woman to (be) thy wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health? And forsaking all others keep thee only to her, so long as you both shall live?

The man shall answer:
I will.

Then shall the Curate say to the woman:
Wilt thou have this man to (be) thy wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance, in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health? And forsaking all others keep thee only to him, so long as you both shall live?

The woman shall answer:
I will."

― Momus (Momus), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:21 (nineteen years ago)

WHat did Christ know about mairrage anyway! He as a 30 year old virgin

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:38 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, that one leaves questions of undergarments and fellatio duration frustratingly opaque.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:39 (nineteen years ago)

christ didn't write the marriage vows!

― Maria (Maria), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:51 (nineteen years ago)

If the Holy VIrgin Mary had written the mairrage vows it probably woudl have been more like

"The husband shall not request sex except when a baby is desired. "

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Sunday, 19 February 2006 04:55 (nineteen years ago)

Tsk tsk. Catholic Church to thread!

― Laurel (Laurel), Sunday, 19 February 2006 05:04 (nineteen years ago)

Effigies of Mr Jones burned on streets of Vatican City! "Some sensitivities are going on here, but you don't know what they are, do you, Mr Jones!" shout outraged protesters!

― Momus (Momus), Sunday, 19 February 2006 05:08 (nineteen years ago)

Now you see this Pope
Shouting the word "NOW"
And you say, "For what reason?"
And he says, "How?"
And you say, "What does this mean?"
And he screams back, "You're a cow
Give me some milk
Or else go home"

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Sunday, 19 February 2006 05:11 (nineteen years ago)

No question about it Momus! I was just noting how interesting it is that when a dude attempts to enslave his wife, your first instinct is not to blame the form rather than the content

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Sunday, 19 February 2006 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

Hmm. Strangely, Tommy seems to have beef with the fact momus chose to say something interesting rather than saying "OMG, WTF, THAT'S AWFUL, WHAT A TWAT, SHOOT HIM!".

― JimD (JimD), Sunday, 19 February 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

"interesting"

― ham'ron (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 19 February 2006 15:36 (nineteen years ago)

Has it occurred to anyone that this is a standard BDSM kind of thing?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 19 February 2006 17:36 (nineteen years ago)

I didn't see the patent number, no.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Sunday, 19 February 2006 17:38 (nineteen years ago)

"You shall clip yoru toneails no greater than one centimeter long, with a golden clipper I shall provide, which shall never touch the oral slit."

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Sunday, 19 February 2006 19:09 (nineteen years ago)

Has it occurred to anyone that this is a standard BDSM kind of thing?

given her refusal to sign it and his subsequent arrest, i'm kinda doubting that the interest in the lifestyle was mutual.

but maybe all the publicity will round him up a more compatible partner. if he doesn't go to jail.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Sunday, 19 February 2006 19:52 (nineteen years ago)

Has it occurred to anyone that this is a standard BDSM kind of thing?

yes

― Under the paving stones, Paul Scholes (nordicskilla), Sunday, 19 February 2006 19:54 (nineteen years ago)

I don't know, the elegant art noveau typeface used for the headers suggests it was supposed to be more romantic than BDSM.

― Abbott (Abbott), Sunday, 19 February 2006 20:31 (nineteen years ago)

Not elegant so much as hilarious, mind.

― Abbott (Abbott), Sunday, 19 February 2006 20:31 (nineteen years ago)

At least he can't be blamed for not knowing what he wants in the relationship.

― Freud Junior (Freud Junior), Monday, 20 February 2006 06:06 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

Abbott beat me to ridiculing the font of this horrifying document by more than 2 years.

― i am the small cat (HI DERE), Wednesday, 17 September 2008 20:05 (seventeen years ago)

What happened to the unpleasant Mr Frey?

― Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 17 September 2008 20:45 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,190126,00.html

Convicted of abuse.

― ian, Wednesday, 17 September 2008 20:51 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10410325

+5 extra years for kiddie pr0n

― i am the small cat (HI DERE), Wednesday, 17 September 2008 20:55 (seventeen years ago)

a computer expert found more than 99,000 pornographic images on Frey's home computer

Expert?
"How did you find them?"
"Weeellll, there was 99,000 of 'em in a file labelled 'porn' on his hard drive..."

― Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 17 September 2008 21:04 (seventeen years ago)

"a computer expert" = "a thirteen-year-old"

― i am the small cat (HI DERE), Wednesday, 17 September 2008 21:05 (seventeen years ago)

"porn" = "a thirteen-year-old"

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Wednesday, 17 September 2008 21:10 (seventeen years ago)

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