when you try pulling a girl in a bar/club, should you tell them that you find them attractive in some way

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or would it just be obvious from the fact you went up to them to talk to them?

― ahah, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:24 (twenty years ago)

No a compliment can always help. I find going up and dry humping their leg to be the clearest sign that I find them attractive in some way.

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:25 (twenty years ago)

Try "I don't normally go for your type, but you look like you're really dirty."

That should work.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:25 (twenty years ago)

Alternatively, try Noodle's line but use "easy" instead of "dirty".

― James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:27 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, but easy + not dirty = pointless.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:27 (twenty years ago)

"You're pretty cute for a fat chick"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:27 (twenty years ago)

"I'd hit that"

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:29 (twenty years ago)

"I'm just trying to remember what you look like so I can have a good wank when I get home."

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:29 (twenty years ago)

"Hey! I noticed you've been staring at me all night, who do you think you... ah... Oh... Are those real?"

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:30 (twenty years ago)

Serious answer, from A GURL - I would say yes, but make sure that it is a compliment which picks out something *unique* about them specifically, rather than a general sleazy comment. Something that will make her feel noticed for being special. Not just an "ugh, I see girlflesh" type comment.

― Boris and the Johnsons (kate), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:30 (twenty years ago)

'waht is it made? srsly?'

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:30 (twenty years ago)

i said i liked what she was wearing and i liked her jewellry but didnt say i thought she was pretty or anything like that. i should have shouldnt i? maybe this is the problem with being in slightly nervy sarcasm mode. you dont say what you really mean. but then i was a bit worried about appearing too earnest.

― ahah, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:31 (twenty years ago)

pick out their insecurities and exploit it.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:32 (twenty years ago)

Maybe you could say "I don't normally go for your type, but you look like you've got the dirty:easy ratio just right"

― James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:32 (twenty years ago)

I dunno, complimenting what somebody's wearing means you think they've got good taste = active quality; whereas complimenting how somebody looks = random chance of genetics.

x post

A WINNER IS JAMES

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:34 (twenty years ago)

sounds a bit gay to complement her accessorising skills?

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:34 (twenty years ago)

I'd just jump on her leg and hump it like crazy. That should put the message across loud and clear, no?

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:35 (twenty years ago)

pick out their insecurities and exploit it.

totally worked for that Mystery dude in that Neil Strauss 'how to sleep with hundreds of women even though you're a geeky hack' book.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:35 (twenty years ago)

say nothing and leave alone, they love that.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:36 (twenty years ago)

sounds a bit gay to complement her accessorising skills?

"I love your shoes. I don't mean that in a gay way. I mean I'm coming on to you"

― James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:37 (twenty years ago)

say nothing and just show her your bone, they love that.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:38 (twenty years ago)

See, as A GURL, I would like it a lot better if some bloke came up to me in a bar and said "wow, that's pretty jewellery" than if he just came up to me and said "you're really pretty."

Firstly, it would make me feel like you've noticed something about *me* that I specifically chose, that you like, not that you're just looking for the first pretty girl you see.

Secondly, it gives you an excuse to carry on a conversation. GURL can say something like "Oh, this old thing? Thanks, I got it in ::name of place::" and then you can say "oh, ::name of place::" and then make some comment about it, and then you're in a conversation. OK, you might not know anything about jewellery, but you can steer it to the part of town it's in, or if she got it on holiday or from a member of her family, you can ask her for anecdotes.

― Boris and the Johnsons (kate), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:38 (twenty years ago)

just make sure that

if ::name of place:: = accessorize then ::some comment about it:: != omg my favourite shop!!!!!

or ::gayness:: = 100%

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:40 (twenty years ago)

"That's a beautiful necklace."

"Thanks, it's Elizabeth Duke."

"Great! Do you want a shag?"

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:40 (twenty years ago)

Well you ain’t gonna get anyone else looking like that, so you might as well come home with me.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:41 (twenty years ago)

okay so complimenting accessorising is gay? great. but basically. complimenting clothing/jewellry is fine but a compliment on random genetics is even better?

that geeky journo dude's book is kinda bullshit isnt it? he was a famous guy running in media circles. he had it easy.

this was my first attempt at pulling in a club by the way, for anyone interested. i got the girls number, but i dont see it going anywhere. would have been nice if i thought it was going somewhere, but oh well, i suppose its a good start.

― ahah, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:42 (twenty years ago)

KEEP CALLING HER EVERY 30 MINUTES UNTIL IT GOES SOMEWHERE

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:43 (twenty years ago)

I don't think it's gay that a guy notices what you're wearing.

But then again, what do I know? You might want to just listen to the rest of the guys on this thread. But then again, ask how many of them are actually getting laid first.

Over and out.

― Boris and the Johnsons (kate), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:44 (twenty years ago)

"That's a beautiful necklace."
"Thanks, it's Elizabeth Duke."
"i know.. catalogue number 901/2048 right? I work for argos.. my favourite item is 069/0069 ::winkwinkwinkwink::"
"oh behave!!"
"wait for me at counter A?"
"ok"
"there's a big queue, though"

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:44 (twenty years ago)

"Order number 364 to your collection point please - IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN"

― James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:46 (twenty years ago)

"You look like you got pretty good taste, why aren't you with me?"

Then, when you return from hospital, she'll remember you noticed she has good taste PLUS she'll be full of pity and that's when you strike!

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:46 (twenty years ago)

"How' bout a pearl necklace to match those earrings?" = NOT GAY

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:47 (twenty years ago)

"hi, are you actually getting laid?"
"no"
"well, here's my number!"

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:47 (twenty years ago)

look, the way it went was, i said
hey i really like your necklace
thanks
where did you get it?
somewhere in north london i think
thats great! let me try it on!

well everything except the last sentence is true
i fail to see the gayness here

― ahah, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:48 (twenty years ago)

Does "Christ you've got World Class tits" count as a compliment?

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:48 (twenty years ago)

"Well, Olympic Class anyway."

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:49 (twenty years ago)

xxxpost - gay guys can give pearl necklaces too

― ahah, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:49 (twenty years ago)

But then again, what do I know? You might want to just listen to the rest of the guys on this thread. But then again, ask how many of them are actually getting laid first.

when dudes are trying to make nice with my lady, they always complement her clothes, gameless fools.

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:50 (twenty years ago)

Everything I could think of to say sounded lame so I never did this.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:51 (twenty years ago)

say nothing and leave alone, they love that.

shh youre giving away my guaranteed 0% success technique!

i fondly imagine that when i see the most beautiful girl i nthe world, i just have to say "all i can say is youre the most beautiful girl ive ever seen" and then she falls into my arms... seems like this might not happen from this thread. that sux, say it aint so!

― ambrose (ambrose), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:51 (twenty years ago)

play it cool, maybe she'll notice...

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:52 (twenty years ago)

"let me try it on"

haha

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:52 (twenty years ago)

i mean, surely by that stage you're already trying it on

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:53 (twenty years ago)

Kate OTM though.

However, I don't see how my being the getting not laid world record holder at the moment automatically proves those theories will never work. There must be at least ONE blind humourless desperate (trails off)

Ambrose: yeah. Those movies were all lies.

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:54 (twenty years ago)

anyway, instinct tells that me saying 'ur pretty' isn't going to cut it with today's young ladies; but i've never tried it so whaddoiknow.

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:55 (twenty years ago)

"Has anyone ever told you you've got great dick-sucking lips?"

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:56 (twenty years ago)

my being the getting not laid world record holder at the moment

I'm convinced I'm in the lead on this one, personally.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:57 (twenty years ago)

fighting over the wooden spoon?

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:58 (twenty years ago)

'love this tune -- got a good beat!'

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:58 (twenty years ago)

beating off the wooden spoon more like

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:00 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 21 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

the abyss

― ahah, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:27 (twenty years ago)

i think the compliment should come as a btw sort of thing:
this is how it seems a real one.
like,start a chat, and after 2-3 sentences, tell her something like:
"i dont know, i just thought you are goregeous so i to talk to you",
as if it came out natural and true, and not yr regular line.

― words dont come easy, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:28 (twenty years ago)

oblivion

yanno?

like if all the people in the world camped out in your back garden.. i mean, would you write and tell the king or would you grab a tent and join them?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:29 (twenty years ago)

or you could just, y'know, treat/talk to them like a normal person... (xpost)

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:30 (twenty years ago)

"what size shoes do you have?" "you know what they say about girls with that size shoes, don't you?"

(needs some work)

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:31 (twenty years ago)

I think what ahah is asking in this thread is 'Does complimenting a girl mean the diff between staying in the friend zone and something more romantic?'

― cillablack, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:32 (twenty years ago)

or you could just, y'know, treat/talk to them like a normal person... (xpost)

-- Sororah T Massacre (stevem7...), February 22nd, 2006 1:30 PM. (blueski) (later)

Haha, this is what I did for like, the first 24 years of my life. Result: lots of female friends, no sex.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:36 (twenty years ago)

i thought the diff lies between whether you are sticking your hand down their pants.
xpost

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:38 (twenty years ago)

conclusion from this post - men have no idea about what to do and neither do women

this post is making me frustrated.

― dirtyden-c, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:39 (twenty years ago)

"conclusion from this post - men have no idea about what to do and neither do women
this post is making me frustrated. "\

conclusion from this post:
maybe a prostitude is the solution for men.
at least you dont have to talk.

― french revivel, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:41 (twenty years ago)

how do you negotiate the price?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:43 (twenty years ago)

Launch Ken C at them. Your apologies will be irresistible :)

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:45 (twenty years ago)

ha ha Colonel Poo OTM actually. DAMN.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:47 (twenty years ago)

Well, you obviously sidle up to your young lady of choice and mumble these lines - which demonstrate both that you're every woman's sensitive-dream-man, and that you have a real understanding of young people's hippety-hop music (note: this shows your dangerous side).

"Now I know you think I wanna fuck, no doubt
But tonight we’ll try a different route, how about we start
With a salad, a fresh bed of lettuce with croutons?
Later we can play a game of chess on the futon.
See I ain’t got to get in your blouse
It’s your eye contact, that be getting me aroused."

I thought everyone did this?

― Nicholas Passant (Nicholas Passant), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:47 (twenty years ago)

"how do you negotiate the price? "

"hello.how much is it?"
"20"
"too much.bye".

danm, there goes another chance!

― french revivel, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:47 (twenty years ago)

Incidentally, the great thing about speaking these lines is that, as an Englishman, you really have to contort your mouth to make doubt rhyme with route. This allows the woman to imagine what it might be like to kiss you.

― Nicholas Passant (Nicholas Passant), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 13:54 (twenty years ago)

Or show off bad English teeth a la simpsons...

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:03 (twenty years ago)

Please note that NP's suggestion doesn't work if you have to print out the lines and read them from a sheet of A4.

― James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:07 (twenty years ago)

a friend recently gave me the advice that theres no point on complimenting a girl and that if they like you, they will like you regardless. theres no point in saying they look nice apparently as they already know it. plus you dont want to be seen to pander. treat em mean and they love it. he also advised to zero in on their insecurity, or at least, if not reinforce it, then dont soothe it either.

― ah, Tuesday, 28 February 2006 12:23 (nineteen years ago)

Notice the lack of women on this thread.

And xxxxxpost - being thought of as gay is not an obstacle to getting laid, in my limited experience.

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 12:36 (nineteen years ago)

I notice the lack of women on most threads

(xpost) a friend...suuuuuuure...

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 12:37 (nineteen years ago)

huh? im quite serious. i went out with some friends this weekend and one of them told me that advice in total seriousness.

― ahah, Tuesday, 28 February 2006 12:44 (nineteen years ago)

i dont know why there are so few girls in this thread. is it because they dont want to say whether men should compliment them or not or is it simply cos as with most things like this, they just dont know?

― gary, Tuesday, 28 February 2006 12:46 (nineteen years ago)

No, I suspect it was more because the only girl who dared to venture on this thread got disgusted with it, lost interest and walked away.

Maybe you could learn something from that?

― Cuair Crithlonracha (kate), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 12:48 (nineteen years ago)

ah... the moral highground

i could learn something from that except i dont see whats so wrong with someone genuinely asking if compliments are a good or bad thing (obvious as that is) if theyre unsure about how to navigate the 'art' of chatting someone up

me personally, i think compliments are nice, but overuse can be pandering and theres no need to go the total opposite of 'treat em mean' etc and treat all women like goddesses before you even know them on principle

― gary, Tuesday, 28 February 2006 12:57 (nineteen years ago)

at least two women posted here. but a lot of other women may have figured in advance it sounded dumb and would only wind them up. not that i'm speaking for them of course.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 13:08 (nineteen years ago)

'disgusted'? i mean, it's silly and stuff, but...

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 13:09 (nineteen years ago)

he also advised to zero in on their insecurity, or at least, if not reinforce it, then dont soothe it either.

i'm sure this would 'work' on some women, but what kind of beastly scoundrel would stoop so low?

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 13:14 (nineteen years ago)

Most of my female friends told me long ago that a guy that approaches them in a bar is, by definition, a non-starter.

― Mitya (mitya), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

um, so where the hell are you meant to meet women exactly, then?!

― ahah, Tuesday, 28 February 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

the internet, duh

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 13:37 (nineteen years ago)

xpost

That's usually mhy question. Introductions (friend of a friend, co-worker, etc) or "safe environments" like parties at a friend's apartment.

― Mitya (mitya), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

right. cos all your friends are always DYING to hook you up with people.

nb - never rely on playa-hating single friends to hook you up.

― ahah, Tuesday, 28 February 2006 13:58 (nineteen years ago)

cos all your friends are always DYING to hook you up with people.

in general, and i stress the general, yes men are much worse at this than women whether just down to apathy, rivalry or what. it seldom crossed my mind to try and set friends of mine up, and when it did i just figured it'd be a bad idea. i'm not a fan of match-making so much as gentle coaxing within social situations established for reasons other than just to set people up. but it does work for some.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 14:11 (nineteen years ago)

OK, your Friendly Neighborhood Girl, here but I'm afraid I don't have good news, because my #1 rule is "don't believe anything anyone tells you in a bar". Well, actually anywhere, but that's a separate issue. (Accepting compliments of different stripes from different sorts of people can actually be difficult.) So I would say DON'T compliment. Just...strike up a conversation. The conversation is probably doing to be stupid because you've clearly approached her for a reason, but I'm not sure it matters WHAT you say. But of course if you're feeling inspired with an unexpected topic, go for it...personally I'd say don't go the "lowest common denominator" route of conversation, but assume that she's at least as intelligent/knowledgeable as you are. Safer bet.

In my opinion the most important thing is the acknowledgement that you're chatting her up as part of a script -- one that kind of sucks and is uncomfortably played out in public, but you're doing your part nonetheless (the subtext is really helpful here, actually, because if you're off-handed enough about things, it will give the impression that yeah, you think this script is pretty stupid and you don't normally do this kind of thing but she just seems so beautiful/interesting/etc that you had to try for it), and preferably in a sort of low-key, very un-Lothario-ish way so that she can back out of it without too much disruption if for some reason she's uncomfortable.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

Glad to have some female input, but Laurel, my sense is that 99 times out of 100...

o that she can back out of it without too much disruption

is normally continued by "as soon as she has a chance," unless she's... ahem, spirited - in which case, she smack you down if you dare continuing to a second or third exchange.

― Mitya (mitya), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:01 (nineteen years ago)

Well, I didn't say I like to be chatted up by drunk strangers...just that if you're determined to try it in a bar on a Saturday night, I think you need to be prepared to defuse the inherent stupidity of the situation by being really, um..."knowing", maybe? about the whole thing.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:06 (nineteen years ago)

A compliment is still one of the best ice-breakers/conversation starters so I'd stick with 'em personally!

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:11 (nineteen years ago)

As long as it's sincere.

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:11 (nineteen years ago)

Whatever you think is best, then. I can only tell you what wd work vs. not for me in particular, and I have an incredibly hard time accepting compliments unless I trust the delivering party's judgement in whatever sphere is being referred to. Otherwise I assume people are just working toward their own ends.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

Laurel, I think in this case they are working towards your end.

― Dan (Bet Stevem Or Ken C Beat Me To That One) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:31 (nineteen years ago)

Her end, Dan? Whatever could you mean? I suspect the girls are like me lurking on the thread to see what boys say in locker rooms, which I kind of know already.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:36 (nineteen years ago)

stop hanging out in boys locker rooms ya perv!

― Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:36 (nineteen years ago)

In my high school we talked a lot about music and sports; most of the teenaged guys I knew didn't want to talk about sex with other guys while naked because they didn't want to be known as The Guy Who Gets A Boner In The Locker Room.

There was also a lot of spitting on other people.

― Dan (Memories) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:40 (nineteen years ago)

God, boys are so gross.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 15:57 (nineteen years ago)

Nothin' in here I ain't seen already, Stevem.

Oh come on, both Anna and I had - on separate continents - the amayyyy-zing experience of going to gym class with girls who played Wet Mouse.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 16:04 (nineteen years ago)

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 16:06 (nineteen years ago)

This proves girls are just as gross and is available elsewhere on ILX but me search is buggered: for a Wet Mouse, soak unused Tampax in sink until tumescent, lob hard at ceiling, it sticks there, string drips on unlucky faculty members/someone's victim if all goes according to plan.

My own trick was always the Surrealist Plastic Fork Lawn Grid.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 16:14 (nineteen years ago)

100 funniest names for dogs' penises (10 new answers)

― Rotatey Diskers With Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 16:14 (nineteen years ago)

Suz -- have never heard of "wet mouse"!! But then we didn't have the whole WB locker room time, where I grew up. Also, unused tampon? Not gross.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 16:27 (nineteen years ago)

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