LIFE CYCLE OF A TYPICAL AMERICAN WOMAN...

- Fucks like a crazy slut in college. Gangbangs at frat parties on weekends. Destroys her body by drinking, smoking and lying in the sun to get a nice tan.

- Gets a power corporate job, pumps her fist in the air over grrl power, and fucks more men. One night stands during business trips are normal.

- Suddenly "oh no, I'm turning 30 and must land a husband".

- Contacts every guy from her past, including that guy she rejected in high school, and that Mexican guy she fucked during spring break.

- Wonders why no one wants her bitter, angry, wrinkled ass. Watches "Sex and the City" and reads Cosmopolitan magazine for enlightenment.

- Eventually gives up, and orders 20 cats. Spends the next 50 years listening to the same old sad songs every night as her cats wail in agony. Keeps pictures of herself from her high school and college days to show people that she was once an attractive, young girl.

- Finally dies. Cats rejoice.

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