How are your manners?

coincidentally, my school's student website now has a page for us to teach each other manners. hahaha.

Formal stuff, small talk, I'm screwed. I used to drive my extend family crazy because I never went in for the obsequious sir/ma'am to family elders at all times shit.

I am ambivilant towards cold callers. If they don't get off the line really quick I can become terse.

I think I follow the Curb Your Enthusiasm rules on etiquette, treat everyone equally, by pleasant to people UNTIL they start behaving like idiots. If people want me to take my shoes off in the house I will.

I'm getting better at small talk but it's taken a really long time.

Are you a royal?

I think I know the 'rules' but I also suspect that insisting on particular forms of etiquette is a very bourgeois thing to do. Insecurities about Getting It Right aren't present in the upper classes because it just doesn't matter. Nouveau types want to prove that they've arrived, so they worry about things like that.

That sounds more snobbish than I am. What I mean is, don't worry about it cos if anyone picks you up on it, it reflects worse on them than on you.

xpost - I do sometimes wish we were hats again, just so I could take them off at appropriate moments, or doff them when greeting womenfolk. But of course hats were fraught with social meaning so we're probably better off without. It's bad enough with baseball caps/hooded tops and all that they can signify.

And when I say "beat", I'm not kidding -- my dad used to thump my brother on the head with the handle of his butter knife and say, "hold your fork correctly, young man" about 17 time at every family meal. But honestly, it's like code-switching -- it absolutely can't hurt to know which fork(s) to use (although don't ask me about anything more esoteric, like escargot picks or etc) and when your circumstances don't require that expertise, you can just relax.

somebody brought a pie and a 6pack to my home for mother's day this wknd, and took the last piece of pie and last beer home.

...

Nice!

right?? i felt so loved

When it comes to manners, I am mostly reliable. I do have a strong tendency to let others know what I am thinking, even when this may be perceived as a breach of impeccable manners, as I find that sharing these thoughts early on can avoid later irritation, frustration, and festering resentment.

is there a well-known go-to guide for etiquette and manners in various situations? i always wonder what the 'right' way to behave in a high-end restaurant is, the whole deal with testing the wine, when to eat, who to let order first, the tone to take with the waiter, and so on.

Judith Martin (aka "Miss Manners") is usually an otm source for this sort of stuff. She emphasizes tact and good sense over the more heavily scripted behavior that people like Emily Post put around as the standard.

ah thanks, which is her best catch-all book? i like how <a href=http://www.amazon.co.uk/Miss-Manners-Basic-Training-Communication/dp/0517706733/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_8>;this</a> covers email but 1999 seems a bit old hat. there are about a dozen to choose from!

gah i'll try again

"I have good manners. I say please and thank you, and when I see dead things laying around I bury them. "

-- Some kid, somewhere, in some book.

just say thank u, please

"After you."
"Oh no, after you. I insist upon it."

miles is too pretty i just wanna push him off a bridge

oops wrong thread, sry

I have this habit of just saying thank you anytime someone hands me anything, and when I worked at a donut shop, everyone thought this was really funny. Their (not very affectionate) nickname for me was "Thank You."

i have pretty exceptional manners imo

I think writing thank you notes gets you more interpersonal mileage than basically any activity, esp. considering its cost (cheap) and effort (easy).

yes! i bought some mickey mouse thank you notes that i like very much

http://cdn.allaboardtoys.com/aat/section/icon/mickey-mouse-clubhouse.gif

u know what i need to start doing: hostess gifts

miles is too pretty i just wanna push him off a bridge

― janice (surm), Monday, July 19, 2010 3:24 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

rude!

It's easier to write thank you notes when it's on stationery you're stoked about, it's true. I have some cool ones with paisley & little owls!

xp Hostess gifts are so classy.

i would do it very polite like c

I read that you shouldn't buy someone a bottle of wine for a hostess gift, though, because: then they feel obligated to open the wine and share it, and it may not match the meal they planned, or the wine they may have planned for the meal. This seems like some next-level thinking to me, but I guess a person can never be too careful.

no you know what, i think there is truth to that. my friend who is best at hostess gifts always brings something different, and not wine

always wine is like . . . no thought

like my parents would always get wine, last minute, and it was like . . . wow how original

My bf thinks Americans are so silly with their constant Thank Yous and I'm Sorrys and that it's all very superficial. He's about to get a two-week dose of Michiganders so I hope he's feeling grateful and penitent.

xp Yes booze is a no-brainer but it's a no-brainer because it's ALWAYS WELCOME. It's not like an extra bottle of wine is a hardship, like, ever.

My mom always asked if I would do that if the Queen of England were at the table. I usually would just make a louder fart noise with my mouth.

lol that's such a mom question

"Mom, would you be serving this food if the Queen of England were at the table?"

ENBB that was me, yes! My mom used to say that poem and we would always be laughing by the end, of course.

:D exactly!

She'd also say this one (possibly paraphrased from memory):

I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
They sure taste kinda funny
But it keeps them on the knife!

She has a well-developed sense of the absurd.

when i say "hi, how ya doin?" that is not just "hi"

it is a question

answer it.

'how ya doin' is so ubiquitous as a greeting tho surm, it's kind of unfair to expect people not to treat it as just 'hi' really.

i take issue with the idea that it is ubiquitious. i only say it if i want to know, and when asked, i answer. if you just want to say hi, just say hi.

i mean, even apart from rudeness, i think it's plain silly -- it's like, why would you ask a question as a form of saying hello? fails to make sense in my brain.

I like when you greet someone w/a greeting question & they clearly expected to be greeted with another, and accordingly answer w/the one they expected. ie:
"How are you?"
"Nothing much." (<---- Person clearly accustomed to 'What's up?')

xp

yeah, granted, but y'know i still think more people do it that way than the way you're doin it, so it's harsh to judge someone on taking it the more common way!

eh i don't think it's that harsh. if i'm passing someone in the hallway, and they say "hey how are you!?" i would be very hard-pressed to just walk by and not answer

you could counter with a "what's up" and keep walkin, smooth

lol

i mean like i know what you're saying, obv. i just find it kind of dumb as a habit.

a simple "good, thanks!" suffices

what if they respond 'no, really, how are you?' and look concerned?

inviting trouble imo, just best keep walking

hahahaha.

i just think that if somebody takes even a moment to put a question out there, i could never leave them hanging. personally i would just feel incredibly rude.

of course i understand that "how are you" has pretty much lost its meaning, which is why i try and only ask ppl if i care, or if i have to out of consideration. but lumping it in the same breath as "hi" every time you speak with someone is annoying.

howaya

hehe was that supposed to be your new york/new jersey stock greeting? cuz it's kind of accurate

'howaya' actually means 'hello', nobody i know says 'hello'. it's 'how's things', 'are ya well', 'how's she cuttin', 'how's the form'

it's always a question, and nobody ever wants an answer.

nah rural ireland the stress is on the howaya, noo joisy is howaaaaya, right?

yup.

that very well may be how it is. but i know plenty of people, myself included, who, like, answer questions like that.

it's just nice! it's nice to pass someone on the street and say "hi how are ya?" and have them NOT just look straight ahead with a practiced gaze and not answer.

'howaya' actually means 'hello', nobody i know says 'hello'. it's 'how's things', 'are ya well', 'how's she cuttin', 'how's the form'

Is 'How's the craic?' a regional thing? The Irish in my 'hood usually greet that way.

it may be something specific to new york - this sort of protective, perfunctory congeniality. and i mean, i don't like damn you in my mind if you don't say anything back to me, i just feel put off.

surm, im tryin to imagine what you'd be like over here with that approach, the closest i can come is amy adams telling everyone in the park her life story in 'enchanted' and then they all have a dance number, and y'know maybe that's not too far wrong.

HOW'S THE CRAIC BUCK

surm visits dublin

http://www.daleisphere.com/wp-content/uploads/amy-adams-leads-spontaneous-singing-and-dancing-in-central-park-enchanted-2007.jpg

Also, 'What's the craic?'

lolll

look, you don't have to have the STOP AND CHAT

just

how are ya?

ok!

DONE.

Darraghmac, you don't mean that people in your parts don't answer but that they don't answer as if the question were anything more than rhetorical, right?

Person 1. Howaya?

Person 2. Ah, what's the craic?

yeah, it's exactly that- a rhetorical question used as a greeting

'are ya winning?' that's another one

i mean, the first time you hear a new one yeah you're likely to try and answer it and so confuse things, but eventually you get the hang of it.

in fact, the average irish male from a rural area, it's probably best just to assume that he doesn't really want an answer to anything he asks you, short of it being something to do with ownership of land.

baahahahahahahahahahahahaha

but 'ownership of land' covers everything to your irish rural male, tbh.

you would not prob guess it from my ilx lifestyle and all but my manners are actually pretty good irl.

i believe it

would not have believed it just from wdyll tbh jjj

:D

aww really? you just have to look into his eyes :P

you're confusing him with the adorable henry imo- classic PIA trick

My Mum & her friends always talked about this woman they called "Howsyerself", like she didnt have a name she was just "Howsyerself".

I met her once. Before you can even greet her she says "Hi howsyerself"...like, wait! don't I get to ask you first?

I can't tell if she's just trying to speed up the process, or she doesn't like talking about herself.

wait there's a hierarchy of who gets to ask first?

"How's yourself?" is a standard response to "how are you" though, answering a question that hasn't even been asked = weird. (Though I find myself answering even a simple "hello" with "not so bad, yourself?" out of habit)

manners topic #2 of the day: is it really a good idea to call a loved one while on the toilet in a public restroom? i mean, really?

ugh who does that i just can't stand it

ew gross dnw

#3 can you really not stop your phone conversation momentarily to place your coffee order at SBux? I wouldn't want to be on the other end of the phone, or the barista taking your order...it's a lose lose.