Butt Candles

Frightening in any case!!!

Well where's the bloody fun in that eh?

ButtCandles™ are an exciting, and time honored, device for internal cleansing.
http://www.buttcandle.com/

exciting

?_?
http://www.buttcandle.com/images/jackbenimble.jpg

i was just going to post that

Q: I'm concerned about wax dripping down. What are your recommendations?
A: Use without worry. Our engineers have developed a proprietary overflow basin which will prevent any potential discomfort in the rectal insertion area.

Thoroughly shower or bathe; it's best to leave the backside somewhat damp.
Squat, or lie on your back, to insert the ButtCandle ™ to a depth of no more than 3 inches. If you encounter resistance, do not shove ... rather, gently twist while applying firm and steady pressure.
Upon completion of insertion, lie on your back and pull knees to your chest.
Strike the 10" wooden match that is provided. The lighting process, due to anatomical differences, is easier for women than for men. Men need to reach around their thigh to light the wick; whereas women will find it easier to reach directly between the legs. At no time should you permit the lit match to come in contact with your bodily parts.
As the candle burns, a vacuum will be created within the rectum and thereby draw out the stubborn fecal material. A gurgling sound and sensation is not uncommon or cause to worry. The candle will snuff itself after approximately 5 minutes.
If, at any time during the process, the need to void becomes urgent simply go to the toilet as normal; the candle will instanteously go out when it becomes vertically oriented and, furthermore, the candle is 100% soluble and septic-safe so there's no need to dispose of it in any other fashion.
The used ButtCandle ™ should not be handled by anyone and kept out of reach of small children and household animals.
Many people find it relaxing to take a warm shower upon completion

stubborn fecal material

my kingdom for changeable user names!

OK if you need to stick a lit candle up yer arse to be able to shit, I think you have more to worry about than a bit of constipation. Ew.

apparently all these cleansing "candles" - butt and ear - are... full of it

if the wick is burning outside the butt/ear, then how can a vacuum be created inside?

I'm guessing the wax tubes are hollow somehow? It still seems kind of malarkeyish though.

so the candle, rather than taking oxygen from the air in which it's burning, will create a strong enough vacuum in the butt/ear to physically shift impacted, stuck-on waste?

of course this is assuming you use these candles for pragmatic purposes

stuck-on waste
stuck-on waste
stuck-on waste
stuck-on waste
stuck-on waste

The used ButtCandle ™ should not be handled by anyone and kept out of reach of small children and household animals.
Many people find it relaxing to take a warm shower upon completion.

yaaaaaaaaaaaow?

i need a fucking shower just reading this

Tuesday, June 22, 1999 - 07:45:10 pm:
Message from b****verhaw✧✧✧@hotm✧✧✧.c✧✧:

I tried your "butt candle" and unfortunately, had eaten beans earlier that day. I farted and created a flame that extended 6 feet, ignited my curtains and proceeded to burn down my house. I hate to ask, but in the ensueing fire, my butt candle melted. Do you guys think you could replace it, for say half-price?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I just made my co-workers look at me. I cannot explain to them anything about why I am laughing.

Q: My spouse has a hairy backside, will this interfere with the process?
A: It depends on just how hairy this backside is. An average amount of hair in this area presents no real problem. If you're still concerned, however, you can use a plant mister to moisten the area beforehand. If we're talking about a really hairy bottom there is some risk of folicular ignition and special caution must be exercised. Certainly use the mister first.

omg "folicular ignition"

Joke sight which looks like it stopped being maintained around 2005 and was overcome by spammers.

"Certainly use the mister first."

Does this mean test it out on your husband before you use it?

http://www.buttcandle.com/images/buttcandle16.gifhttp://www.buttcandle.com/images/buttcandle16.gifhttp://www.buttcandle.com/images/buttcandle16.gif

alternative uses for butt candles:

1. nightlight
2. autofelching

http://www.chunkybuttcandles.com/CB-Button-Shop-MeltAways.jpg

http://www.chunkybuttcandles.com/

Why don't the Buttcandle people know how to spell "hemorrhoids?"

http://www.nemsplace.co.uk/e107_images/joy/candle.gif

Out, out, butt candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.

There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small buttcandle

Your search "butt candle gurgling sound.mp3" did not find any results.

"Well, it seems I'm about to click a thread called 'Butt Candles.'" And I did. And it was good.

http://www.buttcandle.com/images/candle.gif

butt candle burning at both ends

they used to say you lived your life like butt candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to when the farts set in

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Buttcandlecom/213879738962

best John Hughes movie

four stars! very moving!

coming soon from GOOP