You asked for it 2: The Designer Vaginas thread

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Euughh, Arrghhh, Ugghhhhh, Funny Fanny's, Queer Quims. "You've no excuse for not finding the clitoris now". All quotes from our house whilst watching DV's last night.

What did you say at yours.

― Pete, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I didn't see it. Liverpool were on. A REAL man would have preferred to watch football instead of vaginas.

er...............damn.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Whilst talking about TRIMMING ew ew and they do not mean the hair, we decided that folding the unecessary flaps inward and putting a rivet through them would do the job. Also we started seeing vaginas EVERYWHERE which was HORRID. The relief of an advert break has never been so clement. Argh ooh euggh.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What got me was how did these women know that they were 'deformed' or 'abnormal'? I mean I see naked chicks on a daily basis (nearly) in the gym but there is a difference between that and the kind of intimate porno / gynaecological knowledge these women seemed to have of other women's vaginas. I have no idea how I rate in the world of freakish genitalia and this is why I decided to get my female mates round so we can all check each other out. If this is too much then we all have to bring a photo of, ahem, down there so we can peruse them and laugh at those with ginormous inner labia.

― Emma, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This is a classic example of why UK television is better than US television. (Although, I would have been watching "24" last night, anyway.)

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It kept citing that women wanted vaginas like the chicks in PlayBoy have. How many chicks READ Playboy? Then again those women WERE American, perhaps Playboy US has a feminista slant I somehow miss. To be honest if my vagina was the only thing not like a playboy bunny I would be rather happy!

― Sarah, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Incidentally, in light of Emmas post above I would like you all to call me Bob.

― Bob, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

this is why I decided to get my female mates round so we can all check each other out.

CINEMAX LATE-NIGHT MOVIES ARE TRUE! I KNEW IT!

You say that this meeting is purely for clinical reasons, but we all know that it's only a matter of time before you all end up piling into the tub, giggles turning to moans of passion, four-inch heels waving dramatically in the air as the thrusting and nibbling reaches a fever-pitch...

― Now I know what goes on during "Ladies' Night"!, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yea! Liverpool beat Manchester, although if I had the option I think I would have been watching the Vaginas. I think more chicks read Penthouse than Playboy.

― Hank, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dan Perry you are a devil from hell!

― Ronan, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*blush*

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

To avoid the peril of ending up in a high-heeled lesbian orgy I think I will instead resort to sneakily peering at women in the gym more closely. Which could get me into more trouble in the long run I suppose. But I have to know what is normal and what is not.

― Emma, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*angrily* "What the hell are you looking at?" *seductively* "Would you like a closer look? Ooh..." *giggle*

] synth strings come up, water sprays in artistically-titillating fashion, camera zooms out to slo-mo pan shot with much hair-tossing, etc]

I was going to add more, but my latent shame-circuits have finally kicked in.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I never realised my life was one long lesbian soft-porno flick before.

― Emma, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nor had I and I live with you. Damn, I keep missing it.

Do you need anyone to do nibbles when you have your chick party?

― Pete, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You may yet miss a second day of work Pete.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No. Go away you perv. I would've thought you've seen all the labia you can deal with for a while.

― Emma, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. we watched something else as i could not face it. but ugh.

― katie, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You post one day about things you *shouldn't* post, Dan, and then you become the MC for an edited Max Hardcore flick.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Now I can say after anything "Dan Perry said it first mum".

― Ronan, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was thinking about that, Ned, but I was laughing too much not to press the "Submit" button.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This I believe. Oh yes.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i didn't see it, but my flatmate's girlfriend said it was to do with women wanting to have a visible bulge? is this true? wouldn't a decent topiary expert be cheaper?

― nickie, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

An entire program dedicated to accentuating camel-toe. The mind boggles.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

All quotes from our house whilst watching DV's last night.

you were watching my what, you cheeky bastard?

― DV, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Your vagina, apparently. Okay, I've GOT to get away from this thread!

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As penance, you must show Joei this thread. Say it, SAY IT.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ha I was sure to use your full name. muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH

― Ronan, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

is Joei like Joey or Joy? How do you say it?

― Maria, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"great title. gruesome show. put on hollyoaks now!"

― jel, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's pronounced like Joey, although she'll sometimes answer if you call her Zhwah (ie, "Joie", the most common misspelling of her name).

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"*angrily* "What the hell are you looking at?" *seductively* "Would you like a closer look? Ooh..." *giggle*

] synth strings come up, water sprays in artistically-titillating fashion, camera zooms out to slo-mo pan shot with much hair-tossing, etc]"

My thoughts exactly. Genius.

― Hank, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I didn't see this, I was out watching an entirely different bunch of cunts, Lord Of The Rings. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I am comedy king! You see?

(Actually I didn't think LOTR was that bad)

― DG, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Good, good...

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It kept citing that women wanted vaginas like the chicks in PlayBoy have

correct me if i'm wrong, because i don't actually read playboy, but i thought playboy didn't show vaginas.

― di, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"*angrily* "What the hell are you looking at?" *seductively* "Would you like a closer look? Ooh..." *giggle* ] synth strings come up, water sprays in artistically-titillating fashion, camera zooms out to slo-mo pan shot with much hair-tossing, etc]" My thoughts exactly. Genius.

give me strength.

and what the fuck is a normal/abnormal vagina anyway? who decides these things? vaginas are all beautiful so fuck it.

― di, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"so fuck it" - cue more schoolboy jokes.

― di, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"so fuck them" would be gramatically correct

― electric sound of jim, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have my coat already... i was prepared

― electric sound of jim, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

electric sound of jim thinks he's pulled!

― mark s, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Will someone please explain what this thread is about, if it's not about hair?

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

― electric sound of jim, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's about cosmetic surgery on the LABIA

― electric sound of jim, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It is about elective surgery mr hand and THAT IS ALL I'M SAYING!!

― mark s, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh for goodness sakes.

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

And I thought breast augmentation was silly.

― Nicole, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hey guess what - vaginas don't have labia. vulvas do.
probably it is a losing fucking battle against "vagina" being used to refer to more than just the vagina. but i will probably never tire of pointing it out.
vulva vulva vulva vulva vulva vulva vulva vulva vulva

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If you say that over and over it sounds like a car trying to start in the cold.

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

if you say it over and over your lips get stuck pursed and going "vvvvv"

― Maria, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This thread makes me wanna dress like Bootsy Collins or 80s era Bar Kays, and just scream out "DIZZYNA VIJYNNA!!! HOOOOOOOO!!!"

― Brian MacDonald, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Maybe it should be Designer Vulvas then. I wans't aware I'd said anything anatomically incorrect.

― electric sound of jim, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

was this doco actually called "Designer Vaginas 2"???

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I thought this thread had something to do with Tom's clockwork punany. Not that I mind Dan's newfound interest in lipstick lesbian schtick.

― David Raposa, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

THREAD = DEAD. For all our sakes.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 23 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nothing.

― Luke, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The documentary was indeed called Designer Vaginas.

― Pete, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Indeed, and while Designer Vulvas / Designer Labia may be more anatomically accurate they would be less rhyming, do you see?

― Emma, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i didn't see it, but my flatmate's girlfriend said it was to do with women wanting to have a visible bulge? is this true?

Well, not the bit I saw (I got bored with it after about 20 mins). It was the other way round. Women were having their labias reduced in size cause they were uncomfortable with them being so big (and yes, being visible through tight jeans, which prompted a 'WHAT?' from a friend of mine last night. I said these things do sometimes happen. Not that I'm staring. And I'm not sure I've ever noticed it with jeans. But thinner kinds of trousers and BICYCLE SHORTS, hell yeah.)

It wasn't all cosmetic. Much was about tightening vulvas following childbirth etc.

Top two quotes, both from female health professionals working in the area:

- Talking about a woman whose partner complained about her being too loose down there: "In this case I recommended that the patient find a man with a bigger penis. Or if this isn't possible, someone more understanding."

- Talking about a woman who said she had lost sensation during sex following childbirth: "I examined her and to be honest I wasn't surprised. You could have driven a double decker bus through there!". Charming..

― N., Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It seems having a baby of 10lbs or more is the cause of the excessive slackening the women on the programme suffered from since many of them had BIG babies. I was wondering what would happen if they had another kid after the surgery - after all that surgical tightening would a regular old vaginal birth be possible?

― Emma, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

For those of us who missed the special, there are several links to articles on the web that reveal the true horror. I boggled at the Salon one, personally; rarely have I read something that exuded "WRONG" from almost every angle that I considered it.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

[...] Tom's clockwork punany.

This surpasses the Salon article in wrongness, by the by.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That Salon article makes me laugh, it's the name of the doctor you see - I can just see Granpa Simpson yelling "MATLOCK!"

― DG, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three weeks pass...

RESURRECTION TIME: I think Brian won this thread. His one post owns everything I wrote.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have to agree, that's a beauty and a half. Just imagine the shades.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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