when a close relative is mentally ill

I have friends who have schizophrenic siblings and such. They have the patience of saints. And I am by no means demeaning mental illness having struggled with severe depression myself. It is really a very difficult thing to handle. I wish you well logged out, and I wish I could offer more advice, I think there might be a few ppl here who may be of more assitsance.

As this was in the early 1950s they had NO IDEA that her condition was sparked by post-partum depression; one of my mother's earliest memories is of the ambulance and a living room full of very large men come to take my grandmother away (she wasn't exactly cooperating). She went to the mental hospital attached to the Mayo Clinic and after two years eating Thorazine in a straitjacket, was given ECT and a frontal lobotomy and sent home after about another year recovering. She returned to hospital intermittently for the next 20 years, whenever she had violent or depressive episodes. Of course none of these things are acceptable treatments now (bar ECT in a few cases) but the key thing is that this was a woman of about 29 who flipped out with something which is now considered common, manageable, and usually temporary.

Basically, mental illness can be set off by all sorts of things - if you could be a bit more specific about the age, sex and circumstances of the person you're worried about it would be easy to eliminate some factors making tham more arseholeish or annoying than usual and see whether or not it's just your stress bleeding all over your life.

No offense, but that's just not cool. I take medication for bipolar disorder I, and I am able to function like a normal person who doesn't see shit that isn't there or get paranoid for no reason. (And yes, when unmedicated, those are two of my symptoms.) I am clinically diagnosed, but I don't consider myself "certifiably off my rocker."

Also, there are plenty of "fucked up families" with no mental illness in them at all. My family, on the other hand, has a rich history of depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder and alcoholism. Yet my immediate family is one of the least fucked up, most wonderful families I have had the pleasure of meeting.

The thing is, therapy has done me a lot of good (and still will I bet once I find a new therapist now that I've moved), but for therapy to be effective at all I kinda need to be stable on some kind of meds. Otherwise I can't think straight and clearly enough to really let any kind of therapy be useful. But ultimately, it's the therapy that has helped me be responsible and continue to live life in a way that helps me establish and keep things like relationships and friendships and jobs.

I am getting ready to change meds in the near future though, partly because the one I'm on causes some side effects which are not particularly pleasant. (Like, I've gained a lot of weight is the big one.) So, it's possible I may be "off my rocker" off and on for a little while soon. Though in all likelihood I will have an easier time since I am switching slowly and not stopping one and then starting the other and since I have gone through this tedious process at least once before and am much better at figuring out what's going on with myself in general now.

my father im assuming has something very close to aspergers. a trait i share. he was also depressed.

(and my sister, and my grandmother 2x, and my paternal grandfather...)

She was later put in a fairly decent hospital, but coming back from something like that--it takes years and endless patience on everybody's part. She's pretty much 'her' now, but the fact is, you can't go through such a thing unscathed.

Still--this is a pretty extreme example. Others I've known have eventually found meds/therapy that works, although as noted, with side effects that range from annoying to really lousy.

But aside from stigma--a big-ass problem--it does get better. And I'm not much known for my pollyanna aspects.

Tom Cruise can eat a bag of elephant dicks.

He stayed a while at my parents, and mercifully his (as yet undiagnosed) mental health problem has subsided somewhat, he is no longer so psychotic, but he is clearly not well, as any brief telephone call confirms, dominated by whatever crankish conspiracy theory he’s just read on the internet, and his own idiosyncratic take on Christianity. It’s difficult. As a family we try to support him as best we can, but two of his brothers (including myself) live abroad, and my parents struggle to make sense of it all. I fear he has undiagnosed schizophrenia. I love him, worry about him, am deeply concerned, but at the same time he is difficult to deal with, and is likely to fly-off-the handle with rage at little provocation.

There is a lot of clearly written, sound advice and information on the MIND website which I found useful.

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/?wbc_purpose=Basic&WBCMODE=PresentationUnpublished

so my brother has been dealing with schizophrenia for over 10 years now. i'm currently in a support group through NAMI (national alliance for mental illness) for family members. well, it's actually more of a peer education class, covering information about disorders, medications, navigating the mental health care system, crisis management -- all sorts of germane topics for families and caretakers.

it's been mostly a positive experience, but i can't deny that it's been difficult at times. i've always been somewhat distant and reserved when it comes to revealing my feelings -- taught as i was to diminish my own needs & emotions in deference to my bro's recurring crises -- so it was tough to adapt to the support group model. ("i was never allowed to talk about these things, why should i start now!? and WHO are these emotionally promiscuous strangers, trading platitudes and cheap sympathy?") i've softened a lot from that initial reaction, and since i've been dealing with my family situation for a long time, i actually have quite a bit to contribute to the group. some of the 'sharing' moments can be pretty bleak, tho -- everyone there has heartbreaking stories, and it can be overwhelming.

there's one thing that i really dislike against this particular support group -- it's mediated by folks who took the course in the past, who are caretakers, but who have no training or licensure. as a result, they aren't really able to provide any information beyond what they have in the prepared course materials, but worse, there is no prophylactic against the spreading of bad information.

i've been thinking of joining a support group for this; what i'm afraid of is that it will be overwhelming to hear everyone's stories, and that it's run by everyday people so it might not be ... i don't know, correct. the positive i'm hoping is it will give a sense of "not being alone" plus being a springboard to offer support to other people, too.

my parents are both deeply mentally ill and i'm slowly becoming aware of that. not like bipolar or schizophrenia, more like they're sociopaths of some kind. they lack the qualities of what makes a human being human, or even a higher order mammal. it's some pretty confusing and fucked up stuff, and i've been hoping a support group would offer some support since this isn't the kinda shit you talk about in day to day life.

for example! last night, one of the class members posed a question to the group -- what can I do if my (adult) son refuses to seek treatment?

the discussion quickly devolved into the group sharing strategies for how to get a family member committed without their consent.

which, unless they are actively psychotic or planning to harm themselves or others, is patently fucking illegal.

i have some insight here, just by the fact that my boyfriend works admission for behavioral health services, so i know the legal score. but i can't even describe just how. fucking. MAD it made me.

like i realize these folks only want the best for their loved ones. i tried to express compassion and sympathy for the problem; i tried to direct the discussion towards accepting your boundaries and limitations as a caretaker but got shouted down by folks saying "you can't just do NOTHING"

i mean what the FUCK. i would have hoped for some ethical guidance from the mediators, but it was not forthcoming.

i'm afraid this is my experience of a lot of support groups. of course it's great that people can share real experiences and offer sympathetic ears but without pro leadership you tend to get a tyranny of dumb "common sense" or - what might be worse - half-forgotten training treated as canonical dogma.

tbf several pro social workers i've known seem to be full of the latter too

spectrum, i'm pretty sure there are support groups run by licensed professionals, but this particular one is peer-led.

maybe look up your local NAMI chapter thru nami.org to see what family services might be offered in your area?

thanks. there's one i had in mind, maybe i'll see what their leadership is like and how it's run. i can see how having unprofessional people running things could make the whole scene a shitshow.

yeah, it's not that it's unprofessional per se -- lord knows they try -- but they just don't have the authority to declare anything true or false, all they can do is point to the handbook.

My uncle had a breakdown while living in japan, i've never really known him as anyone but the guy who ruins family get-togethers with his weird religious ideas and tales of why belgians are rubbish but swiss people are great. he now lives with my 89-year old grandmother, and well, keeps her company, but also keeps the rest of the family from visiting her as much as they would like. i can't stand sleeping in their house - as we do every year for christmas - since the room me and my brother will get is right next to where he will sleep, and he spends most of the night talking and laughing to himself. It really freaks me out, he is not like that when he thinks people can hear him.

i can sympathize with that to an extent -- it's difficult to be around someone who seems to be carrying on their own private conversation, especially when it appears to be more engaging than present company. my brother has a running dialogue at pretty much all times, which is sometimes vocalized. it's taken me a while not to personalize it, to treat it as a symptom of his illness rather than just plain rudeness. when you bring it to his attention, he gets embarrassed. ("who are you talking to?" "i wasn't talking.") but i imagine that it's much more difficult to address the situation when the person at least *tries* to be private about it