Anal sex on the first date: classic or dud?

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This is surely a no-no, right? My (female) flatmate went out with some guy three nights ago who (although I haven't met him) I'd kind of already taken against because he drives a sports car and works in the City. He took her out to some wanky-swanky restaurant in Marylebone, followed by drinks in some private club, followed by drinks at his bachelor pad, followed by...

My zero-self-esteem flatmate admitted the deed last night when drunk. I, also drunk, got furious with her and now she's not talking to me. Maybe I'm being a hopeless prude for thinking the guy a total dick for even trying it on, but anyway.

― Fiona CR, Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:34 (twenty years ago)

Why is the guy a total dick for trying it on?

― dr lulu (dr lulu), Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:41 (twenty years ago)

with city boys i'm told this is kind of par for the course innit.

― enrique, pseudonym, Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:42 (twenty years ago)

Why is the guy a total dick for trying it on?

My feeling is anal sex might be something you build up to in a relationship, once you've already established a level of mental and physical intimacy. Taking a woman out for a romantic evening in a nice resturant and then at the end of the evening just wanting tofuck her in the ass... Obviously some assignations are just for sex which is fine if both parties understand, but if you lead someone to believe it's a romantic first date night out that might eventually lead to something, but then ultimately just treat her as a piece of meat.... But yes, possibly I'm horribly old-fashioned, I don't know.

― Fiona CR, Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:51 (twenty years ago)

Pitching: Classic
Catching: Dud

― phil d. (Phil D.), Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:52 (twenty years ago)

Not wanting to be bummed on the 1st night isn't old fashioned!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:53 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I dunno. Anal is best saved for those you truely care about.

― This cunted circus never ends... (papa november), Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:56 (twenty years ago)

did your flatmate enjoy it then?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:56 (twenty years ago)

Uh Fiona, why are you furious? What the (anal) fuck does it have to do with you?

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:58 (twenty years ago)

Is she really as much of a victim as you're portraying her Fiona? Maybe give her a little more credit as someone who can make grown-up decisions.
At the answer to Ken C's question is....?

― dr lulu (dr lulu), Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:59 (twenty years ago)

i dunno, you guys, i still prefer Ignition

― petey galveston (gareth), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:04 (twenty years ago)

I prefer cruise control.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:09 (twenty years ago)

http://www.capital.it/trovacinema/rendercmsfield.jsp?field_name=Image&id=265629
Very classic, it is important for a women to test her true passion"

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:15 (twenty years ago)

"as sure as i've got a hole in my arse..."

― sir alan sugar (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:15 (twenty years ago)

Maybe I'm being a hopeless prude

So it would have been OK if he'd fucked her in the vagina, but not in the ass? If that's your opinion then yes, you're a hopeless prude. Assuming everything is consensual, why should one particular sexual practice be deemed OK in the circumstances, and yet not another? Some people have weird hangups about ass-fucking.

― the cossacks are charging in, Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:24 (twenty years ago)

HOME GAPING IS KILLING MARRIAGE

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:27 (twenty years ago)

did your flatmate enjoy it then?

Not really, from what she said to me. That's why I was furious, her being manipulated into doing something that she didn't really want to do. No, the guy didn't rape her and yes, ultimately the sex was consensual. That doesn't mean that a guy can't be manipulative and overbearing and persuade someone to do something they don't particularly want to do. Hence why I think the guy's a bit of a dick.

― Fiona CR, Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:33 (twenty years ago)

You don't need to be a prude to consider that a bit full-on for a first date.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:36 (twenty years ago)

I had a long post but you just answered my questions, so I would be mad, too. Not because it's anal per se, but because of the manipulation. I think there's also a certain amount of emotional baggage attached to anal sex - it's a dominating thing that, when done by a rough, dominating, or inexperienced partner to another inexperienced partner, can cause a considerable amount of pain.

― Safety First (pullapartgirl), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:36 (twenty years ago)

Sausages, a question. (4 new answers)
Anal sex on the first date: classic or dud? (16 new answers)

― the cossacks are charging in, Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:37 (twenty years ago)

is your flatmate gonna see this guy again then? and maybe go for an assertiveness course?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:38 (twenty years ago)

And I don't think you're a prude, either. Anal sex is just fine, and it's even fine on the first date as long as both parties are into it. But your roommate clearly wasn't and that's what makes the whole thing uncool - sounds like the guy was on a conquest, like he just wanted to see if he could ass fuck this girl if he bought her an expensive enough dinner. That hurts in more than one way.

― Safety First (pullapartgirl), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:39 (twenty years ago)

I can't work out whether this manipulation and bad behaviour on the part of the guy is your notion or something your roommate has said. I do strongly get the sense that your reaction is "Anal sex! That's terrible! Because um manipulation!" whereas it's the anal sex you are reacting to rather than the (unconfirmed) manipulation.

Manipulation = the guy is a dick and to be shunned.
Anal sex = one of the fun sexual things people do, and not any big deal in itself.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:43 (twenty years ago)

sounds like the guy was on a conquest, like he just wanted to see if he could ass fuck this girl if he bought her an expensive enough dinner.

? that's quite a conclusion you managed to jump to.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:43 (twenty years ago)

xpost

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:44 (twenty years ago)

I guess having had anal sex is something a lot of people think they should feel guilty about, because it's about lust, and can't possibly be portraid as the "romantic lovemaking" women are supposed to like.

― Eva van Rein (Gaia1981), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:48 (twenty years ago)

It still has to be a chosen act of lust, of course, not one that one had been manipulated into (add xpost)

― Eva van Rein (Gaia1981), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:50 (twenty years ago)

ken c - okay. So what? From Fiona's description, that is what it sounds like to me. We're discussing anal sex on a message board, not trying a man in a court of law.

― Safety First (pullapartgirl), Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:52 (twenty years ago)

cos i don't recognise the poster, i kind of suspect trolling, hopefully with a 'standing up pissing' stype finale.

but if it isn't, ken and martin are being obtuse: one tends to know one's flatmates, doesn't one? so you come to conclusions without a frigging court deposition.

― enrique, troll detector, Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:54 (twenty years ago)

As to whether my friend will see him again - I don't know. She says not, but I don't know, it may depend if the guy calls her or not. I think she's kind of attracted to him and therefore a bit blind to what I see as dickish behaviour.

I don't have a particular problem with anal sex. And I don't think you have to have a problem with it to think that anal sex is stronger meat, so to speak, and that it might be something you want to ease yourself into in the course of a relationship, rather than something a rich, goodlooking alpha male type might spring on you on the first date, catching you unawares and therefore more suggestive and vulnerable to doing things you might not want to do if you'd had time to think or had a bit more distance or the person was being a little less (mentally) forceful.

― Fiona CR, Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:54 (twenty years ago)

also martin's "sexual people" thing was roffly.

― enrique's pseudonym, Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:00 (twenty years ago)

I sincerely hope there was some manipulation going on before the anal sex, because OW for everyone concerned.

― Dan (Please Tip Your Servers, Etc) Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:29 (twenty years ago)

it's alright dan. from what i read it sounds like that dude has a small dick anyway (sports car and city job innit)

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:32 (twenty years ago)

Finally we get back to the sports car. Ew.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:38 (twenty years ago)

xpost heheh Probably a woman with a gigantic clitoris wanting something different.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:38 (twenty years ago)

Well there's tonight's nightmare all lined up.

― Dan (Thanks, Nath) Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:40 (twenty years ago)

"ease yourself into"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:45 (twenty years ago)

NIGHTMARE? Areth thou jesting, Dan? I mean, a man with a woman's brain? Honestly, that seems like a WET DREAM to me. Actually no, it does seem like a complete whacked out nightmare.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:47 (twenty years ago)

xpost heheh Probably a woman with a gigantic clitoris wanting something different.
Something’ like John Wayne’s saddlebags?
http://www.antiquemystique.com/images/4571a.jpg

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:47 (twenty years ago)

If the whole point and purpose of dating is to get sex, anal or otherwise, then obv classic.

If one considers that dating has a dimension of seeking out kindred souls with whom one may form an intimate and lasting connection, then, shall we say, the jury is still out on this one. Intimate is covered, but lasting is up in the air.

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:48 (twenty years ago)

http://www.joblo.com/images_movie_reviews/american_psycho.jpg

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Thursday, 13 April 2006 13:14 (twenty years ago)

FIONA YOU DIDN'T ANSWER WHY YOU WERE MAD REALLY R U JEALOUS?!?!?!?

― Fight the Real Enemy -- Tasti D-Lite (ex machina), Thursday, 13 April 2006 13:26 (twenty years ago)

45h13y c013 to thread

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 13 April 2006 13:27 (twenty years ago)

i'm jealous

― teh_kit says 'FACES' (g-kit), Thursday, 13 April 2006 13:37 (twenty years ago)

F., you're not going to be able to protect her if this is the kind of guy she's attracted to. Sounds like she's drawn to a different kind of guy, or a different kind of sexuality, than you are, is all - and it's fine not to respect it, but I doubt you can talk her into the merits of mutually respectful, emotionally-earned backdoor sex.

― Eazy (Eazy), Thursday, 13 April 2006 13:48 (twenty years ago)

Anal sex is classic, whether it's the first date or the hundredth! In fact one of my fondest memories is getting delightfully drunk with a Finnish girl I met in a bar, then going back to the flat in Soho she shared with a bevy of Scandinavians, all thankfully out at that time, then getting even more delightfully drunk on vodka, then getting naked, then getting it on, then having her breathily whisper in my ear "fuck me in the ass, fuck me in the ass"... and all on the "first date". Oh, what a first date that was.

― loggedout, Thursday, 13 April 2006 13:57 (twenty years ago)

classic, obviously

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Thursday, 13 April 2006 14:02 (twenty years ago)

loggedout, were you wearing a trucker hat?

― phil d. (Phil D.), Thursday, 13 April 2006 14:03 (twenty years ago)

gear isn't scandinavian!!

haha xpost!!

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 13 April 2006 14:22 (twenty years ago)

cumming on her face at 1st date: c/d?

― fea, Thursday, 13 April 2006 14:33 (twenty years ago)

I've done this.

Never saw it as a 'conquest' though. Just a spectacular end to a really good night. Actually I had known the girl for a while but not that closely and the gap between first kiss and the bum action was less than an hour.

Men do it with other men..is there a difference?

Still respect her.

― ant, Thursday, 13 April 2006 15:32 (twenty years ago)

then having her breathily whisper in my ear "fuck me in the ass, fuck me in the ass"

sorry, have I wandered into the letters page of Penthouse?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 13 April 2006 21:20 (twenty years ago)

http://www.sixthseal.com/images/devilsfood/cake_mix_kisses.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 13 April 2006 21:53 (twenty years ago)

http://image46.webshots.com/47/1/86/75/379818675VRDMuF_ph.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 13 April 2006 21:58 (twenty years ago)

http://gummibearheads.com/ign/rocket_jenna_buttsex.gif

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 13 April 2006 21:59 (twenty years ago)

LESSON: I seriously doubt the guy will marry this women or even treat her very well after this (if this is being "treated well," anyway). Watch some online porn and note the similarities. Women can be manipulated, sadly for them. Maybe they should grow up / grow some self-esteem and realize the balls are in their court, literally. Guys want to fuck more than women, in general, and women should know this and understand its significance a little more. Yes, guys will be manipulative and there is some other ho-bag right around the corner ready and waiting to be treated like a piece of meat. So, let the fucking guy go for THAT girl! He's not the kind of guy you want, anyway, unless your dream guy is one who treats you like shit, which this ass-fucker certainly will. People can be so fucking stupid when it comes to the opposite sex.

― Get One Sexual Intelligence, Thursday, 13 April 2006 22:01 (twenty years ago)

(No, women don't fuck just to get married. And women can be very horny, too. Don't project.)

― Get One Sexual Intelligence, Thursday, 13 April 2006 22:02 (twenty years ago)

I think the answer to the thread question is "it depends". Consensual, fun, hot n horny anal action = hurray! Manipulative, painful, not-so-fun regrettable anal action = OH NOES! Frankly the anality doesn't seem to figure into it much.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 13 April 2006 22:05 (twenty years ago)

only latent quifs would want to do a lady in the heiny when a vag is available

― gay gayken, Thursday, 13 April 2006 23:04 (twenty years ago)

http://www.milaninteriors.com/i/whiteCouch.gif

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Thursday, 13 April 2006 23:11 (twenty years ago)

Shakey OTM, and I like the word "anality." I'm going to start looking for opportunities to use it in everyday conversation.

― cheshycat (chëshy f cat), Friday, 14 April 2006 00:22 (twenty years ago)

sorry, have I wandered into the letters page of Penthouse?

You've opened a thread entitled 'anal sex on the first date'. The difference is subtle but imaginary.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 14 April 2006 01:04 (twenty years ago)

Shakey OTM, and I like the word "anality."

http://people.ucsc.edu/~jocwong/cmpe3_www/Mortal%20Kombat%202%20Fatality.png

― jinx hijinks (sanskrit), Friday, 14 April 2006 01:12 (twenty years ago)

ILX is so wonderfully consistent...It all devolves into issues of self-esteem and manipulation and aren't women always the victims rationales. Not to mention the bizarre, but again typical, knee-jerk class hatred that's always in fashion.

Let's recap:

He works in the financial services sector. Therefore he has a small penis and is an inherently bad person. Yup. Based on science. All checks out.

in exchange for sex on his terms, your roommate accepts expensive presents or services. Oh wait. This makes her a whore. Amateur or otherwise. She's a prostitute. Sorry, just a prostitute.

And birds of a feather...et&.

― GanzTypisch, Friday, 14 April 2006 12:56 (twenty years ago)

anal sex is stronger meat, so to speak

This is the greatest thing ever said on ilx or anywhere else for that matter

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Friday, 14 April 2006 13:20 (twenty years ago)

I routinely insist on anal sex on the first date. As we're settling down to our first cocktail at my swanky, members-only club, I slip my hand across hers and casually announce: "Oh, by the way, in exchange for the cocktails, dinner at The Ivy, more cocktails and then a ride in my nifty red sports car, I fully expect to vigorously penetrate your anus sometime between midnight and two o'clock in the morning. If, for any reason, this is not possible, then GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW AND STOP WASTING MY PRECIOUS TIME."

Works every time.

― gentleman and a scholar, Friday, 14 April 2006 13:41 (twenty years ago)

anal sex is stronger meat, so to speak

PULLED PORK!!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 14 April 2006 14:13 (twenty years ago)

"dates"

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Friday, 14 April 2006 14:14 (twenty years ago)

Even SUPER men are dicks.

http://www.superdickery.com/images/dick/1296_4_063.jpg

― good point, Saturday, 15 April 2006 01:29 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://www.superdickery.com/images/dick/1296_4_081.jpg

― yes, definitely, perfect, Saturday, 15 April 2006 01:32 (twenty years ago)

Anal sex without a condom on first date: CLASSIC
Anal sex with a condom on first date: DUD

Anal sex without a condom followed by blow job to completion: CLASSIC
aka ATM(ass to mouth)

― hot links to hell, Saturday, 15 April 2006 02:28 (twenty years ago)

yuck

― phil-two (phil-two), Saturday, 15 April 2006 02:50 (twenty years ago)

i\'m not so sure about having sex on a first date at all except maybe if i\'d known the girl for a while. but if sex does happen i\'d be up for anal if she asked for it. i\'ve been with a couple girls i could imagine doing that since in general they like getting off that way.

as for this situation, the big question is whether the guy showed her a good time before the anal happened. it\'s one thing if she came a bunch of times first thru oral or somethin and then he was all like \"could we....?\" and she was like \"well, ok, i guess\" and it just didn\'t go well. sometimes it doesn\'t. but if it was a perfunctory halfhearted clit rub and then \"cmon, i bought you that dinner\" then that\'s pretty creepy.

and yeah anal is more invasive, i don\'t think it\'s prudish to say it might be good to wait (and i think it\'s lame for a guy to ask for it so early). i don\'t think anal\'s just about lust though, it can be really loving if you do it right.

― no thanks, Saturday, 15 April 2006 03:11 (twenty years ago)

HELLO ESCAPESTRING()

― Fight the Real Enemy -- Tasti D-Lite (ex machina), Saturday, 15 April 2006 03:23 (twenty years ago)

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