Is it illegal to threaten a telemarketer with murder?

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well, is it?

if, you know, they keep calling me and I pick up the phone and tell them I'm gonna hunt them down and split open their skulls with a ballpeen hammer and feast on the brains inside am I potentially gonna get in some trouble? Or should I just have a little fun with it?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:49 (twenty years ago)

http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

― Fight the Real Enemy -- Tasti D-Lite (ex machina), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:51 (twenty years ago)

I prefer to resort to my own devillish machinations.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:56 (twenty years ago)

(also John Waters' trademark reaction: *breathes heavily* "what are you wearing?")

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:56 (twenty years ago)

it is illegal to threaten anyone with murder

― geoff (gcannon), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 22:29 (twenty years ago)

also illegal: complaining about telemarketers when not in front of a brick wall and holding a microphone.

― geoff (gcannon), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 22:30 (twenty years ago)

white people drive like THIS

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 22:36 (twenty years ago)

If you are going to go to all the work of tracking them down, splitting their skulls with a ball peen hammer, and eating their brains, you might as well have some fun with it.

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 22:37 (twenty years ago)

well its easy to just go into a litany of inappropriate questions, I'm just trying to establish some boundaries here (sexual harrasment = OKAY! threats of murder = NOT REALLY!)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 22:38 (twenty years ago)

Just don't call them a "dumb stoner" when they call you "ma'am" but you hear it "man." Though you probably don't get called "ma'am" a lot.

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 22:40 (twenty years ago)

I'm more likely to be called "dumb stoner" than "ma'am"

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 22:44 (twenty years ago)

I just hang up on them. And hang up and hang up and hang up - I'm getting less and less calls now.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 23:12 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

I don't like telemarketers at all, but after hearing the amazingly insane Frank Booth-esque rant unloaded on this guy, I'd totally buy him a beer.

― Fsck Washing Ong's Hat (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

Oh man, the quoted bits are good enough. But I must wait until I get home to play this properly...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 19:31 (nineteen years ago)

I did telemarketing once. What's worse than people who get mad at you? People who seem confused and vulnerable and respond as if they're receiving an important, official call. :(

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 19:48 (nineteen years ago)

I've now told 14 separate telemarketers that my housemate Mr Murray is dead. It's getting harder and harder to make up elaborate deaths.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 19:51 (nineteen years ago)

People who get super-pissed are a little depressing too, though, cause you're all like: dude. It's telemarketing. It happens. How are you ever going to live in this country if you go nuts over telemarketing?(*) Just hang up and shit.

(*)Answer = The rage evoked by quotidian telemarketing seems weirdly similar to the rage harnessed by, say, political candidates who oppose gay marriage, or the United Nations. I love the people of the American midwest, but one of their most defining qualities seems to be the desire to be left alone to do exactly what they were doing before, in their beautiful and friendly ways -- but then god help you if you do anything to interrupt it, whether it's blowing up a skyscraper or just calling in the middle of dinner.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 19:55 (nineteen years ago)

Wait, you LIKED calling people during dinner?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

In the UK if you say the magic words 'Telephone Preference Service' they suddenly start apologising profusely and can't put the phone down soon enough.

― theantmustdance (theantmustdance), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

"sure."

"that's okay."

"it doesn't bother me, ma'am."

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 20:05 (nineteen years ago)

Even before the do-not-call database here, people were supposed to be able to ask to have themselves removed from whatever list you were using. When I was doing this, we had an F-key shortcut that was supposed to accomplish that. Whenever people asked to be removed, I would press that button, but I wouldn't see anything happen. Eventually I told my boss I thought it was broken, but he said no, it was silently removing people from the list without any need for visual confirmation or any kind of yes/no dialogue.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 20:09 (nineteen years ago)

Comedian Tom Mabe has a good schtick - he records his calls from telemarkers where he responds in a variety of humorous ways. I've only heard the first CD but it had some funny bits, especially the cemetary plot salesman ("your call is a sign from god") and carpet cleaner ("Can you get blood out of drapes too?"). Sometimes he gets a bit too Blue Collar but overall he comes up with some pretty quick and entertaining responses.

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 20:16 (nineteen years ago)

Ha, Dan, someone else there told me later that he forgot and asked that supervisor which key it was, and the guy was like "It's F ... umm ... actually, you can hit any one of them. Any of the F keys works." (!!)

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 20:19 (nineteen years ago)

when i was in college, i worked p/t as a telephone survey interviewer. i somehow lasted 2 years on that gig. the three worst surveys that i had to do: (a) a survey of stockbrokers, who were to be called from 9:30A - 4P -- in other words, WHEN THE MARKETS ARE OPEN and these guys are (supposed to be) trading or following the market. lemme put it another way: calling stockbrokers when the markets are open is roughly equivalent to calling surgeons out of surgery to do a survey -- and met with the same exact response. (b) a half-hour survey on thermometers -- yes, including (very detailed) questions about RECTAL thermometers (nb: i don't remember the wayans bros. working for the same survey firm as i did). (c) an hour-long survey on consumer paper products -- wash cloths, toilet paper, etc. -- which was bad enough, but what was REALLY bad was how even a response of "i don't use TP (ewww)/wash cloths/tissue paper" would STILL lead to a series of questions that could take up to an hour to answer.

even after all that, i still don't have any love for telemarketers. but to this day, i hate talking on the phone.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 20:28 (nineteen years ago)

I found a bit of a trick with the survey type ones. They always lead in with a qualifyer question to establish their target group, and you have to fit that or they cant do the survey. So no, I have no car, no I'm not in industry, etc...

And I have in fact replied with "no, I am not a female aged between 18 and 60" and similar, and had a baffled, polite "uhh.. ok, thanks for your time" and off they go.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

I just say "my parents aren't home and I'm not allowed to speak to strangers."

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 23:37 (nineteen years ago)

I hope you do that in an old man voice.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 23:40 (nineteen years ago)

My own voice is sufficient to freak them the fuck out.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 23:44 (nineteen years ago)

Hahah that would rule. Actually I know a guy in his 20s who really does still live with his parents and has said before that he couldnt come along to various IRC meets we used to have, unless his parents said it was ok. Scary.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 20 July 2006 00:29 (nineteen years ago)

What's your name and where are you from? What are you wearing? You wanna know what I'm wearing? I'm wearing crotchless lace panties. Are you touching yourself? Guess what I'm doing? I'm touching myself. Guess where? You know where! Do you want me to touch you there? Why don't you let me hear you touch yourself there?...

― Butt Dickiss (Dick Butkus), Thursday, 20 July 2006 00:37 (nineteen years ago)

What about the recorded prank calls to Red at The Tube Bar in Jersey City that Moe from the Simpsons is based on? Threatening to murder those mother fucking cock suckers was, like, daily, and look what we got out of it.

http://www.missioncreep.com/mw/tubebar/

― Rev. PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie 2), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:14 (nineteen years ago)

And is it illegal to tell an operator you're in love with them?

Wolfman Jack: Who's this on The Wolfman telephone?
Operator: Hello, I have a collect call.
Wolman Jack: Pardon me, you're name is Collette?
Operator: Collect call for...
Wolfman Jack: Your name is Collette Call?
Operator: Sir, this is the operator.
Wolfman Jack: Are you French, Operator?
Operator: Collect call for Wolfman Jack.
Wolfman Jack: I love you, Operator.

― Rev. PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie 2), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:16 (nineteen years ago)

thirteen years pass...

Shakey come split my brain open with a hammer

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Saturday, 15 February 2020 02:48 (six years ago)

Haha

I have no memory of starting this thread

― Οὖτις, Saturday, 15 February 2020 03:00 (six years ago)

I have no memory of most threads.

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Saturday, 15 February 2020 03:00 (six years ago)

This thread has a good nabisco post drawing a line between annoyance at telemarketers and anti-gay legislation

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Saturday, 15 February 2020 03:02 (six years ago)

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