Great big gobs of greasy, grimey gopher meat...

great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
chopped-up parakeet
all wrapped up with birdies' little dirty feet
and i forgot my spoon

circa 1981, Claremont, CA, Chaparral Elementary School.

Sung in a jaunty, Andrews Sisters 40's type melody, 3rd Grade, Fortuna Elementary, Fortuna, CA.

"Comet! It makes your mouth turn green!
Comet! It smells like gas-o-line!
Comet! It makes you vomit!
So try some Comet
And vomit
today!"

The version of greasy grimy gopher guts that I knew had a line in it about "mutilated membranes" -- but I can't remember enough to quote it.

I'd not heard this before, but it's good... I like the "all purpose" generalist tone of it.

CLASSIC

"And I forgot my spoon...
But not my straw! [spluring noises]"

Andy!

2nd verse:

It rolled into the garden and under a bush
and then my poor meatball was nothing but mush*. (*must rhyme with "bush")

has anybody heard this one? i think only one person sang this one to me in my life, and i was very little, and the mysterious name "reuben" impressed me:

reuben, reuben, whatcha thinkin?
what in the world have you been drinkin?
smells like whisky, tastes like wine -
oh my god, it's turpentine!

Suffocation, the game we like to play

First you take a rubber hose
Then you stick it up your nose
Turn it on, then you’re gone wheeeee!

Suffocation, the game we like to play

First you take a plastic bag
Then you put it o’re your head
Go to bed
Wake up dead wheeeee!

Or the one about what happens when you’re dead?

The worms crawl in the worms crawl out,
In your stomach and out your mouth
Your liver turns a luscious green
And pus pours out like whipping cream
You spread this on a piece of bread
And that’s what you eat when you are dead.

Happy Birthday to you
You live in a zoo
You look like a monkey
And you smell like one too

"First you take a bowling ball,
Then you roll it down the hall.
Hit your dad, now he's mad!"

Milk, milk, lemonade,
around the corner fudge is made?

(point to left nip, right nip, pecker, pooper as appropriate)

when you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam

circa 1981, Claremont, CA, Chaparral Elementary School.

weird. I actually went to Chaparral, and I don't remember ever hearing this, though I was there a few years later. Maybe it died out.

and:

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream
Throw your teacher overboard and listen to her scream

the johnsons had a baby, his name was "tiny tim"
they put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim
he drank up all the water, he ate up all the soap
and now the johnson baby's learned the belly-float
he floated down the river, he floated down the lake
and now the johnson baby's got a bell-ache

i woke up sunday mornin, i looked up on the wall
the spiders and the bedbugs were havin a game of ball
the score was one to nothin, the bedbugs were ahead
the spiders hit a home run and knocked me out of bed

Charming.

the johnsons had a baby, his name was "tiny tim"
they put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim
he drank up all the water, he ate up all the soap
He tried to eat the bathtub, but it wouldn't go down his throat

Miss Lucy had a steamboat
the steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to Heaven and
the steamboat went to
HELLo operator
give me number nine
and if you disconnect me
I'll kick you from behind
the 'frigerator
there is a piece of glass
and if you step upon it
tou'll fall right on your
ASSSSSk me no more questions
tell me no more lies
the boys are in the bathroom
and they're taking down their flies!

(I will shoot the person who says 'down to the lake I fear')

As far as Chaparral songs go, there was one that was sang to the tune of I think Glory Glory Hallelujah. I can't remember the lyrics, but I remember there was a line that went "and we hung Dave O. Paul", who was the principal when I was there. Maybe it was a variation of the one you mentioned.

On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
With a .45 slug

I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade

I looked the coffin
She wasn't quite dead
I got a bazooka
And blew off her head.

kids say the darndest things

Oh and out of the mouths of some six year old girls at camp:

Operator
Operator
you've got a call
it's your boyfriend
it's your boyfriend
he says he wants
your lips
your hips
your booty
and your tits

Alternate ending of Teacher Hit Me With A Ruler:

So I bopped her of the bean with a rotten tangerine
And I ain't seen the old hag since

Shoved her out the door
with a two-by-four
and she ain't gonna teach no moooooore!

Here's a twist on an old holiday fave:

Joy to the world
the school burned down
and all the teachers died

They were looking for the principal
he was hanging from the flagpole

with a rope around his neck
with a rope around his neck
with a rope
a roooooope
around his neck!

She was my third grade teacher in 80-81, and I didn't really like her, either. I don't quite remember why myself, but I do remember that she had that wiggly, loose arm flesh that old ladies get, and I think it scared and repulsed me at the same time. I don't remmeber much else, except the shiny roadrunner on the front of the building and "the wall". I broke my arm rollerskating around it one school holiday (the end where it sloped down, I think I hit a rock or something) and avoided it after that. I went back to see the school a couple years ago and was surprised it was so small.

I haven't been to Claremont since like '89. It would be a trip to see that place again. Apparently a freeway (the 210 maybe? the 10?) goes right through the city now.

Anyway.