Could you forgive and forget?

She basically called your son a crook without even looking in her own handbag? She sounds a little, er, highly strung. I suspect I'd be giving their house a wide berth in future.

It would be great, however, if your son had indeed stolen the jewellery, but then when he realised that the heat was on he broke into her house and planted the loot back in her bag.

In answer to a few of your questions, they have 3 children the eldest is only 11 so friends of ours, not my son's.

My son is no angel! He gets up to mischief just like any other teenager, I am lucky that we have a great relationship and he talks to me, which I think is a missing link in most parent/teenager relationship.
I am also angry with myself because for a moment I questioned his honesty and questioned his capability of doing it in the first place when I knew deep down he didnt do it!

Mutual friends are always saying crap like this. Because if you fall out with these people, then your mutual friends' lives are going to become slightly more difficult, so it's easier for them if everyone just gets along.

Logic often goes out the window during Find It panics: some order can be restored. If the jewellery was really missing from the house she'd have had to go to the police regardless - it's compulsory for insurance shit (your son might feel a little better if he doesn't take this aspect of it so personally in context).

Once the absent-minded jewellery owner has calmed down, explain that the false accusation really hurt your son's feelings but as long as she apologises unreservedly to the boy it's all gravy. Then when the boy gets his apology (who's gonna say no to that?) he will have the opportunity to say that his mother was also let down, and probably deserves an apology too, particularly from Mr. X (he should be respectful and use their titles here). When you're talking, de-emphasise your own emotions in favour of your son's for tactical reasons, and say 'boy' rather than 'teenager' to emphasise the youth aspect.

ugh, that's pretty bad.

They have made no effort to get in touch and appologise to my son. I got a "sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" appology over the phone when she rung to tell me she found her jewels! Not a "sorry I accused your son of theft AND went to the police to report him!

Sorry Suzy, forgiveness still hasn't come to me!

If they're that scared to talk to you, even in regard to something that obvious, they may have given up on reclaiming the friendship before you have.

Try not to decide what to do based on anger. Anger is good for motivating yourself to defend against an attack. The attack is over and any residual anger is useless. As for forgiving and forgetting, these two are entirely seperate issues. It seems pointless to me to forget. Forgiveness is hard, but usually worthwhile. This incident doesn't appear to rise to the level of an unforgiveable offense, as I measure these things.

You might want to talk this over with your son. He is the one whose forgiveness is crucial. By talking to him you will find your own best nature and share it with him. That will help both of you.

alison if you were satisfied your son hadn't stolen it, and said as much to this woman, how could you be so chill about police showing up at yr door??

Of course it's possible that they're too embarrassed to try and contact you. This is where your oh-so-helpful mutual friends could actually help out. You could (if you wanted to) let it slip that an apology might be accepted if it was offered, and see what happens.