Favourite maxims/proverbs/homilies/adages/aphorisms

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(I never know what the difference is)

'No one ever died wishing they'd spent more time in the office'

'If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, where is the man who knows so much as to be out of danger?'

What pearls of wisdom appeal to you?

― N., Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"You can't bite a Nick Dastoor while your spanking it" Mark Twain

― mike hanle y, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

'No matter where you go...there you are.'

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

you can never piss in the same mouth twice

― goeff, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Geoff, that's just not true.

― N., Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Where there's a will there's a won't

― Loop Dandy, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

truth: if it's not one thing, it's another.

― Maria, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"i CANT READ MINDS, BUT I CAN READ NOVELS, AND I EAT TOUCAN FEET."

― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Too much of a good thing is wonderful

mae west

― anthony, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

knock three times on the ceiling if you want me.

― jess, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"I am that damn good"

― jel, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

BETTER TO DREAM OF PRETTY THINGS THAN MASH ANTS TO DEATH

― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oo Anthony, that Mae Westism was in the Times crossword last a week or two ago, the whole saying in 4 parts. I could have used this thread THEN.

― Pyth, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Some people have a way with words, and some people have not way". (Steve Martin)

"A troubled shared is a trouble squared". (Me possibly, late 80s; I'm not going to claim sole ownership of this)

"Something will turn up, even if it's only your toes". (My mum, everytime I call home and conversation turns to my continuing unemployment; actually, this might be my least favourite)

― Michael Jones, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"When the horse is dead, get off." Kinky Friedman

― dan, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

One I've quoted many times because I love it so much: "The river is famous to the fish."

― Douglas, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

exactly what is the difference between an aphorism and all those other things? aphorism is a great word isn't it. makes me think of aphids.

― Wyndham Earl, Sunday, 27 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

'Embarassing experiences are just funny stories to tell your friends at a later date.'

― rainy, Sunday, 27 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"You can't eat the same Snikers bar twice and say you haven't tried poo or vomit." President Reagan

― mike hanle y, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

' The only bad thing about evil is that it becomes boring', Sartre

― Arantxa, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"My life's a ruin."

― Tim, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If a job's worth doing, it's worth forcing someone else to do it. (Vivian Stanshall)

― Alan Trewartha, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Go to ATP, what's the worst that could happen?"

― chris, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"The river is famous to the fish."

I don't get it.

― N., Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You can't get to London by climbing up the signpost.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Its a small world, but I wouldn't like to paint it.

― Pete, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Beggars can't be existentialists.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"The river is famous to the fish" basically means "famousness, obviousness, etc. are all relative."

― Douglas, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to eat it.

― Alan Trewartha, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with them (maybe by shoving them down his throat)."

--Jack Handy

― Mark, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride! TRUE!

― Gale Deslongchamps, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"to cut a long story short" (phew, thank God!)

― jel, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

convictions make convicts

― Maria, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"If you see a turtle on a fencepost, he didn't get there by himself." - Bill Clinton.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

These are all saws.

― mark s, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

To thine own self be true!

― Gale Deslongchamps, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nana:"Funny as a bit of string" Me:"?"

― ducklingmonster, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"The best song I've ever heard is better than the best sex I've ever had"

-- me, 3 years ago. I don't know if I still think this is the case

― electric sound of jim, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What was the song? :)

― Tracer hand, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ollie Olsen: "keep cool till after school"

― di, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Cattle and Cane

― electric sound of jim, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Absence keeps the doctor away.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 29 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Age before beauty".

Reply: "Pearls before swine..."

― Kodanshi, Tuesday, 29 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

nine months pass...

New discovery thanks to a friend with a brother in China, who apparently heard this one:

"You can eat everything with 4 legs, unless it is a table."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 7 November 2002 18:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Man, I'm keeping away from the stir-fried CHAIR dish, then...

― kate, Thursday, 7 November 2002 19:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm definitely avoiding the special-fried STOOLS too

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 November 2002 19:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Resume
Razors pain you.
Rivers are damp.
Acid stains you.
And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful.
Nooses give.
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.

― isadora (isadora), Thursday, 7 November 2002 20:05 (twenty-three years ago)

"This too shall pass...like a kidney stone!" (from Doonesbury)

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 7 November 2002 20:08 (twenty-three years ago)

"There will be people who will say you can't, but you will, there will be people who will say you don't mix this with that, and you will say watch me".

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 7 November 2002 20:17 (twenty-three years ago)

"Wherever you are I want to be, cos baby you know, you're my destiny, wherever you are I want you to know, I'm gonna follow you down that road".

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 7 November 2002 20:18 (twenty-three years ago)

"Don't Take It Personally". Something I should tell myself more often. And something many people on Web forums should tell themselves, too.

― Dickon Edwards (Dickon Edwards), Thursday, 7 November 2002 20:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Scratch that last bit. I meant just me.

― Dickon Edwards (Dickon Edwards), Thursday, 7 November 2002 20:27 (twenty-three years ago)

"you'll never know unless you ask" only when followed immediately by "if you have to ask, you'll never know"

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 7 November 2002 20:43 (twenty-three years ago)

'revenge is a dish best served cold'

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 7 November 2002 23:06 (twenty-three years ago)

"Ice cream is a dish best served cold."

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 7 November 2002 23:16 (twenty-three years ago)

"Men talk of killing time while time slowly kills them."

― Joe (Joe), Thursday, 7 November 2002 23:50 (twenty-three years ago)

' healer, heal thyself '

― donna (donna), Friday, 8 November 2002 00:07 (twenty-three years ago)

happy is the man whose pig has no avatar

a slug in mucus wins few friends

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 8 November 2002 00:24 (twenty-three years ago)

the devil makes idle hands butter parsnips

― isadora (isadora), Friday, 8 November 2002 00:36 (twenty-three years ago)

"whoever dies with the most toys still dies."

― mike (ro)bott, Friday, 8 November 2002 01:54 (twenty-three years ago)

and my favourite from voltaire- "a witty saying proves nothing."

― mike (ro)bott, Friday, 8 November 2002 01:59 (twenty-three years ago)

why marry a drunk when you can just be one yourself for free

― rainy (rainy), Friday, 8 November 2002 02:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Make hay while the sun shines.

I just realised the other day how much that meant.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 8 November 2002 08:40 (twenty-three years ago)

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." Oscar Wilde
"When we're buried up to our necks in shit, the only thing left to do is sing." I don't remember

― Miss Laura, Friday, 8 November 2002 08:44 (twenty-three years ago)

"who is the bigger fool, the fool or the fool who follows him, yo?"

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 8 November 2002 11:33 (twenty-three years ago)

inch by inch is a cinch
yard by yard makes it hard

― toraneko (toraneko), Friday, 8 November 2002 11:41 (twenty-three years ago)

whenever yr goin somewhere, never take an idiot with you - y'can always pick one up when you get there.

― david h (david h), Friday, 8 November 2002 11:43 (twenty-three years ago)

"You call it failure, but I call it rock n roll."

after inventing this, i immediately retracted it favor of:

"YOu call it rock n roll, but i call it failure."

also:

"Shark on whiskey, pretty risky.
Shark on beer, your a BEEr ENGINEER."

-credit to my friend Morgen.

― gabriel (gabe), Friday, 8 November 2002 11:52 (twenty-three years ago)

"When red touches black, a friend to Jack,
when red touches yellow...kill-a-fellow."

[How to tell the non-poisonous king snake from the poisonous coral snake]

― Joe (Joe), Saturday, 9 November 2002 03:33 (twenty-three years ago)

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do."

― Joe (Joe), Saturday, 9 November 2002 03:34 (twenty-three years ago)

"Thus we never actually live, but hope to live. And since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so."

― Joe (Joe), Saturday, 9 November 2002 03:48 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

lurker Colin Saunders on the weather:

"July Coldness brings August... BOLDNESS"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 10 November 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"just cause the cat gave birth in the stove, that don't make them
kittens biscuits"

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 10 November 2003 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

chinese proverbs:

you won't help shoots grow by pulling them up higher.

enjoy yourself. it's later than you think.

listen to all, plucking a feather from every passing goose, but, follow no one absolutely.

― a sleepyshy speck o' sillysnow, Monday, 10 November 2003 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"every great idea begins as a joke"

--where the fuck does this come FROM?

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 10 November 2003 23:51 (twenty-two years ago)

and a deep thought by jack handey!

if you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.

― a sleepyshy speck o' sillysnow, Monday, 10 November 2003 23:51 (twenty-two years ago)

From Sweden: "Well the cows are on the ice now."

― Colin Saunders (csaunders), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 00:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I always rather liked "get off the cross, someone else needs the wood".

And neil from the Young Ones:
"If the world was an orange, it'd be like, too small."

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 01:02 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
- Jack Handey

― tzatziki n pita (steph jam), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 10:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"We sow the seed, nature grows the seed, and we EAT the seed."

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

You can't go home again.

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

We have the right to choose our form of suffering.

― I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

"A flute with no holes is the most difficult to blow." - Zen saying

― Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, I don't even get that. A shovel with no head it the hardest with which to dig. A pencil with no lead is the worst with which to write. A coin with no value is the most difficult to spend.

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

c=====8

― Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh. a joke. So not really zen then.

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Shaku hachi!

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

classic: Don't put all your eggs in one basket (pessimism + logic = poor planning prevents pathetic performance, carry the 2...perfection)

dud: A watched pot never boils (scientifically inaccurate)

― Stevem On X (blueski), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

'No matter where you go...there you are.'

my favourite joke one i think

― Stevem On X (blueski), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

ex-bf once said "..anger tempered with the will to party.." or something like that. i thought it was really funny and i think someone wrote it down when he said it.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Fortune favors the lucky.

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

never trust an italian. you turn your back and they'll rob you blind.

― burt_stanton, Thursday, 17 July 2008 01:28 (seventeen years ago)

four years pass...

Wenn der Hund ist schlecht, lass es gehen, nicht halten Treten sie.

― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Monday, 11 February 2013 14:09 (thirteen years ago)

Ohne Unterbrechungen können Sie tun, was Sie mit Unterbrechungen tun Fünffache.

― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Monday, 11 February 2013 14:27 (thirteen years ago)

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