The Daily Express

Headline? RLY? :D

Good. Let that be an end to it.

Watch this space.

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/79820/princess-diana-cor-isnt-she-lovely

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/79820/gypsies-eat-grans-face-clean-off-her-head

Feel free to add your own headline..

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/79820/diana-house-prices-immigrants-strikes-gordon-brown-DIANA-immigrants-strikes-DIANA-DIANA-o-god-i've-cum

Ach, shit: I did wonder what the BBcode would do to it.

the actual headline is pretty much as stupid. JUST SEVEN CUPS oh my god the RISK.

I didn't even look at it properly. Something to do with coffee ... hang on ... oh, Christ, it's that story. Absolute and utter fucking bollocks, based on a complete misreading of the study in question (though one that can arguably be blamed on feeble-minded promotion of said study rather than just shit journalism).

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/79820/diana-puts-a-donk-on-it

TOO much coffee can make you hallucinate and sense dead people say sleep experts.

o_O

wonder what it's like working there.

I guess you sense a lot of dead people.

It deadens the senses.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/mediamonkeyblog/2009/feb/03/url-cock-up-express-story

The Express website has already pulled this particularly sensitive news story, so I'm preserving it here for posterity lest we ever forget what the worst paper in the country is.

ANNIVERSARY SHAME OF DUNBLANE SURVIVORS

Sunday March 8,2009
By PAULA MURRAY

DUNBLANE survivors have “shamed” the memory of their dead peers with foul-mouthed boasts about sex, brawls and drink-fuelled antics as they reach adulthood.

A number of the youngsters, now 18, have posted shocking blogs and photographs of themselves on the Internet, 13 years after being sheltered from public view in the aftermath.

Sixteen pupils and their teacher died when gunman Thomas Hamilton burst into the gym at Dunblane Primary School and opened fire on March 13, 1996.

In the days and months that followed the survivors, then aged just five and six, were the subject of overwhelming worldwide sympathy.

But now the Sunday Express can reveal how, on their web-based social networking sites, some of them have boasted about alcoholic binges and fights.

For instance, Stewart Weir – who was hit by a single bullet and watched in horror as his classmates died – makes rude gestures in pictures he posted on his Bebo site, and boasts of drunken nights out.

The webpage of Mark Mullan, who suffered serious injuries in the shooting, states he is the “f***y who canny stop drivin in the silver hing”, is littered with foul language and features images of him with his new tattoo on his back.

Others boast about discovering sex. Politicians and relatives of the victims yesterday said they were shocked by the webpages.

Nancy McLaren, whose granddaughter, Megan Turner, died in the tragedy said the behaviour “brought shame” to the community.

She said: “It is insulting. They were damn lucky to come out of it and they should be making the most of it. Maybe that’s what they think they are doing, but it is in bad taste.

“We go to the cemetery every Sunday and we nearly always meet some people who are visitors, and they come and have a wee look. I think that is lovely and I always say to them that it is nice they remember.

“So the behaviour of these children is a real contrast to all those caring people. It’s shameful.”

MSP Elizabeth Smith, Scottish Tory spokeswoman for children, schools and skills, said: “I have to say personally I’m not happy. Some of the things that go up on these websites are very unfortunate and I don’t think they give a very good picture about the youngsters.

“Some of them are in great bad taste and I am quite worried about that.

“I feel embarrassed about it and I’m sure other people do too. In some cases the people are still really young and you can’t really expect them to have a sense of responsibility.

“I’m sure that when they look back at what they have done in 10 years time they will be cringing with embarrassment.”

The Dunblane survivors were kept away from the spotlight in the aftermath of the tragedy to allow them to cope. Indeed, no photographs of any of the children have been seen in more than a decade, and the social network sites give the first insight into how their lives have progressed.

Stewart Weir’s Bebo page, which is a shrine to Rangers Football Club and Scotland, boasts about “gettin gassed wi’ the lads”, enjoying “carry oots”, and getting in fights.

On his profile he writes: “Im stewart although im also known as weirdo i like to tkink im a sound guy but i get p****d off easily nd if u p*** me off ul know about it as i start gettin smart just ask graeme.”

Among the blogs on his site is a list of the 23 best chat-up lines – but he is still single. His pictures include images of him gesturing with one finger, and posing in London as a “Scottish terrorist” with a scarf around his face.

It is a far cry from the image of the smiling boy in the back row of Gwen Mayor’s class.

The social network site of Mark Mullan is equally eloquent as he states he is “up fur anyhin”. On his biography he asks to be called “God” and says he lives “fur the weekend, that sounds so sad but am 18 so suck ma b*ws.”

He adds: “U’ll find one in Dunblane on a friday or saturday night staggerin about down the street or the hills, consumin BUCKFAST (its just good). If u dinny drink till u drop ur no drinkin.”

Mullan was named player of the year by Bannockburn Amateurs youth football team. He suffered major abdominal and pelvic injuries in the shooting.

In the days following the tragedy his late father, Jim, said relatives were worried the youngster might suffer from long term effects. Speaking in October 1996, he said: “He’s trying to forget which is fine, but isn’t fine, if you understand. He needs treatment but not in a dramatic way.”

Mrs McLaren said yesterday she would consider confronting the survivors involved.

She added: “Can it really be genuinely these same young people? I think it is totally out of order to put something like that on the Internet. It is a bit nasty really.”

hahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha

Even by the Express' standards, this is demented.

Google cache:

http://tinyurl.com/bj5ean

:o

0 _ 0

Thanks cap'n save-a-link.

still, though,

i like to tkink im a sound guy but i get p****d off easily nd if u p*** me off ul know about it as i start gettin smart just ask graeme.”

.. is classic.

http://www.bloggerheads.com/archives/2009/03/paula_murray_drinks.asp

Comes to something where even the Daily Express find something beyond the pale...

Mad kudos to whoever wrote that blog post.

Yeah, very well judged.

^^^^^^^ & looooooool xp

Comes to something where even the Daily Express find something beyond the pale...

― Mark G, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 10:50 (12 minutes ago) Bookmark

not sure what you're talking about, they only pulled the story once they got a pcc complaint, which they will surely lose.

I thought they had pulled it after the first editions.

Still, how much will a pcc complaint cost them?

no, they just pulled it from the website after the complaints came in.

pcc complaint won't cost them anything. they'll just have to publish the text of the judgment. on p27 or something. but following max moseley, these kids have a good privacy case i would have thought - some lawyer migtht take them on for a no-win, no-fee.

the pcc complaint also involves accuracy, so there might be a libel risk too - i don't think taking down the story was a fit of conscience.

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/90417/Dunblane-We-re-sorry

Rubbish excuse of an apology.

mm, sort of stops when it starts to get interesting.

"The children of dunblane are entitled to live their lives as they see fit, in privacy and without reference to traumatic incidence in their childhoods. And the reporter responsible has been shot. And the paper has donated a whole big bunch of moneys to a local centre"

.. just suggesting.

That's pretty self-serving.

..plzz people in scotland, continue buying our paper, we're a bit sorry.

"have your say" is unavailable for this story

i wish it was unavailable for all stories

Oh for fuck's sake:

MIGRANTS MAN SWINE FLU HELPLINE

Because I really don't want to drive traffic to their site, here it is in all its glory ...

IMMIGRANTS who can barely speak English will be used to man the phones at emergency swine flu call centres, it was revealed yesterday.
As ministers prepare to launch a virus hotline this week, staff at the centres last night laid bare the chaos behind the preparations.
They said hundreds of people with few English language skills and no medical training will join the 1,500 team taking calls from the public.
Paid the minimum wage of just under £6 an hour, one worker branded the selection process and the lack of training “a complete joke”.
An insider involved in recruiting staff claimed hundreds of immigrants were being signed up to offer a swine flu diagnosis to the public because the posts had to be filled quickly.
The source said they would only be given very brief training, adding: “If it wasn’t for a serious reason, it would be so funny. It’s a nightmare. A lot of immigrants, hundreds of them, are applying who can hardly talk any English but because we’re desperate to find a lot of people in such a short amount of time we’re taking them on.
“As long as they can provide proof of their date of birth, they can get through the recruitment process. When I speak to them on the phone they can barely understand what I’m saying and even those who can speak English are very difficult to understand.
“It seems we’re just going to recruit as many as possible to reach the target of 1,500 before the end of this week.
“The saddest and silliest aspect of the recruitment process is that the Job Centres say they can’t help because they’ve not got enough people on their books with experience of manning telephone lines.”
Another worker, who did not want to be named but is employed at the Teleperformance call centre in Ashby-De-La-Zouch, Leics, said staff – believed to be earning just £5.80 per hour – were being given just one day’s training and had no medical background.

So much O_o about this that I don't really know where to start ... which centres? Where? Why is there no official response? Without any names or proper details -- "an insider involved in recruiting staff", for fuck's sake -- what's to stop me thinking you've made the whole thing up?

FFFS.

Hang on, there's more! Sorry, their site is so pishy that I missed this bit.

He said: “They are literally recruiting people straight off the street. We usually deal with electricity accounts here, but we were told that the NHS required people to man phones during the swine flu crisis and were asked if we knew anyone who is interested.
“It’s an absolute joke. It can be anyone. They are asked to come in for just one day’s training. But the people they are asking are desperate for work so, of course, they will take it.”
The Department of Health has declined to officially reveal where all call centres will be.” But at one identified centre in Watford, Herts, one applicant said: “I asked if they needed staff and they told me about the swine flu centre they were setting up. They didn’t want to know much about me, but said I would undergo up to five hours of paid training with NHS staff before being allowed to take calls.
“I was told I didn’t need any medical background, just that I would be available to work evening shifts for at least the next couple of weeks.”
At a centre in Colchester, Essex, one applicant said: “It looked like a bunch of college girls all giggling in a line.” Michael Summers, vice-chairman of the Patients’ Association, warned that allowing staff with no medical training to advise the public could be dangerous, especially when recommending the anti-viral drug Tamiflu.
But Health Secretary Andy Burnham said the National Pandemic Flu Service will enable people to get a quick swine flu diagnosis and gain access to Tamiflu. He pledged the phoneline will be up and running by the end of the week “subject to testing”. Mr Burnham said preparations for tackling the virus were the best in the world, adding: “We are dealing with it fantastically well”.
A Department of Health spokesman said: “Some 1,500 call centre seats will be capable of answering over 200,000 calls a day which should equate to over a million calls a week.”

So. Still no response dealing with the allegations, and a few more questions raised ... are they "giggling college girls" or immigrants? Maybe "giggling college immigrants"? Or "college girls who don't speak English"?

Also, shouldn't they have found "one applicant" in Watford who said: "Me no speaka de Engleeeeeeesh" or something?

You mean they "can hardly talk any English".

Love this. Immigrants are the only people sitting around being unemployed waiting for a mass recruitment chance just like this!

my brother just got a job on the swine flu helpline and his west coast of Scotland slurring alcohlic accent may as well be Polish. Is this better or worse than actual immigants getting the jobs?

These people aren't, like, prescribing drugs or anything? They're reading out the blurb on the website for people without access to the website, right?