Paralyzed by Indecision, Need Advice

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I have a relocation dilemma that I'd like ILE's input on.

We currently live in a large (2400 sq. ft) 100-year-old frame house in the middle of town. We've been thinking about moving out to my wife's family home, a 45-year-old brick house on a 1.5 acre lot. It's out in the country -- septic system, not city sewage; no DSL (a local ISP offers line-of-sight wireless broadband, 900 kbps). The house is much smaller, about 1500 sq. ft, but our daughter is about to go off to college, and theoretically we won't need as much room.

Money is an issue. My wife is disabled, and aside from her SSDI, we've been getting an extra 50% for my daughter, a dependant minor. But, she turns 18 in July and we've already gotten the letter saying "remember, SSDI for the kid is about to stop." The house out in the country doesn't have a mortgage, but it's not exactly free and clear: my state's Medicaid office has a claim against the 66.7% of the property that belonged to my wife's father, trying to recoup their costs taking care of my wife's mother, who spent the last 8 years of her life in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. (My wife and her brother split the other 1/3 ownership.) The state and my brother-in-law's lawyer are playing a game of "I can outwait you," and my wife and bro-in-law both believe in the "ignore the problem and it'll go away" method, but I'm concerned about moving out to a house with an uncertain legal status.

If we move, we'll have to try to sell this house in a less-than-ideal housing market. If we stay here, we will eventually, inevitably, run into some fairly big expenses -- the house is 100 years old, after all. But the previous owner was a contractor/builder who did a fair amount of work on it, and it FEELS solid to me (we've been in it four years).

I've been turning this over and over in my mind for months. My wife would like to move out to the family home, but not if I'm going to be unhappy about it, and I have major misgivings. It's a pretty tiny house. It has maintenance issues of its own (new roof soon). It has a big lot, and I'll have to buy a riding mower. On the other hand, it would be nice to have a place where we could have a couple of miniature horses and a few chickens, which has always been a nice little fantasy.

Time for you to weigh in.

― The Jazz Guide to Penguins on Compact Disc (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 19:23 (nineteen years ago)

This was going to be the latest dilemma of Logged Out, but the board's locked to unreg. users (which I support). Oh well.

― The Jazz Guide to Penguins on Compact Disc (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

It seems like you said all potential negatives about house in the country and didn't have much to complain about for your current house.

I'm concerned about moving out to a house with an uncertain legal status.

Yeah, that seems like a bad idea. it'll cause more stress down the road. extended family + $$$$$ + uncertain legal status = bad news.

― dar1a g (daria g), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

SO YOU WERE LOGGED OUT ALL ALONG?

Is there any way you can stall on the move until the legal status thing is resolved? Then maybe the property market will have picked up for you to sell the current place for bigger cash.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

All kinds of information and yet I feel like I still don't understand what your main concern/question is. (You say you have "major misgivings" but then talk about the house being small, moving the lawn, and maintenance issues.)

1. Does "money is an issue" mean that you're paying a mortgage on the house you have now, and things will be tight once the SSDI payment is reduced?

2. The Medicaid claim would bother me unless the proceeds from the house in town would be enough to get out from under it, if it ultimately proves necessary. Waiting them out might work, but I doubt it. My brother-in-law's grandmother's house had to be sold for similar reasons.

3. Obviously these things are very local, but now doesn't really seem like a moment when you should expect the real estate market to pick up in a year or two. My parents used simliar logic, and the market only got worse. I would make your decision based on other factors, not on this one.

― pleased to mitya (mitya), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 19:54 (nineteen years ago)

Really, my only misgivings about the current house are financial: a house payment here vs. no house payment at the other house, and lower heating/cooling costs at the other place.

But there are so many other expenses associated with the other house, that I think they offset. Paint or siding here vs. roof and mower there.

DV: that was me! I've had a hard life, rode hard and hung up wet.

My heart says stay here. My mind says move out to the other house, try to at least break even selling this house, and get out from under a mortgage payment for a while. (But my mind also says, "The state wants their 67% of the appraised value of the property.") This is why I'm so stuck for an answer -- there are so many "on the other hand"s.

― The Jazz Guide to Penguins on Compact Disc (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 20:41 (nineteen years ago)

Get some goats to go with the horses and chickens = no need for lawnmower.

If you look at a worst-case financial scenario on both places, it sounds like your current place is where to stay for now, even with the relief of the mortgage in the short term. 4 years of equity. Loss of tax deductions for mortgage interest. Is the capital gains tax on the sale of primary residence gone now? (I recall it being eliminated at some point, but don't know when.)

― Jaq (Jaq), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

Could you wangle some sort of hybrid solution like: move to the country house but rent out the town place? The rent could help with the mortgage payments but you'd have a fallback home if the legal issues become a problem. I might just have a Manhattanite renter's mentality though -- maybe that's more trouble than it's worth.

― Paul Eater (eater), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 20:57 (nineteen years ago)

Try estimating costs/benefits over 5 or 10 years (or however long you expect to stay in either house) though, not just in the short term. Those numbers might clarify things.

― Jaq (Jaq), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 20:58 (nineteen years ago)

Also, this: theoretically we won't need as much room. Well. Mr. Jaq and I disproved this theory for ourselves by moving into a 1000 sq. ft. apartment with no storage from a 3000 sq. ft house (where 2 children lived with us). It was noticeably cramped. YMMV though.

― Jaq (Jaq), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 21:03 (nineteen years ago)

This was going to be the latest dilemma of Logged Out, but the board's locked to unreg. users (which I support). Oh well.

For what it's worth, there are enough clues that I'd have known it was you, anyway. :-)

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 21:05 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, that's why I included "theoretically." I don't relish the thought of picking and choosing among possessions and deciding what gets to stay and what gets put in storage, discarded, sold or donated.

Paul, your idea has come up in the opposite direction. If we stay here, my wife and her brother will probably try to rent out the country house. Bro-in-law doesn't like the idea of anyone other than family living there, but, y'know, we can't all have everything we want.

jaymc: yeah, it was going to be pretty obvious, so not a problem. Plus you have THE DATABASE to refer to.

― The Jazz Guide to Penguins on Compact Disc (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 21:10 (nineteen years ago)

are there any other factors you can consider other than $$ like, your wife's condition; is it stable or will it deteriorate? Is the country house well equipped for say a wheelchair or the like if needed? Is it so far out in the country that if you or your wide need emergency help in a hurry (guess that’s redundant oh well) is it available? Is there room in the country house for a boarder? Maybe your current home is big enough that you could take in someone to earn a bit extra in rent? or even if your wife eventually needed live in assistance, someone would have the space for it and work out the live-in for room and board money wise when or if it becomes necessary? Perhaps your wife could be reasonably convinced to stay put with some of these rationales. It’s very difficult to choose between your beloved family country home vs. staying where you are even if it seems more practical.

― Wiggy (Wiggy), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 22:03 (nineteen years ago)

I'm concerned about moving out to a house with an uncertain legal status.

It seems to me this is a very good reason to wait until the legal status is settled. When you say it is far from free and clear, you are right. The state can muster all the lawyers it needs and it will act on its own schedule. The fact that the state has not yet settled means that, until it does, the future status of this claim cannot and should not be taken for granted.

When you know, you'll be able to make a better decision with a clearer mind.

― Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 23:02 (nineteen years ago)

I like living in town (vs. the country), love old houses, and am very risk-averse, so I guess you know where I'd come out. And note that even though the country house is younger by 55 years, a 45-year-old home is still well into all the major repair cycles (roof, windows,
exterior painting, HVAC), so it's really hard to say which home would be less expensive to maintain over a given time frame.

― Jeff Wright (JeffW1858), Thursday, 18 May 2006 02:03 (nineteen years ago)

After a fair amount of talking it out, it looks like we're staying put. I'm so relieved, it's not funny. I was worried that my bro-in-law was going to be upset at this, but he totally understood and was cool with it.

― The Jazz Guide to Penguins on Compact Disc (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 21 May 2006 01:57 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

Food indecision is the wurst

― gabbneb, Monday, 17 March 2008 21:46 (eighteen years ago)

sometimes i have market freakouts where i can't decide between 84 types of flour, and i end up leaving my basket and running out

― remy bean, Monday, 17 March 2008 21:48 (eighteen years ago)

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