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Get a job. You fucking hippy.

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So I have to get a job.

I decided HMV was where I want to be a slave to the man. Mainly because of their 30 percent discount.

Anyway they want a CV. I'm going to make it later, but WHAT LIES SHOULD I TELL?

And what lies have you told on CVs before?

It's all silly, I should walk in their and fling my cd collection in the managers face and say THIS IS MY CV MAAAAAAAAAN, I'M ABOUT THE MUSIC.

er perhaps not.

― Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Extremely experienced new answers technician.

― Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would like the same

― Graham, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Why do you need to lie? It's only a job as a bloody shop assistant! I have no need to lie on my CV as a) I am great and very qualified and b) I always go for jobs that are beneath me.

― Emma, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't need to probably but I want to.

― Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Also not so much lying as presenting the truth in language which enhances its appeal.

― Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, I need to

― Graham, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I can't believe I used their instead of there in the main question. how embarassing.

― Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Do employers EVAH check your CV claims? Cos I think I'm going to lie in future.

― DG, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DG's destiny = Jimmy from Brookside

― Graham, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tell 'em you were the co-founder of Creation Records & Poptones. Not sure whether that'd be a good thing or a bad thing, tho.

― David Raposa, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"i was the one who cancelled star treeeeeeeeeeek!"

― jess, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is a CV like a resume or something?

― Maria, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's more like a curriculum vitae really.

― Emma, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

― N., Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I invented hip-hop.

― Graham, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I thought that was Al Gore?

― N., Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No, that was gangsta rap.

― Graham, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

no, he invented trip-hop, and nu metal.

― chris, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Graham Master Flash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

("invented hip-hop" = my explanation of who the weird Afrikan guy in that Leftfield video is, but GFM too maybe (I own no records made before 1996 (= not quite true), what would I know?))

― Graham, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kool Herc is the man they say invented hiphop I think. but er some places say Afrika Bambataa (from the vid) and others say GMF. I'd be leaning towards the first two, er only cos I don't like any grandmaster flash I heard. well theres some useless info for you.

Actually the HipHop years book said it was Kool Herc.

― Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kool Herc has the best claim, he was in jamaica until 12 and grew up with soundsystem and chat dj culture. He then transfered to NYC and south bronx. He had the opportunity and the motive.

― Ed, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ronan, are you supposed to get a job becaue you're fucking hippies? I'm confused.

― Dan Perry, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes the hippies are cheap and only pay me in hemp.

― Ronan, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ronan is a HIPPYPIMP! (Okay, a hippygigalo, but that doesn't sound like the title to a Soho song.)

― Dan Perry, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Okay, a hippygigalo

Better that than a hippyjuggalo.

― Nicole, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There is nothing better than a hippyjuggalo, except maybe a gothyjuggalo.

― Dan Perry, Monday, 28 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Here's a very happy juggalo ...

http://www.juggalowrestling.com/wrestlers/fatfuck.jpg

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Tuesday, 29 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

alas the employment service are determined to see some evidence of me applying for work. i could handle some part time work to be fair, as i am not very far through rewiring the house (consumer unit in today, hurrah! by the way next time you have your leccy off (uk) try the switch that belongs to the distribution service situated between the feed into the house and the meter. never had cause to before today, but it makes a dead nice clunk and has superceded the 63amp rcd as nicest mains switch in the house). i started a while ago but am easily distracted.

i suspect that despite the fact that it obviously *should* work, your cd throwing exploits may prove to be a spud-esque venture to stay on state benefit, if indeed you are on such. i am writing a cv for a horticultural wholesalers at the moment, and am finding it pretty daunting. the words 'hippy, get a job' are as often as not aimed at me. on the plus side, i have been asked to construct a wind powered archimedes' screw for heeley city farm, out of scrap. i think that knocking one of them together would be more than compensation for being a lazy slacker.

― another james, Tuesday, 29 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No no no do not work for HMV Ronan. The pay is SHIT and the bosses are generally a bit wankerish. And you don't get that discount until after about 3 months. And the customers are stupid and annoying. And etc.

― Ally C, Tuesday, 29 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...
ok you were all absolutely useless on this thread!! but this is your chance to absolve yourselves COS I NEED A JOBBE i am broke and some meejah losers want my CV so help me escape my life! it's not like i'm some lambent wit that enriches yr life like ronan and graham above! you don't need me around! i'm just eating yr bandwidth! kill nu-ilm by getting me a job! i'm not even good at being glib! so tell me how to make my CV look good ie what lies can i tell that i won't get fucked up for... IN PARTICULAR i need london people who have made enough of themselves to take pity and give me a reference, even if it means having to lie if they follow it up! it could be like a three month placement or something useless like that... but general advice is welcome. someone's already told me i can say i was a labourer?? i guess it does show gritty work ethic and TH4 r34Ln355...

― zemko (bob), Friday, 7 March 2003 14:51 (twenty-three years ago)

you're not gonna help me are you

― zemko (bob), Friday, 7 March 2003 14:52 (twenty-three years ago)

email me for good cv lies. mine was almost completely fabricated by the time i actually managed to con someone in to giving me a job

― gareth (gareth), Friday, 7 March 2003 14:55 (twenty-three years ago)

PLUR!!

― zemko (bob), Friday, 7 March 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

If anyone has a foolproof way to fake references, for the love of god please post them!

― DontGoogleMePurlease, Friday, 7 March 2003 21:48 (twenty-three years ago)

JUGGALO AUNT BY SYD BARRET

― schnell schnell, Friday, 7 March 2003 21:57 (twenty-three years ago)

two years pass...
:-0

(there ws a thread with all sorts of CV TIPS but i cannot find)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 19 September 2005 11:54 (twenty years ago)

I'm applying to work in Virgin Megastore today. Neeeeeeed that discount! And cute indie chick co-workers, hopefully.

― Crackity (Crackity Jones), Monday, 19 September 2005 12:01 (twenty years ago)

almost ready

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 19 September 2005 12:14 (twenty years ago)

ah, found the thread i ws thinking of.

"SKILLS: searching ILX"

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 19 September 2005 12:15 (twenty years ago)

i'm doing it too (apparently one friend of mine might be able to link me up with some crazy consultancy job!)

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 19 September 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

i'm about desperate enough to start applying for retail jobs.

― sgs (sgs), Monday, 19 September 2005 12:43 (twenty years ago)

I've been working non-stop for the last *cough* years, so I think I'll enjoy a month off or so before I start looking again.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 19 September 2005 12:53 (twenty years ago)

You should go abroad and "find your self" matt.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 19 September 2005 13:04 (twenty years ago)

i am like real close to getting a dream job.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 19 September 2005 13:15 (twenty years ago)

My plan is to work in Virgin for a couple of years, then go back to uni to do a journalism diploma or Masters, all the while continuing to write for the magazine I write for in Belfast. And maybe see if I can freelance for some others, but only once I've progressed past 300 word reviews. I'm new to the whole thing so I need the practice.

― Crackity (Crackity Jones), Monday, 19 September 2005 13:21 (twenty years ago)

I've been here the whole time, Jim.

The only firm plan I have is to rule the Battleships leaderboard in the Queens.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 19 September 2005 14:50 (twenty years ago)

OK I have an interview at Virgin tomorrow. It's just a shop assistant job but I've never had a proper interview (only ever having temped) so I need TIPS. Some relevant ones please!

― Crack1ty, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:44 (twenty years ago)

having recently started working in hmv, i have two main tips.

i) try and sound like you know what you're talking about. throw the names of random indie bands into the conversation. make them up if you want. just make them sound interesting and 'hip'. this will impress interviewer man, who will want someone "with their finger on the pulse". probably also best to pretend you read the nme.

ii) speak in complete, coherent sentenences. use polysyllabic words. don't drool on the desk. this will put you into a category above almost everyone else applying. and probably most of your co-workers too.

― michael grant (michael digby grant), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:00 (twenty years ago)

Sweet, I can do both of those quite easily. Also, I write a bit for a local music mag (that Virgin stocks) so that should help my cause as well. The only thing I'm concerned about is being asked random hypotheticals as I have v little retail experience. Oh, and the fact they might think I'm overqualified and therefore liable to jump ship seeing as I have a degree.

― Crack1ty, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

I forgot that Ally C used to work in HMV. That's three of my favourite people in the world who have taken the HMV dollar. And staff discount.

Michael, you work in posho HMV, so surely can't slag off your co-workers. Aren't you all hand-selected by M0h4m3d 4l F4y3d?

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

xpost
Don't slouch. Pretend you're in a play, playing the part of the Best and Most Eager Employee Ever. Act very bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Pretend that you can't think of any better way to spend your time than working at HMV. At the end of the interview, say you have a couple of minutes to kill if they need anything done before you go. Just Kiss Ass. Once you have the job, you can start slacking.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:13 (twenty years ago)

it still amazes me that there are interviews you have to take to get a job at HMV/Virgin.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:14 (twenty years ago)

i had to have FOUR interviews to get my job. which is ridiculous considering i'm a lowly sales assistant.

― michael grant (michael digby grant), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:16 (twenty years ago)

or rather, not so much the requirement of an interview itself, but the fact that you seem to have to prepare for it (i imagined it just involves you getting given a deck of cards with names on it and be able to sort them, into alphabetical order)

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:17 (twenty years ago)

At the end of the interview, say you have a couple of minutes to kill if they need anything done before you go.

!!

Not sure I could pull that off without appearing creepy. Interesting idea though. All in all I'm pretty confident.

― Crack1ty, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:57 (twenty years ago)


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