The horror of Celebrity X Factor

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I don't think I've ever seen anything as frightening as Gillian McKeith singing. Oh, and appearing to sprout wings from her shiny red carapace. Terrifying.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 29 May 2006 19:36 (nineteen years ago)

And what kind of cabbage can't learn the words to Uptown Girl?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 29 May 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

Uptown girl
Shes been living in her uptown world
I bet she never had a back street guy
I bet her mama never told her why

Im gonna try for an uptown girl
Shes been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now shes looking for a downtown man
Thats what I am

And when she knows what
She wants from her time
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind

Shell see Im not so tough
Just because
Im in love with an uptown girl
You know Ive seen her in her uptown world
Shes getting tired of her high class toys
And all her presents from her uptown boys
Shes got a choice

Uptown girl
You know I cant afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
Shell understand what kind of guy Ive been
And then Ill win

And when shes walking
Shes looking so fine
And when shes talking
Shell say that shes mine

Shell say Im not so tough
Just because
Im in love
With and uptown girl
Shes been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now shes looking for a downtown man
Thats what I am

Uptown girl
Shes my uptown girl
You know Im in love
With an uptown girl

My uptown girl
Dont you know Im in love
With an uptown girl
My uptown girl
Dont you know Im in love
With an uptown girl
My uptown girl

― Porkpie (porkpie), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:12 (nineteen years ago)

Did you transcribe those from memory? Tell the truth...

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:13 (nineteen years ago)

weeeeellll.....

― Porkpie (porkpie), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:16 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle Marsh doing "River Deep Mountain High"!!!!! Wow, shut your eyes and you'd think she was black...

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:23 (nineteen years ago)

... and a poor singer!

Why, apart from a Staropramen, am I watching this.

And what was with the comments passing between Sharon Osbourne and Rebecca Loos? Real, or fabricated to boost ratings?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

Just watching this now (BB frenzy soon forgotten) - PD and DMcG in quite amusing shocker!

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:50 (nineteen years ago)

I didn't think I'd ever feel sorry for Cowell, Osbourne and the other one until tonight.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:53 (nineteen years ago)

GMcK is vile, though.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:54 (nineteen years ago)

*Kill* Louis Walsh!!

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:55 (nineteen years ago)

Sharon's hair is a lovely colour.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 29 May 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

She deserves to die though - she's the only one allowed to make personal comments on the panel, and tried to pull the whole "why are you making me choose" stunt again already.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 29 May 2006 21:01 (nineteen years ago)

Her hair is great, but she really has gone for standard Hollywood facelift number 3.

I am amused at me, the female version of Chris Moyles, saying this about Sharon Osbourne.

Anyway, part of me really wants to watch it tomorrow and see what happens between her and La Loos, and part of me knows that that was the whole point of their rrrooowwrr hissy fit.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 29 May 2006 21:03 (nineteen years ago)

How did that work, exactly? I was on the other side watching BB.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 29 May 2006 21:06 (nineteen years ago)

Everyone was booing RL and JH from the time they were introduced. They came out and did their song and were terrible. Louis said "you weren't very good" and Sharon said "Rebecca, maybe next time you come out to sing you could wear knickers, because it might warm up your voice", and Rebecca said "I knew you were going to say something horrible because you've been blanking me all evening" and Sharon said "that's because you've got a really bad vibe that comes off you. But you have got a good boob job" and then they kind of snarled at each other a bit and everyone went "ooh, get her".

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 29 May 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

Re: Uptown Girl lyrics....
Porkpie, I saw you as a charlatan because you forgot the very important "WHOA_OH_OH_OH_OH_OH_OH_OH_OH_OH_OH_OH.
WHOA-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH AND MY UPTOWN GIRL.." part.
(And I forgot about the CAPS LOCK option...so my dashes became the other thing.)
I wanna see this show!

― aimurchie (aimurchie), Wednesday, 31 May 2006 01:05 (nineteen years ago)

I did not watch it last night. Did anyone else? Were there fireworks?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 31 May 2006 05:48 (nineteen years ago)

No Siouxsie and the Banshees songs were covered.

There was more faux-bitching between Osbourne and Loos. McKeith got the Shoop Shoop boot.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 31 May 2006 06:55 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, thank god. Maybe I could bear to have it on in the background while I do other things tonight.

Every time I see Gillian McKeith I'm reminded of Dara O'Briain's bit about her, specifically "if you are what you eat, then she's eaten a shrew."

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 31 May 2006 07:57 (nineteen years ago)

Loos and Hewitt are doing a phenomenal impression of Jemini right now.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 31 May 2006 20:08 (nineteen years ago)

Chris Moyles was quite good. Basically, a version of "What a wonderful world" Louis Armstrong, in a Sid Vicious arrangement, i.e. with the version as recorded by Joey Ramone inbetween, the 'calm' bits, plus actually hitting the notes probably, had Simon offering single deal..

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 1 June 2006 07:22 (nineteen years ago)

World-famous Michelle Marsh was voted off after a non-ironic performance of the song "Ironic."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 1 June 2006 08:35 (nineteen years ago)

Last night's casualties: "The Captain and Tennille" (S. Osbourne).

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 2 June 2006 07:37 (nineteen years ago)

.. and that was her being nice!

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 2 June 2006 07:42 (nineteen years ago)

Harry's dad (allegedly) performing The Way You Make Me Feel was exactly how I would "sing" it at Club Poptimism at about 1:45 am.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 2 June 2006 07:44 (nineteen years ago)

I only watched the first half an hour. Mister Monkey came into the room and wanted to know if we couldn't stick forks in our eyes instead, so we went and did that.

I was disappointed that the bitchiness between Loos and Osbourne appeared to be non-existent. Bah.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 2 June 2006 08:14 (nineteen years ago)

It was as illusory as Lucy Benjamin's sense of pitch.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 2 June 2006 08:17 (nineteen years ago)

That woman can't even talk in key.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 2 June 2006 10:32 (nineteen years ago)

Rebecca Loos had the moves and presentation completely right. If you had the sound off (and so did next door's telly) you'd think she'd make a great singer.

Sound on, hmm different matter.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 2 June 2006 10:42 (nineteen years ago)

The two boring ones are left.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:08 (nineteen years ago)

Doesn't narrow it down much, does it.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:18 (nineteen years ago)

Mrs Phil Mitchell on the sympathy vote, and the monobrowed rugby player on the he's fit vote.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:24 (nineteen years ago)

Gotta say, Moyles' "Hard to handle" was the best 'I've been knocked out" farewell performance off any X factor show ever.

A career hosting "It's Moylesy" Saturday night old-style variety shows awaits...

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:26 (nineteen years ago)

Ah, I did wonder why the pie-eating Oasis fan wasn't braying about the show on the radio this morning.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:27 (nineteen years ago)

Also, surely the monobrowed rugby player is "fit" only in reference to his being able to run about for a bit without getting out of puff.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:34 (nineteen years ago)

Both finallists have that :

Day 1: "Oh we can't sing'
Day -1 from end: "Oh we have grown in confidence and ability"

No-one likes a smarty "Can sing, will sing" which did for that mini-whitney (name forgotten) and, ultimately, Moyles.

Moyles and ~~Imogen~~ Lucy would have been a final. Now, I reckon Rugby man by a landslide.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:42 (nineteen years ago)

And that's after just one kebab, too...

No-one likes a smarty

This is how Nazi Germany started.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:58 (nineteen years ago)

Hitler could sing?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:00 (nineteen years ago)

The first Will Young album! Two sides, one afternoon, no trouble!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:02 (nineteen years ago)

Mrs Phil Mitchell won.

Had it not been for the sympathy vote, she would have gone last Wednesday.

Her singing was so flat she should rechristen herself Lucy Lincolnshire.

I normally can't stand Moyles but he should have won; he was the only one who seemed to understand what was required out of the programme.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 06:34 (nineteen years ago)

I didn't watch the prog last night, apart from the woeful Shayne Ward guest appearance.

But it's 'jump the shark time', when Simon said "Shayne, you have sold 3 million therefore you are a star." like the true accountant he is!

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 06:50 (nineteen years ago)

3 million of what, though? Chocolate bars?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 06:58 (nineteen years ago)

doesn't matter.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 07:14 (nineteen years ago)

Obviously not; it's not as though he's ever going to see any of the money, is it?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 07:16 (nineteen years ago)

What, they don't wave it under his nose before whisking it away? Surely that's half the fun of being an executive?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 11:16 (nineteen years ago)

Not even the chocolate.

Unless you're Tabby, or Taffy, or Tiggy, or whoever that guy was who came third on the X-Factor and Sharon promised to sign him up because he was a STAR, and is now pulling pints in a pub somewhere.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 11:28 (nineteen years ago)

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