a joke wot our drummer told

So is yr drummer the one who tells all the bad jokes, then? In our band it's me and the flute player. Just wonder if there's a tendency for it to be a certain instrument all the time... Obviously, 1 drummer, 1 keyboardist and 1 flute player would indicate not, but perhaps with more input...

And I thought cycle-paths were red??

Up here in the NE they're green.

I like that joke. I shall steal it.

what the hell is a tamarac

Tarmac. Roads and stuff are made out of it

I heard a variant of this joke, which involves a jelly baby and his mate who's a Malteaser. They're sitting at home watching tv one evening and the Malteaser says, "I'm feeling bored. Why don't we go out and have a few beers?". "B-but..." stammered the jelly baby, "it's a bit rough in town. What if I get beaten up or something?" The Malteaser reassures him: "Don't worry, I'll protect you." The jelly baby looks dubious, but they go out anyway. The first couple of pubs they go in are fine. There isn't any trouble at all. The third pub looks like being the same. Everyone is having a laugh, but minding their own business and not giving the malteaser and the jelly baby any hassle. But then, all of a sudden, through the door burst some Locketts. They start causing mayhem; picking up pints and emptying them over people's heads, smashing up furniture and kicking people's heads in. Suddenly, they spot the jelly baby and malteaser in the corner and rush towards them. Immediately, the malteaser leaps under a table and hides, leaving the jelly baby all on his own unprotected. The Locketts rush towards him and beat him up, leaving him black and blue all over.

After the Lockets have left, the malteaser emerges from under the table and the jelly baby remonstrates with him. "Some mate you are!" he cries, "I thought you said you'd protect me!"

"Oh yes", the malteaesr replied. "But they're Locketts. They're fuckin' menthol, aren't they?"

These jokes (or variants on them) are my second favourites only after those of the 'I just went to Poole - In Dorset - I'd recommend it to anyone' family of jokes (discussed at length elsewhere).

And your mention of Poole in Dorset reminds me of a time when a friend was telling a story of someone who'd been caught speeding and then someone else began telling another similar story with the line "The police in Dorset..." which provoked the response "Surely not!" from someone who thought they'd said "Endorse it".

*Shakes head* Fuckin' drummers...

A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".

The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."

Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!

Q: How can you tell if the drum riser is on a slant?
A: The drummer's only drooling out of one side of his mouth.

q: Whaddaya call somebody who hangs out with musicians all the time?
a: a drummer

Q: What do you get if you cross a drummer with a musician?

A: a Bass Player

(sorry to Katie and any other bass players around here)

"Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!"

I love this joke cos the bloke I know who gets the most 'female attention' (as it were) is a drummer. Haha!

A young woman is shopping at a grocery store. After a few minutes of wandering up and down the isles, she notices a man peering over her shoulder and into her cart. She continues shopping and the man continues to follow. Finally, she goes to check out and the man pulls up right right behind her and says,
"You're single, aren't you?"
"How'd you know that?" the woman asks.
"Because you're fucking ugly!"

our drummer's favourite joke:

"what's that rustling sound?"

"must be the paper boy".

i rest my case (but i still WUV our drummer)