Relationship Clarification from a Different Perspective Please

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M'kay, so what would YOU think it means when your significant other says to you... "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you"?
and then,
would you stay or would you go?

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:01 (nineteen years ago)

I think it means, erm, they love you but they aren't in love with you. It's fairly self-explanatory. I'd go.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:05 (nineteen years ago)

bail ASAP. This person likes you as a sort of pal, will leave you as soon as something "better" comes along. Save yourself some tears (i hope you're not married)

― timmy tannin (pompous), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:07 (nineteen years ago)

Remember to occasionally grudge-fuck them until YOU find someone better, though.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:09 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah. It means NO PASH. So you might wanna leave, unless you've got nothing better lined up.

― breathny spears let me see the sex that you did. (noodle vague), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:10 (nineteen years ago)

my ex said this to me moments before dumping me.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:37 (nineteen years ago)

An ex said that to me once. Lamest line ever.

Pull yourself up and leave.

― Miss Misery xox (MissMiseryTX), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:39 (nineteen years ago)

Sam, I thought the lamest line ever was, "It's not you. It's me."

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:41 (nineteen years ago)

Alternate translation: I wish you wouldn't try to sleep with me anymore, but I don't know how to tell you that without making things awful.

― Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

"I am used to having you around (and I don't mind it really), but I find you completely unexciting"

― Crimea River (Mark C), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:58 (nineteen years ago)

Hm, the sentiment I've been getting is more like: I wish you'd just keep answering my booty call, and try not to make things awful with a relationship, please?

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 13:59 (nineteen years ago)

would you stay or would you go?

What does it matter what I would do? It's YOUR relationship. Some would stay, some would go. Ultimately it's your decision. Are you in love with your partner? What do you expect from your partner?

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:02 (nineteen years ago)

my booty call
i hope you think enough of yourself not to be used like this?

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:02 (nineteen years ago)

my booty call

I am beginning to question the degree of significance of your SO.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, I'm getting used. He never answers mine.

I'd like some respect, a whole lot of it actually, from my partner. I'm not getting respect from late nite sex from which I'm asked to leave. Oh, I'm so ashamed of myself.

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:08 (nineteen years ago)

I think it might be pretty questionable calling this person a partner in any sense except "sex partner".

― harmonic generator, haircuts are for losers (kate), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:09 (nineteen years ago)

He never answers mine
girl wants sex, man doesn't shocka!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

Problem is, the sex is really great. I think I'm just looking for something more fulfilling nowadays. Something less depressing than a guy who says he loves me but then doesn't want to date me at all (ie. go out in public and do fun romatic things).

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:18 (nineteen years ago)

late nite sex from which I'm asked to leave. Oh, I'm so ashamed of myself.

Ditch him pronto.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

kick him to the curb, girlfriend.

― Enrique IX: The Mediator (Enrique), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

Curb-kicking U&K. There ain't no sex good enough that it's worth shredding your self esteem for.

― harmonic generator, haircuts are for losers (kate), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:22 (nineteen years ago)

Being asked to leave in the middle of sex is definitely a bad sign, I think.

― Nicholas Passant (Nicholas Passant), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:43 (nineteen years ago)

I used to live with an (otherwise lovely) girl who used to say this to and about her ex-fiancee, while sleeping with him once every month or so and wondering why he was suddenly getting mixed signals and sending her enormous bunches of flowers and stuff.

It's an enormous dud obviously, there's nothing wrong with having a relationship based solely on sex and nothing else but if you start throwing words like "love" around in any sense of the word you're getting into frankly dishonest territory.

(I have historically not been the best person at practising what I preach in this regard, but still...)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 2 June 2006 14:53 (nineteen years ago)

Things are looking unanimous. I tend to agree with all y'all. Thanks for the input.

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 15:59 (nineteen years ago)

Being asked to leave in the middle of sex is definitely a bad sign, I think.

it's not a bad sign, it's fucking retarted. if that's not a definition of being used, i don't know what is (unless there is a REALLY good reason for it, like parents suddenly coming over)

"I love you, but I'm not IN love with you"
in most cases, i suppose equals "I don't love you but I think saying that will upset you which i want to avoid so i'd say 'i love you' because it can mean a lot of things, like 'love you as a friend'".

― scnnr drkly (scnnr drkly), Friday, 2 June 2006 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

No no no, not in the MIDDLE of sex, just afterwards when the snuggling is supposed to happen (if you're hopelessly romantic) or the payment transaction is supposed to be made (if you're hooking).

And yeah, he totally said something to the effect of "Well I tell all of my good friends that I love them, that doesn't mean I'm in love with them, too." to which I responded "Yeah, but you don't sleep with THEM do you?" to which he did not reply.

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 16:28 (nineteen years ago)

you should probably short-sheet this guy's bed, at the very least.

― matlewis (matlewis), Friday, 2 June 2006 16:38 (nineteen years ago)

No no no, not in the MIDDLE of sex, just afterwards when the snuggling is supposed to happen

- Sorry Ruthie, i should've made it clear - that's how i actually understood it from your post. still retarded. from all evidence sounds like you're being used.

― scnnr drkly (scnnr drkly), Friday, 2 June 2006 16:44 (nineteen years ago)

If you are both in your eighties, I think this sentiment is probably ok. :)

― Lara (Lara), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:13 (nineteen years ago)

I feel for you--the last time a guy said that to me it was right before he told me he wanted to go to England and fuck girls, but would be terribly upset if I fucked boys in his absence.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:20 (nineteen years ago)

Try this book. I've heard good things about it from someone whose opinion I respect.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:32 (nineteen years ago)

I bought the audio book (if I'm too lazy to read the book, I'm probably a lost cause) and I found it more amusing than helpful. The tenet is basically: if you don't think your partner is in to you - they're not and you should leave them. It's a modern version of The Rules ("I am a unique and beautiful creature, unlike any other").

― Lara (Lara), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:38 (nineteen years ago)

the best relationship book i ever read was this one:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0140195831/qid=1149280788/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-2793042-3379201?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

worth reading even if you're not into buddhism, short and to the point.

― scnnr drkly (scnnr drkly), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

I found it more amusing than helpful

Well, I haven't read it myself, so I can't vouch for it personally. I guess it's probably the sort of message that might be just what someone might need to hear at a certain point, but for those who are not at that point, it might be sort of obvious.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

Don't all these breakup lines basically translate to, "I am too much of a coward to take responsibility for hurting you."

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:46 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, you might be right. The audio version was a bit "Sex and the City" (it is written by two of the SATC script-writers) and quite wry.

― Lara (Lara), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:47 (nineteen years ago)

people dont spontaneously decide to "respect" you after using you like that. either they do or dont. if not, it's hopeless.

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:52 (nineteen years ago)

Well, the first book looks like it'd be funny and empowering to an extent but it might be less satisfying than a serious bra-down with my ladies. The second is a good reccommendation, but a bit too spiritual for me. Thank you, though.
I guess what I really want is someone who I don't have to question whether or not he wants to be with me. I am tired of giving my love away to dudes who don't give it back.
Thanks for letting me mini-rant.
Things are starting to become clearer to me by the moment.

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

The most important thing is that you try as best you can that you deserve, and will get, what you want. If you can attract one guy that you liked you will attract many, many more. It's all an adventure until you find someone who's right for you and knows it.

― Lara (Lara), Friday, 2 June 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, Fluffy Bear, yes. I think that's it.
'Course when I told him he was hurting me he started crying, said he loved me, didn't want to hurt me. AND YET, he continues the behavior that hurts.

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

There's a "to believe" missing in there.

― Lara (Lara), Friday, 2 June 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

I want someone who is not afraid to suprise me, seeks me out when I'm not around. Someone who is not afraid to tell the world (or at least his friends and family) that he's mad about me.
Is that too much to ask?
Am I getting too sappy here, folks?
Oh, the drama.

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 20:10 (nineteen years ago)

Seriously, try the book i mentioned. It's not too heavy on spiritual stuff (i wouldn't recommend it otherwise), very practical and sets your mind straight. Shows you in a very few words how you can completely fuck up your mind for somebody. Helped me in a (psychologically) abusive relationship before.

― scnnr drkly (scnnr drkly), Friday, 2 June 2006 20:12 (nineteen years ago)

Is that too much to ask?

No, it's not too much to ask. If that's what you really want, then I'm sure that you'll find it sooner or later (hopefully sooner).

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 2 June 2006 20:13 (nineteen years ago)

No, that's absolutely not too much to ask. This guy is a fool. Run away as fast as you can.

(xpost)

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 2 June 2006 20:14 (nineteen years ago)

Thank you o. nate, thank you ailsa, thank you scnnr drkly.
I'll give the Buddha book another look.

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 20:18 (nineteen years ago)

Curb-kicking U&K. There ain't no sex good enough that it's worth shredding your self esteem for.

-- harmonic generator, haircuts are for losers (masonicboo...), June 2nd, 2006. (later)

I didn't catch this one before. It's spot on, though. Thank you.

― Ruthie Tooth (Ruthie Tooth), Friday, 2 June 2006 20:24 (nineteen years ago)

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