Things that will be said during the World Cup

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"This is Beckham territory"

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:16 (nineteen years ago)

"But then again, all the talk was of Jimmy Greaves's injury in 1966"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:19 (nineteen years ago)

"You can never write off the Germans"

― Venga (Venga), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:20 (nineteen years ago)

During England v Trinidad & Tobago: "and there's Jason Scotland. Who said Scotland wouldn't make it to the World Cup Finals?"

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:20 (nineteen years ago)

"Ronaldinho plays the game with a smile on his face"

― Venga (Venga), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:22 (nineteen years ago)

African teams are 'naive' defensively.

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:22 (nineteen years ago)

"and we all know what happened the last time [anything remotely connected to 1966]"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:25 (nineteen years ago)

"Costa Rica - they're just happy to be there"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:25 (nineteen years ago)

"If there's one thing the Italians know how to do it's defend a one goal lead."

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:26 (nineteen years ago)

"Italy's back four are Zombretta, Oddy, Cavannaro and Nestle" (David Pleat)

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:27 (nineteen years ago)

Matt DC - hahaha

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:27 (nineteen years ago)

'England are wearing red, which is of course the colour when they won the world cup'

Win, lose or draw, the Trinidadian's are here to party'

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:30 (nineteen years ago)

"He might be heading to Russia, but for now he's still Aussie Guus..."

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ is a GE Money Genie (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:32 (nineteen years ago)

"And surely, with that injury, England's World Cup hopes end."

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:32 (nineteen years ago)

"Nurenberg has become a truly modern German city".

Just in case any viewers were worried they might still be holding Nazi rallies there, or something.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:33 (nineteen years ago)

"Mark Viduka is very...uh, strong..."

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ is a GE Money Genie (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:34 (nineteen years ago)

"Spain, the perennial dark horses"

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:36 (nineteen years ago)

Alan Green will say at some point "I'm sorry to go on about it, but that, I'm afraid, is cheating."

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:37 (nineteen years ago)

"Winning it isn't good enough for Brazil, they have to win it in the right way."

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:38 (nineteen years ago)

"And, uh, there's some of the colourful Brazilian fans in the stands."

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ is a GE Money Genie (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:38 (nineteen years ago)

Headline in the Sun/Star - "For you ze World Cup is over"

― mms (mms), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:39 (nineteen years ago)

Shevchenko shall only be referred to as "Chelsea's new £30M striker."

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:40 (nineteen years ago)

"I don't believe it, England's hopes once again hang on a penalty shoot-out."

― beanz (beanz), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:40 (nineteen years ago)

"The Angolan team only agreed to play after 11th hour negotiations over player payments"

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:40 (nineteen years ago)

"And the tears in Cristiano Ronaldo's eyes say it all. The Golden Generation's last chance at winning a golden prize... is over"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:42 (nineteen years ago)

"Peter Crouch/Jan Koller, so agile for a big man"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:43 (nineteen years ago)

"In the premiership that wouldn't have even merited a yellow, but the referees have been instructed to crack down on [x] in this World Cup"

― Crimea River (Mark C), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:44 (nineteen years ago)

"They spent millions of dollars designing the World Cup ball...but, uh, the players seem to be having a little difficulty with it..."

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ is a GE Money Genie (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:48 (nineteen years ago)

Sun article on Adebayor: "Arsenal star ready TOGO"

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:51 (nineteen years ago)

In any newspaper if Australia win a match: "THE WIZARDS OF OZ"

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ is a GE Money Genie (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:53 (nineteen years ago)

"Of course, the Italians traditionally start off slowly in these tournaments"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:54 (nineteen years ago)

OWN-GOLA!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:54 (nineteen years ago)

"Oh, he's going to regret lashing out like that again - will he never learn?... The referee's reaching for his pocket... and it's red! Well even if his team does miraculously gain the lead after such a rout, England's captain will not be playing in the next few games."

― beanz (beanz), Monday, 5 June 2006 08:55 (nineteen years ago)

This is all very entertaining but it's ruined the World Cup Bingo thread I was planning to start.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:01 (nineteen years ago)

Hopefully some genius will overlay Iran's game with A Flock of Seagulls (second) finest moment.

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:03 (nineteen years ago)

"There's the great Pele/Beckenbauer/Charlton/Platini/Cruyff in the stand, how Brazil/Germany/England/France/Holland could use his services now."

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:04 (nineteen years ago)

"Not many people know this, but England once won the World Cup".

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:08 (nineteen years ago)

Letters in Guardian (or Indenpendent):

"Thank you for putting all your World Cup coverage in one pull-out section. This will allow me to dispose of it easily without having to read about overpaid prima donna etc etc"

"As English nationalism is so unpleasant and all English football fans are racist, I shall be supporting the team with the lowest GDP per capita in solidarity with etc etc"

"How many metatarsals can you fit in a 35mm film cannister?"

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:23 (nineteen years ago)

"They'll be dancing in the streets of tonight"

― mms (mms), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:27 (nineteen years ago)

"Well, England could have done with a Russian linesman just then, or Russian Referee's Assistant I should say nowadays"

― Teh HoBBercraft (the pirate king), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:31 (nineteen years ago)

"Group E is definitely 2006's Group Of Death"

"The USA are ranked world No.5 - it just goes to show how you can't trust FIFA's ranking system" (closely followed by the USA beating Italy, no doubt)

― Si.C@rter (SiC@rter), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:45 (nineteen years ago)

'Argentina's players show the other side of their character, and yet again, their cynicism seems to overide their obvious and magical talent.'

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 5 June 2006 10:07 (nineteen years ago)

"Oh...brilliant from Ronaldinho, he really is the clown prince of football, his box of tricks is......remarkable, oh what will he do next, who can tell? Why he truly is the court jester of the modern game, the Benny Hill of Brazil, magnificent from Ronaldinho, he doesn't play football does he, he just conjures rabbits from hats, like Harry Houdini there on the wing, he's truly a Charlie Chaplin of the game"

times 1000 if insufferable Clive Tyldsley is commentating.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

"Mexico have been the real shock success story of this tournament"

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:21 (nineteen years ago)

"And this French side will know better than anyone, there are no easy games - in the World Cup!"

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:26 (nineteen years ago)

"Garth Crooks has been out and about meeting the colourful characters who make the World Cup the greatest tournament on earth"

Cue 80 year old witch doctor in a Drogba shirt.

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:28 (nineteen years ago)

'Spain yet again fall victim to their demons, and fail to make it past the second round'

'The Dutch have a long history of infighting within the squad'

'They're one down, but they have a corner - there's hope yet, as anayone there on theta famous night in Barcelona will know' (Tyldesley)

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:29 (nineteen years ago)

"del piero's missed a golden opportunity there"

― lil' merzbow wow (haitch), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:32 (nineteen years ago)

LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU

― Crimea River (Mark C), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:34 (nineteen years ago)

"Inzaghi SCORES!!! Oh, the flag's up, it won't count"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:43 (nineteen years ago)

Hahaha.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:44 (nineteen years ago)

"there are some familiar faces in the crowd tonight"

cue Mick Jagger clapping a throw-in.

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:48 (nineteen years ago)

Other predictable camera shots include young, attractive, scantily-clad female fans every 10 mins

― beanz (beanz), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:56 (nineteen years ago)

"Shades of Archie Gemmill there..."

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:56 (nineteen years ago)

"I've got to say, Clive, I've really been impressed with the Trinidad defence in this first ten or fifteen minutes."

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 5 June 2006 12:58 (nineteen years ago)

"ghana, always so strong at youth level"

― lil' merzbow wow (haitch), Monday, 5 June 2006 13:06 (nineteen years ago)

"... so we sent our own Lawrence of Arabia, Gabriel Clarke, along to see how the Saudis are shaping up."

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 5 June 2006 13:13 (nineteen years ago)

"Heh heh heh. And you wonder why they call him "El Loco" Mark..."

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 5 June 2006 13:17 (nineteen years ago)

Lineker, dryly, "Coming up we have what many consider the real World Cup final, Iran vs Angola. Don't go away."

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Monday, 5 June 2006 13:27 (nineteen years ago)

"Robbie, you of course played for Jamaica in 1998 - what do you think will be going the heads of these Trinidad players as they stand in the tunnel?"

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 5 June 2006 13:33 (nineteen years ago)

Further to my earlier post, I got home to discover a letter from someone in the Home Counties wanting to know where they could buy an Argentine flag.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 04:08 (nineteen years ago)

Worse still, not just a letter, but in The Observer on Sunday there was a massive "heartfelt polemic, writer (and Wagnerian) Michael Henderson explains why he will be supporting the host nation at Germany 2006".
http://football.guardian.co.uk/worldcup2006/comment/story/0,,1789928,00.html

He starts off promisingly enough, comparing the modern England players unfavourably with those of 66 (not in terms of ability, but in terms of overpaid yobbishness), but somehow decides that this means he should support Germany. Presumably because the entire German national team still earn two shillings a week and spend their free time helping old ladies across the street. Then there's a whole load of stuff about football hooliganism, which would have been fair enough 20 years ago, but hardly makes any sense now when there are far worse hooligan problems in most other European countries. Finally he moans about football supporters getting drunk and shouting and concludes it's because the sport doesn't have the class of rugby or cricket. What a twat.

― Teh HoBBercraft (the pirate king), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 07:16 (nineteen years ago)

er wrong thread?

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 07:50 (nineteen years ago)

It would probably have felt more at home in the THOSE FUCKING ENGLAND FLAGS one, but I was responding to Hello Sunshine:

Letters in Guardian (or Indenpendent):
"Thank you for putting all your World Cup coverage in one pull-out section. This will allow me to dispose of it easily without having to read about overpaid prima donna etc etc"

"As English nationalism is so unpleasant and all English football fans are racist, I shall be supporting the team with the lowest GDP per capita in solidarity with etc etc"

"How many metatarsals can you fit in a 35mm film cannister?"

-- Hello Sunshine (fiver_the_bunn...), June 5th, 2006 11:23 AM.

Further to my earlier post, I got home to discover a letter from someone in the Home Counties wanting to know where they could buy an Argentine flag.
-- Hello Sunshine (fiver_the_bunn...), June 6th, 2006 6:08 AM

― Teh HoBBercraft (the pirate king), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 07:55 (nineteen years ago)

"And, as we know, there's no love lost between these two teams..."

Take your pick:
England v. Germany
England v. Argentina
Holland v. Germany
Spain v. Portugal
Serbia v. Croatia
Ivory Coast v. France
Tunisia v. France
Iran v. USA
Japan v. South Korea

etc etc etc

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 09:15 (nineteen years ago)

"goal for SPAIN, and that's why they call him the cobra/the vulture/el scorer"

"and [insert Durch player] has cracked in an unerring strike from all of 40 yards which surely must qulify as one of the goals of the tournament"

― JohnFoxxsJuno (JohnFoxxsJuno), Tuesday, 6 June 2006 09:29 (nineteen years ago)

Is this the best thread to ask for predictions of what Jugears's oh-so-dry opening line will be on Saturday?

Can it possibly compete with Lynam's raised eyebrow and "Shouldn't you be at work?" in 1998?

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Friday, 9 June 2006 06:16 (nineteen years ago)

"The first 20 minutes will be crucial."

"They've started brightly." (cue goal for opposition)

"Germany certainly won't be underestimating Costa Rica."

― Ally C (Ally C), Friday, 9 June 2006 06:30 (nineteen years ago)

"oh fuck off Motson" - admittedly this will be said by me, and not a paid TV person, but it will be said. At least three times by 2.10 pm tomorrow, unless I can't hear the commentary in the pub.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 9 June 2006 06:37 (nineteen years ago)

"Right, that's it fucko, you're sued."

Alex Ferguson, on seeing the squad for the Sweden match.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 9 June 2006 06:59 (nineteen years ago)

Shevchenko shall only be referred to as "Chelsea's new £30M striker."

Heard Michael Ballack described as Chelsea's Michael Ballack on the news last night - this before he's so much as kicked a ball for them

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:20 (nineteen years ago)

Arsenal's Theo Walcott etc.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:25 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, the two are equivalent.

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:27 (nineteen years ago)

They should say 'TV's Michael Ballack'. After all, he is on TV.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:28 (nineteen years ago)

Malmo's Hens-Petter Borgelsson

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:30 (nineteen years ago)

rare mistake from lampard/gerrard
rare miss from rooney
rare overhit cross from beckham
rare goalkeeping error from robinson
rare signs of hunger (for food) from ferdinand

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:36 (nineteen years ago)

typical goalkeeping error from james

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:37 (nineteen years ago)

"Ball in from Beckham...Campbell..CAMPBELL HAS SCORED!!!! YES!!!!! Forty years of hurt are over! With just two minutes remaining in the World Cup final football is finally coming home! Hold on, wait a minute, offside"

― Teh HoBBercraft (the pirate king), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:52 (nineteen years ago)

"oh, *poor* England....bwahahaahahahaha" - my Dad, on the phone to me, at least once.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 9 June 2006 08:55 (nineteen years ago)

During close up shot of player about to take decisive penalty:

"And what... must be going through his mind right now"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:06 (nineteen years ago)

During close up shot of England player having taken decisive penalty:

"OH NO!"

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:08 (nineteen years ago)

have england scored any of the penalties in their warm-up campaign yet?

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:32 (nineteen years ago)

No but Crouch was only allowed to take the penalty to score his hat-trick, I don't think he'll be asked again

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:34 (nineteen years ago)

but the nation wants to see that dance innit.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:34 (nineteen years ago)

He has to score the penalty first tho shurely?

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:36 (nineteen years ago)

... maybe if he did in the run-up he might have a better chance of scoring

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:36 (nineteen years ago)

Surely followed up by "was it offside? No, the referee's saying Neville used his elbow..."

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:38 (nineteen years ago)

Re. Crouch's crap penalty...

but the nation wants to see that dance innit.

Onimo texted me just after the penalty miss to suggest that it would have been brilliant if the Jamaican keeper had done the Crouchbot dance instead.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:40 (nineteen years ago)

Possible after match analysis from Ian Wright: http://www.natfront.com/powell.html

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:41 (nineteen years ago)

No doubt some team or other will be a "surprise package"

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:42 (nineteen years ago)

thierry henry! of all people!

― duff (duff), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:46 (nineteen years ago)

xpost like peter beardsley's "surprise package"?

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:48 (nineteen years ago)

Is this the best thread to ask for predictions of what Jugears's oh-so-dry opening line will be on Saturday?

I think he'll go with the tried and tested "England expects"

I caught a look at The Sun on the train yesterday and must commend them on BETTERTARSAL!

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:49 (nineteen years ago)

The Sun never disappoints.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 9 June 2006 09:50 (nineteen years ago)

The Mirror yesterday

ROOTURN TO SVENDER

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 9 June 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

'Serbia & Montenegro. It'll be plain old Serbia at the next world cup'.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Friday, 9 June 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

can Roo Roocover from injuroo, in time ror roo roorld roop rooinals?

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 9 June 2006 10:19 (nineteen years ago)

Rooby Rooby Roo!

― Who Are You... The Nerve... I Wanna Get Out, I Wanna Get Out (Dada), Friday, 9 June 2006 10:22 (nineteen years ago)

On Austrian tv: "Really nice throw-in from Togo's defender there, that's the sort of play you don't see from our pathetic excuse for a national team."

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 9 June 2006 10:22 (nineteen years ago)

"What is TURNIP SWEDE SVEN thinking?! Portsmouth main man Matty Taylor would have kept Ronaldinho quiet"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 9 June 2006 10:29 (nineteen years ago)

- Ian Wright, immediately following England's semi-final defeat against Brazil.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 9 June 2006 10:29 (nineteen years ago)

Gaby Logan, just now:

"Coming up after the break, Angola v Portugal, the sort of game that makes the World Cup so special".

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 11 June 2006 17:53 (nineteen years ago)

"This is like their World Cup final, that's why they're up for it."

Conspicuous lack of history from the Welshes, there.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Sunday, 11 June 2006 18:00 (nineteen years ago)

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