I made up the Estonian culture - a confession

The only problem was, I had no idea about Estonian food, and not being able to find much info on the internet (at the time) I made the ENTIRE menu up, using words and phrases from "Firewall" by Andy McNab, and lyrics from the Finnish entry to the Eurovision song contest my parents taped off the TV once. I pretend to recieve a letter from "an Estonian friend" called Gembit Jarheel (on the premise that I had written to him for clarification of some meals I had "researched") which I could base the menu on. The only trouble was, this Mr. Jarheel didn't exist. Neither did any of the meals or customs. In fact the only authentic thing is that the translation of "Estonian food" really is "Eesti toit/pidusook" (thank you Internet)....

Of course I researched every other aspect of Estonian culture to use (how else could I have got a B), but this part I totally blagged.... and I have a feeling that some Finnish/Estonian users are going to find this extremely amusing :)

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Dear Josh,

Hi, I know quite a lot about Estonian food (or as we call “Eesti Toit” although “Eesti Pidusook” the old fashioned name sounds better), as it the place I spent 23 years of my life. I will try to show you what food we like in Estonia, and what food would be ideal for your restaurant. First lets go over the foods you researched and mentioned:

Sauteed Eels with Gherkins and Walnuts
Ovhegaard Jaade. Gherkins are “Grokke” and Walnuts are “Rettgorde” but everyone knows what you mean by Ovhegaard Jaade.
Duck and Celery Pate.
Sounds like “Juimosa”, but this has Duck, blueberries, Rahald (Estonian cheese), celery and apples, not just duck and celery. By the way—duck is “mosa” and celery is “juik” (plural juike) so I understand why you think this way. But the “jui-” prefix is put on the beginning of every pate, ie Juijaad, eel pate, juiguishooa, goose liver pate, juikohtlia, chicken pate etc.
Squash and cucumber casserole.
Akka Pointuumus, nice with a dash of “Klike” (Estonian brandy). Akka Jaadalaas is the meat version with “Jaade” (Eels)
Bread, rice and syrup pudding.
And egg yolks, milk, custard, marmalade.... A mixture of every disgusting thing. My mother used to make this for me, but what did I do to her! This is “Rejaard Hakkt” (literally “Chopped Breakfast”) but it is so bad that some people purposely spell it “Rejvaarge Hakkt” (“Hacked Eyes”!). No-one in Estonia eat this, except of those on a very healthy diet.

Here are some other Estonian dishes to get your mouth watering

Starters—
Juimosa, and other pates
Opik Jakke (Poached hen eggs in a traditional, spicy sauce)
Eesti Astadaa Estonian potato waffle, very hot. Served with cheese (kajse) and/or onion (sojelde).
Uniopikimmusaan Valkenivat – We do try to keep our food titles short and sweet, but there is no other way of describing this! It is fish, wild vegetable and herbs soup.

Main course –
Terrailoma Kohtla Jarve — Hearty meat and potato stew with a “secret ingredient”. The town “Kohtla Jarve” grows the herb which is the “secret ingredient” and is famous for it. At festivals in the town they give you big bowls of terrailoma for free! Tasty!!

As above there are mentioned Ovhegaard Jaade and the Akki.

Laluuput Ouden Maan – This isn’t Estonian, this is Finnish. But everyone in Estonia eat this. This is fries made from potato and garlic with a parsley sauce (to get rid of the garlic !). This is like a normal meal that lots of people have at lunchtime.
Korwaa Narva – You will squirm. Bat wings fried. Bats are a traditional food in both Finland and Estonia, but the young generation like to shy away from it. However they are very tasty!

Desserts –
Estonians rarely have proper deserts, just ice cream. The Estonians like vanilla ice cream with the vanilla pods still in. This is a tradition we have taken from Russia and the far east. Most restaurants in Eesti just leave bowls of ice cream on a counter for you to take for free!

I hope I have answered all your questions, and good luck!

Gembit Jarheel

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Sorry.......