Matchmaking: Classic Or Dud?

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A really bad habit you sometimes get if you're in a couple is attempted matchmaking. My girlfriend is particularly prone to this - "why doesn't X get together with Y?" - Tom's eyes bulge and drink splutters at (usual) insanity of suggestion. Luckily she has but rarely tried to actually effect any matches.

But on the other hand sometimes it works.

So classic or dud? And single people - does it flatter you or piss you off if people try it for you?

― Tom, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DUD. Whenever my friends have said 'oh, you must meet so-and-so, you'd really like him' I always end up hating him, wasting an evening and also being annoyed with my friends for not having any idea about my taste in men. As my friends often hate my boyfs maybe they should think about fixing me up with their worst enemies?

― Emma, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

HAHAHAHAHA. I made a very covert attempt at matching up my roommate with a friend of mine. It all went to hell because he decided he liked ME, she decided she liked his friend (and both he and friend decided she was annoying and crazy), and a comedy of errors ensued as we all went about in increasingly irritated circles which ended in me and the friend getting together. Every time I ever have even a vague thought, "Ooer, they'd have a good time together", it ends up something similar to that ridiculousness. So I'm never even going to THINK about who should be with whom ever again.

― Ally, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

In college I had a hunky roomate and many a time girls woud be like "Hey, mIke , there's someting I have to tell you..." Which would make me all excited but then it would be "I like your roomate and desire to mate him". I once fixed up two people and now they HATE each other. I have too much mad scientisct in me.

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

These girls said "I want to MATE him"? That's so... Wild Kingdom.

― Kim, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't think I've ever specifically tried to put people together, though I've watched it bemusedly happen. Success/failure rate was predictably abysmal.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Isabel's most insane suggestion: someone I have not met and know only through the Internet PLUS someone who does not have Internet access and lives a continent away. Yeah I'll see if they're free next Friday eh.

― Tom, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually having typed that this also describes MY most insane suggestion which I apparently made drunkenly after the last Sussed and then blamed on Sarah C. Oh dear, it's catching.

― Tom, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

True story:

There were two people who were introduced to each other by my wife during their freshman year. Everyone thought they were going to get married, but after they graduated and moved to California (her to LA, he to SanFran) she broke up with him, saying he was abusive and that she had a slight fear for her life. 3 weeks later, he drove down to LA, shot her, then shot himself in the head.

I am very wary of matchmaking now. Thank God I'm married!

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The only time someone tried to matchmake for me ended up with me going out with the matchmaker.

― DG, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I just rode the stastcock rocket over your head DG. eat my digi dust

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Whenever anyone introduces me to person X saying, 'oh, you two will get on really well' I always, wihout fail, either freeze up entirely or say the stupidest thing ever. This goes double if I have even the slightest suspicion that person X might possibly fancy me, and quadruple if I fancy them. Therefore matchmaking = dudder than dumpertroll.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Jesus H, Dan! I'm glad I've never been around something like THAT...

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

singeldom rocks - a man needs a maan/woman/animal like a camel needs a menthol.

― Geoff, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Who are your ILE/ILM 'matches made in heaven'?

Kate and Doom patrol obviously

― Ed, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tom, that was no drunken suggestion. You proceeded to insist the same two couple would "get on" all the way on the Oxford tube - or at least the in the strange no mans land that is Notting Hill/Marble Arch. But I think it would work too! But I need to see pictures.

For the people doing the match making, it's GRATE!

For the unwilling people, it is badness. Last time it happened to me, it involved bingo.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*I* proceeded to insist!! Oh and I suppose you reluctantly played along?

No pictures available. I think the lady concerned should draw a lesson from the shocking saga unfolding on Corrie.

― Tom, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Strangely, I also had an attempted matchmaking that involved bingo. And a celebrity impersonator. And nearly involved a bunch of bikers as well.

― Patrick, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There was a period of time where I was convinced there was an Angel Of Doom that followed me around and lashed out at random people around me. I have since come to realize that Life Is A Bitch.

I do think I know a disturbing number of murderers/murder victims, though.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hm...maybe it's good you won't be around in August, then. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dan Perry: modern day banshee. OOOOeeeeOOOOeeeeOOOOeeeeOOOOeeeeOOOEEE...

I remember being asked by an object of my high-school affection to fix her up with my best friend. Despite my best efforts, they still hooked up, leading to the most disturbing description of nipples I've ever heard. Matchmaking is still DUD.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well you might as well come out with this description, now.

― Ally, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Erm... Paul and I suffered from a bout of anti-matchmaking, on the part of his psychotic ex-girlfriend (who seemed to think she was my arch-enemy or something... erm, sorry, I've got heavier competition than someone I met once at a weekend houseparty 3 years ago and had forgotten the existence of...) who kindly suggested that we only got together to spite her, and also possibly made some vague threats about flying to England to murder us both in our beds...

Strangely, this only actually made us like each other more.

I have only actually attempted matchmaking twice. The first couple are now happily married for over a year. The other attempt was cruelly and evilly thwarted by Alan McGee. No, it did not involve Doomie.

No one ever tried to matchmake me in my life, so I have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end.

― masonic boom, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Whenever somebody does it for ME, I always end up falling hopelessly in love with the person, while they're immediately repulsed by me! What the hell is that all about?

― tarden, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

HIM: They were the size of Toll-House cookies.
ME: Um, are you sureabout that?
HIM: Yeah!
ME: You know those things are like two and a half inches in diameter...
HIM: It was really disgusting.
ME: Just the nipple was the size of a Toll- House cookie? Not including the dark area around it?
HIM: Just the nipple.
ME: ... I still don't believe you.

I certainly hope that if this woman's children are born with unhingeable jaws if she plans on breat-feeding them, assuming that my friend and I were operating under the same definition of the word "nipple".

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

musta been the oriolea

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I can't believe that at all. He had to be using the idea of the whole thing as "nipple".

― Ally, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

dammit, mike stole my oreo-la joke.

― ethan, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Knowing my friend, he might have been hoping that I'd make that joke myself. I was still disturbed by the concept of enormous, cookie- sized nipples, though, and could not be witty.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Imagine the nipplage when it gets cold.

― Ally, Wednesday, 18 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My only two fundie christan friends have been going for a year and a half after meeting at my b-day.

― anthony, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was meant to meet someone on a matchmaking date, just one week before I met Kate. Needless to say I cancelled the date, so I've never been matchmade.

― Paul Strange, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No-one has ever done this to me, or if they have, I didn't know about it and it didn't work. I wonder if it would fun if anyone did? I guess they wouldn't anyway. Never mind.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...

I forgot I told the Toll-House Nipples story on ILX!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 11 November 2002 20:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Thread revival of the year.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 11 November 2002 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

this year when my mother makes the weird cookies with the big Hershey's Kiss in the middle, I will think of your friend.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 11 November 2002 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

In high school, my sister hooked me up on a date with her bf's best friend, because that would just be oh so cute wouldn't it?? We ended up dating for a couple of weeks. Then I found out he was also seeing this other girl named Sarah at the same time in another city. But the cool thing is that when he came back to see me a few weeks later after the breakup he had broken out with a really gross case of acne. ha ha

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 11 November 2002 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Those cookies aren't weird, they're delicious!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 November 2002 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

No one has ever seriously tried to match me up with anyone (they would sometimes say, "Oh, I ought to introduce you to [friend]," and then forget to follow up). Dan's first story (and to some degree the toll house cookie story) is the first thing to ever make me glad that this is so.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 00:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I think we should have ILX matchmaking. I have a girlfriend now (and sound like the new Alan Partridge) so don't need this function myself, but I think it's a necessary function.

Graham could knock up a quick computerised matchmaker programme, based on everything everyone says in all of their posts ever, plus an assessment of any pictures posted. You've got till Thursday, Graham.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Piss off Martin.

Now who don we want to date The Pinefox?

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't think of anyone whose taste in music wouldn't annoy PF to some extent.

I still think Graham and Melissa should at least meet up, if not get married.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

What do you mean at least meet?! They are engaged, they will have to meet at some point, even if it's just on the wedding day....
How's the wedding list coming along Graham - have you chosen invitations yet?

― Plinky (Plinky), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 13:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, y'see, Melissa picked out this pastel one with butterflies and that, it's very nice, but then we found out it was only available on vellum, which we were willing to pay for, gold embossed printing and everything. But then they told us what vellum was made from, and I'm a vegetarian, so that was that and we had to start all over.

So I spotted this minimalist design, modern, chic, very classy, but Mel showed it to her mom, and she was all like, we can't send that out to your uncles, cos of the color, bad memories or something, so we couldn't use that either. But M's got this cousin, at art college, she reckons he can do something real nice especially for us, so it should all work out fine.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

You're British. Say "colour". Do you want your bride to respect you or what?!

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you have a list in Argos yet? Or are you gonna go all posh and have it Debenhams or M&S?

― Plinky (Plinky), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I always seem to be matchmaking on ilx -- thinking things like "aw, wouldn't x and y make a great couple?" -- not actually setting anyone up. I suspect my success rate would be disastrous if actually implemented.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

It would be Debenhams, definitely, this is a classy do. But they don't have branches in the States, so we might have to set up another list over there, or we might just have to go with someone else. We'll see.

(I also said "mom", Sarauh)

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

coupley friends of mine once felt that it would be a good idea to matchmake me with someone once, but went about it somewhat ineffectually. We then had to matchmake ourselves, and are still together a million years later.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought you were getting married so Melissa could come to the UK, not the other way round?

NB green card/visa officials this is all just speculation and fiction.

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I've got make her feel welcome Sarah.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

So then dye your hair black to look more like Jonny Greenwood! I think your hair is about the same style as his, the dye job would be a nice touch.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmmm:
http://letdown.hypermart.net/images/sjon1.jpg http://homepage.mac.com/dtcd/.Public/me.jpeg

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

See? It's pretty close.

Of course people always think I speak madness when talking about resemblances and such.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Nicole, you speak madness.

― Plinky (Plinky), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Graham, you should get dreads!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

When I saw 8 Mile I kept thinking Rabbit = Ethan and Mekhi Pfiffer = Jess so then I kept picturing Jess with dreads. Even though Jess would look like one of those dudes from Korn I still think he would cool with them!

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Last night the guys in my flat suggested I get dreads. Are you in cahoots?

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh no, I've got that Cahoot advert in my head now "the kids got Cahoot!"

― Plinky (Plinky), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Blond dreads make me think of crusties who carry around pet rats on a string.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

!!!!!!

Get the dreads, Graham, but leave the rats alone. (Also, I am not in cahoots, I am in khakis and a sweater HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAha.. ha... ha... *sob*)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan is in caHootie and the Blowfish.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

"Why you treat me so ba-aaad....?"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is excavating the deepest mine ever and heading down.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Be fair, Ned, Ally's ass has nothing to do with this.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Can someone hit my cheekbones with a hammer please?

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 12 November 2002 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

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