This is the thread about New Scientist's personal ads.

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http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19025492.100.html

If the universe amazes, terrifies and invigorates you, and you would like to hold the complexity of the cosmos in your arms in the shape of a man, then let's... (New York, NY)

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

Circumnavigate THIS Penlat with me (14 days Nov06) Me:-6ft72Kg Pnalt-etanig, smei-aeshtit, mlae, CAD-mkeony; Itno Rdaio4; Mooeearhtd, ahcooll; Dkliise fnilyg; Lnviig Mdraid/Hrmaubg.(own hair). You: Human female :D

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 17:38 (nineteen years ago)

I like that more than one guy felt the need to mention "own hair!"

― quincie (quincie), Thursday, 15 June 2006 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

Three parts New Scientist, one part Cosmo; Atlanta Calculus teacher seeks fun-spirited fellow geek to enjoy museums, hikes, lectures, picnics, IMAX, Starbucks, and more

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 17:47 (nineteen years ago)

The fact that New Scientist has personals is pretty much slaying me dudes, sorry. Say what you want about my pub and our made up cloning research but at least we haven't gone this route...yet.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 17:47 (nineteen years ago)

I'M A 21 YEAR OLD, fun-loving undergraduate engineer/computer scientist seeking to date a young, fun-loving female from Adelaide. Must enjoy mud-wrestling

Priorities :D

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 17:49 (nineteen years ago)

why do people still place personal ads? especially computer science people?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 15 June 2006 17:51 (nineteen years ago)

How else are they supposed to talk to women?

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Thursday, 15 June 2006 17:54 (nineteen years ago)

I still prefer the LRB ones.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

I'm kinda assuming it's a prank except it's kind of elaborate for a prank.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:27 (nineteen years ago)

Or the NYRB ones, sometimes, because the self-descriptions work so hard to be writerly: "WRITER-CINÉASTE with New York soul and pre-yuppie values!"

Plus despite its being the NYRB they all go on about how sexy they are, using terms so indistinguishably hackneyed that you wind up imagining them all as exactly the same person:

- Naturally pretty girl-next-door with sleek, playful, athletic twist. Blonde hair, high cheekbones, heart-melting smile.

- Sparkling blue eyes. Strikingly attractive, divorced, brunette, 48. Great shape, long legs. Sensuous nature.

- WRITER, INTELLECTUAL, CLASSICIST, with adorable smile. Tall, slender, graceful, and good-looking.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:28 (nineteen years ago)

No "Banderasesque," no credibility, nabisco.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:30 (nineteen years ago)

The LRB ones, though -- online very different from the crop in the publication! Some of these are magnificent:

- I once urinated next to Edward Said.

- If intense, post-fight sex scares you, I’m not the woman for you (amateur big-boned cage wrestler, 62).

- I met all my previous lovers at Costco (I only needed one, but came away with 30). That changes right here, right now, with a call to all men to 45 allergic to generic vodka brands

- The Schrödinger’s cat of personal ads. Box no. 11/08

- National Film Board of Canada bore seeks woman who ideally has a shed full of public information films and a ravenous appetite for animated shorts that heavily rely upon waltzes.

- Writing this advert has given the biggest sense of accomplishment I’ve felt since successfully ironing my trousers (June 14, 1998). Man, 37.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:33 (nineteen years ago)

WOW!!! EDWARD SAID!!!

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:34 (nineteen years ago)

Seriously, someone go out with the trouser-ironing guy, he's clearly the coolest guy in London.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:35 (nineteen years ago)

"I once urinated next to Mother Theresa. Her penis was as big as her heart."

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:36 (nineteen years ago)

But do any of them enjoy mud wrestling?

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:40 (nineteen years ago)

The big-boned cage wrestler, possibly, though there might be a small-differences snobbery there.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:41 (nineteen years ago)

That's what I'm thinking, she probably wouldn't be too hot for mud wrestling :\

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:42 (nineteen years ago)

I have accommodated many terms from the world of embroidery into my bedroom lexicon. Whenever we make love, you will be sexually satisfied whilst also subliminally studying an accredited course in a skill long lost to women over the ages. Man (57): lover, instructor, and, providing you have gained enough modular credits throughout the term, invigilator on your final exam. Box no. 12/06

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:43 (nineteen years ago)

smei-aeshtit

I keep reading this as semi-apeshit.

― mummy wrapped in bacon (nickalicious), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:47 (nineteen years ago)

I read it as "semi-ashtits" which makes even less sense.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 18:49 (nineteen years ago)

I can't figure out what that one is supposed to be... goddam anagrams

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

semi-teatish

― mummy wrapped in bacon (nickalicious), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

semi-shit-tea

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:30 (nineteen years ago)

semi-atheist?

― Jaq (Jaq), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:33 (nineteen years ago)

That's basically the only real word it could be but it doesn't make very good sense still. Semi-atheist doesn't mean anything?

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

Half of them are totally protagonists from Tom Robbins novels.

― mummy wrapped in bacon (nickalicious), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:36 (nineteen years ago)

ok so - Circumnavigate THIS planet with me (14 days Nov06) Me:-6ft72Kg plant-eating, semi-atheist, male, CAD-monkey; into Radio4, Motorhead, alcohol; dislike flying; living Madrid/Hamburg.(own hair). You: Human female :D

so he wants a partner who's gonna circumnavigate the world in a boat while eating plants and drunkenly rocking out to Motorhead? With his OWN HAIR no less?!

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:36 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.answers.com/topic/teatish

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:37 (nineteen years ago)

I like this personal from the LRB last week:

I once urinated next to Edward Said. M, 33. Regrets never shaking hands with hero. br*kens**e@hotmail.com.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

xpost
Not to mention, someone who cleverly communicates in puzzles.

― Jaq (Jaq), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, fuck, it's been done.
[/to drawing board]

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

I think semi-atheist sounds more like it. didn't even think of that.
dorks. we lost this round, folks.

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

OMG I think I know that guy! I kicked his Capri.

― mummy wrapped in bacon (nickalicious), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

i don't know if they're still running, but someone was paying for ads in the lrb saying "nihilist seeks nothing" (no box number) for quite a while.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 15 June 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

MIKE, a Forensic Technician looking for Love! She was last seen committing crimes of the heart in Wollongong. So lets get together and replicate some DNA!! Reply number: 015

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 15 June 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

That's basically the only real word it could be but it doesn't make very good sense still. Semi-atheist doesn't mean anything?

Semi-aesthete, maybe?

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Thursday, 15 June 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

RIEMANN'S HYPOTHESIS: a truly marvellous proof that this advert is too short to contain. Male, MBL, Chichester, by Hardy's definition incapable of a major advance, seeks potential female Fields medallist.

MATH GEEK HELL

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 15 June 2006 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

Semi-aesthete

Only if he can't spell, too. "Plant-eating" - huh. I eat loads of plants, but I also eat meat. Takes all kinds, I know, and I hope he snifd ish now uter olve.

― Jaq (Jaq), Thursday, 15 June 2006 23:07 (nineteen years ago)

I'M A 21 YEAR OLD, fun-loving undergraduate engineer/computer scientist seeking to date a young, fun-loving female from Adelaide. Must enjoy mud-wrestling

hey i thought he was an events management and tourism student.

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Friday, 16 June 2006 00:02 (nineteen years ago)

I have accommodated many terms from the world of embroidery into my bedroom lexicon

maintain the tension! get out the laying tool! ooooh the whipped stem!

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Friday, 16 June 2006 10:38 (nineteen years ago)

*loosens collar*

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Friday, 16 June 2006 10:40 (nineteen years ago)

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