Sen. Ted Stevens explains the internet for you.

this product should be well-suited for purchase and delivery over these "pipes" that the distinguished senator mentions.

looks like i'll be stuck with only purchasing these instead:

http://www.brooks.af.mil/History/images/Man-in-Space/MOL/F2a03_SF.jpg

what a glorious phrase

Hahah yeah I love that.

"We asked this scientician!"
"...uhhh"

And now his house got raided today. Commence with the horrid "tubes" joeks!

http://i.l.cnn.net/cnn/2007/POLITICS/07/30/lawmaker.raid.ap/art.tedstevens.jpg

huh.

Stevens, who has been in office since 1968 and is the longest-serving Republican in Senate history, said the interests of justice would be best served if he commented after the investigation.

"I continue to believe this investigation should proceed to its conclusion without any appearance that I have attempted to influence its outcome," Stevens said. "The legal process should be allowed to proceed so that all the facts can be established and the truth determined."

I think this is the first sane thing I've ever heard him say.

I still agree with him that "the internet is not a truck"

http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/washington/politics-usa-crime-stevens.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

breaking…

Maybe he can call the Fantastic Four for help.

He might not need it:

The judge overseeing the corruption trial of Sen. Ted Stevens threatened today to throw out the case against the long-serving Republican after prosecutors turned up last-minute evidence defense lawyers said was exculpatory.

U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan, visibly angry, set a hearing for 4:30 p.m. EST today to weigh a request from Stevens' lawyers to dismiss the seven-count indictment in which Stevens is charged with failing to include more than $250,000 in gifts and home improvements in Senate financial disclosure forms.

The dispute centers on an interview between FBI agents and the government's star witness, Bill J. Allen, an Alaskan oilman who testified the last two days about how he oversaw the home renovations and gave Stevens other gifts and benefits.

The government previously turned over a redacted version of the FBI interview with Allen to defense lawyers but conceded today they had erred and that portions of the summary should not have been excised. They turned over the new evidence after discovering the oversight Wednesday night.

<A href=http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/27/stevens.jurors/index.html>;THROW AWAY THE KEY!</a>

Biggest Nelson laugh in the world right now.

If I were Palin I'd be all "Uh, yeah, never ever once liked the guy!" right about now.

looking forward to lolPalin response.

xp

good fucking riddance

rip

a series of tubes mourns

a dump truck rejoices

Do they have to rename half the state now?

http://www.dot.state.ak.us/anc/images/banners/home-bannerREV.jpg

oh keep it for fun

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/washington/AP-StevensTrial.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

Despite being a convicted felon, he is not required to drop out of the race or resign from the Senate. If he wins re-election, he can continue to hold his seat because there is no rule barring felons from serving in Congress.

But presumably he can't vote for himself?

This almost seemed too easy. Is there going to be some sort of Disclosure style Plan B in effect?

Actually I was thinking he'd get acquitted. Pleasant surprise time!

2008 has kind of been one long "pleasant surprise time" imo

He can hold the Senate seat, but he'll miss more votes than the dude with the stroke while he's in the pokey.

http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/8320/stevenszm3.jpg

Prison, it's not like a big building, it's more like a series of cubes.

ha hah ahahaa

Ted's going down fighting!:

E-mail just in from Sen. Ted Stevens' Senate office:

'I am obviously disappointed in the verdict but not surprised given the repeated instances of prosecutorial misconduct in this case. The prosecutors had to report themselves to the Justice Department's Office of Professional Responsibility during the trial for ethical violations. Exculpatory evidence was hidden from my lawyers. A witness was kept from us and then sent back to Alaska. The Government lawyers allowed evidence to be introduced that they knew was false. I will fight this unjust verdict with every ounce of energy I have.

'I am innocent. This verdict is the result of the unconscionable manner in which the Justice Department lawyers conducted this trial. I ask that Alaskans and my Senate colleagues stand with me as I pursue my rights. I remain a candidate for the United States Senate.'

(Update) Stevens' campaign sent out the same message a few minutes later with an additional sentence at the end:

'I will come home on Wednesday and ask for your vote.'

Please DO.

Alaskans say things.

the darndest things (thankfully this one was an exception)

Stevens will get my vote on Nov. 4

Between Begich's newly reported, unreported gifts and Stevens' unreported gifts, who cares?

Who has the track record for putting Alaska and its residents first? Who has held one of the most powerful positions in the U.S. Senate?

I'm proud of Ted Stevens and all he has done. If he did get a few gifts and forgot to record them, then I forgive him. Our state and residents weren't harmed in any way.

The rush to judgment on his conviction was appalling. After 40 years he deserves the appeal and our gratitude for all his years of service, and our vote.

In the private sector he would have made an enormous income in comparison to his Senate salary for his expertise.

Ted Stevens, thank you. I will be voting for you Nov. 4, proudly.

-- Shiela Fern

Palmer, Alaska

Mudflats visits the welcome home party

Stevens tries to redefine the word "convicted"

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1132ap_stevens.html

also

Alaska's junior senator, Republican Lisa Murkowski, sat with Stevens in the editorial board meeting and was more critical of Republicans turning on Stevens.

"For all of them, it's a very close election. I think they're looking to their own political skin. If it helps them in their effort to gain re-election, they will, unfortunately, throw Ted under the bus," she said.

At least the view from the bus is real pretty

http://photos.igougo.com/images/p135800-Alaska-Bus_Tour_Through_Denali.jpg

Unless I'm wrong, didn't Palin throw him under the bus this week?

and that little dog McCain too

Then again, one of the few things Palin is good at is throwing her GOP peers under the bus, so that's hardly a surprise.

of course it does, this is Dr Morbius you're talking to

max, i understand that.

You find a way to continue the case, the way you find a way to get the fuck out of Afghanistan.

I'm not embarassed for jackshit re: this case. If the prosecutors fucked up then Stevens' should go free. That's the law, that's how it works, and that's how it SHOULD work. I am not okay with prosecutorial misconduct, even if it leads to Ted Stevens dying in prison. Don't get me wrong, I hate Ted Stevens and wish him a painful, ignominious death. But even so, setting the legal procedural issues aside, a) his crimes were pretty small potatoes, garden variety corruption with a minimal impact on the rest of us and b) as max says this has nothing to do with Bam and Holder, they didn't build this case, so why hold it against them exactly?

no, morbs, YOU find a way to continue the case

as max says this has nothing to do with Bam and Holder, they didn't build this case, so why hold it against them exactly?

again, you are talking to Dr Morbius

will get right on it. xp

Nina Totenberg:

With more ugly hearings expected, Holder is said to have decided late Tuesday to pull the plug. His decision is said to be based on Stevens' age — he's 85 — and the fact that Stevens is no longer in the Senate. Perhaps most importantly, Justice Department officials say Holder wants to send a message to prosecutors throughout the department that actions he regards as misconduct will not be tolerated.

Uh, WHICH IS IT, Neen?

It has to be just one?

sug'banning Dan is pointless, amirite

Bam & Holder, like all prezzes and AGs, break international law everyday. They choose the spots to get idealistic, like freeing Harry Reid's "distinguished colleague."

aren't the spots where they break international law examples of them getting idealistic as well--what about swiss bank accounts, nuclear dolphins, the secret KGB tennis courts--how do these things figure into your world view Morbs?

very fringily

sug'banning Dan is pointless, amirite

so is talking to you about politics, so we seem to be about even

so is talking to you about politics

Morbs, you were a very pleasant and valued poster for a couple of weeks there, sorry to see it end.

you mean morbs has been BANNED???

srsly i'm all for prosecutorial misconduct if it leads to Ted Stevens dying in prison.

you are a hateful, hateful man

RIP Morbs--someone start a tribute thread

naifs all (interpreted generously)

curt1s I woulda put the bullet in Nixon's head, how's that?

man--what are political threads going to be like now that Morbs is gone forever

http://sp5.fotolog.com/photo/21/5/49/nikremeras/1236048676022_f.jpg

http://www.theflagpole.com/images/eagle_cry_white_backgnd3.jpg

you are a hateful, hateful man

― I just take my louis jag out and wave it round in the air (Curt1s Stephens), Wednesday, April 1, 2009 11:07 AM (7 minutes ago)

Crutis, you gotta admit that that makes him fit in pretty well here.

if i like circle jerks, and i like Circle Jerks, why are metaphoric circle jerks a bad thing? xx-post

i mean, answer me that.

ha, morbs, i am transcribing a keith morris interview right this very second

imagine, the justice department making judgments based on its past behavior, and deciding the law is more important than getting a scalp, whatever will the country come to under these people

it's not going to come to anything. STEADY AS SHE GOES

what?

god i can't believe morbz bit the big one, internetally

Dudes this conviction would have never held up on appeal. Its a non issue.

Who - Morbius'?

i don't give a shit about Ted either

ABRIL FOOLE

god i can't believe morbz bit the big one, internetally

Maybe I shouldn't have banned him after all. :(((

xpost HAHAHA YOU LYING FUCKER, WAY TO SAVE FACE

dude, banning Morbs on April Fool's Day was pretty harsh

i banned you all years ago, with my ex-boyfriends

Banning Morbs has made me so sad it's like Lisa Kudrow dying all over again.

in retrospect it was a mistake but if Morbs has taught me anything it's sticking to my guns no matter how divorced from reality it seems

Really? He taught me that people really DO still use pay phones.

hahaha

i never liked morbius, but he brought some fun to the political threads

RIP mets fan

Uh oh: Ted Stevens believed to be in plane crash.

So what's the deal? All I'm hearing is that there was a crash. Is there any word on survivors or not?

More here:

http://www.adn.com/2010/08/09/1402798/plane-with-8-on-board-crashes.html

Assuming he was one of the victims, can't wait for Sarah's weepy eulogy.

Funny how Ted almost seems palatable now in comparison to Sarah.

He'll turn up somewhere in South America enjoying his millions.

and now he's dead.

Here's to hoping heaven is a series of tubes.

Optimistic

only the good die young

^^ A+