Classic situations of social awkwardness (meeting primary school headmaster at funeral)

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So I was at my friend's grandmother's funeral on Monday, as I walked out of the church with my mother she saw a friend of hers and went over to say hello, leaving me to speak to the friend's husband, the INTENSELY BORING headmaster of the local primary school, whom I haven't seen in 15 years or so.

Him: "Ah Ronan, how are you?"
Me: "Not too bad, and yourself?"
Him: "So what are you up to now?"
Me: "I did journalism in college, and I work in a record store"
Him: "Ah yes, journalism, it's just a case of.......getting the.........work.........going"
Me: "Yes getting it going......that's the thing alright. The work"


A group of people I know emerge from the church

Me: "Well.......*mind blank*......I'll"
Him: slowly, bizarrely, in a "very well" sort of voice: "Yeeeessss"


Fin

Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 10:57 (eighteen years ago)

I saw my old secondary school headmaster in the pub about a year or so ago, after some football match or another. He'd been drinking all day and invited me to join him, which I did under duress. I'm glad I did because he revealed he'd left his wife for our deputy head, who had a bald patch and kept absent-mindedly feeling her breasts up in assembly. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't work there any more.

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 11:27 (eighteen years ago)

ROnan - I think he loves you

Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 14:36 (eighteen years ago)

I'm glad I did because he revealed he'd left his wife for our deputy head, who had a bald patch and kept absent-mindedly feeling her breasts up in assembly.

I am having some difficulty parsing this sentence. Is this deputy head a woman? Who had a bald patch? And kept feeling up her own breasts?

accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 14:47 (eighteen years ago)

I am having the same problem, although either way graphic images are springing to mind.

Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 14:48 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, I must say she's not sounding like much of a catch. I'm wondering if the original wife was actually Hunny Monster, or some such.

accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 14:50 (eighteen years ago)

hunny monster was a guy.

teh_kit haev been evicted, oh noes! (g-kit), Wednesday, 2 August 2006 14:51 (eighteen years ago)

four years pass...

I had a piano teacher when I was a kid in the 1980s. She was ancient. She was patient 90% of the team until those 10% white-hot flashes of KEEP YOUR WRISTS OFF THE KEYS. But seriously she was like 100 or something…

… or so I thought until my grandmother died in 2005 and the piano teacher came to the funeral. She was still ancient (for a 125-year-old, amirite?) But it made me reconsider what ancient was.

Houses are bigger, playgrounds are more spacious, piano teachers are practically mummies. It's gonna get scary in a few years when decades start passing by in flashes.

Pleasant Plains, Tuesday, 8 March 2011 17:22 (fourteen years ago)

I am so fucking shit at maintaining the necessary veneer of "ah you know yourself" and "yes indeed you total cunt" that is required for polite cyclical small talk with those I've not seen for ages...it's like I've just lost some essential will that brings these phrases forth.

I met an ex-colleague in the pub a few weeks ago and she was asking about my job and I was so incapable of formulating the banal necessary responses that I sensed she became genuinely worried.

The process continued to a point where I just paused and almost froze and said "........yeah". I don't even dislike or anything, I just couldn't form the words, or think of a solitary thing to say in response.

I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 8 March 2011 17:28 (fourteen years ago)

"I met an ex-colleague in the pub a few weeks ago and she was asking about my job and I was so incapable of formulating the banal necessary responses that I sensed she became genuinely worried.

The process continued to a point where I just paused and almost froze and said "........yeah".

....and then, nine months later, son, that's when you were born.

Jlloyd, I'm ready to be heartbroken (ken c), Tuesday, 8 March 2011 17:35 (fourteen years ago)

haha

I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 8 March 2011 17:35 (fourteen years ago)

my grandad is 92 and despite his sprightliness looks 92. last night i was looking at old family photos, and there he is, my now 40-year-old brother an infant in his arms, looking EXACTLY THE SAME.

i'm an atrocious small talker. don't know how to do it. find myself staring blankly like a psychopath while i run through possible responses in my head. that's a childhood full of overprotective parenting for ya, i guess.

Antoine Bugleboy (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 8 March 2011 17:44 (fourteen years ago)

i love small talk. He went so quick in the end vs i blame the parents vs what more would ya want, surely

Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Tuesday, 8 March 2011 17:47 (fourteen years ago)

I'm glad I did because he revealed he'd left his wife for our deputy head, who had a bald patch and kept absent-mindedly feeling her breasts up in assembly.

I think this still requires an explanation.

o0o00h really? (boxedjoy), Tuesday, 8 March 2011 17:50 (fourteen years ago)

agreed

NI, Sunday, 20 March 2011 17:46 (fourteen years ago)


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