what to do when a girl you meet wants a platonic relationship and you want more?

This is classic.

http://www-rtsl.cs.uiuc.edu/members/jsun/friend-zone.jpg

You have no chance with this girl. She's being messed around by her boyfriend and is hoping that he will improve (which is unlikely) or that something better will come along (which is likely) and it doesn't include you.

When something better does comes along, you wont believe how quickly you can be dropped from 4 hours on the telephone a day to nada.

(not that I'm at all embittered by previous experience, you understand)

What kind of weird shit is this?
'I want to break up with you.'
'Hm, but I don't want to break up.'
'Oh ok then.'

I dunno, she sounds like someone who likes to have intense friendships, some of which include flirtation, but I wouldn't hold out hope of more. As for telling the truth about how you feel anyway, well it would force her to put her cards on the table if she DOES have any feelings for you, but it might also mess up your friendship. Although personally I find that friendships with someone you want more from are not worth the pain in the end anyway.

this is prob true. when we first spoke at length, she said her 'type' was basically someone who fit more or less exactly with what she thought of/associated with me. i dunno if she was saying this intentionally, or to tease me, or cos she wants some sort of surrogate boyfriend cos her current bf isnt there as much (i mean, what the fuck is she doing calling me every night instead of her bf? or does she call everyone more than her own bf?) but either way, its a bit confusing.

this is probably OTM. i did ask if she wanted to maybe meet up just for a drink or something, and she said shed like to, but she didnt seem too into the idea of it just being us, she wanted to bring in a mutual friend, and now she wants us to meet up all together, with other people next week. but yeah, if she did have some inkling of something romantic with me, she would have at least agreed to meeting up just the two of us, even if just as friends. i mean its not like we dont get along. she might as well be in anohter country really, cos i imagine this being the type of thing where its just a phone friendship, but we never actually see each other (or rarely, or not without other people there). she said something like she didnt like to meet up just one on one with people cos she gets nervous which sounds like bullshit really.

oh well.

what do you mean?

re: pouncing, we were both kinda drunk when we last met, and im sure she was quite into me from certain things she was saying and how she was acting. so i would get her drunk if i could meet up with her alone..

(Of course, this may all be BS in which case ignore me. There's plenty older, wiser heads giving better advice on this thread, anyway.)

xxxposts

Sunnysuccessor, I'd like to think this were true, but I just can't.

I am afraid to say, it's probably (c). Sorry.

How old is she?

SunnyS, I get the feeling that in saying those things the girl was merely toying with her own feelings on the matter, experimenting with TT's interest. There are other signs in what TT says that indicate that the girl had conquered this.

just make a move. rejection or no, you'll feel better.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

We have a winner.

yes, it is. my friend megan and i are like this.

admittedly, she will probably just say that he wouldnt say anything as theres nothing for him to worry about, which will probably crush me in a minor but significant way, but hey...

The problem is, she'd say that even if it wasn't true. If you want to put her on the spot (and you should do) then you need to ask the question in a way she can't sidestep. Tell her you like her, and that you don't want to be just friends, then ask whether she wants that too. If she says no, there's your answer (and it won't necessarily spoil your friendship either, these things are actually quite easy to back down from, so don't let yourself use that excuse).

none of her business!

You know that I needed you
You know that you meant the world to me
You know I had to have you
Now I'm gonna find somebody new

I'm looking for a new love baby
A new love, Yeah yeah yeah
I'm looking for a new love baby
A new love. Yeah yeah yeah

http://www.rockofages.uk.com/stock/1777.jpg

i dont know why i even agreed to go out with her friend, she didnt look that great in the pic, although pics can often not be as good as the person in real life. shes also asked me who i liked of the girls that were there when we met last week (quite possibly the last time we will ever see each other) for someones do and said that she cold find out if they liked me etc from someone else (which sounded a bit high school to me but hey).

she admitted she is highly confused and indecisive (not exactly rare in women, that trait) and despite her and her BF having fuck all to talk about, apparently they are quite 'passionate' so she couldnt decide if that was good enough - im sure she said she doesnt have regular orgasms with him though but she probably likes that.

she always acts sad when i say i cant talk for long and when i have to get off the phone, but i suspect this is just regular practice for women and their surrogate gay confidante boyfriends. i did actually consider telling her i feel like a SGCBF when we last talked, but i didnt want to make myself seem like the woe-is-me-victim person.

but no, this is pointless isnt it? i agree that if she wants this to be more, she would make her feelings known in some way. so time to give up the fantasy i think...

I didn't read a word of this thread, but I feel confident in my advice.

she said she doesnt have regular orgasms with him though but she probably likes that

she always acts sad when i say i cant talk for long and when i have to get off the phone, but i suspect this is just regular practice for women

It's too late. She's broken you. You now hate women.

(In other words, stop extrapolating from this one girl to all of womankind, you tit. Otherwise you're lost).

what??

im sure she said she doesnt have regular orgasms with him though but she probably likes that.

WHAT?!?

im gonna do what JD said.

I've run into quite a few of these lately, god help the poor bastard who gets hung up on one.

that she does

"will flirt with anyone attractive who's nearby when drunk"

possibly, she did tell one guy at our table he was cute but later told me that he lost all appeal when she found out how boring he was

"since she's just going to flake out on you eventually"

its possible. ive been taking only one call of hers a day now, and keeping the calls nice, but short (and not picking up for the others). we'll see if she still bothers later. but no, i dont think she is going to think 'oh why isnt he picking up, i miss him and now realise hes the best guy in the world since hes been avoiding me' and leave the current bf.

however, she is meeting me tomorrow with a friend of hers she is trying to set me up with. which is going to be a bit weird. not sure how im going to play this one at all.

http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/pix/pot_smoke041024.jpg

http://common.weblogsinc.com/common/images/3060000000056656.JPG?0.0623780040151064

How many others? What is she, some kind of obsessive stalker? Who calls anyone multiple times every day, I dont do that with my closest of close friends, my mom, anyone.

Hahaha oh crap. Old habit from when I had that canucky fiance. I subconciously echo the spellings that I'm reading. I really should stop it.

this could have been the same in my case if i ever saw her to GIVE her those puppy dog eyes. its not like i even gave her the audio equivalent over the phone in any case, i never called her anyway. 9 times out of 10 she was calling me.

its good to put this in the past tense.

xpost - its already forgotten.

"If this is anything like a few women I've run into lately, she probably wants lots of attention from any nice male who will give it, has a monster phone bill each month, will flirt with anyone attractive who's nearby when drunk, and thinks it's "edgy" to be very sexual in conversation. If she's in her late 20s and hasn't cleared this phase yet, it means she's still bouncing from douchebag boyfriend to douchebag boyfriend. She's not going to go for anything meaningful if she has a conscience since she's just going to flake out on you eventually.
I've run into quite a few of these lately, god help the poor bastard who gets hung up on one."

im starting to get quite annoyed just talking to her (the 'silence' didnt last too long) so am trying to avoid it, but whats more frustrating is that i still fucking 'like' her in the back of my (poor bastard) head and i really fucking hate that. i think im just gonna tell her, then it can be over with. then i can at least stop posting to this thread, lol. still, its not like im waiting around for her, i went out fri night and got two numbers, so at least im not putting things on hold (i would really loathe myself if that was the case) but i still have those horrible fucking feelings for her.