Unhealthy Attraction?

It's obvious that Westernized media has a whole heck of a lot to do with pulling the strings, as far as influencing the masses' definitions of what is a "healthy" or "unhealthy" attraction. And I think the pressure for people to pursue as much of that "healthy" relationship has a lot to do with warping people into "unhealthy" attractions over time. Thankfully, I think we've come a long way since the 50s and 60s...

It really depends on where you live, too. For example, some parts of the U.S. have this stigma that if you are not a procreator by the time you are 30 years old, you've pretty much have faulty wiring for a human being. Now, that's an environment for brewing unhealthy attractions in my opinion.

I'm not bothered by one who has a preference for dates limited to a certain ethnicity, certain age range (provided they're still not in the cradle, of course), certain IQ range, certain range of favorite Kraft Mac&Cheese pasta shapes, etc... as long as he/she doesn't pretend otherwise, and the attraction is not manifested as some greater feeling of superiority/power/command, whether rooted in gender, ethnicity, intelligence, or otherwise.

hahahahaha yes, it's true you know. It's not healthy at all, is it? I'm coming from there...it's all I've ever known in one way or another. The thing is how do you know when then are going to become destructive, one can be really sweet and nide to you and then fuck you over. I'm sure this is going to be my pattern forever and I'm ok with that, I will jmove on, the flipside thogh isn't the men who are always attracted to passive women though. The flipside ist he women like me who have the option, the wome n who have the nice guy right thereand then fuck him over to go wih the other guy. Would you trade in the happiness for the hurt? I say no...which is poosibly fucked up.

Can ou tell I'm feeling gulit right now? Or thatI'm really fucked up? My typing is worth shit right now, hahahah. I'm in a good mood. Relationships are just poison to begin wtih I think, too many factors involved, why do people set themselves up for it? Don't be attracted to anyone regardless of race or cred or whateer. Just have friends, better in the loooong run.

Arrrgh. I am not getting any point across now :)

Kerry and Sean: my girlfriend moved to New York this fall. I will, however, be going to visit her next week. So you're both right. Except sort of Sean, insofar as my thoughts here have really nothing to do with myself and more to do with some people on the other thread taking a "to each his/her own" attitude toward attraction that mildly surprised me.

By "wrong-ish" I don't mean absolutely evil but just ... unhelpful, maybe. Take something as innocuous as being strongly attracted to blondes. You'll never be able to find any good reason for this, any logical value it provides for you -- other than the opportunity to satisfy that very attraction. Which makes it seem like a glitch, a quirk -- a fixation that sprung up and perpetuated itself, but isn't actually there to serve any purpose.

Without those glitches we would lack the excitement of satisfying them. What I'm thinking about is when these glitches get inflated -- when a person really really goes for blondes and it begins to seem just ... well, wrong.

Attraction is maybe a red herring here, now that I think about it. The same question could be asked about when any kind of behavior goes from an idiosyncracy to an unhealthy compulsion. Washing your hands 10 times a day is an idiosyncracy. Washing your hands 100 times a day is a neurosis. But they're basically the same compulsion, right? Just that we don't pay much attention to it until it gets demonstrably out of control?

I'm basically thinking about attraction the same way.

this is a knotty one too, because some people seem to be more content when they are unhappy. if that makes sense.

Now I'm off to find the one where I accidentally wrote a dirty limerick about his cousin.

But this is how almost all of psychiatry works, right? I mean everyone has ups and downs normally, but it's called depression or manic depression when the ups and downs are so drastic that they affect the person's ability to live their life (whether that means functioning in a job or with a spouse or family or whatever).

With the exception of the people who are forcibly made inpatients, almost anybody who undergoes treatment for a mental illness does it (to a great extent) voluntarily. And many of them are doing it because they have already gone through the initial stages of trying and stopping and trying again and have realized that whatever treatment they're using (whether it's therapy or meds or both) actually makes it easier for them to live their life.

I'm sure there are people who live untreated with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia and are able to get by without causing harm to themselves or others just like there are people with "unusual" attractions who have found ways to satisfy them that don't affect them or others around them. At whatever point these people find their situation/condition is causing enough harm to need to be addressed, that's when it's "unhealthy."

And even then, it's not as if there's nothing to be learned from it. (e.g. Someone who goes through the process of seeing a doctor and trying different medications for depression probably learns a lot about their own self while doing it, and that can be a very healthy experience.)