Safe sex in the real world

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Logging out for this one...

After being in a relationship for a few years, I'm single again, and feeling the urge. A girl I work with has made it clear that she'd like to hook up, and I'd be into that too. But her sexual history isn't exactly spotless, she hasn't been tested in a while, and she says condoms give her UTIs.

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do, and what my limits are, and what's safe. I did some reading and it looks like oral on a woman is basically OK, pretty darn low-risk, unless you're unlucky enough to go down on someone with herpes or syphilis. No woman I've ever met would let a guy use a dental dam, saying they'd rather go without (and would feel insulted), and I don't think I'd be into getting a BJ with a condom.

What do you think? What would you do? What are your rules?

― You should've seen by the look in my eye, baby, that I was logged out. (logged o, Friday, 18 August 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

Well, first off run away from the girl with a 'spotty history' who you don't know that well, isn't tested and only goes bareback.

― milo z (mlp), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:16 (nineteen years ago)

oral sex is pretty darn low risk

― hippo eats dwarlf (lfam), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:19 (nineteen years ago)

tell her you wanna hook up, but that you want her to get tested. thats not so bad.

― S-L-U-G (plsmith), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:19 (nineteen years ago)

and you know you can get free and anonymous testing just about anywhere. it takes like, 15 minutes.

― hippo eats dwarlf (lfam), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:23 (nineteen years ago)

then you can fuck with abandon

― hippo eats dwarlf (lfam), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:23 (nineteen years ago)

Go get tested together. It'll be like a playdate.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:33 (nineteen years ago)

Just shove a powerful microscope up her fanny, with a guidebook to STD microbial profiling in the other hand.

― Scourage (Haberdager), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:38 (nineteen years ago)

This what happens when people stop being polite, and start being REAL. The real world.

― captain reverend gandalf jesus (nickalicious), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:40 (nineteen years ago)

hahahaha

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 18 August 2006 16:48 (nineteen years ago)

goddman it I can't even enter threads I have no interst in and make the obvious joke anymore. The whole fucking world, I swear

― Sir Dr. Rev. PappaWheelie Jr. II of The Third Kind (PappaWheelie 2), Friday, 18 August 2006 17:02 (nineteen years ago)

Nighty night! Keep your butthole tight!

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:p-A6jq8fEf8gjM:http://www.christianfinnegan.com/Photos/FCF3.gif

― Esquire, Bitch. (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Friday, 18 August 2006 17:09 (nineteen years ago)

Not quite the sort of answers I was looking for, can't say I'm surprised (or don't deserve it). I'd like to see more answers to:

What would you do? What are your rules?

I'll add one more. What have you done in the past, and how'd you feel about it?

― You should've seen by the look in my eye, baby, that I was logged out. (logged o, Friday, 18 August 2006 20:27 (nineteen years ago)

In other words, I know what the literature says*, and I know that in theory you should do everything with two feet of latex between you. What I want to know is how people are actually handling this stuff in real life.

*though this came as a surprise -- "(The risks are) almost zero. There is a small risk of herpes transmission, if one or the other is infected and has an outbreak or asymptomatic shedding. Gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, and hepatitis transmission by cunnilingus--in either direction--is extremely rare, if it occur at all."

― You should've seen by the look in my eye, baby, that I was logged out. (logged o, Friday, 18 August 2006 20:30 (nineteen years ago)

If condoms give her UTIs, it's probably because of the spermicide that comes on them. Get condoms without spermicide and she should be fine. Or ask her to get tested--if someone doesn't like you enough to dosomething that easy, do you really want to fool around with them?

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Friday, 18 August 2006 20:37 (nineteen years ago)

And hopefully you already did your Hep A & B vaccination, right?

― scnnr drkly (scnnr drkly), Friday, 18 August 2006 20:45 (nineteen years ago)

And hopefully you already did your Hep A & B vaccination, right?

I've been meaning to get the Hep B vaccine for ages, but haven't yet. I asked a doctor friend a while back about Hep A, and she said the vaccine is kind of flaky and you should only get it if you're in a high-risk situation (traveling, eating raw oysters, giving rimjobs, etc.).

― You should've seen by the look in my eye, baby, that I was logged out. (logged o, Friday, 18 August 2006 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

The three situations kind of go hand-in-hand.

― Eazy (Eazy), Friday, 18 August 2006 21:23 (nineteen years ago)

At last! My plan for the weekend!

― Esquire, Bitch. (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Friday, 18 August 2006 21:25 (nineteen years ago)

C ON Ts, obv.

― Alicia Titsovich (sexyDancer), Friday, 18 August 2006 21:27 (nineteen years ago)

xpost

well the way you described it it does sound like a high-risk situation.

― scnnr drkly (scnnr drkly), Friday, 18 August 2006 21:27 (nineteen years ago)

The three situations kind of go hand-in-hand.

We need some basketball pictures from the homoerotic sports imagery thread...

xpost Yeah, but hep A is passed through poop, not sex fluids.

― You should've seen by the look in my eye, baby, that I was logged out. (logged o, Friday, 18 August 2006 21:28 (nineteen years ago)

If condoms give her UTIs, it's probably because of the spermicide that comes on them. Get condoms without spermicide and she should be fine. Or ask her to get tested--if someone doesn't like you enough to do something that easy, do you really want to fool around with them?

otm.

or she's allergic to latex, in which case there are non-latex condoms you can use.

i was going to say that maybe she's sensitive to the friction, but that also comes with condomless sex, so forget that idea.

get tested or have lots of oral. or find someone who will use a condom.

― Juulia (julesbdules), Friday, 18 August 2006 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00022TPSY.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Son of Spam (noodle vague), Friday, 18 August 2006 21:57 (nineteen years ago)

find a girl that will use a condom. fuck the history, use a condom. a condom and some lube maybe, but use a condom. find a girl that will use a condom.

― nicky lo-fi (nicky lo-fi), Saturday, 19 August 2006 07:41 (nineteen years ago)

wild sex (in the working class)

― chaki (chaki), Saturday, 19 August 2006 08:11 (nineteen years ago)

casual sex (at the cineplex)

― Pier Paolo Semolina (noodle vague), Saturday, 19 August 2006 08:15 (nineteen years ago)

her sexual history isn't exactly spotless

What, she leaks sperm? Tight vagina?

Anyway, having a test isn't *that* safe as HIV only shows up after three (and sometimes six) months. The safest is of course using condoms. But oral sex is pretty safe. Even a woman giving a blowjob is considered to be pretty safe (re HIV).

The other day they said on the news that here (in Belgium) heterosexuals have a low risk of catching HIV as most people who catch it here are gays and junkies. That kinda shocked me. I mean, it may be true, they should have clearly added that there's still a risk of catching it, no?

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Saturday, 19 August 2006 10:47 (nineteen years ago)

It should be noted, that despite Natalie's unfortunate (and I'm sure unintentional) phrasing, the chances of HIV transmission when a man gives a blowjob is exactly the same as when a woman gives a blowjob.

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 19 August 2006 11:27 (nineteen years ago)

Actually, no, the risk is pretty low if a woman gives oral sex. I was surprised, but apparently it is not that high a risk (if you don't swallow).

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Saturday, 19 August 2006 13:17 (nineteen years ago)

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