No Unauthorised Access

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http://www.bme.columbia.edu/~hillman/images/no_entry_sign.jpg

It used to be that No Unauthorised Access signs caused me no beef at all. The regular stick man with the line drawn through. He's there and has happened to have made the classic error of walking into a restricted access zone. It's not his fault, and if asked to leave you know he would just apologise, maybe give a little shrug and do as he's told.

However in recent years he has been replaced with this cretin:
http://www.hse.gov.uk/workplacetransport/images/prohibition-ped-2.gif
I mean what is this guy about? Look at him with his aire of nonchalance, swanning about in his club-casual attire and cropped hair. If asked nicely to leave, you know he'd just kick up a fuss
"Why should I?" he'd ask, "I'm only having a look mate, no need to get all shirty".

Eventually he'd leave in a huff, only to return wearing a rather rubbish disguise:

http://www.midnight-fire.net/civilization/humansnotallowed.jpg

You know the disrepectful fuckwipe would just try and sneak in some way...

http://www.swtafe.vic.edu.au/staff/induction/ohs/home/no%20entry.jpg

...and probably kick something while he's at it.

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:03 (nineteen years ago)

he has an air of nonchalance, because he is one of those creatures that lives in the dalek machine, but he has escaped his outfit, and is free to saunter where he is not permitted, as long as he remains in shadow

the 3rd guy is straight out of 40s noir

and the last guy, well, after bringing glasnost to the world, who can blame him for thinking he now has free access?

― -- (688), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:07 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.health-safety.co.za/images/signs/pv15big.gif

I SEE YOU IN THERE!!!

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:07 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.swtafe.vic.edu.au/staff/induction/ohs/home/no%20entry.jpg

No Entry to Unauthorised Nazis (something I think we can all applaud)

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:10 (nineteen years ago)

that 3rd one is great "no private dicks"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:14 (nineteen years ago)

Why are they so keen to get into those Restricted Areas anyway? Guys, there's nothing in there. At my work, the Restricted Area contains...a rubbish bin. ARE YOU GOING TO RISK YOUR LIFE TO SEE A RUBBISH BIN, YOU IDIOTS?

― Domenico Buttez (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:15 (nineteen years ago)

Backstage at festivals is the worst. It's like the rest of the festival but with more grass and less unpleasent toilets.

― Johnny B Was Quizzical (Johnney B), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:16 (nineteen years ago)

it is weird to see gareth write 'dalek'

this is a great post, doglatin :)

the sign variations remind me of the variations different countries have for their 'walk/don't walk' signs.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:17 (nineteen years ago)

the very first one appears to have a gap between head and neck, which upsets me a great deal. Maybe this is what he is looking for in the RA Zone? I doubt it somehow as I maintain that the stickman is simply a victim of circumstance and didn't mean to cause no trouble. That other guy though... why if I could only get my hands on him!

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:19 (nineteen years ago)

never mind the gap, where the hell are his hands and feet? perhaps he has trespassed on Mob territory.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:21 (nineteen years ago)

Backstage at festivals is the worst. It's like the rest of the festival but with more grass and less unpleasent toilets.
-- Johnny B Was Quizzical (john.barlo...) (webmail), Today 10:16 AM. (later) (link)

Well, I liked it.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:22 (nineteen years ago)

the third guy is cool.

― a rapper singing about hos and bitches and money (Enrique), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:22 (nineteen years ago)

Staying with the Dr Who theme, guy 2 appears to be an Auton.

http://www.scifiscience.co.uk/images/drwho/auton.jpg

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:24 (nineteen years ago)

http://base58.com/ilx/donotenter.gif

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:26 (nineteen years ago)

xpost Don't get me wrong, nice toilets are good, but it's hardly a stately pleasure dome back there.

― Johnny B Was Quizzical (Johnney B), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:26 (nineteen years ago)

No Authorized Access to Karl Bartos, Formerly of Kraftwerk (xxpost)

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:27 (nineteen years ago)

I love this thread to bits.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:27 (nineteen years ago)

... which is probably a sign commonly seen at Kraftwerk gigs these days (xpost)

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:27 (nineteen years ago)

No papparazzi:

http://www.penniesbyemail.com/images/no-access.gif

― Earwig oh! (Mark C), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:43 (nineteen years ago)

aka Don't Talk to the Hand, the Face Is Listening

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:45 (nineteen years ago)

Man, he Rude!

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:46 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.learningthai.com/roadsigns/images/013.gif

― Earwig oh! (Mark C), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:49 (nineteen years ago)

DPN'T LEAVE YOUR BIKE UNCHAINED:

http://www.transport.gov.za/library/legislation/roadtraffic/signs/R220.jpg

― Earwig oh! (Mark C), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:50 (nineteen years ago)

Caution: Bicycle Seat Sniffers In Area

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:51 (nineteen years ago)

"hi, i have a penis for an arm"

xxp

― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:51 (nineteen years ago)

Beware of red stripe slicing through body!
http://www.meplasjar.es/idb/productos/4052506.gif

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 09:57 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.scoutnet.nl/~fransnaerebout/mbl/examen2_bestanden/Afbeelding17.gif

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:27 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.memorygongs.com/beware.jpg

Beware stalkers coming to grab yer tits!

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:30 (nineteen years ago)

Don't sit on it!

http://www.europicto.nl/ccmsafbeeldingen/verbodstekens/343.gif

No Robodog crap!

http://home.hccnet.nl/e.buijsman/afbeeldingen/hondenbord_36.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:31 (nineteen years ago)

No diapers AND plastic bags on babies! Pick one!

http://static.flickr.com/34/110354663_d996883138_m.jpg

No standing in front of signs with bag over head!

http://static.flickr.com/50/110354662_e870667a2b_m.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:36 (nineteen years ago)

That first dog one is NO MUTANT RAT DUMPS

― Earwig oh! (Mark C), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:36 (nineteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/4/6009978_4fc4d1e37c.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:41 (nineteen years ago)

or... SINGING IN BAG PROHIBITED

http://static.flickr.com/50/110354662_e870667a2b_m.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:43 (nineteen years ago)

(... if you don't have thumbs)

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:44 (nineteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/50/110354662_e870667a2b_m.jpg

No Playing Table Tennis With A Hot Water Bottle On Your Head

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 10:46 (nineteen years ago)

No self strangling Tory MPs with bags over their heads and oranges in their mouths.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:03 (nineteen years ago)

http://nutheme.com/images/standard/010148.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:06 (nineteen years ago)

i love this thread.

― estela (estela), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:09 (nineteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/6/8885366_d34e39b262_m.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:17 (nineteen years ago)

no tom cruise

― estela (estela), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:19 (nineteen years ago)

"I LOVE HER!"
"GET THE FUCK OFF MY SET!"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:23 (nineteen years ago)

NO SPANKING ON DESK

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:24 (nineteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/6/8885366_d34e39b262_m.jpg

Messing About and Generally Playing the Giddy Goat While Sharing a Bathhub Is Stictly Forbidden

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:25 (nineteen years ago)

No Standing While Riding Man-Cart Hybrid Creature.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:50 (nineteen years ago)

"Mum, the football's hovering above the watering can again!"

― Earwig oh! (Mark C), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:52 (nineteen years ago)

http://consequently.org/phonecam/No%20Durians,%20a%20sign%20in%20the%20MRT%20in%20Singapore,%20December%2030,%202005.jpg

No durians eh? Someone hates fun.
[What's a durian?]

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 11:59 (nineteen years ago)

It's a fruit, kind of.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 12:00 (nineteen years ago)

... it looks like a hedgehog that's had a straw shoved up it's arse and then been inflated by a foot pump

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 12:01 (nineteen years ago)

... I mean, not an actual durian (I've never heard of 'em either) but that drawing of one

― dud Hab 'C' dEva (Dada), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 12:03 (nineteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/26/54407738_4d7c2b359e_m.jpg

― Johnny B Was Quizzical (Johnney B), Wednesday, 30 August 2006 12:04 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 18 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

that "peanut" looks like mr. hankey!

― Eisbï¿½r (llamasfur), Saturday, 2 September 2006 18:02 (nineteen years ago)

What's the sign for No ILX?

http://72.41.118.118/used%20pics/no%20shitting.jpg

― señor citizen (eman), Saturday, 2 September 2006 18:13 (nineteen years ago)

That's the classic No Hovering Over Slipper sign.

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 18:33 (nineteen years ago)

Surely that's "no jumping the shark"?

(best thread ever, obviously)

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 2 September 2006 18:38 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.seepealweb.com/circumnav2001/No%20Urinating.jpg

― señor citizen (eman), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:04 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.pecs.co.uk/media/prohibited.gif

KNIFE ON THE RIGHT, DAMMIT

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:29 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.race-eend.com/~dulacmedia/vaarles/verbod-border/verb15.jpg

UNNATURALLY LONG ARMS PROHIBITED

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:31 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.theaterspeelhuis.nl/jpg/verboden%20etenswaren.jpg

:-(

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:32 (nineteen years ago)

http://community.iexplore.com/photos/journal_photos/singapore_verboden_1.jpg

No magic tricks with legs?

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:33 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.ikonrtv.nl/uploadedImgs/playboy_verboden.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:36 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.fahrtipps.de/img/200/parken-verboten-antik.jpg

ARKING ROHIBITED

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.travelchannel.de/magazin/urlaubsideen/kultur/kulturreisen/wiesn2005/img/bild_13.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

http://lfoune.free.fr/imgs2/2462.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e68/mlekardan/1801_zakaz_sr_v_lese.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.reefrelief.org/Printed_edu/Charter/no_touch.gif

(that's "don't touch the coral" by the way)

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.kraxl.de/images/verboten.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 19:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.raimag.ru/images/media/10326.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.professionalepi.com/catalog/images/dieciocho.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 20:52 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.navalchicolino.com/images/prohibido800.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 20:53 (nineteen years ago)

http://stroyarsenal.yaroslavl.ru/s2/vo05.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 20:54 (nineteen years ago)

http://stroyarsenal.yaroslavl.ru/s2/vo07.gif

???

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 20:55 (nineteen years ago)

http://stroyarsenal.yaroslavl.ru/s2/vo11.gif

DO NOT PUT POISON IN POISON BOTTLE

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

these last ones all come from this russian site, I have no idea what they mean or if they are real.

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 20:57 (nineteen years ago)

http://homes.ourproject.org/~vjrj/blog/wp-content/files/Image/prohibido-prohibir(1).png

PROHIBITING PROHIBITED (ok, I'll stop now)

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 20:57 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.race-eend.com/~dulacmedia/vaarles/verbod-border/verb15.jpg

NO SLEEP-ROWING

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:06 (nineteen years ago)

http://xs74.xs.to/pics/06136/Proibido_Mijar_fora_da_sanita.gif

(ok, NOW I'm done. sorry :-) )

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:10 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.pp.okstate.edu/ehs/MODULES/bbp/noeating.jpg

no fun?

― drone/a/sore (drone/a/sore), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:20 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.hebig.com/no_guns.jpg

obviously if you do any of the 5 above ,you carry a gun as well?

― drone/a/sore (drone/a/sore), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:21 (nineteen years ago)

ihttp://slikpiks.sourceforge.net/example/cabrillo_walk-006.jpg

― drone/a/sore (drone/a/sore), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:22 (nineteen years ago)

http://webpages.charter.net/gwilcox/pc/no-sex.gif

― drone/a/sore (drone/a/sore), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:24 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.briandc.com/Update7/nara_no_fucking.jpg

― drone/a/sore (drone/a/sore), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:27 (nineteen years ago)

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/KLN/SM117~No-Farting-Symbol-Posters.jpg

supposed to be no farting,but it looks a bit worse than that.

― drone/a/sore (drone/a/sore), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:30 (nineteen years ago)

http://vit.pp.ru/uploads/pics/no_farting.jpg

― drone/a/sore (drone/a/sore), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:31 (nineteen years ago)

that reminds me: (copy/paste link if tripod f*cks it up)

http://camilaopo.br.tripod.com//sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/peido.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 2 September 2006 21:34 (nineteen years ago)

ihttp://cibrone.no.sapo.pt/Fotos%20comicas/toilet_signs.jpg

― jim wentworth (wench), Saturday, 2 September 2006 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

Just testing to see if I can actually post on this board.

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 2 September 2006 22:43 (nineteen years ago)

Hmmm...so why aren't my revivals of old threads and new questions showing?

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 2 September 2006 22:43 (nineteen years ago)

Check the new questions. You seem to have one there.

http://cibrone.no.sapo.pt/Fotos%20comicas/toilet_signs.jpg

― jim wentworth (wench), Saturday, 2 September 2006 22:51 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, I started it about a half hour ago. I'm wondering why it hasn't appeared in new answers is all. Okay, and I'm wondering why my revival of last year's Mike Judge movie thread didn't take, too.

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 2 September 2006 22:55 (nineteen years ago)

http://72.41.118.118/used%20pics/no%20shitting.jpg

is surely the "Dumping is prohibited" sign.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Sunday, 3 September 2006 00:18 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.signalindustries.ca/Assets/Regulatory/RB-31%20Passing%20Prohibited_Lg.gif

No Piano Duels

― Obvious Ninja (Haberdager), Sunday, 3 September 2006 00:39 (nineteen years ago)

"No Squatters"
(xpost)

― Danny Aioli (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 3 September 2006 00:43 (nineteen years ago)

NO LARRY JONES
http://mlb.mlb.com/images/2005/10/08/KTMFhyal.jpg

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Sunday, 3 September 2006 00:45 (nineteen years ago)

that reminds me: (copy/paste link if tripod f*cks it up)

-- StanM (Stan10...), September 3rd, 2006 12:34 AM. (StanM) (link)

(top left)

― StanM (StanM), Sunday, 3 September 2006 07:02 (nineteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/60/169951300_d77401c81c.jpg

― Porkpie (porkpie), Sunday, 3 September 2006 08:28 (nineteen years ago)

http://ljplus.ru/img/d/a/dashing/060905_sign.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 6 September 2006 15:48 (nineteen years ago)

Ha, the "no babies" signs seem gratuitously grumpy. "No babies! No ice cream, either! And don't even think about bringing in any puppies or lollipops, either!"

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 6 September 2006 16:11 (nineteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://swat.venuspics.de/fileadmin/swat_template/Logo-Male.gif

http://swat.venuspics.de/fileadmin/swat_template/Logo-Female.gif

(source)

― StanM (StanM), Sunday, 1 October 2006 14:10 (nineteen years ago)

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y273/waterbaby0224/islands%20of%20adventure%20100106/100_0223.jpg

(not a joke, source)

― StanM (StanM), Monday, 2 October 2006 16:59 (nineteen years ago)

http://cyborgcow.net/gallery/albums/userpics/10134/NoWanking!.gif

― StanM (StanM), Saturday, 7 October 2006 16:39 (nineteen years ago)

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