Here are a few suggestions for possible responses for when one of them annoying fellas tries to force yet another free fucking newspaper on you with the words 'But it's free!!!!'

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That's because it's worthless.

So are all the others (accompanied by filthy look).

So's cancer.

So's dogshit.

So's tap water.

So are plastic bags from Asda.

So's a kick in the teeth.

So's South Africa (in theory anyway).

So's Willy the fucking whale.

So was school milk.

So's the Polish Express.

So are adverts on the Gumtree.

So's what pigeons eat.

And my own personal favourite (although I'm yet to try it out myself): So's my choice NOT to take your piece of shit free newspaper, you overzealous purple-t-shirted fucking fuckwitted TWAT!!!

― Ricky Willmsenman (gatinhathree), Monday, 4 September 2006 18:24 (twenty years ago)

"I only read Prospect"

― Obvious Ninja (Haberdager), Monday, 4 September 2006 18:27 (twenty years ago)

I hear shit message board threads are free as well.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 4 September 2006 18:28 (twenty years ago)

"do you hate fun?"

― The Real DG (D to thee G), Monday, 4 September 2006 18:34 (twenty years ago)

So's South Africa (in theory anyway).

This one'll sound especially good when said out loud, while on the move

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Monday, 4 September 2006 19:13 (twenty years ago)

"Nothing's free" - Sound profound without much effort.

― Super Cub (Debito), Monday, 4 September 2006 19:23 (twenty years ago)

I hope for your sake it comes with health insurance, asshole!

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Monday, 4 September 2006 19:27 (twenty years ago)

"YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE. MOTHERFUCKER."

― I Supersize Disaster (noodle vague), Monday, 4 September 2006 19:33 (twenty years ago)

"I only read the Fortean Times"

― naus (Robert T), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 01:23 (twenty years ago)

"Do you like comedy?"

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 01:32 (twenty years ago)

My first job in London was to give out free newspapers (Commuter News) at Victoria (Wed) & Charing Cross (Thur). Shouting "Free paper, ya cunts!" for 15 minutes till we were sure the dickhead in the delivery van wasn't coming back, then throw what remained in a skip, then the pub. Paid in postal orders + the dole wuz happy and come ahead with the smartass comments from the sweaty-armpit mob cos I got up an hour ago & the day promises so much, now off you go home.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 03:06 (twenty years ago)

"So are radicals. I hope you get some."

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 03:11 (twenty years ago)

"So's Roger Daltrey"

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 06:34 (twenty years ago)

"Yeah, but my time is money."

― Butt Dickus (Dick Butkus), Thursday, 7 September 2006 03:23 (twenty years ago)

"I can't read, you asshole!"

― daniel striped tiger (OutDatWay), Thursday, 7 September 2006 03:33 (twenty years ago)

"i'm sorry, i don't have any change" [ie lump 'em in with the other panhandlers]

― a rapper singing about hos and bitches and money (Enrique), Thursday, 7 September 2006 07:12 (twenty years ago)

I am from the internet generation, I will read the San Francisco chronicle on my blackberry on the way home, thank-you very much.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 7 September 2006 07:40 (twenty years ago)

"I only read POOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRN! DO YOU HAVE ANY POOOOOOOOORRRRRRRN????" *RUB CROTCH, GRUNT SUGGESTIVELY*

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Thursday, 7 September 2006 07:44 (twenty years ago)

Ask for 135 copies, then see if they're still so keen.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 7 September 2006 10:59 (twenty years ago)

"I think we have a special bond already - do you feel it too?"

― Teh littlest HoBBo (the pirate king), Thursday, 7 September 2006 11:06 (twenty years ago)

And my own personal favourite (although I'm yet to try it out myself): So's my choice NOT to take your piece of shit free newspaper, you overzealous purple-t-shirted fucking fuckwitted TWAT!!!

I actually felt sorry for the poor woman on Bishopsgate I saw the other evening loaded down with her London Lites who looked like she was completely aware of the TWATishness of her purple outfit and silly hat.

― Venga (Venga), Thursday, 7 September 2006 11:07 (twenty years ago)

"You get what you pay for!"

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 7 September 2006 11:46 (twenty years ago)

i got given the london lite thingie and then further down the road another guy wanted to give me the other londonwhatsit, and i was handing him the london lite and was like "erm, swap?" to him but he didn't look impressed.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 7 September 2006 11:49 (twenty years ago)

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