Hilarious Conservative T-Shirts

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Those Shirts.

I really want to sport the Ann Coulter one.

― grady (grady), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

ihttp://thoseshirts.com/images/tourback600.gif

wot no SAIGON '75?

― The Real DG (D to thee G), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:05 (nineteen years ago)

I would wear the ATF one and the Nuke the Moon one.

― a naked Kraken annoying Times Square tourists with an acoustic guitar (nickalici, Monday, 18 September 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

Okay I am MAD that the "HIPPIES SMELL" t-shirt is considered conservative!

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

Good God:

http://thoseshirts.com/images/square-med-rope.gif

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:08 (nineteen years ago)

oh come on these are fake, right? "Nuke the Moon"?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:09 (nineteen years ago)

the kiddies' 'imagine no liberals' petrifies me somewhat

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:12 (nineteen years ago)

This is the only vaguely amusing one:

http://thoseshirts.com/images/rect-checap-pd.jpg

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:16 (nineteen years ago)

BURN!

http://www.foulmouthshirts.com/T_SHIRT_D/PATRIOTIC_POLITICAL/images/United-we-stans-except-the-liberals2.jpg

― Fluffy Bear is a man. Do not shoot him. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:17 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, actually the Che t-shirt is OTM.

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:19 (nineteen years ago)

oh come on these are fake, right? "Nuke the Moon"?

Here's the "Nuke the Moon" essay that inspired the shirt.

World peace cannot be achieved by sitting around on our duffs singing hippy songs to the moon. Peace can only be achieved through excessive acts of seemingly mindless violence. Who do bullies pick on in the playground? The giant, crazy looking guy who looks ready to snap and kill the person nearest or some harmless looking weenie who appears to do anything to avoid conflict? People pick on the weenie because people like to start fights they think they can win. In the same way, people will continue to attack America and our interests when they get the idea that they can piss off America without us immediately eradicating them and everyone around them in the most painful way possible.

This is bantered about in the conservative blogosphere as a serious idea.

― Fluffy Bear is a man. Do not shoot him. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:22 (nineteen years ago)

Okay I am MAD that the "HIPPIES SMELL" t-shirt is considered conservative!
-- Young Fresh Danny D (djperr...), September 18th, 2006 4:07 PM. (Dan Perry) (link)

Ditto.

― Fluffy Bear is a man. Do not shoot him. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, m. white, serves nothing else but to show how fucking devoid of humour those boneheaded cockfarmers really are.

in britain, a conservative may hold some faintly reactionary/meritocratic views (hell, I hold some of those and I'd say I was liberal), and may support the armed forces to a slightly larger extent than those rather more left of centre, but fuck me if our conservative movement even begins to approach that in America. I can't even comprehend how rabidly backwards and right-wing some of those dudes are, I mean, in Britain we have small equivalent factions like Ukip and the BNP but they're a tiny, derided minority. Your BNP are effectively in power! Why, dudes, why?

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

God, the "Border Security" one with the fleeing child being dragged by one arm is kind of chilling. It suggests that the maker/wearer knows EXACTLY who's being harmed by their favored immigration policies and applauds the flight/deaths of children in the desert, rather than vilifying the border crosser as an adult man stealing honest union construction jobs or et bullshit cetera.

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:27 (nineteen years ago)

yeah dudes what's up with President Tancredo?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:27 (nineteen years ago)

louis: US style conservative schtick is slowly being imported over here i notice, should be interersting to see how it will fit with cameron's care bear party

― The Real DG (D to thee G), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:34 (nineteen years ago)

have i said how much i loathe david cameron? well, i'll say it now. the man is a slimy, nauseatingly image-conscious creep.

"no more punch'n'judy politics"

2 weeks later he is on PMQT, feverishly hurling ad hominem assaults in Labour's general direction.

anyway, that schtick won't last, hopefully, because we Brits have a slightly more zero-tolerance approach to pc doublespeak bullshit. oh god why can't political discourse be about intellectual debate any longer?

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:39 (nineteen years ago)

d00d, it never was

― The Real DG (D to thee G), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

d00d, it never was

― The Real DG (D to thee G), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://thoseshirts.com/images/square-med-muerto.jpg + http://thoseshirts.com/images/square-med-reaganbk.gif = http://www.spaceshipnofuture.org/pix/reagan_muerto.gif

― fortunate hazel (f. hazel), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

d00d, it never was

― The Real DG (D to thee G), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

oops browser trouble there

― The Real DG (D to thee G), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:50 (nineteen years ago)

Okay, I can't honestly believe that the "Nuke the Moon" idea is a serious one. Come on now; has Swift taught us nothing?

(xpost: d00d, it never was)

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:50 (nineteen years ago)

it was in Ancient Greece (allegedly)

lol Swift :-D 'A Modest Proposal' seems quite mild nowadays, alas.

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:51 (nineteen years ago)

"Why nuke the moon when we still have Mount Everest here on Earth?"

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:51 (nineteen years ago)

MOON THE NUKES

ihttp://www.dartmouth.edu/~nrrinard/album/butts.jpg

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:53 (nineteen years ago)

damn those liberal tides!

― fortunate hazel (f. hazel), Monday, 18 September 2006 20:53 (nineteen years ago)

I'd buy a Reagan Muerto shirt.

― milo z (mlp), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:07 (nineteen years ago)

"A Modest Proposal" seems mild because we are ruled by cunts who cannot read. J. Swift would've sided with said cunts except that his mockery of soundbitism would've had him thrown out of whichever party he tried to back up. It's not a gap in integrity, it's a gap in porpoise.

― Why does my IQ changes? (noodle vague), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:13 (nineteen years ago)

You are aware that's the image on REAL signs in the California/ Mexico area, right?

http://bbsnews.net/bbsn_photos/topics/Timeless_Events/caution_migrants_prohibido.jpg

http://www.numbersusa.com/images/aliens.jpg

― grady (grady), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:13 (nineteen years ago)

No, I was not. Wow, it's a good thing they made the silhouettes short and stocky, or I'd never have known they were supposed to be Mexicans.

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:15 (nineteen years ago)

Also, why does the approx 7 yr old daughter have breasts?

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

wot no SAIGON '75?

OTM!

― grady (grady), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

I like how the "Celebrate Diversity" t-shirt gives you the choice between "Homophobic enough to Mock" and "So Homophobic I can't even wear a T-shirt with a rainbow on it while mocking."

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c90/gradygillan/guns.jpg

― grady (grady), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:25 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/5389ImSoHomophobic.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:30 (nineteen years ago)

here's one of my onwn: pollute until everybody is bullied into sustainable living

― David Kennedy (funny ringtones), Monday, 18 September 2006 21:35 (nineteen years ago)

Also, why does the approx 7 yr old daughter have breasts?

I think that's a billowy shirt hanging off of a malnourished frame.

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:08 (nineteen years ago)

From the infant section, one of the lovelier ones:

http://thoseshirts.com/images/square-med-roe.gif

― cws (cws), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:18 (nineteen years ago)

omg I kind of want that one

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:19 (nineteen years ago)

"My parents avoided the abortion Roe v. Wade attempted to force upon them"

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:19 (nineteen years ago)

Imagine seeing that t-shirt on an actual infant.

― cws (cws), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:20 (nineteen years ago)

I would seriously laugh my ass off! The parents would either be brilliant or monumentally stupid!

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:22 (nineteen years ago)

Or both!

― cws (cws), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:24 (nineteen years ago)

Searching Cafe Press for Humor/ Condervative turns up some pretty good stuff.

My favorite so far: IRON HYMEN!!!!

― grady (grady), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:42 (nineteen years ago)

Iron Hymen is fucking bizarre alright, but what does it mean? In what way is it conservative?

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:44 (nineteen years ago)

A quick google of the phrase "iron hymen" suggests that it is maybe not a completely serious abstinence only program.

http://www.ironhymen.com/

Cool Program Testimonials

Sue-Jane R.: "Watch out, boys! Because thanks to Iron Hymen, my baby cave is better guarded than a maximum security prison – even one ringed with electrified razorwire and a crocodile-infested moat!"

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:47 (nineteen years ago)

Counterpart site for boys

http://www.sexisforfags.com/

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:48 (nineteen years ago)

In the socially conservative way...

in that it suggests "there's know way you're popping this cherry unless we're married."

woah.... that sounds like a line from the bizzarro-world version of Bootylicious.

xpost

― grady (grady), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:48 (nineteen years ago)

Greg B.: "I joined Sex is for Fags after watching girls who put out turn my big brother into a major wuss. By learning to repress my urges, now I can to grow up and be what I always wanted: a prison guard or a priest."WTF!!!.

― Jena (JenaP), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:56 (nineteen years ago)

aneJ ,ekoj a eb tsuj thgim ti

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Monday, 18 September 2006 22:58 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 27 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

re: the list of excuses one, omg that is tragically unfunny. combines ad hominem assault with, erm, other ad hominem assault, neither ad hominem original in the slightest.

what douchebags wear these?

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 10:57 (nineteen years ago)

also, these folks are STILL riding the chappaquiddick thing

http://www.cafepress.com/content/global/img/spacer.gif

― latebloomer scrabbly dabbly doo (skawreeng) (latebloomer), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:01 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/humor/conservative/-/pv_design_details/pg_6/id_10539598/opt_/fpt_/c_360/

― latebloomer scrabbly dabbly doo (skawreeng) (latebloomer), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:02 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, they hold onto that shit tight. Try a search for "fonda" to see what the word grudge really means

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:04 (nineteen years ago)

ha yeah my dad goes on about that every time she's in a movie

― latebloomer scrabbly dabbly doo (skawreeng) (latebloomer), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:08 (nineteen years ago)

this one's just insulting

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/humor/conservative/-/pv_design_details/pg_9/id_7975041/opt_/fpt_/c_360/

― latebloomer scrabbly dabbly doo (skawreeng) (latebloomer), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:09 (nineteen years ago)

i mean, most of these shirts do the conservative cause more harm than the liberal cause. the only one otm'd so far was one of those taking a potshot at communism, and american liberalism so != communism that actually I'm inclined to consider that shirt harmful to the right-winger wearing it, as well.

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:09 (nineteen years ago)

Funny that they're still going on about Communism after all this time

― Oh No It's Dadaismus! (Dada), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:12 (nineteen years ago)

Plus, in terms of looking good on a t-shirt:

Che >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Reagan

― Oh No It's Dadaismus! (Dada), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:14 (nineteen years ago)

if i made one with karl rove and george bush pissing on the constitution - would they condemn that or think it was clever and badass?

― GOD PUNCH TO HAWKWIND (yournullfame), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:16 (nineteen years ago)

Imagine having Ronald Reagan as a hero!!!?!?!?

― Oh No It's Dadaismus! (Dada), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:17 (nineteen years ago)

imagine having him as a president!!!?!?!?!???!?!?!??!?!?!

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:19 (nineteen years ago)

I can imagine that easily, look at the rest of the Republican presidents since Nixon

― Oh No It's Dadaismus! (Dada), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:20 (nineteen years ago)

...and therein lies the rub. :(

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:21 (nineteen years ago)

Why would anyone want a cartoon of Teddy Kennedy ON THEIR UNDERWEAR? That's just wrong on so many levels.

Anyway, I'd like to make some T-shirts featuring this picture of Dubya wiping his feet on the American flag:

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:31 (nineteen years ago)

By which I mean THIS picture.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:33 (nineteen years ago)

they should also update that League Of Nations doormat cartoon (by David Low) by changing the LON to the UN, Japan to the US government (represented by Bush, Rumsfeld, Rove or Cheney, take yr pick), and the guy putting make-up on the woman's face into a well-meaning liberal.

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:35 (nineteen years ago)

what pleases me most abt these tee shirts is that the websites that sell 'em put them under the "humor" category (ie those are their scare quotes aboot the word)

― i am not a nugget (stevie), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:41 (nineteen years ago)

TS: right-wingers callling left-wingers "communists" V left-wingers calling right-wingers "fascists".

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:44 (nineteen years ago)

left-wingers calling right-wingers "fascists" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> right-wingers callling left-wingers "communists"

― Oh No It's Dadaismus! (Dada), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:46 (nineteen years ago)

... more accurate for a start

― Oh No It's Dadaismus! (Dada), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 11:46 (nineteen years ago)

... but then you face the potential "the Nazis were Socialists" gambit.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 12:15 (nineteen years ago)

...but whoever brings that gambit up loses, so you win anyway.

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 12:17 (nineteen years ago)

for being overly scornful of identity politics for a long time, the rightwingers have adopted it rather well in the last decade

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 13:15 (nineteen years ago)

Bbbbut the nazis were pro gun control!

― Really cool, wickedly cool, cooly cool bon apetit! (ex machina), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 13:34 (nineteen years ago)

I hate conservatives but I can see how you can call them humorless. Ann Coulter's a hoot.

― Squirrel_Police (Squirrel_Police), Tuesday, 19 September 2006 21:52 (nineteen years ago)

If I had the cash, I'd buy about a third of those shirts and wear them quite unironically.

― Willard v Kurtz (Roger Fidelity), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 06:03 (nineteen years ago)

that's why i shoplift all your albums, rog.

― GOD PUNCH TO HAWKWIND (yournullfame), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 07:00 (nineteen years ago)

Hahahahahaaa. You go, boy.

― Wand Milius (Roger Fidelity), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 11:25 (nineteen years ago)

seven months pass...

http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/imgad?id=CIbMx9bpjtrBQxD6ARj6ATIIZwUpuJgfXqw&ai=Bm6IJblMyRpfGHaL4mAS81eTVA7LvlSCK1sHOApL7_eUMABABGAEgkKHbBDAAOABQpOWrwfj_____AWDJ9viGyKOgGZgBqteCAqABmI6j_QOqAQo0Mjk3Mzc3MDE5sgEKaG90YWlyLmNvbboBCjI1MHgyNTBfYXPIAQPaARZodHRwOi8vd3d3LmhvdGFpci5jb20vgAIBmALoB8ACAagDAcgDBQ

― admrl, Friday, 27 April 2007 19:54 (nineteen years ago)

broken

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude ‫茄蕃‪, Friday, 27 April 2007 19:54 (nineteen years ago)

wrks for me

― admrl, Friday, 27 April 2007 19:55 (nineteen years ago)

it was in Ancient Greece (allegedly)

-- Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Monday, September 18, 2006 4:51 PM (7 months ago)

louis jagger, authority on what allegedly went on in ancient greece

― and what, Friday, 27 April 2007 19:55 (nineteen years ago)

And now for my hilarious, cutting-edge, liberal t-shirt slogan:

"Lumber Barons are Fat!"

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Friday, 27 April 2007 19:57 (nineteen years ago)

"Secessionists Fight Like Old People Fuck"

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Friday, 27 April 2007 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

"Gold Standard? More Like Mold Standard!"

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Friday, 27 April 2007 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

stfu man

― and what, Friday, 27 April 2007 20:02 (nineteen years ago)

"Moring in America? More like Mouring in America!"

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 27 April 2007 20:02 (nineteen years ago)

I misread that shirt to say "Nipples Smell," which would make a better t-shirt.

― elmo argonaut, Friday, 27 April 2007 20:04 (nineteen years ago)

Way better.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Friday, 27 April 2007 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

Maury in America:

http://accordionguy.blogware.com/Photos/2006/12/youre-not-the-father.gif

― latebloomer, Friday, 27 April 2007 20:14 (nineteen years ago)

"Nipples Swell"

― kenan, Friday, 27 April 2007 20:14 (nineteen years ago)

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/219/474854227_ee90b60e07.jpg

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Friday, 27 April 2007 20:16 (nineteen years ago)

My favourite is the t-shirt you see for sale a lot in the olde city of Jerusalem. It has a picture of an F16 on it superimposed over an Israeli flag, and the text "Don't worry America - Israel is right behind you!".

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Saturday, 28 April 2007 08:48 (nineteen years ago)

sixteen years pass...

the motherlode

https://www.miniinthebox.com/men-s-tees_c12271/2.html

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 8 September 2023 12:07 (two years ago)

Those optical illusion shirts never cease to make me laugh… whoa I've got a black hole in my chest!

― underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Friday, 8 September 2023 14:26 (two years ago)

https://www.miniinthebox.com/en/p/men-s-t-shirt-tee-graphic-abstract-crew-neck-clothing-apparel-3d-print-outdoor-daily-long-sleeve-print-fashion-designer-vintage_p9609610.html

look! I'm Bridget Riley in shirt form!

― underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Friday, 8 September 2023 14:27 (two years ago)

Even though my social media feeds are inundated with ads for those cheesy t-shirts I can't say I've ever seen one in the wild.

― henry s, Friday, 8 September 2023 16:09 (two years ago)

https://www.miniinthebox.com/en/p/men-s-t-shirt-3d-print-graphic-muscle-crew-neck-daily-sports-print-short-sleeve-tops-casual-classic-designer-big-and-tall-brown_p8990892.html?category_id=12271&prm=2.2.1.100

Shirt has a much different effect when worn by the body type that would typically buy this one...

― fair but so uncool beliefs here (Eric H.), Friday, 8 September 2023 16:14 (two years ago)

enjoy Jesus Christ

― Make the chats AI (Neanderthal), Friday, 8 September 2023 16:16 (two years ago)

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