"Thank you for calling My Father's House.Please select one of the following four options:
* Press 1 for requests.* Press 2 for thanksgiving.* Press 3 for complaints.* For all other inquiries, Press 4.
What if God used the familiar excuse: "All of the angels are helpingother customers right now. Please stay on the line.Your call will be answered in the order it was received."
Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call on God inprayer?* "If you'd like to speak with Gabriel, press 1.* For Michael, press 2.* For any other angel, press 3.* "If you want King David to sing you a Psalm, press 6.
"For reservations at My Father's House, simply press the letters J-O-H-N on the keypad, followed by the number 3-1-6."
"For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah's ark is, wait until you get here!"
"Our computers show that you have called once today already. Please hang up immediately."
"This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again Monday." End of message.
You only need to ring once and God hears you. Because of Jesus, you never get a busy signal. God takes each call and knows each caller personally. When you call the Lord will answer; you will cry for help and He will say: "Here am I!"
And when you call:
Emergency Phone Numbers* When in sorrow, call John 14* When men fail you, call Psalm 27* If you want to be fruitful, call John 15* When you have sinned, call Psalm 51* When you worry, call Matthew 6:19-34* When you are in danger, call Psalm 91* When God seems far away, call Psalm 139* When your faith needs stirring, call Hebrews 11* When you are lonely and fearful, call Psalm 23* When you grow bitter and critical, call 1 Cor. 13* For Paul's secret to happiness, call Col. 3:12-17* For idea of Christianity, call 1 Cor. 5:15-19* When you feel down and out, call Romans 8:31-39* When you want peace and rest, call Matt. 11:25-30* When the world seems bigger than God, call Psalm 90* When you want Christian assurance, call Romans 8:1-30* When you leave home for labor or travel, call Psalm 121* When your prayers grow narrow or selfish, call Psalm 67* For a great invention/opportunity, call Isaiah 55* When you want courage for a task, call Joshua 1* How to get along with fellowmen, call Romans 12* When you think of investments/returns, call Mark 10* If you are depressed, call Psalm 27* If your pocketbook is empty, call Psalm 37* If you're losing confidence in people, call 1 Cor. 13* If people seem unkind, call John 15* If discouraged about your work, call Psalm 126* If you find the world growing small, and yourself great,call Psalm 20
Emergency numbers may be dialed direct.No operator assistance is necessary.All lines are open to Heaven 24 hours a day.God Will Save Me God's Boxes
― and what (ooo), Monday, 2 October 2006 19:06 (eighteen years ago) link
???
― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 2 October 2006 19:09 (eighteen years ago) link
― Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Monday, 2 October 2006 19:12 (eighteen years ago) link
― and what (ooo), Monday, 2 October 2006 19:12 (eighteen years ago) link
― a naked Kraken annoying Times Square tourists with an acoustic guitar (nickalici, Monday, 2 October 2006 19:13 (eighteen years ago) link
http://www.centralelements.com/DMV/BUY/view_jah.jpg
― a naked Kraken annoying Times Square tourists with an acoustic guitar (nickalici, Monday, 2 October 2006 19:14 (eighteen years ago) link
― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:11 (eighteen years ago) link
― and what (ooo), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:13 (eighteen years ago) link
God all the time is making 'scuses!The thing about the praryer/phone analogy is it's a one-way conversation. But I will pass this on in five minutes and remember the Lord loves you!
― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:20 (eighteen years ago) link
― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:23 (eighteen years ago) link
― Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:34 (eighteen years ago) link
lol world is hueg
― Allyzay lives aprox. 200 feet away from a stadium (allyzay), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:44 (eighteen years ago) link
― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:46 (eighteen years ago) link
― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:46 (eighteen years ago) link
― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:54 (eighteen years ago) link
― chaki (chaki), Monday, 2 October 2006 20:56 (eighteen years ago) link
― literalisp (literalisp), Monday, 2 October 2006 21:00 (eighteen years ago) link
― nate p. (natepatrin), Monday, 2 October 2006 21:45 (eighteen years ago) link
― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 08:22 (eighteen years ago) link
― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 11:41 (eighteen years ago) link
If you would like to sell your soul, please press 13.
If you would like to speak to Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness, Lucifer himself, please press 666.
(Actually message on our ansaphone in NYC before my mum got wind of it and made us change it.)
― Virginia Plainsong (kate), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 12:42 (eighteen years ago) link
"wheeeere could I beeeeeee! believe it or not, I'm not home"
― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 12:54 (eighteen years ago) link
― Fluffy Bear, among 100% of the population (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 13:03 (eighteen years ago) link
― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 13:09 (eighteen years ago) link
― Virginia Plainsong (kate), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 13:11 (eighteen years ago) link
― Fluffy Bear, among 100% of the population (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 13:21 (eighteen years ago) link
― nate p. (natepatrin), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 13:37 (eighteen years ago) link
wtf u guys, Psalm 34:1 pls HELLO!?! lol
― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Tuesday, 3 October 2006 13:52 (eighteen years ago) link
Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call on God in prayer? * "If you'd like to speak with Gabriel, press 1. * For Michael, press 2. * For any other angel, press 3. * "If you want King David to sing you a Psalm, press 6.
― and what, Monday, 18 August 2008 15:32 (sixteen years ago) link
In what way is this a "must read"? Not even vaguely amusing.
-- Andrew (enneff), Monday, October 2, 2006 4:54 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Link
― and what, Monday, 18 August 2008 15:33 (sixteen years ago) link
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah's ark is, die!
― goole, Monday, 18 August 2008 15:36 (sixteen years ago) link
I was gonna call the supermarket for boxes but god's are probably a lot bigger I could probably move in one trip
― Edward III, Monday, 18 August 2008 15:37 (sixteen years ago) link
It wld be kind of awesome if you could not contact god on weekends! Church would be all for naught. Tiniest cactus flower, lowliest yucca tree, etc.
― Abbott, Monday, 18 August 2008 17:26 (sixteen years ago) link
FB shop is perfect.
― Abbott, Monday, 18 August 2008 17:27 (sixteen years ago) link
Hi! You have reached Hell. All of our demons are busy right now. If you would like to sell your soul, please press 13.
-- Virginia Plainsong (kate), Tuesday, October 3, 2006 12:42 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Link
^^^Kate's mum OTM
― DJ Mencap, Monday, 18 August 2008 17:41 (sixteen years ago) link
-- Abbott, Monday, August 18, 2008 12:27 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Link
Thank you.
― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Monday, 18 August 2008 17:49 (sixteen years ago) link