Fake paella!

1 standard packet of king prawns (jumbo, organic, tiger, uncooked, whatever you prefer)

1 red pepper

1 bunch of spring onions

2 tomatos

1 cup of rice

Black pepper

Cayenne pepper

Olive oil

Equipment
A wok

A large saucepan

A stirring utensil of your choice

Method
Boil the rice in the large pan, with a big pinch of cayenne and a tiny dribble of oil, until it goes fluffy and ace. Then drain it and wash it and put it to one side.

Chop the onion and red pepper into small pieces, and throw into the wok, which should have been warming on a very high heat with a splash of olive oil in it for a moment or two.

Throw in the chorizo, and stir while heating madly for a couple of minutes.

Score the prawns down their backs, and chuck them in. Keep stirring. Add plenty of black pepper and as much cayenne as you fancy.

Chop up the tomatos into small even pieces (16ths is easy and good), and throw them in.

Keep stirring and heating madly.

Throw in the rice. Keep stirring and heating madly. Let the bottom of the wok burn a little before folding it back over - this gives TASTE.

Dish it up and enjoy with a sparkling white or an easy-drinking, Spanish red.

You may like to use normal or red onion instead of spring, or add mussels and squid rings, or scollops, or use mushrooms or boiled, diced sweet potato.

I have also taken to adding the juice of half a lemon of lime in the later stages of cooking.

Do not make me jealous. Whoops, too late...