in every star trek ever

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1. "it's a long shot captain, but if i re-route the warp core through this old star trek jock strap, we may just hit warp 7 and escape". plan works, titles roll.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

2. engage lol

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:16 (nineteen years ago)

3. There is a rift in the Spacetime Continuum.

4. It is somehow resolved by Jordy's visor.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:17 (nineteen years ago)

3. crew encounter primitive race on faraway planet, cave girl falls in love with primitive lothario crewmember of the series. "your ship is.....amazing. are you people gods???"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

5. "tachyon particles" in newer series vs

6. quite detailed knowledge of mid-20th century american culture & politics from an alien in the older series.

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

7. guy with red shirt goes on new planet

8. guy with red shirt dies in a horrendous fashion

(does "every star trek ever" has to be non-series/show specific? e.g. jordy's only in like next generation and red shirt guys don't die in the one that isn't the original series )

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

4. miserable cretin race claim they need star fleet assistance in fighting evil sadistic overlords, however it soon transpires all is not as it seems; miserable cretin family's daughter actually controls the orbit of the planet with her mind, and they have lured the enterprise to its doom...

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

3a or a subspace anomaly

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

11. fight scenes with the double-fist/fingers-interlaced overhand clobber move

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

oops make mine 9

x-post maybe it should be series specific! tho certain themes are universal enough...some big differences tho! I guess I'm thinking next generation onward..

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

12. "stop toying with us!!!" to invariably camp alien imprisoner

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:22 (nineteen years ago)

13. ship's officers smirking at primitive alien cultures

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

14. Enterprise only ever has to fly straight forward

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

14. Comic relief as Bones and Kirk explain an illogical human nuance to Spock.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

14. control panel short circuit blowing up killing/injuring operator (BAD health and safety design)

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

15. Thinly veiled class or racial conflicts of 20th Century earth reenacted by aliens with weirdly lumpy foreheads.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

16 sparks from consoles, lights flash, crew hurled from seats
xpost w/ken c

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

19. "What is this thing you call... kissing?" (prob. not in TNG)

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

20? Bridge shakes as the shields take a big hit, someone falls off a chair or against a wall.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

22 Machinery driven beyond specified safe operating limits, despite protestations of senior engineering officers.

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

20. They make the Enterprise go TOO FAST, but miraculously, she does not fall apart! (this is Shatner/Nimoy era. I am old)

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

21. centuries old being dispenses wisdom

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

bah xposts!

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

23 Power is re-routed

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

24. Whoopi Goldberg gettin her drink on

― chakra khan chakra khan (sanskrit), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

24 Bones runs beepy thing over injured party.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

14. Comic relief as Bones and Kirk explain an illogical human nuance to Spock.

Cue quirky music and end scene with Spock raising quizzical eyebrow

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

26. Spock uses beepy thing to detect life forms on planet.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

26?. a time traveling older version of a regular appears suddenly and mysteriously on the bridge with an important message from the future (usually the fate of the entire universe depends on the outcome)

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

28 geordi reconfigures plasma conduit

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

22. Techological solution to predicament needs approximately 10% more time than is available, whether the amount of time is as small as 15 seconds, or as large as two weeks.

22a. Technological solution to predicament is accomplished in 1% less time than is available, to the relief of the incredulous crew.

― schwantz (schwantz), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

27 Psychiatrist senses hostility from heavily-armed race in passing battleship

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

28. All females will be wearing minidresses and/or form fitting jumpsuits.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

29. Jordie is stranded somewhere without his visor

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

29. "Set phasers to stun"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

31. Reliance on scarce and apparently unsynthesisable element only obtainable from extremely dangerous location.

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

30. Picard patiently/patronizingly explains to Data that "humans drive like THIS"

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

33. Enterprise must not enter neutral zone. Enterprise enters neutral zone.

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

32. doctor examines crew member...."captain I think you'd better come and have a look at this". "yes that's right genital warts..."

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

31. Data tries to emulate human behaviour and fail to hilarious effects

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

34. one of the Enterprise aliens (Spock/Worf/Tuvok/etc) is horny

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

32 People do not use holodeck for sexxin

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

35. sexual tension between female crewmember in jumpsuit and Riker's beard

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

37. Tea, Earl Grey, Hot

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

36. Q arouses suppressed homosexuality of captain, followed by rage

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

Roffle, this thread has the most ridiculous numbering ever!

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

38 tricorder solves everything

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

32 People do not use holodeck for sexxin

Not true. Brockley or whatever his name was, was neglecting his job because he was using it, essentially, for Dianna Troi slash fic.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

39. Enterprise crew spread highbrow European culture throughout galaxy (classical music, Shakespeare, and tea)

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

40. Alien food always edible by humans, despite vastly different constitutions and chemistries.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:32 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 158 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

(Or possibly on the ship they keep them set on "tickle" and amuse one another by phasing Uhura when she bends over to pick something up?)

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

what were they set on before?

Um, 'off'?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

But that's horrible tactics, Ned! They beam down to the planet, do an assessment, and then turn on their weapons? That's just begging for an ambush. Plus they're totally unprotected while on the ship. Plus show me any piece of technology on Star Trek that ever turned off!

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 6 October 2006 18:59 (nineteen years ago)

the holodeck, the transporter...?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:00 (nineteen years ago)

WTF, Shakey, when was the last time someone was like "Beam me up" and the dude at the transporter was all like "Hold on a second, lemme turn this thing on ... just a sec while it boots?"

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:09 (nineteen years ago)

meanwhile

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Bidders, at least one them costumed, paid top dollar for Star Trek items on Thursday at the start of Christie's auction of memorabilia from the seminal television and movie franchise...

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

nitsuh usually im with you on the didja-ever-notice stuff but yeah this seems like a no-brainer

― and what (ooo), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

'didja ever notice there's TWO PHONEBOOKS? a white one and a yellow one? whats the deal with that!' 'one's residential and the other is business...' 'well... i guess that makes sense... ha, whatll they think of next- blue pages?!' 'those are government listings'

― and what (ooo), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:12 (nineteen years ago)

'so i walk into a bakery and see sugar-free cookies - who's THAT for?' 'its for diabetics you idiot!'

― and what (ooo), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:17 (nineteen years ago)

:-D

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

The transporter runs WinXP?

― J (Jay), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:21 (nineteen years ago)

138. Some dying person is revived with "cortical stimulators."

― J (Jay), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

REAL HOLOGRAPHIC SIMULATED EVIL LINCOLN IS BACK!!!

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

Plus they're totally unprotected while on the ship. Plus show me any piece of technology on Star Trek that ever turned off!

*sigh* God help me for remembering this -- should you ever see First Contact again, plz to note that when the Enterprise arrives to help Starfleet fight the Borg ship, they arrive in the middle of a huge battle scene, things blowing up everywhere, etc. etc. Picard goes onto the bridge, they all say the usual hoohah to each other, and then they cut to the forward view.

The screen is blank. And then it is turned on.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:24 (nineteen years ago)

139. Archer and co. end up on some desert planet which usually has a black market of some sort.

140. Never sure whether or not to trust this seemingly changed Cardassian

141. Somebody puts oatmeal in Odo's bucket...or did that only happen the once?

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

142. After confronting the baddie/insane crew member, and saying 'it's over', the baddie/insane crew member continues. The captain cries, "no, wait..." and the baddie/insane crew member dies.

― Giant Banana Reacting (lokar), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

143. Challenged by a clueless guest character, Data demonstrates his superhuman (er, superandroid) strength/agility/card-playing skills to comical effect.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

Ned, don't be ashamed to know about Star Trek. You are among friends here.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:35 (nineteen years ago)

should i repost the legendary ronan/trife IM conversation again, since it addresses pretty much everything on here (at least pertaining to TNG)?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

yes, i was wondering about that

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

Actually I think Jess just revived a close competitor.

Ned, don't be ashamed to know about Star Trek. You are among friends here.

I'm ashamed I know that detail all too well!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

SIMONTRIFE: kirk would make a good rapper
Ronan909: NO JOKES
SIMONTRIFE: i bet he refuses to go down on girls
SIMONTRIFE: bcz hes james t fucking kirk

― shabba ranks (dubplatestyle), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:54 (nineteen years ago)

haha

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

That conversation justifies ILX's existence.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

Shatner raps at the end of "Free Enterprise" (note: movie otherwise unwatchable)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

Ronan909: RAJON 5
Ronan909: what was with the dumb names of planets too
Ronan909: they sounded like washing up powders
Ronan909: LUSTRE 7
SIMONTRIFE: hard-on 12
Ronan909: haha
Ronan909: BALDHEAD 1
Ronan909: captains log, supplemental
SIMONTRIFE: STRONGO 14

― shabba ranks (dubplatestyle), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

That conversation justifies ILX's existence.

Yup.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

SIMONTRIFE: in retrospect his klingon sex doesnt sound very hardcore at all
Ronan909: no some girls make it seem tame
Ronan909: "there is slobbering and awful masturbation technique"
Ronan909: haha
Ronan909:
SIMONTRIFE: haha
SIMONTRIFE: calum is like ryker
Ronan909: "there is.......grabbing of pubic hair by mistake"
SIMONTRIFE: haha
Ronan909: ryker thinks life begins and ends with white men
SIMONTRIFE: 'sometimes...the condom gets stuck in your pubes, and you have to stop for a moment... it is very stressful'
Ronan909: haha

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

SIMONTRIFE: haha ferengi
Ronan909: FERENGI
SIMONTRIFE: space-jews
SIMONTRIFE: they were the bad space-jews, vulcans were the good space-jews
SIMONTRIFE: vulcans have thousands of years of culture and arts and are very solemn and wise
SIMONTRIFE: the ferengi control all the money and will screw you over for it

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

144. Worf doesn't want to get on the ship after an away mission, and someone drugs his milk, and oh right.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

Wait isn't that BA Baracus?

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:34 (nineteen years ago)

both deeply touched by dwight schultz

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:36 (nineteen years ago)

Did they ever do a holodeck ep without letting the audience know it was a holodeck ep? You could do whatever the fuck you wanted with the characters that way - kill off all sorts of people and have trekkie going nuts for 20 minutes every week before the final "it was all a dream" pay off.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:36 (nineteen years ago)

Did they ever do a holodeck ep without letting the audience know it was a holodeck ep?

there was that Voyager ep set in WWII, right?

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:38 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah but then you know it's holodeck as it's back in time. I mean doing one where the holodeck is a mock up of the Enterprise and everyone thinks it's a real ep and you're like "WTF they killed off Data and Riker and Troi's making out with Crusher!" then someone says "holodeck off" just as the credits roll.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:42 (nineteen years ago)

WHAT ABOUT THE ONE WHERE THEY TRICK MORIARTY INTO THINKING HE MADE HIMSELF BECOME REAL?

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Friday, 6 October 2006 21:03 (nineteen years ago)

there's also the 1st season private eye one, with laurence tierney as the big bad guy who wanders out of the holodeck with a goon, then slowly evaporates into holoparticles or some shit

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

150? SOMETHING REAL BAD UNCLOAKING OFF STARBOARD BOW.

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Saturday, 7 October 2006 02:34 (nineteen years ago)

damn it jim i'm a doctor not a whatever the fuck you think i am

― Butt Dickass (Dick Butkus), Saturday, 7 October 2006 02:46 (nineteen years ago)

14. Comic relief as Bones and Kirk explain an illogical human nuance to Spock.

Incidentally, this is my favorite part of the show.

― Butt Dickass (Dick Butkus), Saturday, 7 October 2006 02:47 (nineteen years ago)

?> Yeah but then you know it's holodeck as it's back in time. I mean doing one where the holodeck is a mock up of the Enterprise and everyone thinks it's a real ep and you're like "WTF they killed off Data and Riker and Troi's making out with Crusher!" then someone says "holodeck off" just as the credits roll.

God help ME for knowing this, but yes they did. It was on Voyager, and it turned out to be Tuvok's simulation of a Maquis mutiny. Actually not a bad episode of a pretty bad series.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 7 October 2006 02:52 (nineteen years ago)

was that the one where harry kim dies at the beginning?

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:07 (nineteen years ago)

hey while i'm in the best of company here, does anyone remember an episode (i think it was either Voyager or TNG) where they are all in a como or something crazy, but are in this dream world, and they get executed french-revolution style in the dream and you're like, oh but it's just a dream BUT THEN they die of a heart attack in real life? and the doctor's like GAH WHAT'S HAPPENING!?

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:09 (nineteen years ago)

uh, a coma...

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:10 (nineteen years ago)

Jeez, I don't remember if Harry died in it or not. It wasn't that great, you know, just better than most of the shit on that series. I think it was pre-Bimborg, if that helps.

For your other question, that doesn't sound familiar to me at all.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:14 (nineteen years ago)

Shit, yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think that Kim does get killed fairly early on. Parris shoots him on the bridge, right?

It was such a fucking cocktease of an episode: "Yeah, we'll actually be doing something interesting! There will be conflict between the characters and we'll examine the premise of the show a little! PSYCHE IT'S ONLY MAKE BELIEVE! We'd never do something non-boring for real on this show."

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:17 (nineteen years ago)

http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Worst_Case_Scenario

Good god, I'm googling Voyager synopses ain the middle of Friday night. Please shoot me know. In the gut. I don't deserve a merciful death.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 7 October 2006 04:08 (nineteen years ago)

Wasn't that basically the opening scene of Star Trek II?

― The Yellow Kid (The Yellow Kid), Saturday, 7 October 2006 05:44 (nineteen years ago)

151. Kirk gets split in two.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Saturday, 7 October 2006 13:17 (nineteen years ago)

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