In every prison show ever

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1. con banged up for crime he didn't commit

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:39 (nineteen years ago)

2. cartoon nasty Officer stitches up inmates for sadistic kicks

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:40 (nineteen years ago)

3. muscle mary threatens bum rape

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:41 (nineteen years ago)

4. Experienced con explains the "rules" to newbie

― Slumpman (Slump Man), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:47 (nineteen years ago)

5. nasty officer gets brutal poetic comeuppance before end

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:48 (nineteen years ago)

6. Prisoner with most influence (also evilest) is a small, wiry man with staring eyes, usually flanked bu ugly muscle.

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:49 (nineteen years ago)

6. sympathetic "screw" gets done over by prisoners after taking a bung from rest of the wardens

― teh_kit (g-kit), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:51 (nineteen years ago)

6. escape plans tattooed over entire body.

― jed_ (jed), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:53 (nineteen years ago)

8. rival gangs eyeball each other across exercise yard

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:56 (nineteen years ago)

9. Shiv ingeniously fashioned from soap and toenails.
10. Prison Hooch! Yum!!!

― Doctor Jaggernathy (noodle vague), Saturday, 7 October 2006 10:56 (nineteen years ago)

con turned down for parole cos he's too 'useful' to the warden

― Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:17 (nineteen years ago)

a strong, silent inmate who nobody messes with cuz he's been known to commit some really badass crime but who everyone respects and who is above the prison hierarchy. He may sometimes utter wisdom.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:22 (nineteen years ago)

12. Young black prisoner = hyper-aggressive loose cannon; old black prisoner = calming influence

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:23 (nineteen years ago)

14. Big violent con shows suprising tenderness toward pet rat/canary

― Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:34 (nineteen years ago)

15. Inmates rattle cages and bare teeth when new con walks into prison for the first time

― Good Dog (Good Dog), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:41 (nineteen years ago)

15. fight rigged in exercise yard to distract screw's attention

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:42 (nineteen years ago)

16. Hot lady detective comes in to speak to inmate and receives cat calls and bar-banging all around but is not shaken by it

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:45 (nineteen years ago)

16. segregation cell has one shaft of light coming through, otherwise totally blacked out.

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:46 (nineteen years ago)

18. New inmate eyes food with distaste as it's slopped down onto his plate.
19. New inmate sits in hardest prisoner's place in the dining hall by mistake. Threats.
19a. Riot ensues. Trays bent over heads.
19b. New inmate fucks up evil guy's bodyguard. Card marked.

― Doctor Jaggernathy (noodle vague), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:46 (nineteen years ago)

lolololol now we're talking...

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 11:49 (nineteen years ago)

20. Not nearly as much bumming as in real prison.

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Saturday, 7 October 2006 12:15 (nineteen years ago)

um, so which prison shows are you talking about????

― j blount (papa la bas), Saturday, 7 October 2006 12:21 (nineteen years ago)

well, ward fowler is clearly talking about prisoner: cell block h

― -- (688), Saturday, 7 October 2006 13:46 (nineteen years ago)

21. Sexual chemistry between surprisingly attractive female prison doctor and surprisingly attractive inmate.

― musically (musically), Saturday, 7 October 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

22. Executions are frequently stopped only mere moments before taking place.

― Orgy of Pragmatism (Charles McCain), Saturday, 7 October 2006 15:59 (nineteen years ago)

23. penis. lots and lots of penis.

― milo z (mlp), Saturday, 7 October 2006 16:04 (nineteen years ago)

24. (for Women's prisons) showers. lots and lots of misty showers

― Orgy of Pragmatism (Charles McCain), Saturday, 7 October 2006 16:06 (nineteen years ago)

screw on night patrol nearly busts escape plot when he shines torch into escapee's cell after they've done a bunk. no matter - they've padded up the beds with extra pillows to make it look like someone's sleeping in there.

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, 7 October 2006 23:29 (nineteen years ago)

26. "when i get to worryin, i just carve me another one of these here wooden soldiers" - wooden soldiers actually cleverly interlock to form surprisingly effective gun

OK, but it SHOULD be

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Sunday, 8 October 2006 00:06 (nineteen years ago)

Screw reaches towards bed to touch dummy... His hand has nearly made contact... Then his walkie talkie goes off, calling him away.

xpost

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Sunday, 8 October 2006 00:06 (nineteen years ago)

27. there is a feisty transvestite

― Mark Co (Markco), Monday, 9 October 2006 10:51 (nineteen years ago)

28. shanking!!

― electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsound), Monday, 9 October 2006 10:52 (nineteen years ago)

29. A priest.

― The Real Esteban Buttez (EstieButtez1), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:13 (nineteen years ago)

30. A prison guard is blackmailed by a convict re naughty sex/drugs etc

― Mark Co (Markco), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:20 (nineteen years ago)

Gob Bluth (in hospital): ta da

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Monday, 9 October 2006 11:27 (nineteen years ago)

31. Unseen prisoner singing blues or playing mournful harmonica during quiet night scene.

― nickn (nickn), Monday, 9 October 2006 16:23 (nineteen years ago)

32. Someone gets a shiv in th neck in the line for chow. No one saw a thing...

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Monday, 9 October 2006 16:27 (nineteen years ago)

8a. Sunglassed sentry turns, hefts rifle, eyes yard ... turns away.

― literalisp (literalisp), Monday, 9 October 2006 18:33 (nineteen years ago)

33. Horrified expression on face of middle class dude when told to strip and spread-em.

― nickn (nickn), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:08 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

34. Heavily-tattooed, shaven-headed Aryan guy
35. Protagonists stroll in exercise yard, casually discuss escape plans while fellow cons play basketball and lift weights in background

― Myonga Vön Bontee, Thursday, 12 February 2009 21:31 (seventeen years ago)

36. Warden lives in psychedelic palace guarded by floating white orb that eats people

oh wait

― Courtney Love's Jew Loan Officer (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 12 February 2009 21:49 (seventeen years ago)

http://ruletheweb.co.uk/b3ta/bus/DGPTQKCG/OHHHH%20LORD%20RONNIE%20BARKER/PLEASE%20TALK%20TO%20THIS%20SUCKER/CAUSE%20THEY%20KILLER%20PRISON%20SHOWS/bus.jpg

― cheese and other good things (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 12 February 2009 22:45 (seventeen years ago)

argh, typo. for shame.

― cheese and other good things (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 12 February 2009 22:45 (seventeen years ago)

37. Corrupt and/or sadistic prison officer trashes cell of sympathetic con during routine search; flings mattress across cell, rips pin-ups/porn pics off wall, flushes pet goldfish down toilet bowl (if US, dumps it in slopping out bucket if UK), etc.

― Phil Will, Thursday, 12 February 2009 22:55 (seventeen years ago)

Has dumping out pet fish happened outside of The Wire?

― mehlt, Friday, 13 February 2009 01:16 (seventeen years ago)

six months pass...

― beeble (beeble), Saturday, October 7, 2006 7:29 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark

the other variant is that the screw gets suspicious and attempts to get some sort of response from the inmate, and we find out that the inmate has actually gotten back already

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Thursday, 13 August 2009 01:50 (sixteen years ago)

38. prisoners sneak the tools they need from workshops which ought to have no business being in a prison. a carpentry workshop? really? it's full of stuff like hammers and chisels.

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Thursday, 13 August 2009 01:51 (sixteen years ago)

39. a visit to the prison library is made at some point. prison library kept watch over by some sweet, old inmate who nobody has a problem with.

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Thursday, 13 August 2009 01:52 (sixteen years ago)

40. tools are kept hidden in books; preferably a Bible

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Thursday, 13 August 2009 01:52 (sixteen years ago)

41. the prisoner hero spends some appreciable amount of time in the Hole

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Thursday, 13 August 2009 01:54 (sixteen years ago)

42. rocks and dust are dropped discreetly from pants pockets in prison yard

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Thursday, 13 August 2009 01:55 (sixteen years ago)

43. one inmate is able to get you anything you want, for a price. he is used to obtain an item that is something trivial and/or nonsensical, but will later be seen to be a crucial instrument to the escape

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Thursday, 13 August 2009 01:59 (sixteen years ago)

44. escape made during a thunderstorm

― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Thursday, 13 August 2009 01:59 (sixteen years ago)

45. Never-ever a publicly-funded prison-wide vacation day to go to McD's for Happy Meals.

― dice in my pockets (csa), Thursday, 13 August 2009 02:10 (sixteen years ago)

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